Long Hollow

Under Attack

It seemed like a good idea at the time, getting off the main road and taking the path along the creek for a bit on my morning walk.

The problem is that path is little more than a deer trail in many places, making it necessary to duck and zigzag around mountain cedar branches. 

Well, normally that by itself isn't a problem, but at this time of year, and right now in epic proportions, the branches of the male ashe juniper (aka cedar tree) is bursting with these little cones full of cedar pollen. It's not unusual to see a huge puff of smoke billow from a tree at the slightest touch of a breeze... not actually fire smoke, but a cloud of pollen. 

It didn't even occur to me that when you walk through them and knock them out of your way, the pollen clings to you as if you were an oversized bumble bee.

Consequently, a few hours later when my allergy meds had worn off, the pollen hitching a ride on me went into full attack mode on my nose, throat and eyes.

But in the height of my sneezing and clawing of itchy eyes, I was grateful for one thing. Well, one thing besides my stockpile of antihistamines and nose sprays and eye drops...

 

...that during my walk, when the thought occurred to me that if knocked one of the branches hard with a stick, I might finally be able to capture one of those billowing pollen clouds in my camera, right up close, I immediately tossed that thought away, realizing the suicidal potential of such a stunt.

I'm relieved to know that, even for me, a photograph isn't worth "Death by Stupidity and Pollen".

(For more about the mountain cedars, click HERE and HERE.)

Ben's Story... When the Fantasy Ends and Heaven Begins

Ben Breedlove, an Austin teenager, died Christmas night. 

I didn't know him personally; in fact, I had never heard of him until this week. 

But after watching the videos below, I know I won't forget him or his sweet smile.

Ben had a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy; according to his videos, he had cheated death three times. The first time, when he was 4, he says he saw a bright light and felt a peace he never forgot. The second time...

...well, Ben tells it much better than I can. I urge you to watch these - the total time is less than 8 minutes, but if you're like me, it will be 8 minutes you'll carry with you the rest of your life, whether you remember the name Ben Breedlove or not.

(You can read Ben's obituary HERE.)

Steve Jobs: Live Before You Die

I rarely watch videos (who has time?) but made an exception for this one.

By the end of it, I was in tears.

His words spoke straight to me as much as to those kids just stepping into their lives.

I'm starting my day with a renewed vow not to waste another minute.

Thanks, Steve, for your vision, your drive, your creativity, your courage and for your inspiring words.  

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

~Steve Jobs

 

 

                 

Thinking of Peace and Sweet!ness

I have an unexpected day off tomorrow. I'm getting dizzy trying to decide what to do with it! Do I focus on "getting stuff done" or just relax and have fun? I imagine it will fall somewhere in between. I think I'll just start somewhere and see where it leads me. Who knows what I'll get done?

Whatever I decide to do, in the back of my mind I'll be remembering the events of the day ten years ago and giving thanks that those who wanted to destroy our country haven't succeeded.

The candle I light at Mass tomorrow morning will be for our country...

...for the victims of 9/11.

...for our soldiers and leaders.

...for those who hate our country.

...for peace. 

 Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience.

~ Thomas Merton

 

And now for some of the Sweet! moments of my week: 

Sunday: learning part of the San Antonio Spurs Cheerleader audition dance; sitting in a hot tub beneath a sky full of stars and a 3/4 moon; almost winning at beer pong; spending time with 2/3 of your kids

Monday: mimosas and breakfast tacos; rope swings and cold rivers; a swingset built sturdy enough for grownup-size kids; high temperatures in the low 90s; no wildfires near your house

Tuesday: coolness of a new autumn morning; no dogs in the laundry room; still no wildfires near your house

Wednesday: reading in a hammock; spotting the doves you feared were the victims of dove season (see above); sneaking photos of birds visiting the birdfeeder; glorious blue skies

Thursday: mornings cool enough to sip coffee and read on the front porch; sneaking more photos of mountain jays and doves; meeting a book review deadline; eating Chinese food and watching "The Help" with friends you don't see often enough 

Friday: leftover Chinese food; a long-overdue phone visit with your sister; sitting on the front porch in the evening, listening to music with your husband and son

Saturday: an early morning walk with your husband and puppies; catching live footage of Lynyrd Skynyrd singing "Free Bird" on Cool TV; assurance that friends who live near current wildfires haven't been affected by the fires; an Andy Garcia movie from '95

I wish you Peace and a week full of Sweet!s!

"You comin', Mom?"

Summer Sweet and Summer Sour

Monday morning I knew autumn had arrived, riding the tail of a brisk breeze from the north that dropped temperatures nearly twenty degrees. Robe wrapped tight and relishing the chill, I sipped coffee in my pajamas rocking on the deck of a log cabin nestled in the woods above a dry creek bed.

We were at a rental lake house, guests of my oldest son's girlfriend's dad, along with his mom, his girls, their friends, my boys and Tommy's friend Ryan. It was just the change of scenery I needed after being on my feet eleven hours on Saturday and six on Sunday: fajitas, wine, a hot tub, my first game of beer pong... (Tom and I lost, of course. How could we compete against college kids?)

One of the college girls is a San Antonio Spurs Cheerleader; it took awhile but we finally convinced her to teach us part of the audition dance. ("Us" included my boys. I was one proud mom! That took guts - and resulted in lots of laughs!)

We kept one eye on the television, though. Unfortunately, the dry, brisk breeze that brought such beautiful weather also helped stir up and spread wildfires all over Central Texas Sunday afternoon.

I worried about my puppies, but my neighbors promised to let us know if the Hollow was threatened with fire danger, so before heading home we all drove to a beautiful picnic area on the banks of the Colorado River.

A rope swing beckoned. It took awhile to get up my nerve (and Tom had to mention "Bucket List") but I finally took my turn, swinging out over the river and splashing down into its cool depths.

Ah, such summer sweetness! 

It was truly a glorious day with blue skies and perfect temperatures, but driving home, seeing the towers of smoke from wildfires to our south and east, we prayed for rain instead. 

 A few hours later, I noticed the blue sky over the Hollow had turned a hazy gray. I stepped outside and the smell of smoke hit my nose. I envisioned a wall of fire just over the next hill, racing toward us. 

With a blue sky above you, it's easy to feel detached from the danger even while you pray for those affected and  worry about it coming close to you. When smoke fills the sky and your nose, detached uneasiness can flare into full-fledged panic. At least that's the way it affected me.

I searched the sky in all directions, but thank goodness no distinct columns of smoke, black or white, rose above our surrounding hills. That helped douse the panic, but I had to make sure nothing was sneaking up on us, so I grabbed my keys and drove to a nearby hill where I had a 360 view. That hazy gray smoke wafted toward us from across the lake, obscuring the horizon and washing out the blue sky, but no fires burned near us. 

Yesterday, the winds were calm. The sky above us stayed blue. I kept an eye on the horizon but no smoke drifted our way, although I knew the fires are still burning around us, both old and new. But the potential remained. I knew it could be us just as easily as it has been Bastrop, Spicewood, Steiner Ranch, Pflugerville, Leander... and what would I do if fire turned our way? 

Lists ground me, making me feel I have some control, even if it's an illusion, so I made an "Evacuation List", a reminder to me of things I need to grab if fire chases us out of our home.   

The puppies, my purse, plus some items I can fit in a backpack:  my external hard drive, my phone and charger, my camera and charger, a list of accounts and passwords, our medicine, a bottle of water...

No extra clothes or toiletries... they're replaceable. No books, family mementoes, heirloom quilts, wedding photos... I'd hate to leave them behind, potentially lose them, but they aren't crucial. 

So tell me, what's on your Evacuation List? 

Please join me in praying for the evacuees, for the firefighters and especially, for rain. Fires are also popping up near Houston. Over 3.6 million acres of Texas have burned since December - reportedly the size of Connecticut if you lump them all together.

If you would like to help the victims and firefighters, click HERE for the Central Texas Red Cross website and HERE for a list of other organizations and locations to drop donations.

Just counting a few of my blessings... (my Friday Favorite Photos)

 

1. Rain on my windshield! Before heading to Houston yesterday, I swung downtown to drop some things off for TG on campus, and I heard an unusual sound... raindrops on my car! And then it actually rained on me all the way to Smithville or LaGrange. It wasn't enough to wash the dust from my car, but I'm grateful even for this small amount. Tom says a little even fell at our house, hallelujah! At least we know it remembers where we live!

2. My parents back at home; specifically, Daddy out of the hospital. Nothing more to add. That's enough!

3. Being able to catch a photo of my great-niece Haila smiling. I love this one of her and her daddy, Evan, my brother's son. They were in Houston visiting from Wyoming and I'm so glad I was able to run down to see them. I've been told Haila never fusses, but just before I arrived, she woke from a bad dream and cried and cried a good part of the time I was there. When she wasn't crying, she was on the move. This is a miracle capture!

4. My sister Brenda can walk without her cane! Just a few steps and she keeps it handy, but still, that's a major accomplishment and a beautiful sight to see. I haven't seen her since her hip surgery 5 months ago - how can that be possible? To say she looks much better would be an understatement!

I returned this evening from a quick trip to my hometown to attend my friend's husband's funeral. As you can see from these photos, I packed a lot into 24 hours... long overdue visits with my parents and siblings plus hugs (and tears) with my lifetime friends at the viewing and funeral.

I wish I'd had more time, but I'm just grateful I was able to sneak down there at all. I have to work tomorrow.

I'm hoping to fit another trip in soon for a second interview with my parents and to gather with the other Deer Park Divas around our friend. She's doing great now, but we all know the next few months are going to be tough.

This next week I'm focusing on getting organized - I have no deadlines to make me crazy although another book is in the mail for the next BlogHer Book Club review. I'm looking forward to it, though. These book reviews have kept me reading all summer.

The last one I read was Faithful Place, by Tana French - a wonderful love story/murder mystery with the kind of writing that makes me want to go revise everything I've ever written! You can read the full review HERE on BlogHer.

I have several friends and quite a bit of family over there on the East Coast and even though I've been on the road, I know there's a hurricane headed their way, so I'll be praying it's a dud like the one aimed at us a few weeks ago! And if not quite a dud, that its damage is minimal. Stay safe, all of you!

 

 

 

Phone Calls, Heartbeats, Hugs

A call that wakes you in the morning rarely bears good news.

The call that woke me yesterday let me know a dear friend's husband had died. He had some health issues (who doesn't by the time you hit your 50's?) but nothing that warned her that a day we all dread and hope never comes would soon arrive on her doorstep.

I, in turn, began making calls and sending messages to other friends, and they then did the same... so many digital arms stretching out and surrounding our friend, embracing her in a virtual hug. It's comforting to be able to connect that way with men and women who are still just school-age boys and girls in your mind.

