Long Hollow

Vintage Airports, Engaged Couples, Dark-Eyed Juncos, and other Sweet!s of the Week

We've known him since he was a baby, but when Justin gets married next month we won't be at the wedding. He and his beautiful bride-to-be Pati are tying the knot in Mexico, and as much as we'd love a few days at an ocean side resort, we just can't swing it financially. 

That's why his mom and dad threw an engagement party for them last weekend, so we and all the rest who couldn't be at the ceremony could celebrate with the couple.

The best part.. it was a surprise party! I love surprises!

They thought the surprise was just a flight in this small plane...

They didn't know it would land at a different airport where friends and family waited to party with them in a vintage airport terminal.

 

Did you catch that "vintage airport" part?

It was the 1940's Air Terminal Museum - the original art deco air terminal at Hobby Airport in Houston, currently being renovated back to its glory days and filled with all sorts of vintage airport memorabilia. Very cool!

I took one or two photos... ahem...

Bob, Justin's dad, decorated the tables with flags and maps and tidbits on the history of Justin and Pati's love story.

As you can see, we sat at the Istanbul, Turkey table, where Justin and Pati's story began.

Bob's so creative.

Believe it or not, I also took some photos of the cute couple! 

 

Ah, young love. Very sweet! 

And now for a few other sweet!s of my week...

Saturday: seeing your husband after a week apart; surprise parties; dancing, dancing, dancing

Sunday: breakfast by Daddy; parakeets running wild; tutus and cowgirl boots; a slumber party with your sister and mom

Monday: finding out you won a beautiful sketch by TexWis Girl; a call from a dear friend; an afternoon walk with the puppies after a fun weekend with friends and family; new growth on a beautiful tree you didn't think survived the drought

Tuesday: the sun rising early enough to fit in a walk with the puppies before work; a call from another good friend; two hawks hamming it up for your camera (okay, once on the computer I realized they were those vultures again, but they really are photogenic!)

Wednesday: time before work to walk your puppies, switch the laundry around, and run two miles; high school juniors reading and writing children's stories; packages in the mailbox; baby frogs; finding out Hilary at The Smitten Image awarded you a Post of the Week for one of your photography posts

Thursday: hours to get lost in your writing; answered prayers for a friend; your mom calling, worried about you because you haven't checked in with her yet today

Friday: veggie omelettes; eavesdropping on teenager's conversations; a mailbox stuffed with the box containing the beautiful sketch you won, a dark-eyed junco by TexWisGirl Theresa of The Run*A*Round Ranch Report

Isn't it precious? She's so talented!

Theresa also enclosed one four- and one five-leaf clover in a sweet card. Bonus sweet!

Thanks again, Theresa!! 

I hope the next week is filled with bonus sweet!s for all of you!

Ten Years Ago...

He noticed it when he used the rowing machine at the gym where he worked. A consistent pain or pressure that would start up after a few minutes and go away when he stopped rowing. Perhaps a pulled muscle? He was in the middle of building our new home, after all, and stretching and working those muscles to their limit.

But when the pain popped up again while working on the car one April morning ten years ago, he decided he should have it looked into. He'd read enough about heart attacks to hear that tiny warning voice whispering in his ear.

Our doctor's office said don't bother coming in, call an ambulance and get to the hospital right away.

We didn't call an ambulance. By then the pain had gone away, so we took time to shower and eat lunch before heading out the door. We had enough experience with hospitals to know we'd be there awhile. 

After hours and hours and test after test - he passed the stress test with flying colors - they declared his heart fine and sent us home. But come see me in two weeks, the cardiologist told him.

He did, and he told her how he could get that feeling back in his chest after just so many minutes on that rowing machine even though running on the treadmill did nothing.

So she scheduled an arteriogram which revealed an artery in the circumflex was 95% blocked, in a spot that doesn't show up on EKGs and stress tests. 

They popped in a stent and two days later he was back at work.

Thank you, God, for good cardiologists and modern medicine and stubborn husbands who listen to their bodies and aren't afraid to speak up.

Thank you, God, for these past ten years with my sweet husband. I pray we have at least ten more, but just in case, I'll try my best not to take a single one of them for granted.

Happy Anniversary, Tom!! Thank you for taking care of yourself!

 

"Lullaby" (Dixie Chicks)

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

 

Flowers for Leontien (and other Sweet!s)

June 3 will mark the 4th anniversary of my first blog post.

I started blogging because, as I write in my "About" section up above...

"Diaries, letters, and scrapbooks became journals, writing classes and essays became Long Hollow (and a few fictional works in progress...) 

But come to find out, what started as an outlet for my journaling and writing needs also satisfied this desire inside of me to connect with people. I was the kind of kid who wrote letters to everyone I knew and wanted tons of pen pals all around the world.

Blogging has given that to me.

Through my blogs... this one and my photography blog... I've met people I probably would never have connected with otherwise.

Just to name a few, there's the  Methodist minister in South Africa. The anesthesiologist/playwright in California. And the transplanted Wisconsonian photographer/artist/animal lover living near Dallas named TexWis Girl.

Earlier this week, I received an email from TexWisGirl letting me know about a surprise blog event called Flowers for Leontien, scheduled for today at 8 am, in honor of fellow blogger, Leontien Vandelaar of Four Leaf Clover Dairy.

I actually don't know Leontien, but she is battling cancer, and other bloggers who do know her felt our support and participation in this event would show her that her blogging community is there for her -- by posting a flower photo with {{hugs}} as the message to Leontien on our blogs today and linking to the "Flowers for Leontien" post on A Rural Journal.

By coordinating our posts, TexWisGirl and others hope to demonstrate how much the blogging community cares for Leontien and is thinking of her at this difficult time. A big beautiful virtual bouquet delivered right to her computer.

As I said, I don't know Leontien, but it moves me that these other bloggers are doing what they can to support their friend, and reaching out to others to gather as much support as possible.

So Leontien, this Texas flower is for you with lots of {{hugs}}. 

I'll keep you in my prayers, for strength and peace and healing. I'm grateful for this blogging community that connected us.

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What a coincidence that the BlogHer Life Well Lived question this week is: How does blogging, journaling, writing and connecting online help to increase your happiness?

I think I just answered that question.

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And now for a few other Sweet!s of my week.. 

