Long Hollow

Mary Poppins and other Sweet!s of the week

I would lie on the wooden floor for hours... or at least it seemed like hours... listening to my Mary Poppins soundtrack album, over and over. Asthma held my lungs hostage - each breath was a major accomplishment - so lying there listening to "Step in Time" and "Feed the Birds" was about all I could do and the songs are ingrained in my memory.

It was, and still is, my favorite Disney movie. I don't remember the first time I saw it, but I remember going back as a teen with my sister, imagining strange looks from everyone else in line because we were the only ones who didn't have someone under the age of 5 with us.

Thanks to the miracle of recorded movies a la Beta, VHS, and DVD, I've watched it hundreds of times, with and without my children at various ages.

And that's why my heart skipped a beat when my dear friends let me know they were taking me to the stage performance for my birthday. 

We went Thursday night, first stopping for dinner at Hyde Park Grill. The stage production is a teensy bit different than the movie, but I could still sing along with most of the songs and the sets and actors' performances were amazing. 

A very sweet! night, thanks to some very sweet friends. Thank you Mary Kay, Karen, and Conni! 

Conni's not pictured... she's going Sunday with her twenty-something daughter, but we made sure to get her one of these bracelets! We've formed a new club!

Now I'm already halfway through a sweet! weekend. Two-thirds of the kids are home for the second weekend in a row, just because they wanted to. I like that.

And as if those aren't enough, here are a few other sweet! moments from the past week...

 

Sunday: Easter Mass; all the kids home; dinner with friends; watching kids on an Easter egg hunt; a call from your mama

Monday: new flowers popping up; watching your puppies hunt for lizards and swim in the creek 

Tuesday: shampoos by Clint (bittersweet... he's retiring from shampoos); a new cut and color by Michael; Panda Express fortune cookie fortunes

Wednesday: kids of all ages blowing bubbles; taking photos of a sweet friend and her family

Thursday: shoes on your feet and insect spray close by when you spot a 6-inch centipede swishing across your kitchen floor; the imaginations of 4th graders; watching kids swinging and playing a rowdy game of kickball on a school playground; dinner and Mary Poppins with dear friends

Friday: Friday the 13ths; spending the day with your sweetie; watching another episode of "The Game of Thrones" with 2/3 of your kids; discovering you won a "Post of the Week" from Hilary at The Smitten Image (Thanks again, Hilary!)

Saturday: spring mornings; your son and his dad working together on his "new" car

I hope you've all had a week full of sweets and the next one plain overflows with them!

 

Love, Allelujah!

"Jesus Christ is risen today..."

That song has been playing in my head all day. It started playing as soon as I opened my eyes this morning and then it was the first and last hymn we sang at Mass. It's still running through my mind, lifting my spirit, spilling sunshine into my heart.

It's Easter Sunday, allelujah!

All of my kids are here, but I didn't prepare baskets this morning - just set a few boxes of malted milk Robin's Eggs and Reese's peanut butter eggs out on the table. I didn't even have all of my kids at church with me. TG is sick, bless her heart.

But Easter is more than all of that - it's the lightness of being in the very center of me that says everything is going to be okay. 

"Because Christ rose from the dead, we know that sin and death and Satan have been decisively defeated."

~ Billy Graham

I hope you have all felt that lightness of being on this blessed Easter day!

 

 

The Day Before 53

Butterflies flitted around me on my walk this morning, hopping from flower to flower too fast for me to capture in my camera. (The one above is from last week!)

I imagined they were celebrating the beautiful morning... dancing a springtime jig of joy. It was contagious - I felt joy rising inside of me in gratitude for the sunshine, the blue skies, the color popping up around me, and especially for the chance to turn 53 tomorrow.

Life isn't perfect, but it has moments of simple glory that can soften the darkness with a whisper, enough to help us see beauty in those less glorious moments. I've been blessed with tons of those moments.

But suddenly I saw indecisiveness in the butterflies' glorious dance... an inability to settle on any one flower long enough to drink much of its nectar, to truly enjoy it or benefit from it.

Was I like the butterflies, hopping from one job or hobby to another too quickly, not allowing myself time on any to truly absorb them?

Ah, birthdays always make me think too much.

I decided not to worry if I'm hopping in too many directions or not. Sharing a birthday with Good Friday is enough to reflect upon. What better gift could I receive than the one Christ gave to me?

I have already received some sweet birthday surprises, though... a few cards and phone calls, a party with friends next weekend, and (bless you Mary Kay, Conni and Karen!), I get to go see the hit Broadway musical Mary Poppins when it plays Austin next week!

My gift to myself will be to re-focus on my health... getting enough sleep, eating right, and making my workouts a priority... and also to focus on each moment at hand, rather than letting my brain wander too far into the past or the future... or onto Facebook when I'm supposed to be writing.

All three of my kids will be here for a while this weekend to help me celebrate Easter and my birthday. Icing on the cake, for sure! Unlike my zip-lining adventure last year, I didn't have a desire to cross off any big Bucket List things for my birthday, other than visiting Enchanted Rock again, and we already did that.

I imagine, besides going to church, we'll just hang around the house, walk the dogs, watch a movie, talk...

Okay, I admit I'm hoping for at least one game of ping-pong.

But whatever we do, it will be perfect, and I know I'll be reflecting on all of it, tucking it away in my heart and giving thanks.

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.

~Voltaire

 

Getting Happy

 

I played my drums today.

That makes two days in a row after several weeks of merely dusting them. A friend shared with me some basic beats he learned in his drum class and I've been wanting to practice them for days, but just had too many important things I needed to do. 

Playing the drums isn't important. Or at least I didn't think it was until today. Not until the rain that wasn't supposed to arrive until tomorrow showed up a day early, forcing me to postpone a family photo shoot I had scheduled with a friend this afternoon.

We've had a tough time meshing our calendars. I had already postponed the shoot once to go to a meeting I had forgotten about.  Now it will be another two weeks before we can meet up.

Disappointed and discouraged, I picked up the sticks and banged away for a little while, not in the mood to do anything else.

It didn't make me any money. I couldn't cross it off of my long to-do list. But I felt better. A few rays of mental sunshine broke through the rainclouds that had somehow rolled into my head. 

It made me think of BlogHer's Life Well Lived question for this week:  How do you put yourself first? How does taking time for yourself help make you happier?

Almost every morning I take my puppies for a walk. That makes me happy, but as much as I love my walks, the joy in their faces is contagious and makes my heart soar.

In fact, most of my happiness is triggered by doing things for others. I truly believe that's the secret to happiness.

But there's a need for balance. Even Jesus took breaks from the crowds, heading off into the mountains or across the sea to be by himself. If he needed breaks, how much more so do we, to keep ourselves from becoming burned out or resentful?

Playing the drums makes me happy. Slipping off for a lunch... or a weekend... with my friends (or my husband) makes me happy. Having my hair cut by someone who knows how to cut my hair makes me happy.

That first cup of coffee in a quiet house... stepping away from the computer into the early afternoon sunshine... taking photographs of flowers and full moons... writing... reading... these all make me happy.

And that happiness is like a big deep breath, a surge of energy coursing through my body, revitalizing me, giving me what I need to help others.

What about you? How do you put yourself first? (Do you?)

And how does taking time for yourself help make you happier? 

Visit the main Life Well Lived post on BlogHer and don't forget to enter the Sweepstakes. You could win a Kindle Fire and a $50 Amazon gift certificate to go with it!

 

 

Spring Fever

This afternoon I sat on a sun-warmed rock beside our pond, watching tadpoles scurry about just under the surface. A finger of wind traced ripples, sending drops of sparkling sunshine scattering like shooting stars in front of me.

Butterflies flirted with flowers. Dragonflies flirted with each other. 

Max and Belle waded, drank, relished the cold and hot on their bodies.

And I just sat there in silence, caught in Spring's spell... oozing gratitude out of every pore in my body... 

 

"It's spring fever. 

That is what the name of it is. 

And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want,

but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!" 

 ~Mark Twain

 

Sunsets that Kiss the Sky, Silly Things That Make Me Cry, and other sweets of the week

I'm late with my sweet!s. It feels like a whole month was stuffed into last week...highs and lows, late nights and early mornings, and miles and miles on the road. I've only been home long enough to sleep the past few days. I haven't even gone on a morning walk with my puppies since Friday!

I had to ignore Max and Belle's puppy dog eyes once again this morning so I could make it to my allergy doctor appointment on time. Somehow I missed the past two yearly check-ups. But that just means I've been asthma-free! A very good thing after a lifetime of asthma, of doctor visits and pills and shots and too many trips to the emergency room to count.

But listen to this... based on high scores on my peak flow and lung function tests ("better than average!") I don't have to see him again for another year and a half. Now that's sweet!

Keeping track of the sweet moments in each day has become a habit, hallelujah! Some days I'm better at it than others, but overall I spot them much easier and more often than I ever did before. I know there aren't more sweet!s... I'm just keeping my eyes and heart more open to recognizing them when they grace my way.

I urge you to try, too, if you're not already. It puts a lightness in my heart I would never have imagined possible.

"Even in the midst of all this pain and sadness I see something beautiful."

~ Claire Bidwell Smith

Earlier this week I admitted to a friend that I don't cry as easily as I used to. It kind of worried me, in a way, but I thought perhaps it was because I'm better able to accept the bumps, roadblocks, detours that come in life.

But then the next day Lisleman (from A Few Clowns Short) sent me a short film - he said he knew I'd like it because I'm a writer.  That's pretty sweet! by itself. 

Well, I did like the film. In fact, I loved it! So much that by the last scene I was sobbing! Happy, sad, bittersweet tears, all at the same time. It is one of the most creative, best made, sweetest films I've ever seen. I also realize I'm kind of a book addict, and that probably has a lot to do with why I love it, but I truly think it would bring at least a smile to everyone's face.

Here's the link: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Lessmore 

If you watch it and love it, please let me know. If you don't love it, well, okay, go ahead and let me know that, too. I promise I won't hold it against you. 

Well, I promise I'll try not to hold it against you.

(P.S. Lisleman just let me know it won an Oscar last night for Best Animated Short Film. Yay!)

Friday night I attended Stations of the Cross, something I try to do at least once during Lent... step out of my busy life and really reflect on Christ's sacrifice, his Passion, the last moments of his life on earth, on the fourteen significant moments between his condemnation to his placement in the tomb. I try to consider how I can apply them to my own life. 

This year the Stations in our church were done a little differently than in past years. While our priest moved from station to station, Aaron Neville crooned "Were You There?" in between the readings. He wasn't actually in our church (I wish!) but our priest played a recording narrated by Father Jeff Bayhi with Aaron's sweet voice singing in between.

I enjoyed it so much, I searched and found this little 3-minute clip to share with you. Just one of the fourteen stations. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

 

 And now for a few more of my Sweet!s from the past week...

Monday: the sound of a running creek at the bend in the road; a tip on a writing gig from a friend; an afternoon hunting fossils with your husband

Tuesday: ponds filling with water; arriving in Houston just ahead of highway-clogging traffic; laughter blending with tears

 

Wednesday: supporting your friends and loved ones in times of heartbreak and grief; treasured time with your parents, sister, and cousins; talking to a rooster and a chicken in a parking lot; warm days that turn into soft evenings; reminders to not waste a single moment of your life 

Thursday: prayers answered in the way you were hoping for;  your blog chosen as one of five finalists in About.com's Favorite Friendship Blog contest; your friends voting for your blog; witnessing a sunset that kissed the entire sky

 Friday: eavesdropping on a conversation between the wind and the treetops; a "Happy Friday" email from your son; time for reflection and Aaron Neville singing "Were You There?"; movie night at home with your sweetie

Saturday: dinner and board games with friends; Siamese cats; making it home safe and sound when your car is dripping oil; a friend who wants a text letting her know you made it home safe and sound

 

 

Sunday: vineyards in winter; your husband fixing your car, bringing it out to you at work (and driving his back home); the smell of warm foccacia bread; red chili chocolate cake, especially when you're starving; the support you get from a writing critique group

What were some of your sweet! moments this past week? Please share! (If you wrote a post, you can share the link in the comments.)

Hope this week is full of sweet moments for you!

The Rules of Inheritance: a journey through grief

 

 

It's somehow fitting that I've been reading Claire Bidwell Smith's The Rules of Inheritance for the past few weeks.

Last night I dove into the final chapters, my mind still swirling with sorrow and joy that lingered from a quick trip to Houston for my cousin's funeral. Sorrow for friends and family wrapped tight in grief for the recent loss of their loved ones, including a dear friend whose husband just died, and joy from time spent with my parents, sister, and cousins I rarely see. 

I arrived home just in time to attend Ash Wednesday services, where Father Don reminded us of our mortality, of the importance of not squandering the gift of life we've been given, but to find a way to give back. 