Most of us will come together in person on Friday for the service and we'll continue to encircle our friend afterward as long as she needs us. 

I've been wanting to head that way to see my parents, anyway, especially since Daddy's recent hospital visit, and my nephew, his wife and baby are visiting from Wyoming this week. 

I always enjoy fitting a visit with friends into my trips home, but not under these circumstances.

One friend shared a comment his father-in-law made years ago...  "when you're in your sixties, the funeral homes become your reunions with everyone." We're not yet in our sixties, but I think we've met at too many funerals already.

So if you don't mind, please say a little prayer for my friend this weekend. And while you're at it, could you pray for a bit of rain to head our way? We just passed the triple digit record - 70 (sweaty) days this summer as of today. 

Oh, and two more prayer requests. I've delivered TG and her things safely back to campus - would you say a prayer for her for a safe and successful semester... and one for her recently graduated brother to find a job?

I promise that's all (for now.)

Thank you in advance.

I'll be praying for all of the above, plus keeping the East Coast in my prayers as Hurricane Irene heads its way and I'll also give thanks the recent earthquake up there didn't do more damage.

Just too much going on, isn't there?

How do we get back to simple? Or is simple just an illusion created by our memories? Probably. If so, then I'm even more grateful for my memories. 

It could be worse, couldn't it?

Fall colors surround us, temperatures have dropped, but there's no touch of autumn in the air; daily highs still top 100 with nary a drop of rain.

(Clouds congregrate at times, but even when tinged gray, I know they're just playing games with us.)

We've had hot, dry summers before, though.

One in particular stands out in my memory (and makes me sweat!) because I was driving that old green Mercury Villager minivan with no air-conditioning and a passenger window that wouldn't roll down.

That was the summer I taught Daniel to drive. We always headed out early enough to finish the lessons by 10 am because that's when my side of the van became an oven, even with my Walmart water-mister fan, and I became a little, ahem, grumpy.

Spanky the salamander was still with us then, staying cool hiding under wet moss in his terrarium, only expending energy to gobble down a live cricket or two. Once or twice a week we'd grab a plastic bag full of them from the pet store and dump them into their own little terrarium, furnished with an empty toilet paper roll and a little water. Every day Daniel scooped a few out for Spanky's dinner.

One afternoon the kids and I swung by the pet store for a bag of crickets, the last stop on our round of errands in town. It was 4 in the afternoon and (according to the fancy digital dash thermometer) 107 degrees.

The crickets didn't stand a chance. Poor little guys, they baked right there in that plastic bag - an oven within our oven van.

Yes, things could be worse. I have an air-conditioned car this year and give thanks for it and the a/c in our home every day!

We even still - somehow - have a little water in the pond. It had dried up enough for Tom to get his backhoe down there to scoop up the silt (making the best of the situation!) and he must have somehow unblocked the opening to some underground springs.

I'm really surprised anything is flowing from the springs right now, but as you can see, there's water in the pond. It has to come from somewhere, and it sure isn't from the sky!

Belle's grateful for it.

Not much of a pond, though, is it? 

One year the water completely, totally dried up. Tom was able to scoop enough silt to see fossils embedded in the bedrock of the original creekbed, right about where my name is in the above photo. I love knowing they're there, even if I can't see them anymore.

Tom had to halt work on the pond because of the water; instead, he has turned his attention to the creek bed downstream, beyond the little pond (which still has a few inches of water in it, too) clearing overgrowth and scooping silt, preparing for the rain we know will fall, someday.

But when?

All the land is praying for rain.

 

 

 

Detours (and my Friday Favorite Photo)

This has been one crazy, zig-zagging, bouncing, stretching-myself-across-so-many-things-I-think-I'm-going-to-pop kind of week. One of those weeks where everything is high priority and you just can't procrastinate any longer. So you just do it all, period, and try your best to get some sleep.

Things like a writing deadline, a book review deadline, a contact list to compile and a group email that had to go out, a BlogHer assignment, a Parish Council meeting, eye doctor appointments x 3 of us, my car inspected, our anniversary looming, my sister's birthday, a dozen blog posts swirling in my head waiting to be born, a new FlickR project, my refrigerator filter glowing orange, watering a friend's plants while she's out of town plus trying to keep our own alive...

Whew.

All of this on top of my two day jobs (weekday and weekend) overlapping so I have only one day off in 9 days right on the heels of a quick trip out of town to a wedding. 

I confess I didn't even think about housework of any kind this week or do more than glance at my three-page to-do list. 

If it weren't for Tom, TG and Daniel helping with cooking, laundry and whatever I ask them to do around here, I really would have popped, I'm sure.

Of course, it's not over yet. I work both days this week at the Bistro; we celebrate our anniversary tomorrow night (we're thinking dessert at Sonic at sunset); reading and writing deadlines still loom, the filter light still gives me an orange wink every time I open the fridge door, my car still isn't inspected (shhh! don't tell!), I haven't started the FlickR project, and my laundry is overflowing...

But the good news is I'll have time to take care of most of these starting Monday. The bad news is it's because one of my jobs ended, which means one of my paychecks. The good news is that means I'll have more time to focus on my book and my businesses, and I'll still be moderating the Jobs4Autism website.

I haven't decided if I've come to another detour in my life or if I'm actually stepping back onto the main road. I've taken so many detours I'm not even sure what the main road looks like anymore. Some detours were results of my own decisions; some just plopped down from no where, forcing me to veer in a new direction.

I came across this on a blog today, written by Baron Batch, a Texas Tech to Pittsburgh Steelers football player/writer:

"The funny thing about all roads is that at some point they all have potholes, speed bumps and detours. However, the durability of your vehicle is what allows you to reach your destination regardless of your traveling conditions."

Baron's post is a tribute to his faith and a reminder of the value of detours in our life. Instead of playing in his first NFL game this week, he tore his ACL. He writes...

"Trying to understand Gods plan will bring insanity, trusting it brings peace."

So much wisdom in one so young! I aspire to have that kind of faith and pray my kids do, too. I hope we all have durable vehicles! (I wish I could be confident that when my own kids face detours in their lives, when things go wrong as they always will, they hear my voice whispering, "Have faith, have faith.")

 

And now for my Friday Favorite Photo!

I picked this one of Max because...

a) it's taken with my new 50mm lens! and 

b) he's eating! 

(He stopped eating for awhile last weekend when we were gone. Got me so worried! Dang dogs.)

Now that I think of it, Max himself was a detour. We had decided we weren't going to have any more dogs. Then that starving puppy wandered up and stole our hearts...

Hope you've had a wonderful week... hope you have a great weekend...  and hope you look at the detours in your life as opportunities rather than bad luck.

Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Why, Thank You! (and my Friday Favorite Photo!)

Thank you to everyone who said a prayer, crossed their fingers or in some way tried to steer Tropical Storm Don more to the north, providing us with a better chance of rain to ease this drought.

However, I just saw this post by my weatherman on Facebook...

Dear Don,
Thanks for nothing.
Sincerely,
Central Texas.
p.s. Emily...we're counting on you.

It seems pretty official that Don left us in the dust. Literally.

But, I know God knows what he's doing, so I guess South Texas and Mexico needed the rain more than we did right now. Perhaps this "Emily" is the answer to our prayer, so please keep 'em coming!

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Did you read my Face in the Mirror post a few days ago? 

When my my blogger friend Suldog read it, he was inspired to write his own Ode to his Face.

Hop over to his site and take a look HERE. (Warning - his version is definitely rated at least PG-13. Maybe even R.)

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. ~ Charles Caleb Colton

... and I'm sure that includes parody. So thank you, Jim!

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Glancing at my stats the other day, I noticed several hits from a site called Best Posts of the Week. It seems someone nominated my Week of Moons post on my photography blog as a 'best post'. 

 I have no idea who it was, but who ever you are, thank you!

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Last year I spent a few days with my creative friend Ann in Galveston. I fell in love with an antique frame she had turned into an earring holder.

A few months later I came across a different version of the idea in a magazine and alerted my friends to be on the lookout for old photo frames so I could make my own.

My friend Mary Kay, as usual, wasn't satisfied with just finding me a frame - she went on to create this wonderful earring holder/display for me, as well as two others to use for my jewelry business. 

One thing is obvious - I need more earrings!

No, that's not it. What's obvious is Mary Kay is amazing - and an amazing friend!

Thank you, Mary Kay!

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I took the day off for some junking/photography fun today. Along with Mary Kay (see above), her friend Claudia visiting from Colorado and TG, I spent the day enjoying old Georgetown... 

...and kicking myself, because I can't even count the number of times I've been in Georgetown over the past 15 years for soccer games, college visits, doctor visits, eating out, visiting friends... and never took the time to explore the wonderful town square, full of eclectic shops and beautiful architecture. 

Thanks again to Mary Kay for finally getting me there and to Claudia for lunch at the Monument Cafe. It was a wonderful day.

 

Look at this bench made to look like a book, sitting outside of a bookstore - I LOVE it! That's Claudia and Mary Kay just a little ways down...

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But that's not my favorite photo of the week. I picked this one of the purple flower because it's no longer there - the drought was too much for it.

But in this photo, it looks like it's dancing, doesn't it? It had fun - truly blossomed - while it was here.

(It's also posted HERE on my photography blog along with other flowers that defied the drought and bloomed anyway, at least for a little while.)

I also love this photo because it's such a tiny flower that you can't even see its beauty unless you get up this close - and that's such a great lesson about true beauty and paying attention, isn't it? It's often worth taking a closer look at things that it would be easy to ignore. 

Hope you had a wonderful Friday and didn't miss a thing!

 

 

A little more to the right, please...

Normally, there's no way I'd be praying for a tropical storm to head our way, especially on a weekend, but extreme circumstances call for extreme prayer!

(Forty-plus days of 100+ degree temps and the driest 7-month span on record qualifies as extreme circumstances, doesn't it? Thought so.)

I believe in the power of teamwork, so that's why I'm asking all of you to join me in praying, focusing, concentrating, meditating or, if nothing else, just keeping your fingers crossed that Tropical Storm Don veers a little more to the right.

See the "TX" down there, just to the right of the white stripe?

Well, that's about where I am, here in Long Hollow, and I really, really want Long Hollow to be on the left side of the projected path.

See, if Don changes his travel plans and heads for Dallas instead of El Paso, more of Texas (including Long Hollow) has a chance at the good soaking rain he'll be scooping out of the Gulf of Mexico and slinging over his left shoulder.

So if it's not too much to ask... PRAY! FOCUS! CONCENTRATE!!

Thank you!!

 

He Knows Me So Well (and Saturday's Week of Sweet!s)

Tom's email read "I saw this and thought of you," with a hyperlink under the message.