Sunday: talking to all three kids in the same day; your mom calling to make sure you're okay; a call from your husband

Monday:a butterfly landing on your shoe; progress on your book for the first time in a few weeks; a blog friend using your photo in his post 

Tuesday: dinner with 2/3 of your kids; payday for one of your jobs; veggie omelettes; a porch swing at night, with a view of the crescent moon

Wednesday: free home grown onions sitting in a basket at your veterinary clinic when you go to pick up your expensive dog food; fortune cookies that tell you what you want to hear; your mom calling to check on you; more progress on your book

Thursday: your sister thinking of you when she sees an exciting photography opportunity; finally getting your Easter decorations put away; editing photos on a new, fast computer; making arrangments for a fun summer vacation at the beach with family

Friday: being back in high school and not caring if anyone likes you; a hug from a friend, via her little girl; goofy dogs; salmon colored sunsets

Saturday: joining other bloggers to offer support and prayers to a fellow blogger

Share your Sweet!s with me! I love to hear them! I hope your next week is full to the brim with them!

...Toss your hat into the latest BlogHer Life Well Lived Sweepstakes for a chance to win an iPod Touch and a $50 iTunes gift certificate to go with it. Go to the Live Well Lived main page to see the other answers and add your own to the comments.

For proper disclosure...

The Book of Jonas

 

"What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world." ~ Robert E. Lee

In The Book of Jonas, author Stephen Dau reminds us that the devastation of war goes beyond a battlefield littered with debris and dead bodies: it indelibly stamps everyone involved. 

Dau illustrates this mostly through the story of Jonas, whose childhood village was destroyed by American soldiers, but also weaves in the stories of Christopher, one of those soldiers, and Rose, Christopher's mother. Through these three perspectives, Dau makes us ponder what we believe about justice, guilt, innocence, right and wrong.

It's a quietly powerful book. A multilayered story with multi-dimensional, multi-faceted characters. Dau is great at introducing a character, making us feel one way about him or her, then moving the camera so we see them from a different angle, triggering a different reaction.   

For me The Book of Jonas is more than a story about war and its effects. It's a lesson in life and love, illustrating how rarely anything is exactly what it seems to be, either black or white. Even our memories don't tell the whole truth, limited as they are by a single viewpoint and tainted by other similar memories.

It's a reminder that none of us lives in a vacuum. Our lives can be dramatically changed because of one decision... sometimes our own but often someone else's. We also can't just ignore the traumatic events that leave their stamps on us, hoping they'll go away. If we do, we become their prisoners.

"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy." ~ Jim Rohr

This is Stephen Dau's first book. I'm eager to read his next.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Totally. Blown. Away.

When my friend Darla mentioned having a birthday party for me, I agreed only because it was a good excuse for a get-together with dear friends from high school. 

"No presents, though!" I told her. "Make sure you tell everyone 'no presents'"! 

I knew she would still go crazy on food and decorating... she's a Master Hostess. The Diva of Detail.

But I was still surprised by these...

The next big surprise was turning a corner and seeing faces I didn't expect to see. Faces of friends who live hours and hours away, like Patti who even traveled with her margarita machine and the necessary ingredients for her delicious 80 calorie margaritas...

I was pretty sure my friend Annie was going to be there, even though she and husband Dan had some car issues they had to straighten out before driving in from Galveston. And I knew she was bringing some of her beautiful paintings.

But I'd only seen photos of them on Facebook and Etsy up until Saturday. In person they are even more amazingly beautiful.

Getting to take two home with me was certainly a sweet surprise! (Thank you, sweet, talented Annie!)

(you can see more of Annie's paintings in her Etsy Shop)

But as if those weren't enough surprises for this 53-year-old heart, they made me sit down while Patti read a poem she composed for me... which made me cry... 

and that ended like this:

So here's a little something to help you get that damn book written!

Then they plopped this huge box in front of me.

Breathless. 

That's how I felt as I stripped the paper away and realized these sneaky, wonderful people had somehow managed to give me a new computer. A brand spanking new giNORmous Mac.

My husband and Darla were the main conspirators. Oh, sneaky, sneaky...

He had even gone by there earlier in the week (when he told me he was working late!) and loaded some photos on it!

I'm still not sure who all is responsible - I know my kids were as well as some people who couldn't make it to the party. Darla promised to let me know, and as soon as I'm through with thank you notes, I'm taping their photos to my wall. I'll feel their eyes on me when I'm working, reminding me to stick with it. Whether it's warranted or not, they're putting their faith in me to finish my book.

Or maybe they were just really tired of hearing me complain about my old computer. I know Tom was!

Whatever their reasons, I still feel breathless and blown away when I think of their generosity and the depth of their friendship. It will be hard to repay them, but I'll do my best. 

 

‎"You don't have to have anything in common with people you've known since you were five. With old friends, you've got your whole life in common."

- Lyle Lovett

Life

There are times in life when everything hits at once.

Your car has issues, your family has issues, your house has issues, your job has issues... 

Opportunities drop onto your path that will scurry away if you don't jump on them right this instant but you don't know how you can squeeze another minute out of your day. Bills need to be paid but you don't know how you're going to squeeze another penny out of your dollar.

That's when you need to step back and realize that even if you're not sure how you're going to deal with the issues or take advantage of the opportunities or pay the bills, things could be worse.

Having these problems means you have a car, you have a family, you have a house, you have a job. You have dreams and hope and faith.

Smile. Breathe. Laugh.

Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.

~ Unknown

 

Love, Allelujah!

"Jesus Christ is risen today..."

That song has been playing in my head all day. It started playing as soon as I opened my eyes this morning and then it was the first and last hymn we sang at Mass. It's still running through my mind, lifting my spirit, spilling sunshine into my heart.

It's Easter Sunday, allelujah!

All of my kids are here, but I didn't prepare baskets this morning - just set a few boxes of malted milk Robin's Eggs and Reese's peanut butter eggs out on the table. I didn't even have all of my kids at church with me. TG is sick, bless her heart.

But Easter is more than all of that - it's the lightness of being in the very center of me that says everything is going to be okay. 

"Because Christ rose from the dead, we know that sin and death and Satan have been decisively defeated."

~ Billy Graham

I hope you have all felt that lightness of being on this blessed Easter day!

 

 

Traipsing through Cemeteries and other Sweet!s

It might seem unusual to wander through a cemetery on your birthday, but that's what I did yesterday.

There's a small one dating from the 1850's down the highway toward Marble Falls. When I heard it was blanketed with bluebonnets, I couldn't wait to visit it. There's just something about wildflowers growing beside a headstone that I find quite beautiful.  A reminder of fragility of life, the cycle of life, of life after death.

How appropriate for a birthday, especially one that falls on Good Friday, right?

After exploring the cemetery, offering prayers for the souls of those resting there and their families, we drove on to Marble Falls, where we visited a few eclectic antique and art shops in the old part of town (Tom and Daniel are such good sports!), and enjoyed dinner at a restaurant overlooking the lake.