Through all of this, Smith's book was on my mind, because it deals with life and death and grief. Mostly her own grief. When Smith was fourteen, both of her parents were diagnosed with cancer. Her mother died when Smith was eighteen and then, just seven years later, she watched her father take his last breath.

Smith takes us along on her heart-wrenching and courageously candid journey, but as tragic as it is, underneath is an unspoken glimmer of hope that kept me turning the pages. I knew she survived this dark passage of her life... I could tell that she was writing it from a patch of light that gave her strength to venture back in, in order to share her story with us.

But I couldn't imagine how she did it. I wanted to know. I needed to know.

How do you face the grief without letting it swallow you? How do you continue when you've lost your "most important person"?

I've felt grief and loss. Two sisters-in-law. My oldest brother. All of my grandparents. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Close friends.

But my parents and my husband's parents are all still alive... still voices on the other end of the phone... still just a hop in the car and a few hours' drive away.  Except for my brother, we have all ten of our siblings. All of our children.

Mostly, we still have each other.

But life is so fragile. In little over a year, six of my friends have become widows. Several of my classmates from high school, former co-workers, and now my cousin have died in the past year as well, while others have lost their parents. 

Smith was young when she lost her parents, but is there ever an age when you're prepared for that void in your life?

I feel blessed. Grateful. And lucky. But I also feel a twinge of guilt that makes me stumble over the right words. Smith says "If you haven't been through a major loss, then the truth is that you just don't know what to say to someone who has." 

She talks about the friends that gathered around her in her father's last days. Just their physical presence, their touch, helped her get through it. I remember how much it meant to me when I looked up at my brother's funeral and spotted my girlfriends.

Even if I don't know what to say, I'll try harder to be physically present.

I also won't pass judgement. I won't tell anyone it's time to get on with their lives, but will try to just listen. "Our grief is as individual as our lives," Smith says. 

Simone Weil said "All sins are attempts to fill voids."

Smith's reactions to her parents' illnesses and deaths certainly proves this to be true. She relates with raw honesty her futile attempts to fill the void. I'm amazed she not only survived, but managed to settle her father's estate, get her degree, and hold jobs while traveling the dark and gritty path of her teens and twenties.

I recommend this book to anyone who is actively grieving, but also to anyone who has struggled with depression, loneliness, bad relationships, trying to find the right path, or just trying to figure out who they really are. They'lll be able to identify with her story, too, whether or not they've suffered loss such as hers.

It's not until years later that Smith allows her grief to bubble to the surface or is able to recognize Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief in her dark journey.

Now a grief counselor, Smith used the stages of grief as the framework for her memoir. It isn't a linear story, but jumps from one episode in her life to another, back and forth, but told in the present tense, allowing us to experience the moment through her eyes. 

Some of the episodes are repeated with slight differences; I didn't understand this until near the last chapter when she explains the stages are just a frame to work with. "You may never experience all of them. You may go through them out of order or sometimes find yourself in more than one of them at the same time." 

Life and death go hand in hand. Personal loss is waiting for each of us around one of the corners, just ahead. I believe reading Smith's book will help anyone prepare for the inevitable grief that comes with life... and to believe that it's possible to eventually get to the other side of grief and continue on.

At the end of the book, Smith describes walking in on her husband and young daughter having a tea party. She wants to freeze that moment, but knows she can't. She knows time will pass, along with many others, that they'll all grow old and die. 

But her father's words, spoken shortly before his last breath, resonate through her words. I know she believes them and I do, too:

"Life is worth living."

 

 

 

 

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are totally my own.

 

 

 

Seasons and Promises

Today I'm driving to Houston. My cousin died a few days ago and I want to be there for his funeral tomorrow, Ash Wednesday.

Ronnie was only 64. Not old, but not young, either. I guess "just enough time", as the Band Perry sings... but I can't imagine ever thinking I've had enough time.

I'd prefer not to be going to Ronnie's funeral tomorrow, although what better way to remind us of our mortality as we enter this season of Lent than to have someone we love and care about die?

As I prepared for my trip this morning, I got word that a dear friend's husband died suddenly yesterday. For the past two years they've lived in separate countries, longing for the day when she could join him in Spain and they'd finally be together longer than too-short visits that passed oh, so quickly. 

Just over a month ago, that day finally came. And now, just like that, he's gone. 

I'm grateful they were together, that there wasn't still an ocean separating them when he died, but my heart breaks for her as all of their hopes and plans and dreams for the future turn to ashes.

That's the thing about life. We can make all kinds of plans and dream all kinds of dreams, but there's no guarantee any of them will come true. 

Should we stop planning? Stop dreaming?

Heck no. Even if we can't control what happens in our lives, we can control how we react to the unexpected. We can still try to make the most of each moment we're given, even if it we feel there's never enough time. We can try to embrace the lessons in our tears as much as those in our laughter. 

I came across a wonderful reminder of this on Beth's blog yesterday in the video below. I felt it was too powerful a story not to share. 

 

I haven't made my Lenten promise yet, but I have a feeling it will have something to do with my answer to the question below...

"What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

~ Mary Oliver

How would you answer that question?

Please join me in praying for peace and strength for these and others who have recently lost loved ones, including my high school classmate, Tanya, whose husband died today.

The Privilege of a Lifetime

"The privilege of a lifetime is to be yourself."

 ~ Joseph Campbell

 

A big pot of chicken soup is simmering on the stove. From where I sit across the room I can hear the little bubbles playing on the surface and the aroma is making my stomach growl.

I made it for myself, because I'm sick. I don't cook often these days, and when I do, it's usually to whip up some favorite of one of my kids or my husband, although he's gotten quite good at cooking whatever he wants himself.

You see, there are tons of other things I'd rather do with my time besides cook. That's just me, the way I am, and I'm okay with it. Thank goodness my husband is, too.

I thought about this as I chopped up vegetables for the soup earlier, because BlogHer's latest question for their Life Well Lived Getting Happy series is: How do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself? (Part 2 of the question is: How does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?)

Well, not cooking if I don't feel like it is one way I practice self-acceptance.

I spent years trying on cooking and crafting and gardening and sewing, and while I enjoyed each one to a certain extent, none of them fit me exactly right. 

Today I'm cooking because I care about myself. I want to get well.

It took years to shed the 'Mommy-Martyr' mentality that made me think everyone else's needs were more important than my own. It's still a trick mirror though... one big incentive to take care of myself is so I can take care of those I love who depend on me. To be healthy if they need me or to just set a good example.

When I eat right, when I run, when I make sure I get enough sleep or play my drums or take time to read or write or take photos or laugh with friends or go dancing with my husband... it's for them as much as it is for myself.

 

Turning 50 was a huge turning point in my self-attitude, like standing before a mirror, evaluating where I'd been, where I still wanted to go and whether or not I was heading in the right direction to get there. Trying to figure out what fit and what should be tossed. I was able to recognize and appreciate the strengths that got me this far, as well as the quirks that make me unique.

Love your neighbor as yourself. ~ Mark 12:31

I forgave myself mistakes made along the way, accepted myself as human, flaws and all, and by doing so, discovered how easy it is to do the same for other people. The key to loving your imperfect neighbor "as yourself" is first loving your imperfect self.

How do you start? Ponder this...

 Where there is no love, put love and there will be love.

~ St. John of the Cross

 

 

So how do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself?

And how does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?

Leave your answer here, but also at the main post on BlogHer where you can see other answers. And be sure to enter the sweepstakes for a chance at a Kindle Fire and $50 Amazon Gift Card HERE.

What Electrifies You?

Author Gayle Brandeis posed that question on SheWrites last month. “What electrifies you? What gets your heart pumping? What takes your breath away? What makes the hair on your arms stand up on end?”

I answered...

Dancing, which I do as often as possible, even to the extent that I missed talking to a lot of people at my high school reunion because I couldn't leave the dance floor. Also playing my drums. I'm not any good. It will never make me any money so no matter how hard I try I can't justify the time I spend on them, but I play anyway, because playing them makes me feel alive. (But only when no one's around. Unless I've had a few drinks.)

And guess what? My answer was the Grand Prize Winner! What a sweet surprise when I saw my name in a SheWrites newsletter yesterday, especially since I had totally forgotten about it. I won a copy of Brandeis' The Book of Live Wires, along with a copy of her Bellwether-Prize winning novel, The Book of Dead Birds.

Yay! Books electrify me, too! (Also winning Grand Prizes and getting things for free!)

Something else that electrifies me is seeing my friends follow their dreams... and trying to help them along the way. Here are a couple who inspire me...

 

Walking the Walk

When I first met Jimmie Jackson, he was a tow-headed golf-loving teenager, rarely speaking up in the Confirmation class I taught. Now he's all grown up with a degree in Electronic Media, living in Nashville, and preparing for the experience of a lifetime: a solo 2,178 mile long journey along the Appalachian Trail, from Georgia to Maine.

Only Jimmie isn't just walking it... he's going to film a documentary as he goes, focusing on the spiritual aspect of the walk as much as the physical. "Why do people hike? What is the connection between being outdoors and leading a spiritual life?" He hopes to find the answers to those questions along the way.

Go to his website, Walking the Walk.org to find out more, and please consider making a small donation to help him see this dream come true. He really is a sweet kid (and I'm not just saying that because I was his Confirmation teacher!)

 photo from WalkingtheWalk.org

 

Indie Friendlie 

Indie Friendlie is my friend Byron Tully's 'baby'. With his beautiful wife, Darlene, and friend, Weathorford Bradley, he created this site to support and promote great filmmakers and great films, the ones without huge advertising budgets, the ones that get stomped on by the bullies with huge marketing campaigns, the ones left shivering in the cold outside of the theaters.

If you love independent film of any kind, go to the site and watch the clips from wonderful movies, documentaries and shorts they're spotlighting in their effort to give them "a voice, a face, an opportunity."

I've only watched one or two, but they were great. "Validation", a full length short, just made me smile and "The Inside Out Project" made me want to stand up, cheer and grab my camera.

Also, if you're a filmmaker, you can submit your own film to be showcased on Indie Friendlie. Click HERE for how-to's and guidelines.

Tully's a sweet kid, too, although I guess "kid" is a bit of a stretch since we went to high school together. He's also very, very funny.

(Full disclosure: Tully promised me one free margarita for every 1000 visitors his site receives from mine. So what are you waiting for? GO! And tell your friends to tell their friends!)

Oh, wait, before you go... What electrifies you? Share in the comments below...

 

Loving Me Some Pooh

“What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.”

 

 

The calendar says it's Tuesday, but it's Monday for me.

I'm already a day behind.

I arrived home late last night after a long, unplugged weekend, overflowing with friendship, laughter, tears, food, fellowship, sorrow, family, wine... (okay, and maybe a little tequila, too)...

There was my Diva gathering, a joyful experience.

Then Sunday morning a quick trip to Deer Park for the memorial service for another friend's husband who passed suddenly last week, a bittersweet time of memories, tears, hugs and laughter.

Afterwards, dinner on Clear Lake with another friend and her husband... sweet fellowship, delicious food and a glorious sunset.

The evening and the next day, hanging out with my parents (and a quick jaunt to see my sister)...a relaxing, heart-enriching time, just soaking up the sight of them.

But now, back home, back to "Normal", I'm drowning in laundry, unread emails, unread blogs, and unwritten words.  

So I'm going to take Pooh's attitude and be happy for today, just as it is. 

It's my favorite day!

Happy Monday, er, Tuesday!

(Thanks to Pete and Katie and others who reposted this on Facebook so I could see it!)

 

My Prayer Bowl Overfloweth

 

 

A friend's husband, my own former co-worker and friend, died earlier this week. Just in the past month or so another friend lost his mother, a classmate's husband succumbed to cancer, and I learned of the death of another friend (along with my good intentions to see her again here on earth.)  

There are others... many I can't think of right now. 

Perhaps it's the stage of life I'm in, this middle zone between parents and children, on the cusp of "old age". Perhaps I'm just becoming more aware of the heartaches around me, thanks to online connections and communication.

Whatever it is, there are too many in too short of a time... too many cases of cancer, too many surgeries, too many sons and daughters facing crisis, too many out of work, too many ailing parents and siblings and friends. Too many.

Too many for me to keep them all in my head every day, every minute, along with my own personal prayers.

My mind is on overload. 

Hence, the prayer bowl above, an idea I got from a religious education workshop years ago. I scribble each new name, worry or heartache onto a strip of scrap paper, fold it into thirds and drop it on top of the growing pile, offering the whole bunch up in prayer. 

When it becomes full, as it will too quickly, I'll toss the bits of paper onto a fire. The prayers will float to heaven and become one with the earth, simultaneously.

Fifty two years ago the beautiful milk glass vase held flowers for my mother and her new baby (me) sent with love from her Sunday School class... a symbol of their prayers.