My heart fluttered - he thought of me while he was at work? How sweet! Tom never emails me unless it's a two-word response to something I've sent him.

I clicked the link and laughed when the page popped up describing (and showing images of) a 557-square-foot House of Shelves in Japan that can hold 10 tons of books.

Be still my heart!

Yes, Tom knows me well. I'd have shelves on every wall in our house if he'd let me.

Click HERE to see the House of Shelves and read more about it.

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My brother Donnie also knows me well - he sent me a link to something he knew I'd love to read about... a 7-year-old drummer named Jonah. Check him out! So cute! (He's 5 in this video - amazing!)

 

 

Now I'm fired up to squeeze 'playing my drums' back into my schedule somehow. They've gotten a little dusty lately. (Go to Jonah Rocks to find out more about Jonah.)

 

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And now for my Sweet! Moments of the Week...

Sunday: witnessing more than a dozen teenagers receiving the sacrament of Confirmation

Monday: the contrast of cool lake water and hot sunshine on your body

Tuesday: a dusty rose dawn; finding a beautiful shirt on a clearance rack for $7!

Wednesday: a sky full of storm clouds and a few drops of rain on your dusty dry land

Thursday: a text message from your big brother telling you he's in love again

Friday: unwinding on a shady porch after work with a glass of Super Texan; watching "Where the Heart Is" with your honey (what a sweet movie!)

Saturday: Having friends drop in to support you at your new job; Sean's duck and Tom's slow-smoked beef ribs - double yum! Getting word that Shake Russell was finally recognized as "Entertainer of the Year" at the Texas Music Awards! (Congratulations, Shake!)

Hope you find plenty of Sweet! moments in this coming week. Remember...

‎"All things pass; God never changes."

~ St. Teresa of Avila

The (Only) Good Thing About a Drought

 

Because of the drought, the University of Texas is turning off their fountains to save water.

I'm glad I didn't procrastinate any longer than I did on Daniel's photo shoot. He would have looked funny sitting there in front of a stone dry Littlefield Fountain.

Imagine this one without the water shooting up... wouldn't it have looked like he was about to be run over by that, um, whatever it is?

Look out, Daniel!!!

 

I added the one below just because I like it.

I bet he was thinking, Surely she's almost through snapping photos...

I'd love to be standing in that fountain right now...

Well, I guess not right now, since they've turned them off.

But you know what I mean.

Okay, you've probably guessed that's not the good thing about a drought I was going to mention. It was just an excuse to post more photos of Daniel.

Plus I'm craving water.

No, the good thing I was going to mention about a drought is that it gives you a chance to clean all the silt out of your pond when it dries up.

That's what we did this past weekend.

(I use "we" lightly - I did a little bit more than snap photos, but not a whole lot more. As you can see, "we" is mostly Daniel and Tom.)

Belle helped, too.

I'm not sure what she did to help, but I'm sure it was very helpful. I believe she mostly stood in this teensy bit of water - all that's left on our property - trying to catch the last few minnows left alive.

Don't judge. Their days are numbered anyway in this heat, even if we do get a few drops of rain.

Check out the temperature  - this was in the shade on the front porch, around 4pm.

(Poor minnows.)

So now you know how Tom spent his Father's Day, in between checking on the brisket he smoked for dinner.

(It's okay. He takes naps on Mother's Day.)

I'm contributing this to Jillsy's June Water Challenge. It's definitely "water-challenged" don't you think?

Rest in Peace, Big Man

I try not to post twice in one day, but I just heard that Clarence Clemons, saxophone player extraordinaire, died today. Complications from a stroke a week ago. And it makes me sad.

I was a latecomer to Brucie, Clarence and the E-Street Band, but once there, I was hooked. Tom and I went to a few concerts early in our marriage and then had to rely on CDs until our friends George and Karen treated us to the concert here in Austin two years ago, right around the time George and I turned 50. 

I was in heaven. Brucie hadn't seemed to age, still rocking out and dancing and sliding across the stage on 60 year old knees as well as he had on 30 year old knees. And Max on the drums... well, I wrote about that here. Let's just say I'm partial to drummers.

But it was obvious Clarence felt the effects of the years. He still sounded just as great as ever, but he sat or leaned on a stool the whole time. 

Still, news of of his stroke, and now his death, caught me by surprise and make me sad. 

Rest in peace, Big Man, and thank you for your beautiful music.

Rosalita... Remember this one, Clarence? It's the one that made me fall in love with your sax...

 

The Only Water Around Here is My Sweat!

It's hot here in Texas, ladies and gentlemen!

"Yesterday was the 5th consecutive day that the Austin, Texas Bergstrom Airport tied or set a new daily temperature record. On Monday, June 6, the airport hit 103°F, the earliest in the year that location had ever hit 103°.(Dr. Jeff Masters'WunderBlog, June 8, 2011)

Hot and dry! 

"In Austin, rainfall from October through the end of April was only 5.3 inches, the third driest on record since 1856."(from the LCRA website, latest update May 2011)

And here in the Hollow, with no rain to keep it in its place, caliche dust coats everything... my car, the dogs, the juniper trees lining the road, the few flowers hardy and stubborn and resilient enough to bloom...

Even the sky is a dusty shade of blue.

Our pond is completely dry now. See that white bucket sitting in the middle? It's a souvenir from our upstream neighbor's pond, an in-your-face reminder of a time when water flowed down Long Hollow creek. When the pond is full, that spot is at least 20 feet underwater.

Hard to imagine, isn't it?

It's also hard to imagine the little waterfall ever roaring like an ocean surf crashing on a beach, so loud you have to raise your voice to be heard way up on our back deck.

The only thing making that much noise in the Hollow lately is the panting of two hot puppy dogs, searching for some cool shade.

Water, Water, where for art thou, Water?

 

 

 

 

 

Rambling on a Monday in May

Before I was fully awake this morning, I started the coffee brewing and switched on the television.

Up popped the devastation in Joplin, Missouri - that hospital with blown windows surrounded by mangled vehicles, toothpick trees and piles of rubbish ... the videos, the woman's voice praying "Help us, Jesus..."

After saying a prayer for all of those affected, I vowed never to complain about the weather here again.  

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 May is almost over and I'm feeling paranoid. 

The past two Mays have given me belated birthday presents that I wouldn't re-gift to my worst enemy.

For my 50th birthday, May gave me a case of shingles which came with an MRI because of the headaches that heralded its arrival and steroid drops for my eyes so I wouldn't go blind.

Last year I guess May felt it had to top the previous one. First, it gave me the worst urinary tract infection of my life. (It was actually only my second ever, but the first one, thirty years ago, was so bad I took every precaution to avoid another.)

I thought that was it (thank you so much!), but then just a week or so later my heart went crazy, pounding and racing so hard and fast that it woke me up. I thought it was going to fly out of my chest! Follow up tests concluded it was  SVT, or Supraventricular Tachycardia, basically an electrical short circuit in my heart that causes it to pound and race. 

I haven't had another episode, or any other health scares, but then, May isn't over yet, is it? I'm just hoping this "Welcome to your 50's" initiation phase is over.

 ***************************************

My book review for A Jane Austen Education went live on BlogHer this evening (along with several others, if you want more than one opinion!)

I've been thinking about the book again today, mostly thinking it's a shame Jane Austen isn't required reading for everyone. Some people learn the lessons about life on their own that William Deresiewicz, the author, learned from the books, but I know quite a few people who have never learned them, such as the one he learned from Pride and Prejudice: we aren't born perfect and there are some lessons we have to learn on our own in order to grow. We can't learn them from other people. We have to experience our own failure.

I know this was certainly true for me when I was young (and maybe it's still true!). I wish it hadn't been - I wish I'd had the sense to take the advice of those older and more experienced than I was. I hope I have a teeny bit of that sense myself now.

Which reminds me... I saw a blurb on the news today that some state is considering holding parents responsible when their child gets a bad grade. Huh? Maybe I heard it wrong, but if it's true, don't they realize they're just giving parents more reason to do their kids' work for them or encourage them to cheat or that we'd be keeping kids from learning life lessons they need later on? Don't they realize no one is born perfect and everyone has a different path to follow? A different time line?

Where are these people coming from?  Why do some people think their way is the only way? 

Oops. Sorry.

Anyway, click HERE to read my review on BlogHer... and go read some Jane Austen!

******************************

 As far as Mondays go, this hasn't been a great one. Okay, it truly sucked in places (and I don't use that 's' word lightly.)

But I'm still keeping my eyes open for those Sweet! moments and keeping my feet moving forward, even though I don't know what's ahead of me.

These quotes help, so I'm going to add them here in case one of you needs a little 'faith reminder'. (I need them a lot - that's why I collect these quotes!)

"Suppose you plant a garden, and after a few days, you don't see results. Do you dig it up again? No, because you know that a lot of things are going on that you can't see. It's the same with God."

~ Charles Stanley, American Baptist preacher

"Patience with others is love, patience with self is hope, patience with God is faith." 

~ADEL BESTAVROS Egyptian deacon and lawyer

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

"God often closes a door before opening a new one. Between those doors, don't worry. Wait, worship and watch! It's a test of faith. Colossians 4:3"

- Rick Warren

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods."

~C.S. Lewis

 "Hope is wishing for something to come true. Faith is belief that it will come true. Believe that for every problem God gives you, He will also provide you with a solution."

Anyone know who said that? I love it!

But this is my favorite, and the one that truly keeps me going...

Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end.

~Author Unknown

**********************************

And for me, this is proof of that nugget of truth... the path might be tough, but if you keep going, you just might get fireworks in your honor! (The last of my graduation photos, I promise. Here, anyway. I'll post the rest on "Confessions".) 

 

Walking in the Rain... Sweet! #8

Well, I guess I gave it away in the title.

Rain keeps flirting with us here in the Hollow. This morning the sky opened up full force - for about three seconds. But the faucet kept dripping... I felt drops on my head all during our walk. I carried an umbrella just in case the downpour returned, but never used it. The drops felt too good.

Now the weatherman is pointing to colorful splotches on the radar map, headed our way ... they represent, in his words, "drought-relieving rain."

In my words, answers to prayers.

Sweet!

I also have a P.S. for yesterday's rambling, whining post. I can't believe I forgot about this...

I found out my photograph of the anvil cloud (below) made it to Explore on FlickR. Definitely sweet!

Hope you have a day of answered prayers ... a day full of Sweet!

Surreal

"Osama has been killed!" 

I didn't believe the words at first when I saw them posted on Facebook, just skimmed past them thinking it was some political joke or teaser.

Then I saw them again. And again. Behind me, my phone beeped - my son texting me with the news.

I turned on the television, saw the crowds cheering in the streets, and wondered why I didn't feel the same elation...