Best of all, later that evening I got to share the traditional birthday cheesecake with all three of my kids. 

Just icing on a week full of sweet! moments...

Sunday: fields of bluebonnets and prairie verbena; pizza from a brick oven; sitting on the back deck on a beautiful spring night with your son and talking for hours

Monday: daily chats with your mom; finding a pair of shoes in your closet you'd forgotten about; butterflies; talking about your day over dinner with your sweetie

Tuesday: four-year-olds... especially their smiles and hugs and imaginations; working with a friend; reading a new book

Wednesday: a surprise birthday lunch with friends; creme brulee; a vineyard, caliche road and tin roof glowing in moonlight

Thursday: birthday cards in the mail; a birthday call from a dear friend and your uncle; practicing the drums; a full moon welcoming your birthday

Friday: greeting another birthday morning; breakfast, courtesy of your husband and son; birthday surprises in the mailbox; birthday wishes via phone, email and Facebook; bluebonnets blanketing a cemetery; sharing cheesecake and a movie with all three kids

Saturday: a lazy Saturday at home 

I hope you had a week full of sweet! moments, too!

 

Love, Life, and The Fault in Our Stars

I hesitated signing up to review The Fault in Our Stars by John Green for the BlogHer Book Club. The blurb said it was about a teenager with terminal cancer, and quite honestly, I wasn't sure if I could handle another book about death and dying. It feels like that's all I've been writing about lately.

But I did sign up for it, because I've enjoyed all of the other books I've read in the BHBC. I trusted them that this one would be just as good.

Well, I'm so glad I did. Green's characters - Hazel, Augustus, Isaac - are so real and fresh and funny that I totally fell in love with them. I could hardly put the book down.

Green tells their story without letting it muddle into a melodramatic tearjerker. Oh, I cried plenty of tears - it's a book about kids dealing with cancer and facing death, after all - but mostly I laughed and cheered and rejoiced.

The characters came to life for me, more than any other characters I've ever gotten to know and love. They felt genuine, and I think I'm qualified to judge, having raised three teenagers of my own in recent history.

Where other teenagers dream of their future, Green's characters wonder if they'll have a future beyond the next year... week... month. They realize the importance of the "here and now" because they know that may be all they get. And it reminded me that none of us is guaranteed more than the "here and now".

So, even though the main characters are teenagers, this book isn't just for young adults. The story goes straight to your heart, making it ageless. 

It's also a love story more than a cancer story. Love doesn't know anything about cancer, or oxygen tanks, or prosthetic legs - it's a straight heart-to-heart connection. And when so much in your life is out of your hands, it's a relief to have some sense of control over even a small aspect.

As Augustus says, "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you."

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club, but the opinions are my own. I really do love, love, love this book and its characters. If you've ever loved, loved, loved a book, join the discussion, "Which Books Do You Love?", HERE.

Sky Blue, Sketches, and other Sweet!s (and Bittersweets) of the week

Sky Blue is my favorite crayon color of all time.

Today, God picked it to color the sky. I could imagine him sprawled on the floor of heaven, opening that big box of 96 (the one with the sharpener,) pulling out the Sky Blue, then, with side to side strokes, filling in the entire sky. 

For hours I lay under it on a folding lounge chair of the same color... even reading from a book with a Sky Blue color... wearing jean shorts, flip-flops, and a tank top the same shade of green as the new grass and fresh tree buds, my skin soaking up the sun like the dry winter ground soaks up the spring showers.

I rarely read for hours in a row like that and it felt so good to just lose myself in a story. It helped that I could call it "working"... it was the latest BlogHer Book Club book I'm going to review. I can't tell you the title yet, but I can tell you that I can hardly put the dang book down.

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Yesterday I came home from work to find a mysterious manila envelope on my desk. The name on the return address looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it.

 Inside I found a heart-melting sketch of my Max puppy... 

It turns out my sweet sister commissioned a wonderfully talented friend of hers, Susan Bromlow, a high school classmate, to sketch this drawing from one of my photos of Max on my blog. Susan (as you can see) is a talented artist. Click HERE to view more of her work.

What a sweet surprise and precious treasure! Thank you so much, Brenda and Susan! 

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Here are a few other sweet moments from the past week....

Monday: a good report from your doctor; lunch with your husband who took the day off

Tuesday: paychecks in the mailbox; an hour on the phone with your oldest, just catching up; clearing out closets and giving things away; a new part time job, helping with the income you need to keep working on your book without finding a full time job

Wednesday: hearing, then seeing, two red-tailed hawks streaking through the Hollow; a golden sunset that fills the sky and stretches to the horizon

Thursday: a gorgeous blue Mexican Jay couple, straw in beaks, busy building a nest; a last-minute, long-overdue catch-up lunch with friends; meeting lifetime friends from out of town for a spur-of-the-moment dinner 

Friday: walking at sunrise; another paycheck in the mailbox; bees buzzing fragrant mountain laurel blooms; daffodils and redbuds; your son's face, up close and in person

Saturday: making an unhappy customer happy again; spending time with both sons plus your future daughter-in-law and her family; an amazing sketch of your puppy arriving in the mail box; a friend's support of your writing

Sunday: sleeping in; an afternoon spent reading in the sunshine

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Before I could publish this post, Tom's dad called to let us know Tom's Aunt Marg had passed away. Please pray for the repose of her soul and for her family. Hearing of her death isn't sweet, of course, but the memories of her in my heart sure are.

Soon after Tom and I were married, we traveled to Wisconsin to meet his dad's side of the family. Aunt Marg opened her home to us, hosting a corn roast and sharing tons of family photos and mementoes.

A few years later, she spent about a week with us. In turn for teaching me how to cross stitch (I became an addict for several years) we took her to Gilley's where she even rode the mechanical bull.

                                   

Summer before last we saw her again in Wisconsin at a family wedding. It had been several years since we'd last seen her... maybe a decade... but she hadn't changed a bit, still as feisty as ever.  She even got out on the dancefloor!

I'm so grateful TG was able to meet her - they really clicked - and for all the memories I have tucked in my heart. Please keep her family in your prayers.

Rest in peace, Aunt Marg. We love you!

Beauty in the Midst

Last week I helped celebrate my cousin Ronnie's life. 

Looking through the photos afterward, Claire Bidwell Smith's words kept coming back to me...

"Even in the midst of all this pain and sadness I see something beautiful."

 

I snapped this one of Ronnie's sister Cindy surrounded by her daughters, grandkids, and great-granddaughter because of the palpable feeling of support they gave her, as well as the sweet hug and kiss of comfort from a grandson to his grandma. I had never even met some of these generations before, my own cousins once or twice or three times removed.