Now it holds those tiny strips of paper, folded gently around prayers of my heart, all of them lifted up to God with faith that he'll take care of them all, every single one, according to his plan.  

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~ Philippians 4:6,7

 

 

 

 

A Message From Myself Out of the Past

Epiphany (-nies)

Knotted muscle in my neck...can't quite catch my breath...geez, it's only Jan. 4 and I'm already stressing about how to get everything accomplished that I want to do this year! I wish I could resolve to have an extra six hours each day - that would help! Twenty-four doesn't seem to be nearly enough.

But, of course, I can't. None of us can. We just have to stumble along and do the best we can and try not to worry about the minutes we drop along the way. Just keep facing forward, or, as this Japanese proverb reminds us...

 "If you look up, there are no limits."

For me, this means that God will give me the time, strength and whatever other resources I need (money, patience, determination, health...) to do what he needs me to do. And nothing else really matters.

That's so much easier to say than to accept, though.

This morning I rose at 5am...the first time in more than a week I've been up before the sun. Even though I hate that first jolt of the alarm clock and long to jump back under the covers just a little while longer, I love getting so much done before the sun rises. I love walking the critters under a fresh morning sky, watching the world wake up. I feel invigorated...hopeful...ready to embrace the day. I wish morning could last all day!

It helped that we celebrated the Epiphany at Mass yesterday - the visit of the Magi to the baby Jesus. The theme...the key word to remember...the word and image I took away from the service was LIGHT.

Light as in guidance...the star that led them to Jesus; light as in understanding...they recognized Jesus was a king, the son of God; light as in revelation...they revealed to us that Jesus came for all people, all nations, all races.

So each day I will focus on that light. His light. I'll imagine it as the fresh morning light, stretching over the world as the sun rises. I'll pray that it shines outward, leading me along the right path and helping me have greater understanding and compassion...I'll pray that it shines inward upon myself, revealing my faults...those areas that I most need to work on. I'll pray that I have his light within me and that others can see it. And then I'll take a deep breath and try not to worry about anything more.

A massage sure sounds nice right now, though...

"If you look up, there are no limits."

 

 

Glancing through January posts from the past few years, I came across the one above. It was just what I needed to hear.

Ironic that it came from myself, isn't it?

I decided to repost it and not just because yesterday was Epiphany...

...Perhaps it's just what someone else needs to hear right now, too.

"Hey Lady! You forgot FUN!"

Oh my gosh, I did! Thank you, Squirrel!

I can't believe in my list of important 'F' words, I forgot one of the most important ones:

FUN!.

It wouldn't be much of a year without that one, would it?

So, let's recap...

(from my previous post...)

In 2012, I'm going to put up Fences to structure my time... I'm going to corral those thoughts and Focus on one project at a time so I can experience Finishing something. 

I bet that's an amazing feeling.

My other 'F' words for 2012... Faith, Fitness, Friendship, Frugality and Financial Freedom. 

Oh, and Forgiveness... another awesome 'F' word...

And woven in and out and around all of it, I'm going to have Fun.

(How could I forget that one? Gosh, I'm such an airhead...)

Okay, sorry for the interruption. Carry on...

 

'F' Words for 2012

In 2011, my thoughts ran wild like mustangs, my energy scattered into all different directions trying to chase them down.

True, creativity needs space and the freedom to run wild for a bit, to stretch its legs and grow strong... but if those thoughts scatter too far in too many directions... if they never return to the corral, never get reined in, never learn to work as a team... well, they're not good for anything but looking or sounding pretty.

I need more than that this year. 

{Prepare yourself... here come my 'F' words...}

In 2012, I'm going to put up Fences to structure my time... I'm going to corral those thoughts and Focus on one project at a time so I can experience Finishing something. 

I bet that's an amazing feeling.

My other 'F' words for 2012... Faith, Fitness, Friendship, Frugality and Financial Freedom. 

Oh, and Forgiveness... another awesome 'F' word...

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." ~ Ephesians 4:31-32 

What about you? 

 Do you have a Theme,Word or Resolution for 2012? 

 

 

Ben's Story... When the Fantasy Ends and Heaven Begins

Ben Breedlove, an Austin teenager, died Christmas night. 

I didn't know him personally; in fact, I had never heard of him until this week. 

But after watching the videos below, I know I won't forget him or his sweet smile.

Ben had a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy; according to his videos, he had cheated death three times. The first time, when he was 4, he says he saw a bright light and felt a peace he never forgot. The second time...

...well, Ben tells it much better than I can. I urge you to watch these - the total time is less than 8 minutes, but if you're like me, it will be 8 minutes you'll carry with you the rest of your life, whether you remember the name Ben Breedlove or not.

(You can read Ben's obituary HERE.)

In the Clearing

Standing in the clearing, just standing there breathing and listening to bird song and puppy scuffles, I feel them sprouting in my head, fed by the sunshine and fresh air and stillness.

So many thoughts popping up... brilliant, original thoughts blossoming like beautiful flowers never before seen by anyone. I gather them into a bouquet to share with you, but by the time I get home, words like petals have drifted away from me, lost forever, and I'm left holding only wilted, spent blooms.

Perhaps that's all they were to begin with. They just looked more beautiful in the sunshine.

One thought lingered this morning, though... not quite as splendid as it seemed in the clearing, but a hint of color remained...

It was actually an image that popped in my head of a child walking along, gazing in wonder at the world, feeling safe and oblivious to danger because she held her father's hand. She was free to watch the sun paint treetops golden and patches of blue sky break through orange-tipped morning clouds because he guided her steps and protected her.

Lately lots of little things have tried to sneak onto my shoulders. Nothing big and in-your-face that rev up your adrenaline, but just little ones that drain your strength... worries about friends and family and finances, mostly.

But as soon as that image popped up, I felt the weight fly away; I knew I was that child holding God's hand as I walked through the clearing. Just as I held tight to my children's hands, took care of them, guided them, protected them, he does the same to me, allowing me to wander and enjoy the flowers, the sky, the sunrise and sunset.

Others are struggling with much weightier issues than I am. At times I'm ashamed of my weakness and amazed at their strength, but this morning I gave thanks for my weakness that sends me scurrying early on for the strength and tenderness in God's hand. 

 

Just popping in...

...to say thanks for the prayers for Max.

This morning he didn't just use all of his legs on our walk, but even trotted a little and played with Belle, pouncing and prancing and twirling so she couldn't bite his ankles (her favorite move.)

I believe in the power of prayer and I know those you offered made a huge difference. Max's days are numbered, I realize that. There will come a morning, sooner than I'd like, when he's worse, rather than better, and the day after even worse than before.

But I'm grateful today wasn't that day. I'm sure Max and Belle are grateful, too, so thank you from all of us.

My reflective mood continues, which I guess is a good thing since we're now in Advent. Tonight I'm going to Vespers for the first time - it sounds reflective so I'm looking forward to it, except for the smell of burning incense, which I'm sure will be hanging heavy in the air. (Funny how I burned incense all the time as a teenager but now I don't care for it!)

This past week many bloggers posted about gratitude. A video posted by Gail at Louisiana Belle reminded me to watch for the wonders of each day, to remember each one is a gift to live like it was your first and your last. That way you cover all your bases. (Click here to hop over to Gail's to see it. It's almost 10 minutes long and features some beautiful time-lapsed photography, but if you don't have that much time, start it at minute 5:20.)

I can't remember if I've posted here about the photography business that has dropped into my lap out of the blue, but I finally shared some of the photos from my first shoot, as well as lessons I've learned, on my photography blog HERE. I got lucky - great models and perfect weather. (Thank you Candace, Cornell and God!)

The photo below seems to be the hands down favorite. 

Now I'm off to Vespers... (I just love the way that sounds!)

Hope you have a wonderful evening!

 

 

 

The Glad Game

My sweet sister, the very one who is still recovering from hip surgery and lives daily with Parkinson's, found out this week she has glaucoma. To treat it and save her eyesight, she'll need to put drops in her eyes every day for the rest of her life.

Listen to what she told me about it: "I read that if you have blue or green eyes, the drops might turn your eyes brown! I've always wanted brown eyes! And another side effect is that it will turn your eyelashes dark and thick. So now I'll have beautiful dark eyes!"

That's my sister.

She lives her life playing "The Glad Game". Like Pollyanna, (which we call her!) she is always able to find something good in every situation.

It took awhile, but her optimistic attitude finally started rubbing off on me, and oh my gosh, what a relief it is to recognize those blessings that are tucked into bad news.  

Playing the Glad Game isn't just about helping ourselves get through tough times, though. The best thing about it is how your joy and gratitude is contagious. It might be just the inspiration - the shining light - someone else needs to find their way out of personal darkness... pain, illness, loss of a loved one, discouragement, anger, financial problems...

There's so much potential darkness in this world trying to blind us to all that we have to be grateful for.

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:18

I remember groaning when I read Corrie Ten Boom's description of the flea infestation in the concentration camp bunkroom, enough to turn their skin black when they entered the area to sleep, and I agreed with her that there was nothing about fleas to be grateful for. But urged by her sister Betsy (another Pollyanna-type, obviously), Corrie reluctantly told God thank you for the fleas.

When I read a little further how she realized it was because of the fleas that the guards wouldn't step foot in the bunkroom, allowing them freedom to hold prayer sessions and Bible readings and comfort each other through those dark days, a little light went on in my mind.

I'm grateful I was able to read their story - I'm grateful for that little light that now reminds me how, when something bad happens (and there are bad things - those fleas were bad!) God can squeeze something good out of the worst of things.

I'm reminded to give thanks in all circumstances, even if, like Corrie with the fleas, I'm not sure exactly why.

I'm still not as good with the Glad Game as my sister is, but I promise to keep practicing. I hope you'll play along. I think you'll like it.

Hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

 

Every Breath is a Second Chance

Driving, daydreaming, radio playing... I'm oblivious to the music, preoccupied with my thoughts, until this line from a song breaks through their chatter:

Every breath is a second chance.

Later, I couldn't remember another single word from the song. I couldn't tell you who sang it or even what station I was listening to. Those words just echoed.

Every breath is a second chance.

They still play over and over in my mind, the truth so simple and yet so astounding. So freeing.

So full of hope.

Don't you think?

(Google informed me the line is from "Always" by Switchfoot. Thanks, Switchfoot!)

 

First thing in the morning...

...even before my eyes pop open, I pray... giving thanks, asking for guidance, and for the needs of my loved ones.

That done, I stumble to the bathroom, splash water on my face, brush my teeth, "take care of business", and then head to the kitchen and start my coffee brewing.

I need a bit of quiet time over my coffee and cereal to gather my thoughts. I usually read something inspirational while I eat - currently "Hope for Each Day" by Billy Graham. 

As the sun rises, I head outside for a walk with my camera and my puppies, paying attention to God's handiwork and continuing my prayers, asking specifically for strength for whatever the day brings.

So, tell me... What do you do to get your day going on an upbeat, positive note?

Share your answer here and in the comment section of BlogHer's Life Well Lived Blog Post and you'll be entered for a $250 Sweepstakes!

(P.S. If you have trouble feeling upbeat in the morning, you might want to watch the "Happiness Prescription" video by Dr. Aymee... click HERE)

Retreat to the Sea

 For whatever we lose (like a you or a me),

 It's always our self we find in the sea.

~e.e. cummings

 

For the past few weeks, I've felt like a jumping bean, hopping from one project to the next, never quite finishing one before moving on to another, mentally filling to overflowing a shelf labeled "Later".

I had lost my balance, knocking it aside somewhere in my zeal to conquer my dreams, get organized, and make money, all at the same time. No matter how hard I tried to breathe, to focus on each moment, I couldn't stop that little hyper bean inside of me that couldn't just enjoy the present but had to continually jump ahead, or sideways, or backwards.

Then Thursday afternoon I stepped onto Mustang Island.

One look at the waves rolling in, rolling out... one deep breath of the salty air...one note of the symphony of crashing waves and cries of seagulls...

That's all it took for the stillness to return, as if the waves and the air loosened the knots and cleansed my spirit. The symphony soothed me... a lullaby chasing away the helter-skelter bits of thought in my brain.

I find myself at the extremity of a long beach.  How gladly does the spirit leap forth, and suddenly enlarge its sense of being to the full extent of the broad, blue, sunny deep!  A greeting and a homage to the Sea!  I descend over its margin, and dip my hand into the wave that meets me, and bathe my brow.  That far-resounding roar is the Ocean's voice of welcome.  His salt breath brings a blessing along with it.  ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, "Foot-prints on the Sea-shore"

That's why my friends and I run away every year to the sea. This was our 12th annual retreat, a time to reconnect with these friends, but also with myself.

To think of nothing, but to see and experience everything.