It's so surreal after all these years. 

What is it I feel?

A sigh of relief for sure - he's just one of many terrorists, but he wielded the most power, did the most damage in recent history. I feel grateful to those who risked their lives to find him and happiness that Osama has been brought to justice for the sake of those whose lives he ripped apart.

I think what I'm feeling can be summed up as cautious optimism. It seems lately the militant leaders are losing their popularity in the middle east - maybe that's why we were finally able to find Osama. Maybe his death will give power and energy to the wave of democracy, to the people who are tired of the violence in their countries. I hope and pray instead of triggering terrorist acts against us, it serves as a warning and deterrent to any out there thinking of taking Osama's place in the terrorist world.

Because, again, we know he's just one of many. And there are still American soldiers dying in Afghanistan and other places around the world. 

But today, I give thanks for a bit of justice in this crazy world and pray it soothes the hearts of Osama's many victims. I'm grateful for the determination and courage of our special forces, for this seed of optimism, cautious or not, they have planted in my heart.

I hope one day it can grow into full-bloomed elation that the wars are over and terrorists no longer wield power anywhere in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Royal Wedding, the Sequel. Yes, I'll be watching. (And my Friday-ish Favorite Photo)

 

On a summer morning in 1981, I stumbled up the stairs and into my condo after a twelve-hour night shift, turned on the television, plopped on the floor, and watched the fairy-tale wedding of Diana and Charles.

Despite the cynicism of my 22 years, I guess I believed in the fairy-tale, and must have said an envious prayer as I watched, because just two months later I met my own prince.

My life turned out to be the happily-ever-after story, not Diana's. At least as much as anyone's can be these days. (Knock on wood, quick!)

We appeared to be nothing alike, but for some reason I identified with Diana - her relationship with Charles seemed similar to a long-term relationship I had at her age ... I understood her struggle to please, to gain attention, the battles with bulimia and anorexia and self-esteem. (Thank the good Lord mine didn't result in marriage.)

I had two sons in a row, just as she did. And my oldest son even looked like William for many years (I'm not the only one who said so.) 

Because of Diana, I became a Royal Watcher. Not in excess, but I watched the interviews, the news blurbs, read the books. When she died, I cried, glued to the television for days.

I know I'm not the only one.

I really don't understand it. It's against character for me, but there you have it. And for the same reasons I don't understand, I'll be up early - really early - this morning watching Diana's son tie the knot with that lovely young girl Kate, praying that after their fairy-tale wedding, they live happily-ever-after.

For Diana's sake.

The commemorative mug above was a birthday gift from my sweet friend Kim a few years ago. Thank you again, Kimmy!

 

And now, this goofy capture of Max is my Friday-ish Favorite Photo, because the look of delirious joy on his face as Daniel pets him is a mirror of the joy I felt having all three kids here.

I hope all of you have a joyous weekend!

Dang it! I'm a couch potato after all! Are you?

 

Despite sweating at least an hour almost every day, running, jumping rope, lifting free weights, stretching  ... despite trying to strengthen my heart, lungs, bones and maintain my flexibility in my fight against the villainous side effects of menopause ... I found out I'm losing anyway, because the rest of the day I sit on my bohunkus in front of a computer.

And when I say "the rest of the day", I really mean the rest of the day.

For my steady-paycheck job, I sit in front of a computer for hours and hours. And after clocking out, I settle in again in front of the screen to write, edit photography, check emails, pay bills....

My life revolves around sitting in front of the computer.

And now I find out it's killing me!

In an article for Men's Life, Maria Masters says I could even be labeled a couch potato by some doctors: "New evidence suggests, in fact, that the more hours a day you sit, the greater your likelihood of dying an earlier death regardless of how much you exercise or how lean you are." 

But hallelujah, there's something I can do about it without quitting my desk job(s) and trying to find one as a bicycle messenger or fire fighter or lumberjack.

Apparently, just taking small breaks helps counter the effects ...  even little things like standing up when I'm on the phone can help. The important thing is to get up and do something at least every hour.

It's not as easy as it sounds, though, at least not for me. It's like I'm under a spell, frozen to my chair, and it's a major effort to unfold myself, even to go to the bathroom! My husband says he falls under the same spell at work.

But I'm not sweating every morning just to have all the benefits evaporate because of an otherwise sedentary lifestyle. Now I keep an eye on that little computer clock. Every hour I stand up, face the window, jog in place, do some stretches, and every two hours or so I head outside for a brisk two-minute walk. My legs are so grateful for that stretch! And getting outside in the fresh air is a wonderful mental break, as well.  Better than a fourth (or is it my fifth?) cup of coffee. 

So if you're like me, stuck behind a computer screen ALL DAY LONG, get up and get moving for your health's sake! If I haven't convinced you, be sure to read the article yourself (click HERE) as well as THIS ONE.

Because I care about you and want you to stick around for a long, long time. 

Life and Death - a Cycle of Celebration

Tiny almond-shaped eyes - chocolate drops full of innocence, ignorant of the violence that brought us all together - peered at me over her mother's shoulder.

She wore a yellow romper and sky blue bonnet, such a contrast to the black and white donned by the rest of us who formed a circle of love and support to a grieving mother, father, sister, brothers...

Black and white. Bad and good. Death and life. Sadness, happiness. 

Yellow and blue, colors of springtime, of rebirth, echoed in the sprays of flowers edging the site, and the flowers plucked from the stands and tossed onto the casket.

We had seen a short blurb on the Sunday evening news about the stabbing that left two dead over the weekend in Austin. A gathering of friends to remember the third-year anniversary of the death of one man's mother, an argument, a drawn knife, two dead, several wounded. So tragic, so sad, but soon forgotten in the rush of our lives.

It was several days before Tom learned via email that one of the victims was the little brother of a friend, a former co-worker at a small engineering company, where the employees became like family and stayed in touch over the years.

She was the big sister of six little brothers, a surrogate mom as the family followed her to the Austin area. Tue was the youngest, still her baby brother at 28.

His funeral Saturday morning was one of the most beautiful I've ever witnessed - a full Catholic Mass, all in Vietnamese. Thanks to the unity and consistency of the Catholic Mass tradition, we could still follow along, understanding with our hearts if not our ears.

We filed to Communion along either side of his casket, and it struck me how appropriate it was, a reminder of the life after death we all profess to believe, a reminder of the communion of saints.

After the service, we joined in the procession to the cemetery, where I spotted Miss Innocence dressed in Springtime. I also noticed a young boy, probably about 4 or 5, and I knew Tue's sister, mother, father and other friends and family who watched him grow must be remembering him at that age, when the thought that he could be taken from them by such senseless violence years later was unfathomable.

Nothing is lost by peace; everything may be lost by war. ~ Pius Xll

They probably already knew the truth of this statement better than most, those who escaped war-torn Vietnam in hopes of a peaceful life for their family.

I couldn't understand the words spoken at the grave site, but I understood the gestures, the faces contorted in sorrow, the wails of his mother that touched my mother's heart and brought tears to my eyes for her pain and loss. Tue was just a few years older than my oldest son.

One brother hobbled on crutches, injured while trying to break up the fight to protect his little brother. Tue was also about the same age my brother Buster was when he became a victim of a violent act, only his was a gunshot. Buster didn't die right away; he spent several years as a quadriplegic before we lost him.

I still feel that loss, and my sister's heart wept for Tue's sister and brothers. 

After the service, we joined Tue's friends and family at a luncheon. The need to join with others, remember, laugh, celebrate transcends religions and cultures. We spoke to Tue's family and friends, including one who was there that night ... the night two of his friends were killed. 

Please keep them all in your prayers.

Tom dropped me off later at a restaurant just a few miles down the highway for a birthday lunch with dear friends. Despite being stuffed from delicious eggrolls, crab soup and shrimp salad, I savored the meal I shared with them and our Mexican Martini toast.

After a morning of such forceful reminders of life's fragility and uncertainty, their faces and the sound of their laughter felt more precious to me than ever.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

~ a headstone in Ireland

 

 

Indie Friendlie

If you're interested in film - especially independent film - pay attention...

One of my creative friends, Byron Tully, is part of a new project,"Indie Friendlie", a weekly television program "created to give independent filmmakers an outlet for their work to be seen and for the public to learn about them", according to the website, http://indiefriendlie.com/.

The show is for those filmmakers who work on a shoestring without the benefit of an advertising budget or marketing campaign - it's an opportunity to give them the publicity they need and expose the rest of us to talent we wouldn't otherwise know about.

Tully and his Indie Friendlie partner, Weatherford Bradley, both have years of experience in the film industry and are using that experience now to help other creative filmmakers. 

The show will begin airing on May 1 in a very limited area. Go to the website to find out where and how you might be able to see it wherever you are. (Click HERE.)

While they've shot several episodes, they're at the tough part: fund raising for post production - all the editing, graphics, and music to polish them up for broadcast.

If you feel this is something you can help with, take a look at their Kickstarter page to find out how. (Click HERE.)

Here's a short video with more information... 

 

Indie Friendlie Promo from Indie Friendlie on Vimeo.

Way to go, Tully! Good luck!!

In Silence

I stepped out this morning to a world washed by a silent rain. It surprised me, seeing the puddles on the porch and the drops glistening in the trees. I hadn't expected it to rain last night, didn't hear it tapping on our metal roof.

How much more surprised the people of Japan must have been when the earthquake shook their world and the tsunami silently followed...

Images from a video posted on Facebook that reveals the incredible power of the tsunami keep flashing in my mind. Click on the link HERE - it lasts about 6 minutes, but be sure to watch it until the very end. (I hope you can see it. You might need to be signed into Facebook.)

The man who posted it lives in Japan and has started a Facebook page where he continues to post information. Click HERE to see his page. 

Huffington Post published an article listing ways to help the victims (click HERE) and Austin's own SXSW created a website in collaboration with the American Red Cross. Click HERE to check it out. (SXSW, or South by Southwest, is a music, film, interactive festival going on here right now.)

If nothing else, please join me in continuing to pray for the country of Japan and all of its people. 

 

Drops of Light in the Darkness

Wildflowers are waking up, dotting the caliche roadside. Mostly yellow for now, although Tom said he spotted some small blue ones. (He cheats - he has bifocals and can wear his glasses all the time.)

So yesterday morning I switched camera lenses and turned my attention from the treetops, where I'd been searching for birds, hoping for at least one sharp, close-up portrait, to the ground, searching instead for those splashes of color. Flowers are model subjects, remaining perfectly posed, unless the wind feels mischievous, unlike those birds who taunt me with their song, but refuse to show themselves, or fly at the first lift of my lens in their direction. 

To my surprise, I found quite a few baby blooms of different types yawning and stretching out their petals that I swear weren't there just a few days ago. It's as if an alarm clock rang, and they all arose at once.