 

I had to capture this smile on my mother's face as she met her great-great niece, Khloie, and the proud smile on Khloie's grandma's face.

 

Representatives of the Veterans of Foreign Wars paid tribute to Ronnie's military service with a few words at the graveside ceremony. 

The man in overalls on the far left was Ronnie's neighbor, a good friend who drove Ronnie to and from his many doctor visits. 

 

 

 

Charles and Howard are brothers, my cousins. 

I had good visits with both of them on this day. 

I can't remember the last time I saw either one of them. Perhaps it was at a funeral.  It makes me sad to think the next time I see them will probably be at another funeral.

 

 

Martha and my mom's friendship goes all the way back to junior high. Martha's sweet face always appears in those times when Mama needs support, reminding me of my own longtime friends. (I wonder what they talk about when I'm not around?) 

 

Tex-Mex for lunch afterwards with my parents and sister, Brenda. 

Mama and Daddy aren't often this dressed up. I used this opportunity for a photo shoot. Daddy made me work for it, though.

"Well, that's okay, but Daddy, this time remember to look down just a little so the flash doesn't bounce off of your glasses. And smile!"

 

"Hmmm... better, but Daddy this time don't take a bite of food before I take the picture and really smile! You know I'll keep taking them until you do what I tell you."

 

 "That's it! Perfect!" (He knew I meant it!)

The Rules of Inheritance: a journey through grief

 

 

It's somehow fitting that I've been reading Claire Bidwell Smith's The Rules of Inheritance for the past few weeks.

Last night I dove into the final chapters, my mind still swirling with sorrow and joy that lingered from a quick trip to Houston for my cousin's funeral. Sorrow for friends and family wrapped tight in grief for the recent loss of their loved ones, including a dear friend whose husband just died, and joy from time spent with my parents, sister, and cousins I rarely see. 

I arrived home just in time to attend Ash Wednesday services, where Father Don reminded us of our mortality, of the importance of not squandering the gift of life we've been given, but to find a way to give back. 

Through all of this, Smith's book was on my mind, because it deals with life and death and grief. Mostly her own grief. When Smith was fourteen, both of her parents were diagnosed with cancer. Her mother died when Smith was eighteen and then, just seven years later, she watched her father take his last breath.

Smith takes us along on her heart-wrenching and courageously candid journey, but as tragic as it is, underneath is an unspoken glimmer of hope that kept me turning the pages. I knew she survived this dark passage of her life... I could tell that she was writing it from a patch of light that gave her strength to venture back in, in order to share her story with us.

But I couldn't imagine how she did it. I wanted to know. I needed to know.

How do you face the grief without letting it swallow you? How do you continue when you've lost your "most important person"?

I've felt grief and loss. Two sisters-in-law. My oldest brother. All of my grandparents. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Close friends.

But my parents and my husband's parents are all still alive... still voices on the other end of the phone... still just a hop in the car and a few hours' drive away.  Except for my brother, we have all ten of our siblings. All of our children.

Mostly, we still have each other.

But life is so fragile. In little over a year, six of my friends have become widows. Several of my classmates from high school, former co-workers, and now my cousin have died in the past year as well, while others have lost their parents. 

Smith was young when she lost her parents, but is there ever an age when you're prepared for that void in your life?

I feel blessed. Grateful. And lucky. But I also feel a twinge of guilt that makes me stumble over the right words. Smith says "If you haven't been through a major loss, then the truth is that you just don't know what to say to someone who has." 

She talks about the friends that gathered around her in her father's last days. Just their physical presence, their touch, helped her get through it. I remember how much it meant to me when I looked up at my brother's funeral and spotted my girlfriends.

Even if I don't know what to say, I'll try harder to be physically present.

I also won't pass judgement. I won't tell anyone it's time to get on with their lives, but will try to just listen. "Our grief is as individual as our lives," Smith says. 

Simone Weil said "All sins are attempts to fill voids."

Smith's reactions to her parents' illnesses and deaths certainly proves this to be true. She relates with raw honesty her futile attempts to fill the void. I'm amazed she not only survived, but managed to settle her father's estate, get her degree, and hold jobs while traveling the dark and gritty path of her teens and twenties.

I recommend this book to anyone who is actively grieving, but also to anyone who has struggled with depression, loneliness, bad relationships, trying to find the right path, or just trying to figure out who they really are. They'lll be able to identify with her story, too, whether or not they've suffered loss such as hers.

It's not until years later that Smith allows her grief to bubble to the surface or is able to recognize Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief in her dark journey.

Now a grief counselor, Smith used the stages of grief as the framework for her memoir. It isn't a linear story, but jumps from one episode in her life to another, back and forth, but told in the present tense, allowing us to experience the moment through her eyes. 

Some of the episodes are repeated with slight differences; I didn't understand this until near the last chapter when she explains the stages are just a frame to work with. "You may never experience all of them. You may go through them out of order or sometimes find yourself in more than one of them at the same time." 

Life and death go hand in hand. Personal loss is waiting for each of us around one of the corners, just ahead. I believe reading Smith's book will help anyone prepare for the inevitable grief that comes with life... and to believe that it's possible to eventually get to the other side of grief and continue on.

At the end of the book, Smith describes walking in on her husband and young daughter having a tea party. She wants to freeze that moment, but knows she can't. She knows time will pass, along with many others, that they'll all grow old and die. 

But her father's words, spoken shortly before his last breath, resonate through her words. I know she believes them and I do, too:

"Life is worth living."

 

 

 

 

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are totally my own.

 

 

 

Seasons and Promises

Today I'm driving to Houston. My cousin died a few days ago and I want to be there for his funeral tomorrow, Ash Wednesday.

Ronnie was only 64. Not old, but not young, either. I guess "just enough time", as the Band Perry sings... but I can't imagine ever thinking I've had enough time.

I'd prefer not to be going to Ronnie's funeral tomorrow, although what better way to remind us of our mortality as we enter this season of Lent than to have someone we love and care about die?

As I prepared for my trip this morning, I got word that a dear friend's husband died suddenly yesterday. For the past two years they've lived in separate countries, longing for the day when she could join him in Spain and they'd finally be together longer than too-short visits that passed oh, so quickly. 

Just over a month ago, that day finally came. And now, just like that, he's gone. 

I'm grateful they were together, that there wasn't still an ocean separating them when he died, but my heart breaks for her as all of their hopes and plans and dreams for the future turn to ashes.

That's the thing about life. We can make all kinds of plans and dream all kinds of dreams, but there's no guarantee any of them will come true. 

Should we stop planning? Stop dreaming?