Year before last, we encountered Laura Bush on the beach and discovered Stoney LaRue. Last year my high school Divas joined us, and although the numbers made it tougher for me to spend time with everyone as much as I hoped, priceless memories were made.

This year I had no expectations, especially considering the highs of the past two. I only craved simplicity and silence. I hoped for sun, but would have smiled at raindrops.

But it didn't rain. Thursday afternoon's storm clouds cleared out and blue skies ruled the rest of the weekend. Thanks to this year's drought, there were no mosquitos. And on our one night of dancing, we had plenty of dance partners for a change, including some who knew how to spin me around country-style.

This year, I didn't worry about running every morning or about waking at the crack of dawn to photograph the sunrise each day, although I did manage each of them once.

This year I read. I wandered with my camera. I prayed. I met an artist, Marilyn Lindholm, who asked for one of my photographs of a rainbow umbrella and invited me along on a photo-staging of wine glasses and driftwood.

I spent hours listening to the waves, watching porpoises, seagulls and cute little seabirds, drinking Bloody Mary's and talking about life with fifteen other wonderful women, including my sweet sister Brenda, healed enough from her hip surgery six months ago to drive herself to the coast. She even made it down to the beach and the swimming pool. (Thank you for all your prayers for her.)

Hanging on to the stillness will be a challenge, I know. I felt that restlessness waking up with me Monday morning with just one glance at my to-do list. But if I close my eyes I can hear the waves, reaching in, pulling out, reminding me to hang on to the rhythm of life, and leave the rest behind.

It helps to have some photos. I haven't finished going through the ones I took, but here are a few...

A magical moment... My friend Cheryl spotted this little Yellow Warbler cowering in a corner of the boardwalk. He hopped on her finger and stayed put for an extended photo shoot. She thought he was injured and was trying to decide how to take care of him when suddenly, whoosh! he was gone, flying out over the dunes. 

Such a sweet little thing. And what a model!

Schools of fish teamed just offshore, so the pelicans and seagulls (and even a few porpoises) were going nuts. 

There's always at least one woman who feels a need to give everyone something - this year it was Mary Kay and her niece, Tiffany. I've given up protesting.

How could you protest something like this, anyway?

We always treat ourselves to dinner out one night - can't beat fresh seafood straight from the gulf! 

A table for 16, please...

Me and my sweet sister... (note the 'character scar' on my nose, my souvenir from our little wreck a couple of weeks ago.)

Where I lived for two full days...

In my normal life I can barely sit still through a movie, yet I had no problem lying for hours on a hard plastic lounge chair. Go figure.

Mary Kay, the University of Texas Longhorns #1 Fan! (We stomped Iowa State!)

These precious little girls kept us all sighing over their cuteness on Saturday. I took dozens of photos and I don't even know them!

You can imagine how many photos of sea birds I took - I'll post most of them on Confessions later (uh-oh... "later" is already popping up.)

There were almost as many dogs as birds at the beach this time! Total exaggeration, of course, but there were a lot. I loved this trio of ladies... Lucy, and, um, ah, I can't remember the other two but they started with 'L's. 

Our traditional photo of the whole group just before final hugs and heading back to the real world, mostly in different directions. 

Spotted this sign in the restroom of the restaurant and ran back with my camera, ignoring the stares. I think it pretty much sums up our weekend.

Steve Jobs: Live Before You Die

I rarely watch videos (who has time?) but made an exception for this one.

By the end of it, I was in tears.

His words spoke straight to me as much as to those kids just stepping into their lives.

I'm starting my day with a renewed vow not to waste another minute.

Thanks, Steve, for your vision, your drive, your creativity, your courage and for your inspiring words.  

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

~Steve Jobs

 

 

                 

September, Oktober(fest) and my Friday Favorite Photo

"By all these lovely tokens

September days are here,

With summer’s best of weather

And autumn’s best of cheer."

-   Helen Hunt Jackson, September, 1830-1885

 

Wednesday night, alone on the Bistro patio after a special banquet, I bent over to un-velcro a small cushion from one of the metal chairs. Triple digit heat had given way to a cooling breeze whispering over the vineyard. An acoustic guitar strummed a beautiful song through the outside speakers.

I turned to remove another cushion and that's when I saw it, the orange orb hovering on the horizon, smiling down on the grapevines. The beauty, the peace, they total SIGH of it all froze me in place for several moments. I could have stayed there, doing nothing but soaking it all in with all of my senses for hours.

I love September... I love full moons... so that's why I chose the one above as my favorite this week. 

********************************************************

My boys are on the edge of a European adventure. They're in Chicago as I'm typing this but jumping on another plane this evening, headed for Munich to experience an authentic Oktoberfest, visit castles and all that fun German stuff.

In a few days, they'll head for Prague, Czech Republic. Another place I've longed to visit.

I'm unashamedly living vicariously through my sons the next few days just as I did with TG when she traveled to Spain a few years ago. 

A photo of them at the airport would have been my favorite photo of the week, except I wasn't there to see them off. They left early this morning from San Antonio, along with Tommy's girlfriend Kirby. We met up with her in San Marcos last night to trade Daniel for our grandpuppy, Josie. We'll be puppy-sitting for the next week or so. (Max and Belle are very excited!)

In Chicago, the trio are meeting up with Kirby's cousin Matt before taking off on the next leg of the adventure.

All I've asked for are lots of photos and, if possible, something with "Czechoslovakia" written on it. Heck, it could be a napkin for all I care, but "Czechoslovakia" has been my favorite word for as long as I can remember... it's just so much fun to say. I love the rhythm of it, the way it dances around in your mouth. Try it!!

(I can't believe they traded "Czechoslovakia" for "Czech Republic"! Not nearly as much fun, in my opinion.)

Since I don't have a photo of them, passport in hand and loaded down with luggage, and because their trip is throwing me back into my own memories (a sure sign I'm getting old, right?) I'm adding one of me with my friends Donna and Laura, on the edge of our own European adventure way back in '76. (I'm the brunette on the right.)

Under that brown hair, I truly believed this was just a preview of many European trips to come. I'm only 52 now - even though I haven't returned yet, there's still plenty of time for my brunette 17-year-old self to be right, isn't there?

But even if I never get the chance (more like, have the money), I'm so glad my kids have the travel bug and are taking advantage of the opportunity.

Please join me in praying they have a safe, fun adventure (and bring their old mom lots of photos!) Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you're down and troubled...

"...and you need a helping hand. And nothing, nothing is going right..."

 

"Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there..."

I covered for our church secretary yesterday afternoon so she could keep a doctor's appointment. It doesn't pay much, but sitting in her chair even for a short time I sense the pulse of our parish in a way that's impossible to feel from just attending weekly Mass and dropping a check or two in the offering plate.

In the two hours I sat there yesterday afternoon, two people approached our church for assistance. First, an elderly woman called, needing help with paying her rent. I gave her the number for our St. Vincent de Paul Society because that's what they do, help people in our parish with electric bills, rent, doctor's bills, you name it. If someone calls who isn't in our parish, they let them know where to turn.

Soon afterward, a young man stepped into the foyer, his face wearing a mixture of desperation, hope, gratitude, anxiety and relief. He had contacted SVP but missed the return call from our member and came up to the church, hoping to find her there. Even though I wasn't the person he sought, he thanked me and blessed me anyway, patting my arm in gratitude, tears edging the corners of his eyes.

"... to brighten up even your darkest night. You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall...all you have to do is call, and I'll be there. You've got a friend."

I didn't know the young man. I'm not sure if he's a member of our church or not - the St. Vincent de Paul Society does their best to help all in need regardless of their beliefs.

But I imagined him to be a young father trying to help his family, responsibility and love overcoming any feelings of shame he felt for having to ask for help. Or maybe he was a son, trying to get help for his elderly parents.

All I know is, before heading up to the church, I had to sit and pay some bills before late charges were tacked on and the gloom cast by our dwindling bank account still lingered in my heart knowing there were still more to pay today.

Yet witnessing the desperate hope and gratitude of this young man, I immediately gave thanks myself that, dwindling funds or not, at least I had money to pay them.  

 "If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds and that old north wind begins to blow, keep your head together and call my name out loud. Soon, you'll hear me knocking at your door."

Then I remembered the twenty raffle tickets I shoved in my purse two weeks ago. Our parish's annual Oktoberfest is coming up on October 8 and the proceeds, including those from the raffle tickets, help fund our St. Vincent de Paul Society, as well as our other church organizations, like the Women's Guild that, among other things, provides school supplies for low-income families and Easter baskets for nursing home residents.

Despite good intentions to start peddling those raffle tickets right away, they're still right where I shoved them, buried in the bottom of my purse, along with forgotton pennies, crumpled gas receipts and those good intentions.

If I could, I would just buy them all myself, plus some, but I can't. I'll buy a couple, but starting today, with the old women's voice and the young man's face in my mind, I'm peddling the heck out of the rest of them to everyone I meet, starting with you.

I hope I sell so many I have to run up to the church for more!

So here's the deal. For a $10 ticket, you get a chance at 5 different prizes and you don't have to be present to win.

1st prize - $5000 gift card
2nd prize - Maid service for 1 year (or equivalent value gift card of $3000)
3rd prize - Apple iPad 2 (or equivalent value gift card of $800)
4th prize - American Girl Doll or Electric Scooter (estimated value $450)
5th prize - Weber Performance Charcoal Grill (or equivalent value gift card of $450)

I confess that in all the years I've been buying and selling these tickets, I've never won and neither have the people I've sold them to. But I keep hoping - that's what these tickets are all about, right? Giving hope?

If you're interested in buying one or two or twenty, e-mail me at barbarashallue (at) yahoo (dot) com and I'll let you know how to get your ticket or tickets. But whether or not you buy any, please say a prayer that enough money is raised to help all of those who will need it in the coming year. 

"Ain't it good to know you've got a friend when people can be so cold. They'll hurt you and desert you...and take your soul if you let them...oh, but don't you let them. You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again.

Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there.

You've got a friend."

~Carole King

*************************************************

 This is actually Part 2 of a post from 2009, where I wrote "Even before the economy took its latest nose dive, thousands were laid off from their jobs, and the sun went on overtime, there were many among us who were already struggling." 

The need itself never ends, does it? Next year I'm sure I'll be writing a Part 3.

(click HERE to see the whole post.)

 

*************************************

Oktoberfest itself is a lot of small town fun (you know, a carnival for the children, a country store, silent auction, turkey legs, music, a German dinner, bingo) so if you're in the area, come on over!

Here are the details: 

Saturday October 8 from 8am to 7pm at St. Mary Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church (6100 Lohman Ford Rd. Lago Vista, Texas, 78645.)

**** Admission is free, but full disclosure: our motive is to Raise Money! ***** 

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

~ 1 John 4:11

 

 

Horizons

 

Disturb us, Lord, when

 We are too well pleased with ourselves,

 When our dreams have come true

 Because we have dreamed too little,

 When we arrived safely

 Because we sailed too close to the shore.

- Sir Francis Drake

I have a map in my mind, with huge circles drawn around several destinations. I've charted the journey, made lists of things I need to take with me, things I need to do in preparation and started crossing items off.

 But as time goes by without losing sight of land, I fear I'm satisfied with the Idea of a Journey and that I'll never actually get the nerve to set sail on the wide sea.

I fear indecision will keep me drifting close to shore, where pretty distractions make me forget about my dreams or news of potential storms make me afraid of heading into unknown waters.

Or if I do manage to jump aboard my boat and head for sea, I fear I've plotted the wrong path.

So this little prayer from Sir Francis is a good reminder to keep moving forward and not get too caught up in the details.

At some point, if you want to arrive at your destination, you have to pull up the anchor, pull Faith onboard, wave Doubt goodby and just go, right?

Wish me luck!

(These thoughts were inspired by THIS POST by Baron Batch - if you're facing a storm or a journey into the unknown, I recommend reading it!)

 (the rest of Sir Francis's prayer...)

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

- Sir Francis Drake

An Ode to Texas Summers

Max stood still, letting the pond water soak through his thick fur. I watched him from a patch of shade on the hill above and marveled at the miracle of this pond.

Rain is a distant memory, the lake has become a river, triple digit temperatures and blue skies seem neverending, and area wells are drying up ... yet here this small bit of water remains, nestled in the hills above the curve in our road. 

We made a beeline for it this morning. I hadn't walked with the dogs since Thursday. Daniel filled in for me these past few mornings when I just didn't have time, but the puppies seemed happy that I was joining them again.

Even in a drought, even when the flowers are fading into memory and few of the photos I take are worth sharing, my morning walks feel like an indulgence, a quick retreat from the world where I can sort through my thoughts, pray and breathe. 

I've missed them.

I've missed the quiet and the sunshine and the morning breeze and the dogs racing into the woods after imaginary prey or rough-housing on the road. I've missed stopping to snap photos of them running ahead of me or the clouds above me or sunshine splashing on everything...