And that's why I chose this one for my Friday Favorite... a drop of light against the lingering grays and browns of winter.

I'm dedicating it to the people of Japan, who are suffering the effects of this morning's earthquake and tsunami and mourning loved ones, as a reminder of the light that can conquer darkness, that can survive the cold clutches of winter. I pray for the souls of the deceased and for peace in the hearts of the survivors. I pray they find light in this darkness. 

"When tough things happen, God is not an accomplice; He’s a companion."

~ Gregory Boyle 

My Whole Silence is Full of Prayer

Thomas Merton said that, not me. But I like it.

I spend my day in silence. In prayer.

In the mornings, it's just me, the dogs and my thoughts. Most of the day I'm on my own in a little office with very little co-worker conversation. At night, Tom sighs and leaves me to the computer.

So I spend a lot of my time in prayer.

Today it started out joyful - how could it be otherwise? I'm blessed to be able to spend a bit of almost every day walking along a country road at sunrise with two goofy dogs whose joy is palpable and contagious. They run, roll in the dirt, sniff, play... and sometimes just stop and gaze in joyful wonder at the world.

It's enough to make you think anything is possible, especially when the birds begin to sing, relishing these warm mornings.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. 

Emily Dickinson

But you know how it is - as the sun rises, reality sets in. The reality that bad things, sad things, can happen in the world. 

Sometimes sad things happen all at once. Last week, about the time I heard of my friend Carl's death, I also got word that a friend of mine had been the victim in a home invasion. Here is the offical news report...

On 02/05/2011 at approximately 9:00pm, three Hispanic males dressed in reflective work vests and hard hats committed a home invasion in the 1400 block of North Park Ridge, Deer Park. The suspects knocked on the victim’s door posing as employees from a local cable company. The suspects told our victim that they had information he had been stealing cable service and requested that he meet them in the backyard of the residence to inspect his cable box. The victim met the suspects in his backyard where he was attacked by the suspects. The suspects bound the victim’s hands and feet, and took him back into the residence. The suspects then ransacked the residence, stealing only a handgun. After the suspects left the residence, the victim was able to remove the bounds around his legs and contact a neighbor who phoned the authorities. The police department has been unable to identify the suspects as of this release date. The case is under active investigation.

My friend was watching his young granddaughter at the time, and she witnessed the attack. Of course, she was traumatized.

I've had messages from my friend this week, and although he spent a few days in intensive care, he's back home and says he's doing okay and his granddaughter is much better. But please keep them in your prayers for continued healing, and also that the creeps who assaulted him are found and convicted so they can't do this to anyone else.

While you're praying, please keep the teenage son of a friend in your prayers: I received word today that he's in intensive care. I don't feel free to offer any other details... just please pray for him.

Driving home this evening, with these things weighing on my mind and heart, I spotted this:

 

 

Right away, I felt better. 

Have courage for the great sorrows of life,
and patience for the small ones.
When you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks,
go to sleep in peace
for God is awake.

~ Victor Hugo

Saying thank you ... and goodbye.

I spent two days witnessing love and friendship poured back upon a family mourning a husband, father, son, brother, uncle.

A whole community grieved over the loss of one man, joined by family and friends who had traveled thousands of miles to pay their respects, impressing upon me visually what an amazing difference one man can make in the lives of so many by living life to the fullest, believing the impossible is do-able, and just being a friend.

(Imagine the difference in the world if we all did the same.)

Love of family, love of community, love of the life we're given - I think that's what Carl would want all of us to remember.

I won't forget.

 

Life is to be fortified by many friendships.
To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.

~Sydney Smith

 

 

In the darkest of times, laughter helps revolutionize our perspective.

~ Phil Callaway

 

a few of Carl's Eagle Scouts (all grown up) and fellow leaders...

[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

...especially with the support of friends.  Please continue to keep Carl's family in your prayers. 

 

The following video of the Missing Man formation was recorded by one of Carl's Eagle Scouts. The video below it features the lone bagpiper playing "Amazing Grace" on the runway...

 

 

Days of Prayer and Celebration

Surreal.

Sitting where just weeks ago I danced, now praying, chanting, "Hail Mary, full of grace...", my voice joining with almost 300 others, Catholic and non-Catholic, drawn together by shared admiration and affection, our breath turning frosty in the cold of the hangar, our eyes full of tears, surrounded by airplanes, pieces of airplanes, miniature airplanes, airplane art... 

Carl loved airplanes.

He's there with us. Faces, memories, photographs, videos. I can feel him smiling.

Today there will be more - more prayer, reflection, recognition, sharing, hugging, crying, laughing, remembering. Please keep Carl's family in your prayers.

To learn more about him, click HERE.

 

 

Keeping My Fingers Crossed

In my laundry room, there's a huge old rug stretched across the concrete floor, and the room has been puppy-proofed to the best of my ability. Maybe not Belle-proofed (I think that's pretty much impossible!) but at least dangerous, tempting items like window cleaner have been moved to higher shelves. 

It would be such a cozy spot for Belle and Max to snuggle down out of the frigid temperatures, but when I tried again to coax them inside the second time last night, they refused to even venture downstairs. Max just barked from his bed on the front porch and I could hear Belle pitter-pattering on the back deck above me. After calling and calling, and shivering and shivering, I finally just said "'night, then" and shut the door.

This morning they were both still alive and well, all wound up, ready for a walk. Max was limping more than usual, but I have a feeling they played a good part of the night. The cold has invigorated them!

We started out on the road, but the wind on my face was so fierce, I ducked into the woods as soon as possible, the frozen ground crunching under my tennis shoes. Other than that crunch, and the bite of the wind, you'd never know just by looking that it was colder here than it was in Chicago, with and without the wind chill (according to Al Roeker on the Today Show, anyway) because despite the woolen gray sky, we haven't had a flake of snow; there's not even a sprinkling of frost. Everything is just dull green and gray.

Even as my inner grownup chastises me and reminds me how dangerous the snow can be and how some states have been buried in the stuff, my inner child screams "NO FAIR!"

Really now, it's not fair to have to suffer through this cold and not even have the magic of snow to soften the sting, is it? I want icicles trimming the roof or hanging from bare oak branches. I want to watch delicate flakes flutter down onto the rocks and weeds; I want to run out and catch them on my tongue.

I'm really dreaming now, but I want a blanket of snow thick enough to lie in and create snow angels on our road, to build a snowman and to drag Tom's Uncle Reggie's childhood sled to the top of the hill and ride it down. 

I want to take lots and lots of photos of snow.

Yes, I know. Be careful what you wish for! Dangerous driving conditions, bursting pipes, branches crashing down, power outages (we've already had those!)... a snow-covered world isn't all magic and fairy tales.  

Yes, I know.

But I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that the forecasters are right and snow heads our way tomorrow evening. (I'm also hoping it avoids San Antonio, because someone special has a big day planned Friday and I promised her I would pray it didn't snow there. A complicated request, but I know he can handle it.)

And now, I'm going to go holler at those goofy dogs again. Maybe one night in the cold was enough to convince them they should snuggle on that cozy rug in the laundry room.

For some reason, I doubt it.

Goofy dogs.

Some scenes from our snow adventure last February ... I had forgotten about all of these. I took a lot that day! Remember the little guy in the first photo? Man, I miss that Frankie bird. 

 

Feeling blue? Just have a little faith...

Do you know anything about Blue Monday?

Supposedly the third Monday of January is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I read a little blurb about it today - this is the third Monday of January, by the way - and I don't know if it was the power of suggestion, or just because it was Monday, or what exactly caused it, but I did feel a little blue today, despite the welcomed sunshine and blue-colored skies outside.

I really had no reason to feel blue, and it wasn't a deep shade by any means... "partly cloudy" is perhaps the best way to describe it.

And then this song came on the radio that, like a strong wind, blew those clouds away, lifting the blue right off my shoulders and out of my head.

I had always heard this as a love song... you know, a man-to-woman romantic love song... but today I heard it as a different kind of love song. I had never imagined God looking or sounding anything like John Hiatt, but when I listened to the words of this song (I included them down below), it was easy to believe God, as a loving father, was singing to me, reassuring me...

"Just have a little faith in me..."

(I hope your Monday was far from Blue - except for blue skies, that is.)

 

("Have a Little Faith in Me" Lyrics by John Hiatt)

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me 

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me 

And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darling, from a whisper start
And have a little faith in me
And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch you, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me 

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me 

'Cause I've been loving you, for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
'Cause for us, there is no end
And all you gotta do, is have a little faith in me
I will hold you up, I will hold you up
And your love, gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me
Hey hey
All you gotta do for me girl
Is have a little faith in me 

(Lyrics from STLyrics)

Gray Days and Peace

A gray day spent dealing with frustrations over computer glitches, rude people, and staff who are so quick to deny responsibility for a problem that they fail to listen or offer productive advice (their job - what my money is paying them to do.)

A day I dreaded, because I anticipated all of these problems and I have a bad temper, sometimes volcanic, one that can crumble into tears and that's especially triggered by rude people who don't do their jobs, by bullies, and by people who abuse their position or power.  

I didn't want to lose my temper today, although I think anger has its place, if it's justified and channeled into peaceful, productive action or awareness.

Which mine often isn't.

Peace. I want to be at peace...think peaceful, loving thoughts. I want to focus on my blessings.

Rude, uncaring people ruffle my peace and too often blind me to my blessings.

But that's my challenge. Something I have to learn to deal with and not allow, for the sake of my own spirit. I've gone the tit for tat route before; it doesn't make me happy, that's for sure, and never fixes a problem. Usually, it makes it worse.

“Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

I spotted this on Facebook (thanks, Ellen!)... posted, I'm sure, in light of the tragic shootings in Tucson.

I've witnessed a lot of finger-pointing over the shootings.  It's true, many politicians and political commentators - red, blue and all colors in between - use incendiary rhetoric, toss off half-true accusations and insults and call each other names ... then off-camera they pat each other on the back, smile, shake hands. To them, it's just part of the job. A game, perhaps. A carry-over from their high school debate team days. They don't understand how their words are often seeds planting hatred and mistrust in frustrated people. 

I hope the shooting leads to an awareness of the problem, to verbal responsibility and a call for kindness among our lawmakers and media.

But remember "When you point a finger in blame at someone else, you have three more pointing back at yourself!"

If any of us nonpolitical types spouts off at someone else, calls someone an insulting name, forgets to put ourselves in their shoes or try to see an issue from any angle but our own, if we repeat the inflammatory stories (especially without checking the facts first) then I think we're also guilty of contributing to the dark energy that feeds people like Jared Loughner.