Heck no. Even if we can't control what happens in our lives, we can control how we react to the unexpected. We can still try to make the most of each moment we're given, even if it we feel there's never enough time. We can try to embrace the lessons in our tears as much as those in our laughter. 

I came across a wonderful reminder of this on Beth's blog yesterday in the video below. I felt it was too powerful a story not to share. 

 

I haven't made my Lenten promise yet, but I have a feeling it will have something to do with my answer to the question below...

"What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

~ Mary Oliver

How would you answer that question?

Please join me in praying for peace and strength for these and others who have recently lost loved ones, including my high school classmate, Tanya, whose husband died today.

Team Valentine (Who needs a dozen roses...?)

Valentine's Day Eve...

Tom made the cookie dough.

I peeled the wrappers off the milk chocolate hearts.

He formed the balls, rolled them in sugar and placed them on the cookie sheets I lined with foil.

He kept an eye on their baking, but together we topped each cookie with a heart and popped them in our mouths...

...over and over and over again. 

When there's someone, one someone who makes your days brighter,

makes your joys greater,

makes your heart lighter,

 

Valentine's Day...

Tom was in the Suzuki, pulling out of the driveway just as I drove up. 
"I'm going to get one more load of rock. Want to go with me?" he asked. Of course I did!

He cleared the dirty gloves and tools off the passenger seat, brushed as much loose dirt aside as he could, and I climbed in.  He drove to a spot near the lake where construction crews are laying new water pipe. The foreman gave Tom permission to gather up all the flat rock he wants - he's collecting them to use as paving stones for our future driveway, or as I like to call it, Hernia #5. Or maybe it's #6. I've lost count.

I helped him load the rock, then he showed me the mother lode of fossils he discovered. We spent the next half hour scouring the exposed lake bed for fossils, finding one stone heart after another, until the setting sun reminded us to head home.

That's when he discovered the flat in the right front tire. He drove the Suzuki as far as the top of our dirt road, then hopped out to lessen the weight on the tire. I drove it the last mile home with him following on foot.

Someone, one someone you want so to share with,

do everything with,

go everywhere with,

 

Valentine's Day Night...

Cards filled with love and sweetness. Candlelight. Grilled T-Bone steaks, Texas toast, fresh salad. A glass of pinot noir for me, a beer for him. A couple of cookies and "When Harry Met Sally".

Could there possibly be a better way to celebrate Valentine's Day? I can't imagine it.

Someone, one someone you want to live for--

you have that something called Love.

~ Karen Ravn 

 

"Girl...We SO Crazy" (a Diva weekend in Long Hollow)

 

This tiny naked baby, arms opened wide for a hug, sits on my kitchen window sill, a sweet reminder that just two weeks ago my kitchen was overflowing in love and friendship and hugs from women who have known me almost forever.

 

 

 

The baby came hidden in an authentic King Cake, carted all the way from Louisiana (along with some genuine boudin sausages) by my friend Sandy.

I'm not sure who found the baby in their piece of cake, but I love that they plopped him down where I would spot him and be reminded of them every day.

The Diva weekend started on a Friday night, two weeks ago tomorrow, when half of the women braved my dirt road in the dark of night just to get together with friends they've known since high school. 

The rest rolled in on Saturday.

The beauty of these get-togethers, though, is that we weren't all friends in high school. It took a few decades, but we're grabbing this chance to connect in ways that are impossible when you're a teenager. 

I didn't start snapping photos until Saturday morning, though, when some of us ventured out on a walk to wake up my husband who had escaped to his tent across the creek soon after grilling us a delicious fajita dinner the night before.

 

 

What a sweetheart! 

We thought about jumping in on him, then realized he might be as naked as that King Cake baby, so we just talked to him through the canvas, instead. 

 

Look! I wasn't the only one swinging a big camera that weekend! 

Love this one of Rae and Max, just chillin' by the creek...

Max and Belle love Rae - she always brings them treats. 

This time she brought puppy Valentines, of course...

After a morning spent hanging out on the porch talking and eating more fajitas, we piled into SUVs and headed to Flat Creek Estate for a wine tasting and tour. 

It was fun being a customer for a change!

We even talked Chef Sean into posing for a photo...

Back at the house, we continued the celebration of our friendship with tons of food, including the King Cake below...

...and a toast (I knew that one day all of those souvenir shot glasses I collected would come in handy!)

And that's why I feel this photo says it all...

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it: Friends make life a lot more fun.

~ Charles R. Swindoll

The Privilege of a Lifetime

"The privilege of a lifetime is to be yourself."

 ~ Joseph Campbell

 

A big pot of chicken soup is simmering on the stove. From where I sit across the room I can hear the little bubbles playing on the surface and the aroma is making my stomach growl.

I made it for myself, because I'm sick. I don't cook often these days, and when I do, it's usually to whip up some favorite of one of my kids or my husband, although he's gotten quite good at cooking whatever he wants himself.

You see, there are tons of other things I'd rather do with my time besides cook. That's just me, the way I am, and I'm okay with it. Thank goodness my husband is, too.

I thought about this as I chopped up vegetables for the soup earlier, because BlogHer's latest question for their Life Well Lived Getting Happy series is: How do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself? (Part 2 of the question is: How does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?)

Well, not cooking if I don't feel like it is one way I practice self-acceptance.

I spent years trying on cooking and crafting and gardening and sewing, and while I enjoyed each one to a certain extent, none of them fit me exactly right. 

Today I'm cooking because I care about myself. I want to get well.

It took years to shed the 'Mommy-Martyr' mentality that made me think everyone else's needs were more important than my own. It's still a trick mirror though... one big incentive to take care of myself is so I can take care of those I love who depend on me. To be healthy if they need me or to just set a good example.

When I eat right, when I run, when I make sure I get enough sleep or play my drums or take time to read or write or take photos or laugh with friends or go dancing with my husband... it's for them as much as it is for myself.

 

Turning 50 was a huge turning point in my self-attitude, like standing before a mirror, evaluating where I'd been, where I still wanted to go and whether or not I was heading in the right direction to get there. Trying to figure out what fit and what should be tossed. I was able to recognize and appreciate the strengths that got me this far, as well as the quirks that make me unique.

Love your neighbor as yourself. ~ Mark 12:31

I forgave myself mistakes made along the way, accepted myself as human, flaws and all, and by doing so, discovered how easy it is to do the same for other people. The key to loving your imperfect neighbor "as yourself" is first loving your imperfect self.

How do you start? Ponder this...

 Where there is no love, put love and there will be love.

~ St. John of the Cross

 

 

So how do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself?

And how does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?

Leave your answer here, but also at the main post on BlogHer where you can see other answers. And be sure to enter the sweepstakes for a chance at a Kindle Fire and $50 Amazon Gift Card HERE.