..or flowers, what's left of them, like the ones below. 

The Mexican Hats have lost their hats...

Mornings are the only time to walk these days. The heat lingers well after sunset. 

Which reminds me of this little poem...

 

Ode to Texas The devil wanted a place on earth Sort of a summer home A place to spend his vacation Whenever he wanted to roam. So he picked out Texas. A place both wretched and rough Where the climate was to his liking And the cowboys hardened and tough. He dried up the streams in the canyons And ordered no rain to fall He dried up the lakes in the valleys Then baked and scorched it all. Then over his barren country He transplanted shrubs from hell. The cactus,thistle and prickly pear The climate suited them well. Now the home was much to his liking But animal life, he had none. So he created crawling creatures That all mankind would shun. First he made the rattlesnake With it's forked poisonous tongue. Taught it to strike and rattle And how to swallow it's young. Then he made scorpions and lizards And the ugly old horned toad. He placed spiders of every description Under rocks by the side of the road. Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,  Hotter and hotter still. Until even the cactus wilted And the old horned lizard took ill. Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom As any creator would He chuckled a little up his sleeve And admitted that it was good. 'Twas summer now and Satan lay By a prickly pear to rest. The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow So he took off his coat and vest. "By Golly," he finally panted, "I did my job too well, I'm going back to where I came from, Texas is hotter than Hell."     Coy D. Martin

 

My brother-in-law sent that to me. (Thank you, Ralph!) 

As a Texan, I found it rather offensive in some parts (Texas is heaven, not hell!) but the last two paragraphs describe our summer weather so well that I found my sense of humor and felt I should post it. 

Plus, I just happened to have a recent photo of a prickly pear... 

 

 Have a great week and stay cool!

 P.S. I just had a call from my mom - Daddy has been released from the hospital! Yay! The doctors still aren't sure what was wrong, but whatever it was, it's all better now and he's been thoroughly checked out and given a stamp of approval. Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts!

Saying my own prayers of thanksgiving now!

Detours (and my Friday Favorite Photo)

This has been one crazy, zig-zagging, bouncing, stretching-myself-across-so-many-things-I-think-I'm-going-to-pop kind of week. One of those weeks where everything is high priority and you just can't procrastinate any longer. So you just do it all, period, and try your best to get some sleep.

Things like a writing deadline, a book review deadline, a contact list to compile and a group email that had to go out, a BlogHer assignment, a Parish Council meeting, eye doctor appointments x 3 of us, my car inspected, our anniversary looming, my sister's birthday, a dozen blog posts swirling in my head waiting to be born, a new FlickR project, my refrigerator filter glowing orange, watering a friend's plants while she's out of town plus trying to keep our own alive...

Whew.

All of this on top of my two day jobs (weekday and weekend) overlapping so I have only one day off in 9 days right on the heels of a quick trip out of town to a wedding. 

I confess I didn't even think about housework of any kind this week or do more than glance at my three-page to-do list. 

If it weren't for Tom, TG and Daniel helping with cooking, laundry and whatever I ask them to do around here, I really would have popped, I'm sure.

Of course, it's not over yet. I work both days this week at the Bistro; we celebrate our anniversary tomorrow night (we're thinking dessert at Sonic at sunset); reading and writing deadlines still loom, the filter light still gives me an orange wink every time I open the fridge door, my car still isn't inspected (shhh! don't tell!), I haven't started the FlickR project, and my laundry is overflowing...

But the good news is I'll have time to take care of most of these starting Monday. The bad news is it's because one of my jobs ended, which means one of my paychecks. The good news is that means I'll have more time to focus on my book and my businesses, and I'll still be moderating the Jobs4Autism website.

I haven't decided if I've come to another detour in my life or if I'm actually stepping back onto the main road. I've taken so many detours I'm not even sure what the main road looks like anymore. Some detours were results of my own decisions; some just plopped down from no where, forcing me to veer in a new direction.

I came across this on a blog today, written by Baron Batch, a Texas Tech to Pittsburgh Steelers football player/writer:

"The funny thing about all roads is that at some point they all have potholes, speed bumps and detours. However, the durability of your vehicle is what allows you to reach your destination regardless of your traveling conditions."

Baron's post is a tribute to his faith and a reminder of the value of detours in our life. Instead of playing in his first NFL game this week, he tore his ACL. He writes...

"Trying to understand Gods plan will bring insanity, trusting it brings peace."

So much wisdom in one so young! I aspire to have that kind of faith and pray my kids do, too. I hope we all have durable vehicles! (I wish I could be confident that when my own kids face detours in their lives, when things go wrong as they always will, they hear my voice whispering, "Have faith, have faith.")

 

And now for my Friday Favorite Photo!

I picked this one of Max because...

a) it's taken with my new 50mm lens! and 

b) he's eating! 

(He stopped eating for awhile last weekend when we were gone. Got me so worried! Dang dogs.)

Now that I think of it, Max himself was a detour. We had decided we weren't going to have any more dogs. Then that starving puppy wandered up and stole our hearts...

Hope you've had a wonderful week... hope you have a great weekend...  and hope you look at the detours in your life as opportunities rather than bad luck.

Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Shadows and Light

 

On Death
 ~Kahlil Gibran

You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.


In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?


For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?


Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

 

The second I became a mother, I also gave birth to the fear of losing my child.

I'm blessed that it has remained just a fear, not a reality; only an inkling of the actual pain, like dipping your toe into a cold lake versus falling completely into its frigid depths, staring up at the sunlight but unable to feel its warmth.

I realize I'm just three heartbeats away from that pain, but I've grown used to the fear. I sense it there, just around the corner, a shadow cast by the light of the living, but I don't dwell on its presence or let it control me or even worry me. What's the use? I'd rather focus on the light.

But there are times I'm reminded of its nearness, and how blessed I am that it has remained around the corner. This week has been one of them.

The deaths of our Navy Seals... the riots in London... a friend whose mother's cancer has returned, this time with no hope of another remission, only an hourglass running out of sand. 

So much sadness. Each one affected, someone's child. Someone's parent. Or sibling, lover, friend.

On Facebook a page popped up I'd forgotten about, created as a place to remember students and faculty from our high school who had passed.

I posted my class's "In Memorium" list. (At our reunions, we light a candle, then I read the list out loud, followed by a few moments of silence in memory of those we've lost.) Right away classmates popped up, reminding me of several others I needed to add. 

My heart protests that we're too young to have lost this many - too many- but my brain reminds me of our age. Ah, yes. Not so young. Those we lost early on were someone's sibling, someone's child, but these recent ones are also someone's mother, father, wife, husband, grandmother, grandfather. 

Last night I stayed up late, compiling a spreadsheet of names. I'm helping organize a reunion for people I worked with 30 years ago and one of my co-workers sent me several lists of names from way back then. 

The names floated out to me from mists of the past, bringing with them memories that had drifted out of reach, forgotten. Memories of days spent in a hard hat, sweating in the pipe alleys, laughing and eating popcorn in the control room, freezing in the lab. 

Too many names are already marked "deceased."

I sent the revised list out via email today - responses flowed back, informing me of updates: emails, phone numbers and more who have died before we had a chance to see them again.

This past Sunday, Father Don talked about fear, about trusting God. I know I've been lucky - I lost my brother Buster, my grandparents, my pets who felt like children, but I know so far I've been spared the true anguish that comes from losing a child, a parent, a spouse. Those who are pieces of you. 

The thing is, none of us can escape this pain. We can try by not letting ourselves get close to others, by trying not to love, but that's a living death, isn't it, living without loving?

I believe God will support me through that inevitable pain. I believe he will soothe and comfort me, if I let him, and I'm grateful for my faith. But how do those without faith survive? 

I came across this blog the other day, penned by a woman who has experienced the death of two children. I can't imagine that pain. But this is what I read on her blog: 

"All of my followers here on my blog know I am a twice bereaved parent. What very few of you all know is that I carried my oldest daughter across & personally handed her to the angels who completed the journey with her. So you can trust me when I tell you this: if you want to know where God lives put yourself somewhere in a place of peace; get lost in some music, or the soft sound of the wind in the trees, or anything that lifts you up. Close your eyes & feel the joy. THAT is where God lives, and THAT is where Heaven is."

For this whole month, she will be sharing her experience, sharing "...where and how I get my strength."

Click HERE to read along.

He himself is our peace. Ephesians 2:14

 

"I hope." ~ Red, Shawshank Redemption

"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things,

and no good thing ever dies."

~ Andy Dufresne, Shawshank Redemption

I've seen Shawshank Redemption a zillion times.  And last night I had two zillion things to do. So when TG started watching it, I tried to ignore it and focus on what I needed to do.

Along about the second half, I quit trying. Instead, I poured a glass of wine, plopped into the recliner beside her and forgot about my to-do's. This is why:

1. She'll be heading back to school soon and there won't be many more opportunities just to hang out at home like that, watching a movie together. Especially with the boys gone!

2. I love the movie.

3. That's all it took. I didn't need a #3.

I wasn't trying to analyze why I love Shawshank Redemption last night while I watched. But I kept thinking about it today and had to gather the thoughts, of course. Here they are (spoiler alert, in case there's actually someone who hasn't seen this movie!):

Hope... Andy holds on to hope despite life's best efforts to smash it out of him. Talk about bad luck! His hope is contagious; he and Red get to begin their lives over at middle-age because they dared to hope and believe that one day it would be possible. According to the movie - and I believe it whole-heartedly - it's never too late to live out a dream.

Integrity... I love how the movie illustrates what integrity is - the twist on how the criminals can have more integrity than the warden or the guards. And I love how Andy holds on tight to his integrity and inspires others to rise higher than they thought possible, to be better than they thought possible. To find the good in themselves.

Justice... Good overcomes evil, justice prevails and hope is justified.

Nothing says it better than Red at the end...

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.

I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.

I hope."

 

Bloom Anyway

Conditions may change.

No, scratch that. Conditions will change.

That's just life.

No matter what condition you find yourself in today,

whether drought or flood or somewhere in between,

look for ways to nourish your spirit

(they're there, I promise)

and bloom anyway.

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within your control, and some things are not."

~Epictetus, Greek Stoic philosopher

Rising Up, Grateful (plus some "Sweet!" moments and a belated Friday Favorite Photo)

Do you ever have those mornings when you're so mentally drained or physically tired you just want to pull the covers up over your head and skip that day altogether?

I do. Not often anymore, but I still do every once in a while.

On those mornings I remind myself that each and every day, good or bad, is a gift from God. We give educational and "tough-love" gifts to our kids, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised when some of the ones he gives us aren't all sunlight and butterflies.

I think back to my own words in a previous post I wrote (click HERE) and pray that God will direct my footsteps. I pray he'll keep me out of my own way... keep me from tripping myself up.

If I'm here, there must be a reason and I need to stop overthinking everything. I need to trust, have faith and give thanks.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.

Prince Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

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Now to my Saturday Sweet! moments of the past week...

Saturday: hot Texas sunshine, cold water of Lake Travis, wind in my face

Sunday: group hug with dear friends, in prayer over too many tragic community stories

Monday: ping-pong on the porch; homemade vanilla ice cream; floating in a backyard pool and yakking with friends

Tuesday: word that your son has an upcoming interview for the job he really wants

Wednesday: watching your twenty-something son try on new running shoes, remembering the days in Pay-Less when they were all small, testing out new shoes by running down the aisles and jumping up and down

Thursday: blue skies, dry roads and an air-conditioned car when there are dozens of errands to run 

Friday: a few hours of unexpected (paid) work; figuring out something on your own; recovering what you thought was lost forever (see below...)

In yesterday's post, I shot a virtual arrow of distress out into Internet-world, asking for help. Only two people responded at all. Even though they didn't have concrete answers, I appreciated their support and suggestions (thank you, Deb and Liz!)

It made me wonder... Is anyone else out there? Do they just not care? Or is everyone else just as ignorant as I am about these things?

The latter made me feel better, so I went with that. (see my Update below!)

The good news is, I figured it out by myself. At least partly ... maybe temporarily ... but at least enough to recover the lost photos and save them onto my computer. It took a few hours and I'm not finished yet. Today I need to figure out a better system. 

Here's what I did...

I unplugged the external hard drive, waited awhile, plugged it back in, and then, barely breathing, checked the folder. My heart soared to see those precious photos back again. From now on, I'm going to keep my external hard drive unplugged unless I need it, although I couldn't find information about that written anywhere.

Live and learn... I'm just grateful I had a chance at a re-do on this one.

Update: Since I posted this, I discovered my sweet sister Brenda sent out emails to several professional photographer friends, asking if they could help. And another friend, Shirley, let me know she said a prayer but didn't comment because she didn't have any advice.

It just shows that things aren't always how they appear to be. My apologies and gratitude to both of you and anyone else who is trying to find an answer for me. 