I promised myself that today I would remain calm. I prayed to be filled with love and understanding, with eyes open to my blessings, even as I was faced with a cold, gray day and potentially temper-triggering frustrations.

It was the least I could do for the victims of the shootings.

And it worked...for the most part.

I'm going to try it again tomorrow. What about you?

Remember this? Click on the image for a reminder.

 

 

It's going to be a long night...

Or maybe a long day tomorrow.

I haven't decided which.

You see, tonight is the final lunar eclipse of 2010, and I don't want to miss it. My FlickR friend Debbie sent me a link to a CNN article featuring this enticing image...

and this opening line...

"Skygazers hoping to catch the last lunar eclipse of 2010 on Tuesday morning best be ready to stay up late (or wake up very early) to watch the full moon as it goes through a range of dramatic color changes."

So now you know what I'll be doing tonight. How could I resist a full moon going through a range of dramatic color changes?

What a combination!

Here's a bit more from the article (click HERE to read the whole thing):

"During a lunar eclipse, the moon, the Earth, and the sun align so that the sun's rays are shielded from the moon. An eclipse of the moon can only take place if the moon is full, and only if the moon passes through some portion of Earth's shadow, which is composed of two cone-shaped parts, one nested inside the other.

The start of the total eclipse is expected around 2:41 a.m, when the entire moon passes through the Earth's umbra, or inner shadow, which blocks all direct sunlight from reaching the moon.

The moon will take on a vibrant red color until 3:35 a.m., according to NASA.

Before and after the total eclipse, the moon will pass through the penumbra, or outer region of the Earth's shadow, where Earth blocks some of the sun's rays, but not all."

Did you read that? "... vibrant red color..."

So think of me standing out in the dark tonight with my camera, trying to capture a red full moon, while you snuggle under your covers.

Unless you're crazy like me.

Oh, and pray for a cloudless night. Or maybe a few wispy clouds.

But first, I've got to take advantage of Daniel being home - we're off to watch Russell Crowe's Robin Hood. 

I'm thinking it will be a long night AND a long day. (Wish me good luck!)

Will there be red moonbeams....?

 

 

What do you do, what can you do...

...when you hear on the news that there's a shooter on the campus where your kids spend their days... and then you hear he's in a library and so you glance at your son's schedule and see he's supposed to be at his job in a library right at that minute, and so your heart, which has dropped to your feet, then bounced and swelled up into your throat, swells more even as you're telling it to chill, that there's no sense in worrying. Then you glance at your daughter's schedule, relieved to see this is her late day, but then that pesty thought skitters through... what if she went to the library to study? That library?

In my case, I pick up my cell phone to text them to make sure - and there's one from Daniel, beating me to the punch, telling me about the incident and adding, I'm okay, still at the apartment, and so then I call TG who answers on the first ring, I'm okay.

Then I give thanks and pray for the other kids and parents who might be affected... and then give thanks again when I hear no one was injured but the shooter. So I pray for him and his family.

And give thanks again.

But still, running through my head is one question... why? Poor kid. How miserable his life must have been that he resorted to this.

On Aug. 1, 1966, Charles Whitman went to the 28th floor observation deck at the UT clock tower and began shooting at people below. He killed 16 people and wounded nearly three dozen before police killed him about 90 minutes after the siege began.

For more information on the incident at the University of Texas today, click HERE.

 

Should 6-year-olds chant about shaking their booties?

"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right!"

A mom in Detroit was shocked to hear this coming out of her 6-year-old daughter's mouth - it was a cheer she'd been taught to chant on her cheerleading squad.

OMG! 

The mom did just what I would have done if TG had been expected to chant this when she was a middle school cheerleader: she went to the coach... the general manager... other parents.

Other parents were upset, but I guess none of them had the guts to speak up like this mom did. Because of her complaints, the daughter was kicked off the squad.

Is it just me and this mom that think something is very, very wrong with a 6-year-old chanting something so suggestive? Call me a prude, but I don't even think this is appropriate for high school cheerleaders. What the heck does it have to do with football, anyway? What happened to cheers like "Push 'em back, push 'em back, wayyyyy back!"?

What happened to childhood? What happened to innocence?

To check out the story I saw about it on The Today Show this week, click here or watch the video below. Let me know what you think about this.

 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

10 to 12 inches of rain later...

The roar of crashing breakers on the beach. That's one of my absolute favorite sounds and, right now, it's just outside my back door. If I close my eyes and step onto my back deck, I'm instantly whisked to the balcony of a condo in Port Aransas... the sound of the waves filling the air around me... because that's exactly what our little creek sounds like at this moment, rushing down to Lake Travis.

It's still raining, but the puppies and I squeezed a walk in this morning when the clouds took a break to reload... here's what we saw...

There's a breach in the neighbor's dam in the exact same spot as last time... not a huge surprise.

Our pond is overflowing our dam, but no breach, and Tom's little bridge held again, although it's obvious the water went over it, too. Now that's an engineer, for you!

We're not sure where all the suds come from - I've sent an email asking the environmental expert. 

Okay, Hermine, you can move on now!

(For "before" photos of my little pond, click here to read "Seasons of a Tiny Pond" over at Confessions of a Photography Addict.)

Hermine who?

There's a tropical storm in my backyard. I thought it was just regular old rain when I woke up this morning and I was grateful it waited until the holiday weekend was over to get back to work.

Then I turned on the television and a woman in a slicker suit told me it was Tropical Storm Hermine. Who? I didn't even realize one was forming in the Gulf of Mexico, much less that we were on its itinerary! 

That's the problem with a holiday weekend... while you're hanging out with your kids, sitting on the porch listening to music or watching old movies, a tropical storm can sneak up on you!

According to Al Roker on the Today show, Hermine could possibly dump 10 to 12 inches of rain on the area north of San Antonio - an area we affectionately call "Austin" - in the next day or two. (Why doesn't a national news program include the capitol of Texas on its map?)

Anyway, I'm ready for the rain. It was tough to get anything done this weekend with all of that sunshine calling me. I'm not complaining, though. With the kids all here, in and out, I mostly just wanted to hang out with them, anyway.

Here it comes again, hard, loud and steady. I bet Max and Belle are snuggled in the dog house. No morning walks for us for a couple of days. Good thing we got a few in this weekend, including a successful fossil-hunting expedition.

And we had this fabulous sunset last night - a last hurrah from the sun before his vacation started (what happened to that old saying Red sky at night, sailor's delight? Obviously not true in the Texas Hill Country!)

 

Marriage Tip #5 (thank you, Dr. Oz)

Since I'm a good wife and mother, I subscribe to Men's Health Today emails. That way I can forward them to Tom and my boys, nagging virtually when I can't do it in person.

Sometimes I read the articles, but often I don't have time, and that's what happened today. But the title and blurb sounded beneficial... "Dr. Oz's 25 Greatest Health Tips"... so I hit forward and off it went.

Within seconds, I received this email from Tom:

Re: Dr. Oz's 25 Greatest Health Tips

So there -

Dr. Oz Tip #5

Don't Pamper Your Bad Back
Even if you're hunched over in agony, taking to your bed will only  make a bad back worse. The latest research shows that bed rest    weakens back muscles and prolongs the suffering. Married men may  suffer more than single men because of all the pampering. I used to  love milking the care from Lisa, but the best solution is to get up,  take a pain reliever, and be a soldier.

Men's Health tip: Perform the Ultimate Upper-Body Workout to  strengthen your back and broaden your shoulders.

"So there." That's what my husband wrote. Not "thank you for caring enough to send this to me, I love you, too," but "So there."

Geez.

So this is what I wrote him back.

"Love it! Perfect timing! Okay, no more pampering from me, soldier boy."

Because I'll do anything for my honey in the name of love, including neglecting him if necessary.

By the way, apparently Dr. Oz knows what he's talking about. Tom went to work today (which includes driving a small, standard convertible an hour each way) and stopped by the grocery store on his way home, and now he looks almost normal when he walks, plus his moaning and groaning is cut at least in half! Maybe Dr. Oz threw his back out bowling at some time, too.

Before you throw that stone...

I'm still hoping to post part 2 of the Shallue Vacation 2010 later today, but I came across something during my break from sweating that I wanted to share right away. (Tom and I are tidying up outside... mostly taming the overgrown weeds and cleaning up the "puppy playpen" on our porch.)  

My friend Gina lives in a small town near Dallas where the mayor recently killed her 19-year-old daughter and then herself. Gina wrote about the tragedy and brought up points that I think all of us should consider in our daily lives, especially in our interactions with people and our responses to news reports on celebrities and politicians. 

What is your first reaction when you hear about a tragedy like this? What does your reaction say about you? Are you the kind of person a friend could come to with a problem? I hope I am, but Gina's post made me wonder, and I think it's always good to wonder about yourself from time to time.

Please click on this link and read Gina's post here - believe me, it's worth the few minutes...

http://ginacalvert.blogspot.com/2010/07/why-didnt-she-tell-anyone.html

Love Thy Neighbor

Yesterday morning as Max enjoyed his breakfast, I sipped my coffee and watched the clouds drift across an electric blue sky... a sky so blue I imagined God uploading it to Picasa and hitting the 'saturate' button to achieve it.

Two Great Blue Herons flew down the Hollow in front of me, following the creek towards the lake. For a second I considered rushing into the house and grabbing my camera, but chose instead to just sit there and enjoy it. Even Max stopped eating long enough to watch them, too impressed (or intimidated) to bark. 

I think we both felt we'd been blessed.

As the heron couple disappeared into the distance, I hoped they weren't leaving the Hollow for good. The ponds levels have dropped; some are completely dry. On top of that (and because of that) work has resumed on the neighboring property with a vengeance... the hum of engines now fills the Hollow, even filtering past the thick walls into our house, from sunrise until well after dark.

Large rocks cover the eroded section of the dam now. Weeds along the side are mowed short and fresh dirt is piled on top and tamped down with a rolling compactor. But it's still massive and unsightly from our view, essentially deforming our pond, making it resemble a Walmart retaining pool.

The last few months of no activity made it easy to believe it had all stopped for good. Maybe they'd changed their minds? We knew it was a long shot, but it didn't hurt to dream. However, it still wasn't a fairy tale ending, because the damage to our pond had already been done.

But now seeing the heavy equipment... hearing the engines all day... watching the smoke from a smoldering, unattended bonfire drift into the morning sky... it's like having a scab ripped off of a wound. 

I should make it clear that what frustrates us has less to do with having to look at the green wall (although that's bad enough) than it does with the total lack of respect and honesty that we've been given... as well as the lack of regard for our property and for the beauty of the Hollow. It's so... well, disheartening seems too weak of a word, but it's all that I can think of right now to describe it.

It hurts me to see Tom hurt, frustrated... disheartened... this man who would drop whatever he was doing to help a neighbor in need... and who has put so much of himself into this dream of his. 