What Was I Thinking? (and my weekly Sweet! list)

It seemed like a good idea at the time, volunteering to host a weekend gathering of Deer Park Divas. My friends Patti and Rae started it, saying something about needing to come to Austin. We had so much fun the last time we gathered here to celebrate a friend's birthday and I've been wanting to do it again anyway.

But what was I thinking? Here I am all revved up on writing my children's book, involved in a critique group, which means reading and critiquing other people's pages besides writing my own. I'm trying to get two businesses started, plus keep up with my blog and blog friends.

I'm also in the middle of sorting through clothes, books, movies, odds and ends... what to keep (and where to keep it) and what to sell. My house is filled with cardboard boxes and housekeeping in other forms has been sorely neglected. I had to scramble to get bedrooms and bathrooms ready for a dozen overnight guests.

What, oh what, was I thinking?

I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking...

...that life is too short and friendships like these are too precious not to gather as often as possible. All the rest can wait.  I don't regret it at all.

(a few Divas at our last gathering this summer at Rae's)

And now for my Sweet! list...

Monday: a spring-like morning in January; the joy that oozes from frisky puppies; surprising ducks on a pond; crossing off a to-do that had begun growing roots on your list

Tuesday: the flock of ducks lingering for a photo shoot; laughing with your daughter; shampoos by Clint and color/cuts by Michael; money in your pocket for some old clothes; dinner with your son and honey

Wednesday: a night of much-needed rain; singing frogs; running creeks; a laugh from a friend, just when you need it

Thursday: sunshine returning; lunch with sweet friends; finally (finally!) sorting through piles and getting your office organized; discovering a pair of earrings you overlooked in a door prize giveaway from a week ago; perfect guacamole a la your husband

Friday: the blues, pinks and golds of a morning sky; finishing cleaning your house before your guests arrive!; slumber parties with high school girlfriends when you're 52 

Saturday: I'm just guessing, because I'm writing this Friday night as I wait for the first wave of women to arrive... but I'm thinking that it's awfully sweet spending the morning with these women of my childhood. Hope you're having a sweet morning, too!

Salts of the Sea

 

 

Early sunlight reached through the gauzy curtains, caressed her skin, whispered wake up, wake up. On cue, the sounds of surf tiptoed into the room, singing her more awake. Eyes barely open, she pulled on the running clothes lying on a nearby chair, grabbed her worn out Brooks and laced them on tight.  I really need new ones, she thought.

She stood and stretched, briefly considered climbing back in bed, but instead headed for the bedroom door."Come on, Jack, time to run!" she called.

Jack. With his name, the last threads of sleep dropped to the floor and reality replaced dreams. Walking to the other side of the bed, she knelt beside the faded green cushion, still sprinkled with black hair. She placed her hand in the middle for a moment, right where Jack's heart had beaten steadily beside her while she slept for so many years.

"Come on, Jack, time to run," she whispered, then rising, made her way to the beach, to their familiar path, where tears, sweat and the salt of the sea blended, a healing salve for her heart. 

 

 

This is my fiction contribution to this week's Red Writing Hood prompt: 

“The cure for anything is salt water….sweat, tears or the sea.”
~ Isak Dinesen, pseudonym of Baroness Karen von Blixen-Finecke

"For your Creative Non-Fiction tell us about the last time that one of these three things “cured” you. If you are going with Fiction, have your character resolve a problem using one of the three (or all three!!!). There are so many ways you can use this prompt so be creative with it, don’t take us where we think you’ll go. Word Limit is 300."

 

Ben's Story... When the Fantasy Ends and Heaven Begins

Ben Breedlove, an Austin teenager, died Christmas night. 

I didn't know him personally; in fact, I had never heard of him until this week. 

But after watching the videos below, I know I won't forget him or his sweet smile.

Ben had a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy; according to his videos, he had cheated death three times. The first time, when he was 4, he says he saw a bright light and felt a peace he never forgot. The second time...

...well, Ben tells it much better than I can. I urge you to watch these - the total time is less than 8 minutes, but if you're like me, it will be 8 minutes you'll carry with you the rest of your life, whether you remember the name Ben Breedlove or not.

(You can read Ben's obituary HERE.)

He Said, She Said

He said, "Will you marry me?"

She said, "Yes."

 

After dating five years... after hanging on to a relationship and seeing each other every chance they could while going after their dreams and getting their degrees at different colleges and getting jobs in different cities and sharing custody of their puppy...

 

...they're getting married.

 

 

Sigh.

 

I get to be the mother of the groom, at last!

(Congratulations to the cutest couple in the world! I wish you much happiness and hearts that love fiercely enough to withstand whatever life tosses into your path!)

 

"Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us..."

A Birthday, a Graduation and Texas Heaven...

We let Max sleep inside the past two nights. Belle, too, of course, although it was more for Max's sake than hers. They have a large dog house, nestled up against the house and the hill, protected from the elements, but even though temperatures were just in the low forties Sunday night, it was bone-chilling damp and he's an old dog with sore joints.

So I found an old comforter and Daniel spread it in on the floor of the laundry room. Comfy cozy and warm.

Then yesterday morning I discovered Max isn't the only one with old achy, slow-moving bones and joints. The winter chill seems to be affecting my computer, too! (You thought I was going to say it was me, didn't you?)

Tom asked me to scan and email him some documents for our health insurance... would you believe it took me over 40 minutes to scan three photos!

Forty minutes to scan 3 photos!!

My old computer was moving so slow I knew I had to do something, so instead of finishing up the editing of my last photo shoot, as I'd planned, plus catching up on my blog reading, blog writing, book writing, personal history transcribing, etc. etc, I went down the list of installed programs, files and folders with a virtual pair of scissors, Googling the ones I wasn't sure about and getting rid of everything I didn't absolutely need.

Six hours and a couple of defrags later, I gained 3% of my free space back. It was still as slow as ever, but I still felt like I had accomplished something, like that feeling you get when you finally clean out your kitchen junk drawer.

You know, if you keep a computer long enough, and your entire family uses it, it essentially does resemble a junk drawer or storage closet... a repository of all kinds of odds and ends no one needs or uses anymore.

Anyway, I also finished up the editing of my last photo shoot and emailed them to my friend/client so she could get her Christmas cards ordered, although I had to stay up really late to finish it. It was worth it just to help her out... and also for that awesome feeling of finishing something!

It's a rare thing for me; I hope to get more acquainted with it!

The only thing I accomplished this past weekend was spending lots of time with friends and family... even though it means I'm behind on everything else, it was another awesome feeling! 