And now, thanks to my oldest son, part of the puzzle is solved: The mystery photo of the two girls is one of his, from a semester he spent in Costa Rica. Now how it jumped from that folder (also on my external hard drive) to this latest one is still a mystery...

Anyway, here's my belated Friday Favorite Photo, recently recovered... a reminder of a wonderful day on the lake with friends (possibly my one and only day on the lake this summer) as well as a reminder that even on choppy, turbulent days, some bit of beauty, light or peace can be found.

Wishing you sweet moments on this Saturday!

 

Have you ever...

 

In desperation

searching for answers

you make a decision

plot a course

feeling divinely inspired

so sure this is it

the answer

then at the threshold

too late to turn back

you discover a pit

self-doubt, worry, fear

what if this isn't the answer?

what if, instead, this makes it worse

creates more knots

a bigger snowball

suffocation and loss, rather than freedom?

Those are the thoughts in my heart and head today.

Time to move on, step-by-step, tune them out as much as possible and pray this is the right direction.

These words from Thomas Merton will help...

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

 

 

Rambling on a Monday in May

Before I was fully awake this morning, I started the coffee brewing and switched on the television.

Up popped the devastation in Joplin, Missouri - that hospital with blown windows surrounded by mangled vehicles, toothpick trees and piles of rubbish ... the videos, the woman's voice praying "Help us, Jesus..."

After saying a prayer for all of those affected, I vowed never to complain about the weather here again.  

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 May is almost over and I'm feeling paranoid. 

The past two Mays have given me belated birthday presents that I wouldn't re-gift to my worst enemy.

For my 50th birthday, May gave me a case of shingles which came with an MRI because of the headaches that heralded its arrival and steroid drops for my eyes so I wouldn't go blind.

Last year I guess May felt it had to top the previous one. First, it gave me the worst urinary tract infection of my life. (It was actually only my second ever, but the first one, thirty years ago, was so bad I took every precaution to avoid another.)

I thought that was it (thank you so much!), but then just a week or so later my heart went crazy, pounding and racing so hard and fast that it woke me up. I thought it was going to fly out of my chest! Follow up tests concluded it was  SVT, or Supraventricular Tachycardia, basically an electrical short circuit in my heart that causes it to pound and race. 

I haven't had another episode, or any other health scares, but then, May isn't over yet, is it? I'm just hoping this "Welcome to your 50's" initiation phase is over.

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My book review for A Jane Austen Education went live on BlogHer this evening (along with several others, if you want more than one opinion!)

I've been thinking about the book again today, mostly thinking it's a shame Jane Austen isn't required reading for everyone. Some people learn the lessons about life on their own that William Deresiewicz, the author, learned from the books, but I know quite a few people who have never learned them, such as the one he learned from Pride and Prejudice: we aren't born perfect and there are some lessons we have to learn on our own in order to grow. We can't learn them from other people. We have to experience our own failure.

I know this was certainly true for me when I was young (and maybe it's still true!). I wish it hadn't been - I wish I'd had the sense to take the advice of those older and more experienced than I was. I hope I have a teeny bit of that sense myself now.

Which reminds me... I saw a blurb on the news today that some state is considering holding parents responsible when their child gets a bad grade. Huh? Maybe I heard it wrong, but if it's true, don't they realize they're just giving parents more reason to do their kids' work for them or encourage them to cheat or that we'd be keeping kids from learning life lessons they need later on? Don't they realize no one is born perfect and everyone has a different path to follow? A different time line?

Where are these people coming from?  Why do some people think their way is the only way? 

Oops. Sorry.

Anyway, click HERE to read my review on BlogHer... and go read some Jane Austen!

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 As far as Mondays go, this hasn't been a great one. Okay, it truly sucked in places (and I don't use that 's' word lightly.)

But I'm still keeping my eyes open for those Sweet! moments and keeping my feet moving forward, even though I don't know what's ahead of me.

These quotes help, so I'm going to add them here in case one of you needs a little 'faith reminder'. (I need them a lot - that's why I collect these quotes!)

"Suppose you plant a garden, and after a few days, you don't see results. Do you dig it up again? No, because you know that a lot of things are going on that you can't see. It's the same with God."

~ Charles Stanley, American Baptist preacher

"Patience with others is love, patience with self is hope, patience with God is faith." 

~ADEL BESTAVROS Egyptian deacon and lawyer

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

"God often closes a door before opening a new one. Between those doors, don't worry. Wait, worship and watch! It's a test of faith. Colossians 4:3"

- Rick Warren

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods."

~C.S. Lewis

 "Hope is wishing for something to come true. Faith is belief that it will come true. Believe that for every problem God gives you, He will also provide you with a solution."

Anyone know who said that? I love it!

But this is my favorite, and the one that truly keeps me going...

Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end.

~Author Unknown

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And for me, this is proof of that nugget of truth... the path might be tough, but if you keep going, you just might get fireworks in your honor! (The last of my graduation photos, I promise. Here, anyway. I'll post the rest on "Confessions".) 

 

There are days...

 

Were there no fools, there would be no wise ones.

~ German Proverb

 

There are days I'm grateful for the gray skies and gathering storm clouds because a blue sky would be a slap in the face, mocking the gray I feel inside.

There are days I feel I know everything, and days I realize I am a fool and know nothing at all.

There are days when I feel like a kaleidoscope of gem-colored shards, pieced together into ever-changing, yet beautiful, intricate patterns, and days I feel like a blur of indistinct, unformed images.

There are days the earth beneath my feet feels solid and I see the path I should follow, and days when the way before me is dark and the ground seems to crumble and shift with each step.

There are days I need to stay wrapped in this melancholy cloud and just think... days my soul needs to feel the falling rain.

There are days I wonder what the point of it all is, and days I realize I don't need to know.

There are days I know I need to keep walking as long as I'm able and hope I'm heading in the right direction.

I am a flower quickly fading... here today and gone tomorrow...

~Casting Crowns

Sweet! #2

Glancing up or back or out of a window just in time to see something that makes you forget what you're doing for a few moments and just sigh.

Passing our French doors yesterday morning, something on the edge of my vision caught my eye. I turned just as a Great Blue Heron glided past our house, following the line of the creek up the Hollow. I watched him until he disappeared beyond the trees.

Sweet!

He's not an uncommon sight around here, but seeing this huge bird flying silently never fails to amaze me and fill me with a sense of awe and wonder. He comes and goes suddenly and is gone just as fast, and I've given up trying to capture the moment in my camera - I'd rather just stand still and watch.

Have you experienced anything like this? What moments fill you with silent wonder?

Reflections on a Good Friday

I stepped out this morning to a world, well, not quite washed clean, but at least refreshed.

Sometime during the night or this morning, it rained, leaving this puddle full of reflection on the porch like a mysterious gift.

The rain settled the dust and I'm trying hard to do likewise with my thoughts that are eager to whirl away in every direction like so many dust devils.

I'm trying to keep a firm grip on them, trying to be full of focused, calm reflection myself today, like the gift of pooled raindrops outside.

Today is Good Friday, a day Christians around the world honor as the day Christ died on the cross for our sins. So why do we call it "good"? Several people posted the answer on Facebook, better than I could say it:

In the original language, 'good' meant 'holy'. It is good because on that day, Christ died for us while we were still sinners. Without His sacrifice we could not be reconciled to God! Remember Him today and give thanks for what He did for us.

On Good Friday and again on Easter Sunday, we're reminded of miracles and opposites, like an errant rain cloud in a drought-cursed sky showering blessings on your dusty soul when you least expect it. 

I've got a zillion errands to run today, so many things to try to take care of and I still won't even make a dent in my to-do lists, but I'm going to try to hang on to these reflections today as I head into the Easter weekend.

Peace to you!

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

– John 3:16 (King James Version)

 

Faith, Hope, Love (what would I do without my friends?)

 

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

~ Albert Schweitzer

My friend Jillsy sent this to me last week -  my prize for contributing the most bird photos to her Tweet Around the World blog hop. I was expecting a set of her beautiful cards (she creates greeting cards from her photographs) and that would have been wonderful, so this was a huge surprise, and of course, just what I needed.

All I could think was, how did she know? How did she know I needed this boost, this reminder, this encouragement? 

Some days I feel I'm going crazy, trying to do too much, chase too many dreams at once. I wonder if I should just give up and be practical, focus on making money now rather than pour my time and energy on a maybe later. But there's a clock ticking in my brain that I can't stop; it makes it tough to put those dreams off any longer. Yet I know we need money now, so I also take on projects and jobs that will pull in the green right away.

Jillsy says she has a placque just like it and she keeps it near her desk so she can look at it often, draw inspiration and strength from it, and keep going. She knows me well enough now to know I need it, too, I guess.

For now, mine is waiting to be hung on the wall in my future office, a constant reminder of her encouragement and support.

 

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Saturday afternoon I met a group of friends for a late lunch - they called it my birthday lunch, and that was fine. I'll use any excuse to get together with them.

But they got me a gift, and even though I should be upset with them for it, how can I? They pitched in together to get me this...

 

Yes, Photoshop Elements 9! Can you believe it? I still can't! When I opened the box, I'm sure my jaw dropped.

I bet I even drooled a little.

For their part, I think they realized I wasn't going to stop posting photos of them on my blog and Facebook, and they figured this was as much a gift for themselves as it was for me; I can whittle a few pounds here, smooth a few wrinkles there, snip the gray hair.

And I promise, girls, I will! Thank you, thank you, Darla, Rae, Leslie, Gwen, Debbie and Donna!

As if that wasn't enough, they also gave me these...

...a wine stopper and a cross magnet (do they know me or what?) and framed reminder of the love of my friends and the faith they have in me - the faith I need to have in myself.

 

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I've often used the "pebble in a pond" analogy when trying to illustrate consequences to my kids - every action we make creates ripples that affect other people. Good actions equal good ripples, bad actions equal bad ripples. 

I didn't state it as eloquently or elaborate on it as far as Baron Batch did in his beautiful essay on those ripples. My friend Berniece emailed it to me recently, along with this note: My father found this in the paper, then my sister mailed it to me. I will be having my students read it in class. Very inspiring, just like your writing. Love, Berniece 

After I read it, I was humbled by Berniece's words, because Batch's essay is so good. It was also just what I needed to read. Full of hope and encouragement to never give up.

What a wonderful ripple from Berniece.(Read Batch's essay HERE.)

 

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Okay, I started this post earlier in the week and planned to finish it up last night. 

But yesterday, mentally and inspirationally drained by a day's work, I opened my mailbox and found it stuffed and overflowing with more faith, hope and love.

First, this beautiful package from my friends Shari and Robert...

I hated to unwrap it, it was so beautiful!

But I did, and look what I found...

Shari knows I love vintage roses (I have a 'Rose' bathroom!) and also, see that bit of lace at the top? ... it's a remnant of a doily handmade by her grandmother - how much more inspiring can that be, to have her give me a bit of her own grandmother's love?

But that's just Shari and Robert. I'm lucky.

 

****************************************************

 

A large box took up most of the mailbox. Inside I found another beautifully wrapped package...

...a gift from my creative, artistic friend Annie K.

She knows what I love, too - this is a hand-decorated journal, full of blank pages waiting for my thoughts, and sweet, encouraging reminders on the outside... 

Thank you, Annie!

 

************************************************

 

This morning I sat at the computer to really and truly finish this post ... but, ever the procrastinator, decided to first glance at my emails.

One from Jillsy caught my eye right away: "OMG!!!!!!!!!" was the subject. Inside, in all caps, she let me know Pioneer Woman had chosen my photo, one of my brother Donnie, for Group 3 of her Brothers Photo Assignment. It's one of a series I took of him for a blog post just as he pulled up to our house on his Harley, after an adventure to Montana last year.

Having it selected was sweet, but what made it sweeter were these words from Jillsy: "I'M OVERJOYED!" She's the one who introduced me to Flickr, Pioneer Woman Photography, and so much more.

(So many ripples she has sent my way.)

When I added the photo, I really had no hope of it being selected. 

Well, I guess I had a little hope, sprinkled with teensy seeds of faith in miracles.

This is proof that dreams can come true. Maybe it's a little dream, but they count, too - they're what keep you moving to the big ones.

 

 

So I'll keep dreamin' ... thanks to my friends.

And I'll try to do a better job sending out ripples of encouragement, faith, love and hope.

You keep dreamin' too! 

Take it from me - they just might come true!

(I added this post to focus52 - this week's theme is 'Hope'. Click HERE to see the other contributions.)

 

Life and Death - a Cycle of Celebration

Tiny almond-shaped eyes - chocolate drops full of innocence, ignorant of the violence that brought us all together - peered at me over her mother's shoulder.

She wore a yellow romper and sky blue bonnet, such a contrast to the black and white donned by the rest of us who formed a circle of love and support to a grieving mother, father, sister, brothers...