"Do you know what happens when you assume something?"

...I can see Joe Rodriguez writing "Assume" on a chalkboard in front of our group of DuPont technicians-in-training like it was yesterday, rather than thirty years ago.

Without waiting for us to answer, he draws two slashes, dividing up the word.

"You make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'."

He was warning us about "assuming" versus "checking the facts" pertaining to running the plant, but his words sunk in and have echoed as a warning bell for me ever since.

But Tom and I didn't heed Joe's warning when it came to our land. We knew the property line ran through the pond; we just assumed anyone who bought that property would keep it the way it was. Never, ever would it have occurred to us that someone would build a huge berm along that property line.

So we made asses of ourselves. (I refuse to take the blame for our neighbor.)

Not that we could have done anything about it, anyway - we couldn't afford to buy the property when it came up for sale. Nevertheless, if we had opened up our minds to the possibility of someone drastically manipulating their section of the Hollow, it wouldn't have been such a blow when it happened.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

These words were part of the second reading in Mass yesterday, and they hit me hard. They're still being shouted out in my brain. Echoing. Pounding.

For you were called for freedom, brother and sisters. 

But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; 

rather, serve one another through love. 

For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement, namely, 

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 

But if you go on biting and devouring one another,

beware that you are not consumed by one another.

Whoa! That hit way too close to home. Just a coincidence, I'm sure...

But then (would you believe it?) on NBC's Dateline last night, there was the tragic story of neighbors in California arguing over property lines, property values and differences of opinion on property 'beauty' and usage. After years of bickering, hard feelings and legal battles, all it took was a boulder placed on the property line, literally, to trigger the last fatal confrontation; one neighbor shot and killed the other two. 

So senseless. So tragic. So ridiculous! Killing someone over a piece of land?

And such a mirror to our frustrations over the dam... a warning to us of how pebbles can grow into boulders if we let them, boulders that settle in your heart, weigh down your spirit, block reason and light and true vision. 

It makes me wonder what the future holds for us. In essence, we've had a boulder placed on our property line. I don't want to leave; I also don't want us to live with resentment or anger toward our neighbor, but having been lied to and treated without respect, it's going to be a challenge to break the figurative boulder apart, knowing the real one - the dam - isn't going anywhere. 

Except I just finished reading a book, From Gravel to Glory by Gina Calvert, that demonstrates how God works in our lives using stones and boulders such as this one in ours. 

Not that I believe it was part of God's plan for our neighbor to do what he did, but what I do know is we can't let it weigh our spirits down, but rather use it to build them up somehow. Somehow, we've got to find a way to love our neighbor. Or at least find a way to let go of the hurt and frustration.

Definitely a challenge. But I'm up for it, especially after seeing how a neighbor's dispute can turn so senselessly tragic.

Besides, with God, all things are possible. I do believe that.

And by the way, I caught a glimpse of the herons this morning. 

 

Goodbye to LOST

 

It's sad - very sad - but I made sure I left my parents' house by 1:30 this afternoon so I could be home in time to watch the whole LOST finale. 

My son Tommy doesn't understand our fascination with LOST - he says it's silly, that they never answer any questions, just keep creating more, and I can't argue with him. I've said the same thing myself. 

So why am I so hooked?

Well, for one thing, I'm a geek. I'm a sucker for the mysteries, the allusions, the symbolism. I'm a Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Ender's Game fanatic. Add Sawyer's cute dimples and shirtless scenes, and there you go. 

But here I am at the end of the series, and I'm so disappointed. The last 30 minutes were like a flush of a toilet. Like the writers just got tired and said to hell with it all, we can't fix it.

But I forgive them. It's just a television show, after all. They gave me so many hours of entertainment, kept me on the edge of my seat, had me wondering what the heck was going on - for years now - so I'll cut 'em some slack. 

Because when it's all said and done, they gave me characters - characters that were layered, layered, layered. Characters that were believable because they were so flawed. That's what's kept me coming back every week, waiting to see what happened. Despite their weaknesses, they learned to pull the best out of themselves. They loved each other, they connected, they believed in each other. They learned to believe in themselves. To forgive themselves.

It's been a lesson in writing...  a lesson in characterization, story and plot. 

But more than that, it's been a lesson in life.

Loose Ends, Apologies and Clarifications

I owe my kids an apology. I implied in XOXO Nina Barbara that they were slackers in the Mother's Day department. I didn't intend to, but nonetheless, reading back over it now, I understand why my sweet Tommy slipped a pressed flower into the card he sent me with a note explaining "I couldn't let Nicole out-do me, so here's a flower."

It's a pretty little flower, but the gesture was totally unnecessary; he, Daniel and the Girl chipped in for something I've been yearning for ... another pair of Chaco sandals. I splurged on a pair in Gruene two years ago (our anniversary served as the excuse that time) and have practically worn them out. Chaco Flips don't look like anything special, but they fit and support these old aching feet of mine perfectly ... and match my wardrobe! If you have plantar fasciitis, you need to try a pair. Trust me.

Thank you, sweet kids!

I also felt, after writing yesterday's post  about the hospital time warp, that I should mention all of the wonderful caretakers we met there ... the nurse who scrounged up a pair of scrubs pants to make my dear one more comfortable ... the emergency room doctor who thought outside the box when test results weren't fitting together ... the admitting surgeon who did all he could to avoid surgery, covered all the bases and seemed reluctant to let us go without knowing for sure what it was ... the "mother nurse" who came by to visit, to answer questions and put my dear one at ease about the potential surgery and ended up inspiring both of us with her story: she suffered a stroke several years ago - wasn't supposed to even be able to walk again - and decided life was too short to not go after a passion. She took a class in making jewelry and started a business.  Scrambling for a name for her new business, the perfect one hit her: MySCAL (My Second Chance at Life). She wore an example - a beautiful fused glass pin. 

Some other loose ends ...

*At the Texas Music Awards in Marshall last weekend the Shake Russell Trio won Vocal Group of the Year. I still believe Shake should have also won Entertainer of the Year, but I'm happy the group was at least recognized. Click here to see all of the recipients.

*My sister sent me this link about Guinea Fowl after my last post about Frankie and his strange behavior. If you're a Frankie fan, you should read it. It turns out, they mate for life and can die of broken hearts. Poor Frankie.

*Don't forget BlogHer has these fantastic give-aways where, just by commenting on a post, you're entered into a random drawing for hundreds of dollars in gift cards. I have one on my reviews/contest blog right now! Click here and tell me who in your life is the yin to your yang for a chance at a $100 Visa gift card. The contest ends June 3.

*As if taking care of my family, working, blogging, writing a book and practicing my drums weren't enough to fill my spare time, I've joined a Flickr group - "The Blog Camp 365 in 2010 Project."

What that means is I'm taking photographs, playing around with the editing, and uploading one to the group page every day. Oh, and I'm looking at everyone else's photos, commenting on them and learning tons and tons about photography while I'm at it. I'm trying to figure out how to add a link to my "One-A-Days" on this blog, but for some reason, I just haven't had time to do it yet. Keep an eye out for it, but in the meantime, I'll just post a few of mine here ... 

  

 

*The latest edition of my missionary friend Jeannie's newsletter arrived this week. In it she writes "...without electricity I eat cold food, take cold showers, have no internet or TV - in short, nothing in my house works but my cell phone, which I keep charged up, just in case. I also shower at night if I have electricity, to avoid a possible cold shower in the morning if there's no power. I've learned to do things at a slower pace and to adjust to a life with uncertainty." She goes on to say "... we're in what's called a false winter here. That means the weather is acting like the rainy season, even though it's a month early. Farmers have to decide whether to plant now or at the traditional time. They're both risky, but they have to make a decision. Many are out of food provisions for the year and an early start means they will have food sooner, if the rain keeps on. If it doesn't, the newly sprouted corn will dry up and die and they will lose this year's crop..."

I've tried getting her to convert her newsletter into a blog format, but she has too many she needs to mail it to. Plus, she's kinda busy ... So I'm trying to figure out a way to post her newsletter on my blog, just to help get the word out about her work. Keep an eye out for it, too!

*And last but not least, I spotted this on the news this week - a 94-year-old woman earned her college degree. That means there's still hope for me!

     

Devastation

"Those that will learn to pray, let them go to sea." - George Herbert Welsh, poet 17th century

I'm thinking of the pristine beaches of northern Florida ...so many memories in my heart ... the kids digging in the sand, building castles, gathering shells, snorkeling and bodysurfing ...the deserted stretch we lucked upon last summer, the squeak of our lone footsteps breaking the surface of the snow-white sand ...

   

 

 
 

 ... and then I imagine that beach spattered, ruined with globs of oil, the sea creatures and sea birds dying or dead, scenes reminiscent of the images from the Exxon Valdez disaster in Alaska in 1989, and it breaks my heart. I'm praying.

Read here for more information on the Gulf Coast Oil Spill and a comparison to the Exxon Valdez disaster by the National Wildlife Federation.

Just hanging out with a Friend

Candles flicker, casting shadows. The lights are dimmed and I sit near the back, watching the flames. It's quiet - so quiet I hear the ringing in my ears over the distant sounds of cars passing the church. 

I almost talked myself into just staying home. I feel so tired ... what if I fall asleep? It's been such a long week - Monday felt like it should be Friday! Not a good way to start...

But this is Holy Week, the end of Lent, the build-up to Easter. I craved this moment of quiet and calm. A chance to be still and listen. To keep watch. And if I fall asleep ... well, even though Peter was chastised for falling asleep, he was no doubt forgiven. 

Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.

A woman a few rows up is reading - I can't see what, I can only hear the pages turning. A family - mom and dad anchoring their teenage son - sit on the front row. A married couple I bumped into in Walmart earlier tonight are just in front of me. Two couples head up the aisle beside me and sit together ... a double date.

I hear Father Joe whisper a thank-you and good-bye to Deacon Terry behind me. People rise and leave; others enter and kneel.

Over it all hangs silence. Through it all I pray ... I think ... my mind wanders ... I pull it back.

I've been carrying this gray, tangled mess of thoughts around with me lately; the weight of it is dragging me down. I'm ready to get rid of it.

In the stillness, it's easier to set the mess down and take a closer look at it, see what it is that's pulling at my heart.

There's this issue of pets and money ... when Max was a puppy he was diagnosed with a type of canine elbow dysplasia. To keep him from going lame, we spend beaucoups of money every month on special food and supplements, but his poor elbow has taken a toll lately with Belle around. I contacted our vet to get an anti-inflammatory for him ... $50 for 14 one-a-day tablets! Word (on the Internet) is it's likely he'll need to be on these more and more as he ages, but there's no way we can afford another $100 per month on his care. What were we thinking, getting a puppy? Why didn't we anticipate this?