First came the celebration of my first baby Tommy's 26th birthday. It was just like his birthday parties in the old days: lots of pizza... ice cream cake... singing Happy Birthday off-key... kids sleeping over, staying up all night playing video games and watching movies...

...except this time the "kids" were drinking wine and beer, not just soda. My how time flies!

Me and my sweet boy.

After working at the Bistro Saturday, I rushed home, changed clothes and met Daniel and Tom downtown for Daniel's friend Austin's graduation from UT...

Here, let me zoom in a little more.

See how happy he is?

Afterwards, we joined Austin's parents and some of the boys' friends at Asti (above) for a scrumptious Italian dinner. We arrived a little early, so I filled the time strolling down the street, snapping photos.

Look, someone knitted scarfs for the street posts! (To see more of these scarves, plus other night street scenes, go HERE.)

 

 

Sunday night Tom and I went to our church Christmas party. I look forward to it every year... we get yummy Rudy's Bar-B-Q and a wide open dance floor.

My idea of Texas heaven!

With the busy weekend, I neglected to check and charge my camera battery before we left. Of course it died before I could get any photos of the great dancers, but I did manage to get this one.

I want one of these shirts!

I smudged their name tags to protect the innocent. (You're welcome, Joan and Sherry!)

It was a wonderful weekend, and I think I appreciated it even more because through it all I was praying for a friend who underwent surgery for cancer on Friday, a friend who lost his mother on Saturday, a high school classmate who died on Friday, and fellow parishioners who rushed from the Christmas party Sunday evening when they got word their house was on fire. It burned to the ground; they didn't just lose all of their belongings, but also their dog. Just breaks my heart. Please say a prayer for each of them.

So I hope you had a wonderful weekend, too... but mostly I hope you didn't take a single second of it for granted. 

26 Sweets (and then some)

 

I was 26.

I had felt the life inside of me, kicking my ribs, pressing on my bladder. Had heard the amplified swoosh swoosh of the heartbeat in the doctor's office. Had spent all night and most of the morning gritting my teeth and breathing heh-heh-heh through the waves of pain.

And then, there you were. My baby boy. 

They wrapped you in blue blankets, covered your head to keep it warm, and placed you in my nervous arms. 

I'd never held a baby this small before. Never even changed a diaper. How could I be a mother? What if I hurt you? The feeling swelled up from deep inside... I would die if anything happened to you. The strength of that thought overwhelmed me. The truth of it rang in my heart, through my bones and every pore of my body.

Your tiny face, so close to mine. Eyes tinted blue, bottomless pools that gazed into mine, full of all the wisdom of the world. I fell into those eyes, felt the miracle and mystery of life, all God-doubts forgotten. I was forever changed. 

Happy 26th birthday, Tommy! Meeting you and watching you grow into the man you've become has been one of the sweetest adventures of my life! 

And now for a few sweet moments from the past week...

Sunday: weddings and cake balls; a clear night sky full of stars; the glow of porch light when you get home late at night

Monday: warm jackets on frosty autumn mornings; working at home so you can take drum-playing breaks

Tuesday: your old puppy well enough, not only just to walk, but to run a little and play with his little sister; a church busy with helping hands

Wednesday: a fire in the woodburning stove on a cold morning; a few seconds in a clearing in the woods, just breathing; witnessing the Holy Spirit at work; news that your father-in-law is better and out of the hospital

Thursday: a card in the mail from a friend, just because it made her think of you; editing photos on your son's faster computer and larger monitor

Friday: sitting on the back porch, sipping coffee, watching waves of misty rain parade past; good news on a friend's major surgery; singing happy birthday to your son and thinking of all of the other birthdays gone by; a house full of twenty-somethings

Saturday: a house full of twenty-somethings; chatting with your oldest on the morning of his 26th birthday, wishing him happy birthday face-to-face

Hope you all have had a week full of sweet! moments, too!

And Tommy, I'm hoping 26 is as sweet for you as it was for me!

 

Peacemakers, Busybodies and the Fine Art of Forgiveness

Saturday night Tom and I watched Riding in Cars with Boys, an old Drew Barrymore movie from 2001.

I missed it in 2001, along with a lot of other movies that came out during that time, plus or minus 3 years. We were busy with kids and preparing the foundation for our house.

If you're like me and missed it back then, in a nutshell Drew plays a smart girl who gets pregnant at 15 back in 1965. It devastates her family, especially her father, so hoping to make peace, and against her better judgement, she sets her dreams of going to college aside and marries the father of her child. He ultimately becomes a drug addict. 

Based on a memoir by Beverly D'Onofrio, it's not so much a tragedy, though, as a story of friendship, determination, and ultimately, forgiveness. The ending caught me by surprise and I cried - not just "teared up" but cried as the credits rolled.

It was a good, cleansing cry, though... tears that are triggered by hope.

That's what I took away from the movie, a message of hope that love is so strong, it can survive for years buried deeply under pride, hurt feelings, disappointment... all of those feelings you open yourself up to when you allow yourself to love or even just care about another person. I think it's that impression they make on your soul that can't be filled or matched by anyone else or anything.

But relationships can't stay the same, because we don't. We're constantly changing and so is everyone else. 

When you accept that ... when you don't take other people's decisions personally... when you don't clog up the connection between you with pride, you're usually able to hang on to that relationship, at least in some form.

It probably won't be the same.  It might be better... it might be less. But without it, you won't be wholly yourself. There are extreme situations, of course, cases of physical or mental abuse, but I'm just talking about ordinary friendships and families that get tugged and pulled and stretched thin by life. 

In the movie, the characters finally stopped focusing on the things that separated them. They each chose to reach through all of the junk they'd piled up between them and at the moment they connected, those piles became dust, losing their importance. It took a lot of courage, knocking aside all of that pride, but the movie points out how rewarding it can be when we muster that courage to forgive. Totally worth the risk.

 

I believe we are each the sum of other people.

I believe every cell of our body connects us to family, past and present... Every person we encounter in life, each friend who touches our heart, leaves an impression on our souls... The books we read, movies we watch, songs we hear, become filed in the library of our minds, words and thoughts given to us by another for us to ponder and use to tweek our own thoughts and apply to our experiences.

We are all connected, yet we are also unique, because no one has the same combination... We are each on a different adventure, following our own distinct path that might overlap and twist tightly with another's but will never be exactly the same.

 

And that's why I've been sticking my nose into other people's business lately, even before I watched the movie. 

I resisted, believe me. I think there are times when you just need to mind your own business.

But two dear friends of mine who once-upon-a-time were the best of friends to each other had a falling out a few years ago. Somewhere along the way, something happened. I don't know what... I only know that one decided to cut off all communication with the other and I was left in the middle.