Black and white. Bad and good. Death and life. Sadness, happiness. 

Yellow and blue, colors of springtime, of rebirth, echoed in the sprays of flowers edging the site, and the flowers plucked from the stands and tossed onto the casket.

We had seen a short blurb on the Sunday evening news about the stabbing that left two dead over the weekend in Austin. A gathering of friends to remember the third-year anniversary of the death of one man's mother, an argument, a drawn knife, two dead, several wounded. So tragic, so sad, but soon forgotten in the rush of our lives.

It was several days before Tom learned via email that one of the victims was the little brother of a friend, a former co-worker at a small engineering company, where the employees became like family and stayed in touch over the years.

She was the big sister of six little brothers, a surrogate mom as the family followed her to the Austin area. Tue was the youngest, still her baby brother at 28.

His funeral Saturday morning was one of the most beautiful I've ever witnessed - a full Catholic Mass, all in Vietnamese. Thanks to the unity and consistency of the Catholic Mass tradition, we could still follow along, understanding with our hearts if not our ears.

We filed to Communion along either side of his casket, and it struck me how appropriate it was, a reminder of the life after death we all profess to believe, a reminder of the communion of saints.

After the service, we joined in the procession to the cemetery, where I spotted Miss Innocence dressed in Springtime. I also noticed a young boy, probably about 4 or 5, and I knew Tue's sister, mother, father and other friends and family who watched him grow must be remembering him at that age, when the thought that he could be taken from them by such senseless violence years later was unfathomable.

Nothing is lost by peace; everything may be lost by war. ~ Pius Xll

They probably already knew the truth of this statement better than most, those who escaped war-torn Vietnam in hopes of a peaceful life for their family.

I couldn't understand the words spoken at the grave site, but I understood the gestures, the faces contorted in sorrow, the wails of his mother that touched my mother's heart and brought tears to my eyes for her pain and loss. Tue was just a few years older than my oldest son.

One brother hobbled on crutches, injured while trying to break up the fight to protect his little brother. Tue was also about the same age my brother Buster was when he became a victim of a violent act, only his was a gunshot. Buster didn't die right away; he spent several years as a quadriplegic before we lost him.

I still feel that loss, and my sister's heart wept for Tue's sister and brothers. 

After the service, we joined Tue's friends and family at a luncheon. The need to join with others, remember, laugh, celebrate transcends religions and cultures. We spoke to Tue's family and friends, including one who was there that night ... the night two of his friends were killed. 

Please keep them all in your prayers.

Tom dropped me off later at a restaurant just a few miles down the highway for a birthday lunch with dear friends. Despite being stuffed from delicious eggrolls, crab soup and shrimp salad, I savored the meal I shared with them and our Mexican Martini toast.

After a morning of such forceful reminders of life's fragility and uncertainty, their faces and the sound of their laughter felt more precious to me than ever.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

~ a headstone in Ireland

 

 

Fall into Me

This morning I planted prayer requests in my virtual world; within moments, sweet thoughts and assurance of prayer blossomed before my eyes.

I believe prayer is powerful, and I believe the prayer and good wishes that joined my own today get a lot of the credit for my sister's surgery being so successful. Full recovery is still far down the road before her, and she'll be moving pretty slow in her walker for several months to get there, so I'm asking you to please continue to pray, send good thoughts, and whatever else you can think of to help her along this next phase of the journey.

Almost every day on the news, you can find a story about how people don't know how to really connect to one another anymore, not in a personal way, because we're too busy texting or emailing or chatting on Facebook or posting on blogs...

Well, obviously, I disagree. I feel more connected to my friends, family and the world in general than ever. Many of the responses today came from people I only know in the virtual world. So what if I've never met you in person? It doesn't make our connection any less real or sincere. It's that something inside of us that matters.

 "You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." ~ C.S. Lewis

One friend I've met through our shared love of photography, Debbie, sent me an email assuring me she would keep all of my requests in her prayers. She also included a link to a video, a song by Sugarland that I wasn't familiar with ... a beautiful song of reassurance and hope, a reminder to everyone on my prayer list that they aren't alone in their struggle, that someone's there to help them through and hold them up.

When I hear it, I think of Christ, but it could also relate to a best friend, a parent, or even the person behind a name on Facebook, FlickR or a blog.

Thank you, Debbie!

I'm including it below in case you want to hear it, too. This is a quick, sloppy post, but I wanted to say thank you for all of your prayers and good wishes. They truly made a difference today as I waited, watching the clock, knowing Brenda was on the operating table, wondering how she was doing. And they helped as I mourned a man I still think of as a boy, and the brother he left behind. And because I believe in prayer, I know they will help lift the fog of depression from my friend's heart. 

 

Praying

Prayer weaves its way throughout my being, throughout my day ... a strong fiber holding the pieces together, supporting me, lifting me ... a light breaking the darkness, revealing blessings, allowing hope.

Today, and for the next several days, weeks, months, I'm asking for your prayer to join mine... 

• About the time most of us are eating lunch today, my sister Brenda will be in surgery for a fractured hip. She's not sure how long it's been fractured - she's been in pain for awhile, trying not to go to the doctor until her Medicare kicked in (why is there a gap between approval and coverage?) Yesterday the pain finally became too great to put off any longer.
  • Please pray for the surgeon, for quick healing, for patience (she's facing two months of immobilization!), for my parents (she'll be staying with them) and for Medicare to declare this an emergency, bump up the start date, and cover the cost of surgery. Apparently they do that sometimes. I hope this is one of those times.
• Someone near to my heart is struggling, trying to find answers and relief to bouts of depression. Please lift them up ... pray that they are able to fight and escape the dark fog that envelopes their heart and mind right now. Help them focus on the bright areas and feel the love surrounding them.
• Another person near to my heart is dying. Although I haven't seen him in years, in another, younger life of mine, his family became my second one - I consider him my little brother. Please keep him in your prayers as he faces this next journey. Also please pray for strength and peace for his older brother - he'll be losing the last surviving member of his immediate family. 
  • Just received word that he passed this morning. Please pray for the repose of his soul, and for his brother and friends.

Thank you.

 

 Unceasing prayer means to have the mind always turned to God with great love,

holding alive our hope in God,

having confidence in God whatever we're doing and whatever happens to us.

~ St. Maximus the Confessor

************************************************

I am bringing my mustard seed of faith to prayer

just by showing up,

no matter how reluctant, ill prepared, or distracted I am in the moment.

~ Alice Camille

By Rizzy

TG and I spent a morning together last week running errands. (It's kind of weird how even errands can be fun now, if my kids are with me. It sure didn't feel that way very often when they were small... )

We took time for a quick lunch, then had one more stop to make near campus before I dropped her off and headed back home.

A man sat outside the door of the store, handing out slips of paper. I took the one he offered me, said thank you, and flashed a perfunctory smile. Colorful characters like that are common in the area, dotting the sidewalks and streets, and it's not unusual for them to be passing out flyers or tracts, promoting concerts, products or ideologies.  

Believing it held nothing to interest me, I tucked the paper in my purse without a single glance; my mind was on my daughter and the afternoon ahead of me, and I forgot about it.

As we left the store, the man offered another slip of paper. No thanks, we already have one, I told him, with another one of those polite "thanks, but I'm not interested" smiles.

That night, digging through my purse, I came across the paper and read these words.

HIGHER

Eagle flies

Open skies

Pale moonlight

Taking flight

Overseas

Feel the breeze

Colors fade

Life is made

Spread my wings

Spirit sings

Love has come

Nothing undone

All is seen

Love's wind I lean

Take me higher

Burdens lighter

Above the clouds

Your love shrouds

In Your peace

Is sweet release

Your child takes flight

In Truth is light

Your beauty gleams

Give me strength to fulfill my dreams.

 

Ah, man. This is what he was passing out? I had carried this treasure around with me all day without even looking at it, and I had passed up the chance for more, or to ask the zillion questions now popping up in my mind, like "are you Rizzy?", or to even say thank you and really mean it?

The poem is full of inspiration for me, just the kinds of words I need right now ... so I'll go ahead and say it, late as it is ...

Thank you, Rizzy. 

 

 

 

 

Drops of Light in the Darkness

Wildflowers are waking up, dotting the caliche roadside. Mostly yellow for now, although Tom said he spotted some small blue ones. (He cheats - he has bifocals and can wear his glasses all the time.)

So yesterday morning I switched camera lenses and turned my attention from the treetops, where I'd been searching for birds, hoping for at least one sharp, close-up portrait, to the ground, searching instead for those splashes of color. Flowers are model subjects, remaining perfectly posed, unless the wind feels mischievous, unlike those birds who taunt me with their song, but refuse to show themselves, or fly at the first lift of my lens in their direction. 

To my surprise, I found quite a few baby blooms of different types yawning and stretching out their petals that I swear weren't there just a few days ago. It's as if an alarm clock rang, and they all arose at once.

And that's why I chose this one for my Friday Favorite... a drop of light against the lingering grays and browns of winter.

I'm dedicating it to the people of Japan, who are suffering the effects of this morning's earthquake and tsunami and mourning loved ones, as a reminder of the light that can conquer darkness, that can survive the cold clutches of winter. I pray for the souls of the deceased and for peace in the hearts of the survivors. I pray they find light in this darkness. 

"When tough things happen, God is not an accomplice; He’s a companion."

~ Gregory Boyle 

Ashes to ashes...

...dust to dust. Tonight I'll be reminded of my mortality ... of the swiftness of life ... of my transgressions.

No need to remind me of my mortality. Lately, I'll be going about my business and then suddenly I have this impression, or perhaps you could even call it a vision, of my life in relation to the past and the future, and I see so clearly that it's just a blink of eternity's eye. If even that.

I think of all who have gone before me, and those who will come after.

I wonder about my life, if it's made any kind of difference in this world at all. I see that all this stuff we've accumulated and worried about really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

And I do all of that reflecting in one breath, one heartbeat.

In the next, I vow (once again) to make each moment I'm given matter. To not take a single one for granted. I figure that way, I might fall short of the goal, but I'll be closer than if I didn't shoot big.

I'm keeping my stuff, though. Or at least most of it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't think so much.

A reminder of my transgressions ... now, that's probably necessary, and more often than once a year. It ties in with my vow of making each moment matter, of trying to make a difference in this world.

I came across this quote today and I think it's appropriate for the Lenten season. Well, anytime, but now is a good time to start. And of course, I believe it applies to everyone, not just Christians, don't you? Where it says "Christian", just insert "Peaceful"...

If we truly wish to be Christians,

we must love peace,

we must make our own the cause of peace,

we must meditate on the real meaning of peace,

we must conform our minds to the thought of peace.

~Pope Paul VI
Italian pontiff, 20th century

Peace be with you.

 

My Whole Silence is Full of Prayer

Thomas Merton said that, not me. But I like it.

I spend my day in silence. In prayer.

In the mornings, it's just me, the dogs and my thoughts. Most of the day I'm on my own in a little office with very little co-worker conversation. At night, Tom sighs and leaves me to the computer.

So I spend a lot of my time in prayer.

Today it started out joyful - how could it be otherwise? I'm blessed to be able to spend a bit of almost every day walking along a country road at sunrise with two goofy dogs whose joy is palpable and contagious. They run, roll in the dirt, sniff, play... and sometimes just stop and gaze in joyful wonder at the world.

It's enough to make you think anything is possible, especially when the birds begin to sing, relishing these warm mornings.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. 

Emily Dickinson

But you know how it is - as the sun rises, reality sets in. The reality that bad things, sad things, can happen in the world. 

Sometimes sad things happen all at once. Last week, about the time I heard of my friend Carl's death, I also got word that a friend of mine had been the victim in a home invasion. Here is the offical news report...

On 02/05/2011 at approximately 9:00pm, three Hispanic males dressed in reflective work vests and hard hats committed a home invasion in the 1400 block of North Park Ridge, Deer Park. The suspects knocked on the victim’s door posing as employees from a local cable company. The suspects told our victim that they had information he had been stealing cable service and requested that he meet them in the backyard of the residence to inspect his cable box. The victim met the suspects in his backyard where he was attacked by the suspects. The suspects bound the victim’s hands and feet, and took him back into the residence. The suspects then ransacked the residence, stealing only a handgun. After the suspects left the residence, the victim was able to remove the bounds around his legs and contact a neighbor who phoned the authorities. The police department has been unable to identify the suspects as of this release date. The case is under active investigation.

My friend was watching his young granddaughter at the time, and she witnessed the attack. Of course, she was traumatized.

I've had messages from my friend this week, and although he spent a few days in intensive care, he's back home and says he's doing okay and his granddaughter is much better. But please keep them in your prayers for continued healing, and also that the creeps who assaulted him are found and convicted so they can't do this to anyone else.