But the joy on his face having Belle around is plain to see. Most of the time, anyway. He ignores the pain to pounce and play with her. And, oh my gosh, what a precious little thing she is - watching her just makes me smile! I don't begrudge the time I've had to take from writing to care for her one bit. Puppy-hood doesn't last that long.

Friends and friendship have been on my mind a lot lately, too. What does it mean to be a friend ... to have a friend ... ?

Friendships are tricky ... slippery ... taking shape and disappearing again, like mirages, making you wonder if what you're seeing (feeling) is real or just your imagination. 

"Friends are like a beautiful garden. They require regular care."

I try to give my friendships regular care. I know I fail at times. But friendship is a two-way thing. You have a garden and you are simultaneously in someone else's garden. You hope, that is. What happens if you're taking care of your garden, but the other person is forgetting to water you? (It's funny how you can always sense when that's happening when you're the "flower", but not always when you're the gardener.) How long do you make excuses for them before you accept the fact that some friendships finally fade? Before you just let go?

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often just to keep it from drying out completely." ~ Pam Brown

I see some other heavy items tangled up in this mess - worries about my Mama's health, emotional and physical pains of my friends and other family members, political issues tearing our country apart - again, things I can do nothing much about except pray. And when I pray, I need to believe, need to have faith, need to let them go.

It's getting late. I haven't finished sorting, but the mess is a little looser, a little lighter. Some bright spots shine through now - I get to celebrate Easter with my kids and friends ... little Belle (nothing but brightness there) ... and yesterday the Jobs4Autism website I've spent the last year working on, promoting, writing for, finally took off after it was mentioned in an article on CNN.com. There was such a huge response that the site temporarily crashed! It was awesome!

I slip quietly out of the church into the night, relishing the frisky spring wind. I didn't fall asleep, after all. I'm glad I came. When things are troubling you, there's nothing like spending time with a Friend to clarify things, ease your mind, lighten your load.

One of my New Heroes

I heard about this last week...a mom near Dallas, Texas came home from dropping her son off at daycare to find two men robbing her house! She used her SUV to block them until the police arrived.

I've been burglarized twice in my life - both times in the middle of the day - and both times the thieves took things that were more sentimental to me than monetarily valuable. The first time they took some coins my grandfather had left me and a smoky topaz ring that had belonged to my mother. She'd had it since she was thirteen and I felt guilty that I had let it slip away.

The second time they stole a 35mm camera and a video recorder - but the real loss was what they contained...photos and videos of our oldest son Tommy as a toddler. Irreplaceable.

More than anything, they took my sense of security and privacy. I felt violated knowing someone had been in my place, going through my things. Yes, I realize things are just things. But that doesn't mean it's not okay to be upset when someone invades your safe space and takes what belongs to you.

I wish I had been able to confront the lowlife scumbags who had no regard for my belongings like this mom did. She's a hero to me - there's no telling how many others these creeps would have stolen from if she hadn't stopped them cold. On behalf of them and all of us who have felt that cold chill of knowing someone else was in your house, uninvited, going through your things, taking your things...THANK YOU! 

To read the article, click here.

"Foreign Grossness" (Ew. Yuck. Ew. Part 2)

It was traumatic enough finding out that just trying on clothes can be hazardous to my health because of all of the hidden bacteria, fecal matter and ugh, I don't want to think about what else "Good Morning America"'s special investigators discovered on new clothes in top notch stores.

But now The Today Show has just ruined "pretty undies" shopping for me, too. Not to be outdone by GMA, they sent their own undercover YI's (Yuck Investigators) into the lingerie departments of some popular stores recently and just listen to what they discovered...USED UNDERWEAR passed off as NEW! Hidden cameras captured images of sales clerks immediately re-tagging returned intimates and plopping them right back out on the display racks and tables. Unless they have an odor...then they hang them up for a day or so to 'air' out.

Yuck.

We're talking Victoria's Secret, people! Also Macy's, Nordstrom, The Gap...

Ew.

Those candy-colored lacy delicacies will never tempt me the same way, ever again.

As one girl interviewed on the report said "You don't want grossness near there, but especially not foreign grossness."

Want to hear the whole depressing story for yourself? Click here.

(photo thanks to Style It Less)

Feeling the Squeeze but Holding on to the Dreams

On the local news this morning I heard there was going to be a meeting tonight at the University of Texas - an open meeting between students, parents and administration to discuss a potential tuition hike.

Funny...I wasn't invited.

I receive a newsletter from the University...a newsletter from the Parents' Association...and I'm on the email list for the University President's new blog, Tower Talk. If any of these mentioned the meeting, I didn't see it.

It's not that I would be able to attend, anyway. After work I need to come home and write...trying to gather all the pennies I can to pay those monthly financial aid loan bills and gambling on writing a best-seller to pay off all the loans, once and for all...and possibly pay for my own college classes.

Tom can't attend - he's gone twelve hours a day as it is and when he comes home, he helps with the housework and then on the laundry room...still determined to finish building this house we started almost a decade ago.

We're still chasing our dreams because we don't want our kids to give up on theirs.

But I hope there is someone there who can speak for us...the ones who make just enough money that the only financial aid available is a semi-low interest loan, but not enough to pay the tuition otherwise, and not enough to pay for four years of college x 3 kids worth of loans without drowning.

Will someone speak for those of us with above-average, hard-working kids who are good at a lot of things, but not necessarily the best at anything?...who don't excel at one thing enough to qualify for a scholarship?...who aren't part of a minority, so can't qualify for a scholarship?

I wish I could be there so I could explain that we don't live extravagantly - it's not that we have the money and just choose to spend it elsewhere. We have one car payment - the first one since 1988. Our kids don't have their own cars, used or otherwise. They were the last ones to get cell phones and personal computers (high school graduation gifts.) They don't mind hand-me-down clothes or shopping at Goodwill. They've never even been to Disneyworld, except the oldest who went for a high school band competition years ago.

In fact, I've never been to Disneyworld or on a cruise or to Cozumel.

Don't get me wrong - I don't resent these things - they are sacrifices I made knowingly and willingly when I chose to be a stay-at-home mom, and they were worth it. But what I didn't expect was for college tuition to be out of reach - even at the public level. We couldn't afford the Texas Tomorrow Fund, but we thought the kids would be able to work enough to pay for it...gather some scholarships...perhaps go in the military if necessary.  They are working...they did gather some scholarships...the military option is out because of asthma...but I'm wondering now if they'll even be able to finish if the tuition continues to climb.

It's all I can do to stop one of them from dropping out even now - he wants to save us money and thinks he'll go back on his own, later. As a college-dropout myself, still holding on to that dream of finishing "one day", I just can't let that happen.

If anyone goes to that meeting tonight, will you please speak for us?

Discovering Temple Grandin

I've discovered a whole new world that I didn't even realize existed.

Until about a year ago, I knew nothing about autism. I was aware of it...I personally knew children with it...but I didn't have a clue how complex it could be until I became involved with Jobs4Autism, the nonprofit website my employers sponsor.

Since then I've read numerous articles, subscribed to newsletters and joined communities on Twitter and Facebook. I've met mothers and fathers of children with autism. I've met mothers and fathers who themselves are on the autism spectrum, along with numerous founders of organizations dedicated to helping and supporting the autism cause.

What I've learned is...there is a lot more to learn. Autism is broad, layered, connected by similarities but separated by differences. And it's a lot more common than most of us realize. I've enjoyed working on the website because I can see that one of the biggest problems is just lack of understanding about autism; I feel we are doing a little bit to erase that ignorance...to help close the gap between "neuro-typicals" and those on the spectrum.

No matter where I turn, one name keeps popping up: Temple Grandin. Over the past year, I've come to know enough about her to understand why her name is mentioned whenever people begin talking about autism. She is a barrier-breaker, although she didn't set out to break barriers - she just had a dream and refused to let anyone stop her from achieving it, whether it was because she was a woman or because she was on the autism spectrum. She is an inpiration to everyone that has ever had a dream and had to overcome obstacles to reach it.

On Saturday, February 6, a movie based on two of Grandin's books (Thinking in Pictures and Emergence, co-written with Margeret Sciarano) premiers on HBO, starring Claire Danes as Temple Grandin and directed by Mick Jackson. For those like me who haven't read Grandin's books, it's a great opportunity to see her story.

Last week on Jobs4Autism I blogged about an interview with Grandin by author Chantal Sicile-Kira published in the Huffington Post. Our website is focused on employment for those on the spectrum, and in the interview Grandin shared some great advice that applies to anyone trying to get a job...not just those on the spectrum.

Grandin also mentions the importance of mentors in her life - she credits them with giving her the guidance, support and confidence she needed to move forward and accomplish all that she has accomplished. Isn't that true for anyone? I've certainly had mentors help me along my way. I sure hope in my days as a librarian and volunteer I was able to have a positive influence on the kids that crossed my path.

You can read my Jobs4Autism blog post here, but I encourage you to read Sicile-Kira's entire interview here and especially, I encourage you to watch Temple Grandin.

(above photo credit: HBO/Van Redin)

Ew. Yuck. Ew.

I did NOT want to know about this, but now that I do, I have to share it. Misery loves company, you know. But that's not the only reason I'm passing this information on...there may be a few more of you out there that were like me...just sticking your heads in the ground, not wanting to think about this. Because now that I know it, I realize it should have been pretty obvious. At least some of it.

I'm talking about the results of an investigation by Good Morning America on new clothing; they purchased 14 different pieces from three popular chain clothing stores, high-end and low-end, and gave them to microbiologist Dr. Philip Tierno from New York University to test for germs.

Talk about being a fun-sucker. Clearance racks will never hold the same allure for me after hearing the results of his report...

Tierno discovered bacteria, or "flora", on several items. He found "representation of respiratory secretions, skin flora, and some fecal flora" on one blouse; tests on a jacket revealed evidence of feces, skin flora and "respiratory secretions" in the armpit and even "close to the buttocks"; on a silk blouse he found vaginal organisms, yeast and more fecal evidence.

Ugh. Ew. Yuck.

According to the report, you can actually get sick from some of this bacteria. To protect yourself, Tierno recommends washing your new clothes before wearing them or at least running them through a cycle in a hot dryer. Of course, he says to wash your hands after shopping...and he also recommends wearing clothes BENEATH your clothes when trying them on...somehow that kind of makes trying them on useless, doesn't it? You'd end up buying everything too big! Maybe someone will invent a "shopping bodysuit"...

I have a feeling I'll be saving quite a bit of money this year; now it will be hard for me not to wonder who has been in the clothes I'm trying on...and what they were doing in them.

Read Good Morning America's full yucky report here.