While you're praying, please keep the teenage son of a friend in your prayers: I received word today that he's in intensive care. I don't feel free to offer any other details... just please pray for him.

Driving home this evening, with these things weighing on my mind and heart, I spotted this:

 

 

Right away, I felt better. 

Have courage for the great sorrows of life,
and patience for the small ones.
When you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks,
go to sleep in peace
for God is awake.

~ Victor Hugo

Feeling blue? Just have a little faith...

Do you know anything about Blue Monday?

Supposedly the third Monday of January is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I read a little blurb about it today - this is the third Monday of January, by the way - and I don't know if it was the power of suggestion, or just because it was Monday, or what exactly caused it, but I did feel a little blue today, despite the welcomed sunshine and blue-colored skies outside.

I really had no reason to feel blue, and it wasn't a deep shade by any means... "partly cloudy" is perhaps the best way to describe it.

And then this song came on the radio that, like a strong wind, blew those clouds away, lifting the blue right off my shoulders and out of my head.

I had always heard this as a love song... you know, a man-to-woman romantic love song... but today I heard it as a different kind of love song. I had never imagined God looking or sounding anything like John Hiatt, but when I listened to the words of this song (I included them down below), it was easy to believe God, as a loving father, was singing to me, reassuring me...

"Just have a little faith in me..."

(I hope your Monday was far from Blue - except for blue skies, that is.)

 

("Have a Little Faith in Me" Lyrics by John Hiatt)

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me 

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me 

And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darling, from a whisper start
And have a little faith in me
And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch you, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me 

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me 

'Cause I've been loving you, for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
'Cause for us, there is no end
And all you gotta do, is have a little faith in me
I will hold you up, I will hold you up
And your love, gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me
Hey hey
All you gotta do for me girl
Is have a little faith in me 

(Lyrics from STLyrics)

Learning to Soar

On a recent walk through the Hollow, Tom spotted four ducks paddling around on our neighbor's pond in the distance, just minding their own business.

I wondered if it was the Mallard couple who used to visit every year, stopping by with their all-grown-up babies.

Probably not. Maybe. It didn't matter - I just knew I hadn't seen any ducks in the Hollow in several years, so I hurriedly pointed my camera in their direction.

I barely had time to snap one photo before they spotted us spotting them and took flight ... in search of some privacy, no doubt. So I just kept clicking- no time for adjustments to my camera settings or anything - fingers crossed the photos would be half decent.

They were just half decent. But that was enough to capture the moment and memory.  

The duck sighting - watching them lift away from the pond, turn, and soar effortlessly away - reminded me of a recurring childhood dream of mine:

In it, I run, run, run, then jump! ... and instantly I'm soaring, arms and legs still pumping, helping me climb higher and higher above the vacant lot, until I'm high above the trees and houses. I relax, arms outstretched, just gliding through the air, with an occasional kick against the pull of gravity. The wind caresses my face, my hair... 

Did you ever have a similar dream? Mine felt so real - I haven't had that dream since childhood, but even now I can put myself there, feel the freedom of springing from the earth, into the sky. Like swimming, but better. 

Much better.

 

 “God has given you a spirit with wings on which to soar into the spacious firmament of Love and Freedom. Is it not pitiful than that you cut your wings with your own hands and suffer your soul to crawl like an insect upon the earth?” Khalil Gibran

My friend George and I planned to sky dive together after high school graduation. I longed for the exhilaration, the freedom, that feeling of soaring through the air that I had experienced in my dream.

But that's the closest to the dream I ever came... thinking about sky diving.

George and I graduated, lost touch, our pact buried in a cluttered drawer of my mind. 

Two or three years later, during a rescue training session at work one night, I stepped to the edge of open double doors high above the ground and slipped into a harness, eager for my turn on the zip line stretching to the ground. I leaned forward, farther and farther, until my body was almost parallel with the ground, but still, there was no zip. 

I turned and looked at my feet, still firmly planted on the ledge of the doorway, refusing to budge. I tried to will them to let go. No luck. They had a mind of their own.

They were afraid.

I don't remember what happened next - probably one of the guys shoved me loose; I vaguely remember zipping without incident down to the ground.

But I realized at that moment I wouldn't be jumping out of an airplane. Ever. I took that pact out of the drawer in my mind and burned it.  

Fear had tainted my dream of soaring through the sky. Clipped my wings.

 

Fast forward thirty years or so. George and I reconnect. And guess what? He jumps out of an airplane in honor of his 50th birthday. He sends me photos of himself, soaring through the air.

He tries to persuade me to go. 

No way, I say automatically. 

Then Barry sends me photos. And Gina. What is it with everyone jumping out of airplanes?

And I remember the dream, remember my 10-year-old self soaring, swimming through the air above the neighborhood vacant lot. What a glorious feeling of freedom.

And I think, maybe. Maybe I can now. Maybe I will jump out of an airplane and finally feel that rush.

Is it possible for wings to grow back? 

I think of other things in my life I had feared ... other ways I had found to soar: returning to college, reading my words out loud to a class, submitting my essays for publication, moving to a different city, beginning a blog, cage dancing (yes, really!), running 3 miles despite my asthma...

And many more, now that I think about it. With a running start and a jump, I had done them all, leaving my fears on the ground behind me.

Heck, just a few weeks ago, I shushed my fears and played the drums in public! (Thanks for the photo, KV!)

Now that was scary. But such a free, soaring feeling...

Maybe I will try skydiving after all, and soar through the sky like in that old dream of mine.

Maybe.

(This is my contribution to Jillsy's One Word Wednesday - have you guessed the word? Soar! Click here to see Jillsy's beautiful photograph and the other great entries. And feel free to add your own!)

 

 

 

 

Gray Days and Peace

A gray day spent dealing with frustrations over computer glitches, rude people, and staff who are so quick to deny responsibility for a problem that they fail to listen or offer productive advice (their job - what my money is paying them to do.)

A day I dreaded, because I anticipated all of these problems and I have a bad temper, sometimes volcanic, one that can crumble into tears and that's especially triggered by rude people who don't do their jobs, by bullies, and by people who abuse their position or power.  

I didn't want to lose my temper today, although I think anger has its place, if it's justified and channeled into peaceful, productive action or awareness.

Which mine often isn't.

Peace. I want to be at peace...think peaceful, loving thoughts. I want to focus on my blessings.

Rude, uncaring people ruffle my peace and too often blind me to my blessings.

But that's my challenge. Something I have to learn to deal with and not allow, for the sake of my own spirit. I've gone the tit for tat route before; it doesn't make me happy, that's for sure, and never fixes a problem. Usually, it makes it worse.

“Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

I spotted this on Facebook (thanks, Ellen!)... posted, I'm sure, in light of the tragic shootings in Tucson.

I've witnessed a lot of finger-pointing over the shootings.  It's true, many politicians and political commentators - red, blue and all colors in between - use incendiary rhetoric, toss off half-true accusations and insults and call each other names ... then off-camera they pat each other on the back, smile, shake hands. To them, it's just part of the job. A game, perhaps. A carry-over from their high school debate team days. They don't understand how their words are often seeds planting hatred and mistrust in frustrated people. 

I hope the shooting leads to an awareness of the problem, to verbal responsibility and a call for kindness among our lawmakers and media.

But remember "When you point a finger in blame at someone else, you have three more pointing back at yourself!"

If any of us nonpolitical types spouts off at someone else, calls someone an insulting name, forgets to put ourselves in their shoes or try to see an issue from any angle but our own, if we repeat the inflammatory stories (especially without checking the facts first) then I think we're also guilty of contributing to the dark energy that feeds people like Jared Loughner.

I promised myself that today I would remain calm. I prayed to be filled with love and understanding, with eyes open to my blessings, even as I was faced with a cold, gray day and potentially temper-triggering frustrations.

It was the least I could do for the victims of the shootings.

And it worked...for the most part.

I'm going to try it again tomorrow. What about you?

Remember this? Click on the image for a reminder.

 

 

2011, so far...

Whew.

Is it just me, or is this year already going by too fast? 

The tree is down, bills are paid, my desk is clean, but Christmas ornaments are scattered around the livingroom, dirty dishes fill the sink, laundry is waiting to be folded, my email inbox is inundated, and I haven't blogged in two days.

But taped to my desk in front of me is this quote:

If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done." (John Lubbock)

I think when my alarm goes off at 5 am, I'll immediately wish I'd gone to bed sooner. So this is going to be a quick update.

A friend once told me that whatever you do on New Year's Day, that's what you'll be doing the rest of the year. I hope that's not true because I never found time to write (blog, book, or otherwise) or play my drums yesterday or today. I took a few photos, but didn't even look at them until tonight - I've barely been on the computer.

On the other hand, I spent time with all three kids this weekend, took a wonderful, long walk along the creek (a great blue heron soared directly above me), besides ushering in the new year with dear friends. I spent a leisurely morning yesterday making veggie omelettes and a leisurely afternoon (into evening) at our neighbor's dinner party. Later, instead of just slouching on the couch with a glass of wine (not that I ever do that, Mama), I ran almost 3 miles on the treadmill while watching an interesting movie with Daniel and Tom. (If you like martial arts and WW2 history, and don't mind subtitles, I recommend Ip Man, a loose biography on the man who trained Bruce Lee.)

We celebrated the Epiphany this morning at Mass, where the priest encouraged us to pay attention and pursue inspired thoughts or ideas or 'goals' that came to us, using as an example the Magi who followed through on their inspiration to find the new King. I like to think all of these driven desires inside of me are divinely inspired!

The rest of this day I spent with TG, hitting one sales rack after another until my feet were sore and my back ached.

I'm tired. But it's a wonderful tired.

More later...

Happy New Year!

 

 

No Red Moonbeams for Me ... A Long Hollow Update

"It's starting to feel more like Christmas to me. The temps are staying low, there's the smell of wood smoke in the air, my tree is up and decorated, cards are trickling in, and TG is home."

I wrote this several days ago - just one of many posts that wither on the vine because I run out of time to finish them before they're outdated. Those low temps are a mere memory for me now ... today might have been the first day of the winter solstice, but it felt like shorts and flip-flop season here again.

Even so, I do feel Christmas with all of the twinkling lights, the Merry Christmas wishes everywhere, get-togethers with friends, and the anticipation of having all of my kids back in the nest in just a few days...

And though it's not much, I've gathered a few gifts for others - just thinking of giving helps bring on the Christmas spirit, doesn't it? 

I think it's the power of the Christmas spirit that has kept me from caring too much about my camera lens or worrying about replacing it or being too upset about all the cloud cover that kept me from witnessing red moonbeams last night during the lunar eclipse.

I captured a few okay photos of the moon, some before the eclipse started and a half dozen during the partial, but during the total eclipse, the paparazzi clouds crowded around so close I couldn't even get a glimpse! I'll post the ones I snapped on Confessions later - and I'll resist tinting them. (Well, I might play with one or two, but I'll 'fess up about it.)

Meanwhile, here's a quick Long Hollow update:

....We're officially in a drought again - the bill has arrived for all of those beautiful, sunny days we've been blessed with the last few weeks, I guess. It's hard to believe just a few months ago the creek and ponds were flooding, and now they're drying up by feet a day.

In the mornings on the back deck, I can still hear the little waterfall, but it's barely a dribble now and will soon be gone. There's no promise of any significant rain for months.

....Rocks have appeared on the side of the damn dam - not just piles of rocks, but orderly rocks, reminding me of the old stone bridges in Virginia. If the stonework is continued all down the side, it wouldn't be such a sore sight. Still not as beautiful as the pond we had before, but not quite the scar we've had on the edge of our property, either.

....There are still a few small flowers blooming along the road...or at least there were a couple of weeks ago when I took these. I've been walking in the dark lately!

....The bad news is, these vicious burs are also growing, in the field where Belle and Max like to chase mice. We pulled dozens and dozens out of Max's fur a few weeks ago - like velcro on velcro!

....We're heading into Cedar Fever and Major Allergy Attack Season here in Austin. Juniper berries are ripe, waiting for the pollen explosions that look like a tree has caught on fire - poof! These warm temperatures just feather that love nest along.

My challenge this year is to capture one of those explosions on my camera. Tough to do! You never know which one is about to blow! And part of the challenge will be keeping my camera focused while I'm sneezing!

....The rest of this week I'm just focused on Christmas, though - on the simplicity of love and of giving, exemplified by the birth of Jesus so many years ago. I'm going to send cards out to those who I know look forward to them (and will forgive me if they arrive a day or two after Christmas Day), wrap up a few gifts that I hope will bring smiles to faces I love, and tomorrow I get to visit Hope House again, witnessing and recording the youth of our church bringing smiles to the faces of others - of strangers - with pizza, gifts, a few off-key carols, but mostly with the proof that someone cares.

I hope you have a beautiful Christmas week, simple and full of love.