My friendship with each continued just as it had. It went on that way for years, but something came over me this week and I stuck my nose into the void with an email, asking for some kind of communication with the other. I didn't ask what happened to cause the rift. I don't need to know. That truly is none of my business. But as their friend, I believe their friendship is my business and I should at least try to help them make some kind of re-connection for their own sakes and peace of mind. 

It's possible I've lost a friend over this, but I couldn't stand sitting back and witnessing this any longer without trying to do something.

And then it happened again. I found out that two friends of mine who I knew had been really good friends not too long ago had drifted apart. One told me his emails and phone calls had gone unanswered, so he had just accepted it and moved on, although he had no idea what had happened or if he had caused offense in some way. It had been three years.

I couldn't help myself. I sent an email to the other one. Turns out, the second friend had been going through a tough time; his mother had dementia/alzheimer's and he had spent all of his free time caring for her. In the meantime, the first friend had changed emails and phone numbers and wasn't on Facebook, so he had given up trying to contact him.

I provided all of the contact information and stepped back, with a good feeling in my heart.

So be forewarned... I'm a busybody and not ashamed of it. You're important to me.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. ~ Matthew 5:9

 

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be holier than thou. Even at the moment, I have a nephew who isn't speaking to me because of an argument we had a few years ago. I believe in forgiveness and acceptance, but not in letting other people take advantage of you or lie about you. 

God says "Love your neighbor as yourself", which to me says we first have to love and respect ourselves in order to love others. 

But I do believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt, accepting their humanity and flaws (and hoping they accept ours), and trying to understand what they're going through.

Most of all, I believe in forgiveness and the power of love.

So you should know that if you don't want me to be your friend, you're going to have to work really, really hard at it. I don't let go of people easily.

We do not need to seek for love, we only need to seek and remove the barriers we have built against it. ~ Rumi

Mama Taught Me... (Lesson #80)

Today is my mother's 80th birthday. 

A few years ago, in honor of her 77th birthday, I started compiling a list of things she has taught me. Each year since then, on her birthday, I've added to it. 

This year, I've had trouble with #80. Not trouble coming up with something - if my mother lives to be 1000 I could come up with something every year because I'm still learning from her. My problem has been narrowing it down to one thing.

I thought of Keep it simple when she insisted on celebrating with a quiet family dinner at Sudie's Catfish House, followed by cake at the house, instead of the big celebration with friends and extended family that my sister and I wanted to throw her.

I thought of Be someone others can depend on when I opened my eyes this morning in what used to be my grandmother's room in my parents' house, remembering how she moved in with us when I was two and, except for a few years, lived with Mama and Daddy until her death. It wasn't always an easy situation, but my mother was willing to make the sacrifice because she knew her mother needed her.

The colorful cards standing in formation on the sideboard, proclaiming happy birthday wishes from her kids, lifelong friends, nieces and nephews reinforced that one, reminding me of all the times over the years family dropped in unexpected or called for her advice. She never hesitated helping anyone.

She isn't a pushover - woe to anyone who tries to take advantage of her.  If someone is in need, they can count on her. I can't begin to count the ways or times she's caught me from falling. And after my sister's hip surgery this year, sheer love and determination gave Mama the strength to care for her.

I thought about how she has a way of seeing through a person, an ability to overlook flaws and see the good, and I remembered this quote:

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” ~ George Eliot

That's my mother. She's been hurt and disappointed by people, but she doesn't hold one person's sins against another, and she's quick to forgive (if there's sincere repentance.)

The thing is, my mother is all of these things. She's dependable. She's forgiving. She loves with all her heart.

In essence, she knows people are more important than things. Her actions, her life, have always reflected this.

Thank you for all you do and for who you are, Mama! Happy birthday! I love you!

 

Things Mama has taught me...

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals - let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are - you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone - we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time - let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums
74. listen to your body - doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. People are more important than things.
    

 

 

 

"It was the thing to do..." (Thank you, Veterans!)

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

 

 

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into...but he did it anyway. 

 

 

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do." In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva...to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried. 

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

 

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea...about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe...living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes - Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)...visiting a dozen other countries...eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

 

 

My husband Tom was raised in a military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different...by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget - hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day...period! And yet as soon as he could he joined the service...the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard...and even marrying other service members!

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted - as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary. To many, they are a symbol of war, not peace, and sadly become targets of derision, scorn, blame... and even violence, like the sad incident at Ft. Hood a few years ago.

They deserve to be thanked every day of the year. A friend of mine says that when he's in a restaurant and sees a man or woman in uniform, he secretly pays their bill. What a wonderful idea! I think more of us should go out of our way every day to show our appreciation, but I'm glad there is at least one special day where we shine a spotlight on them, remember their sacrifices and make clear our gratitude.

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan...and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs.

But let's hope we do remember the price, as well as those who, through their actions, say "Don't worry. I got this."

(If this sounds familiar, it's a re-post from last year and the year before, with just a few tweeks.)

 

As if I were beside you...

…Grieve not,

   nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me

   as if I were beside you…

I loved you so –

   ‘twas Heaven here with you.

                                         ~Isla Paschal Richardson

 

In the last couple of weeks, several of my friends have had to say goodbye to their beloved pets. Enough that it seems off-balance, somehow... sort of extreme, like the recent weather patterns. An oddity of nature.

But then, most of them are older pets, treasured members of their families.  Perhaps it's just this age we've reached ourselves; puppies and kittens we gave into for our young kids have grown up beside them, gradually become more ours than our children's, and are reaching old age before us.

It's tough watching them grow old. Yet while we don't want to see them in pain, we don't want to let go and say goodbye, either.

When Jake, our old Black Lab, died years ago at 15, our vet sent us a card with the Richardson poem, above, printed inside. Reading it the first time was like having Jake speak to me - I knew it was exactly what he would tell us.

Of course it makes me cry even now when I read it, thinking of Jake, his "sister" Maggie, my precious kitty Char, sweet Chewy and Charly, little Frankie bird... there are so many impressions on my heart made by "God's Little People" (a term used by a blogger friend who rescues stray cats in Greece) and I wouldn't be who I am today without the blessing of them in my life.

Now we see our sweet Max aging fast. Eternal puppy on the inside, visible in his eyes, goofy grin, and playful spirit ... old man on the outside, obvious in his graying whiskers, limp and dragging rear leg.

Pythagoras said "Animals share with us the privelege of having a soul."

I believe this, too. I know it from looking into their eyes. I know it from the ache in my heart when I've had to say goodbye.

I also believe we could learn a lot from their sweet souls about love, honesty, faithfulness, joy...

To all my friends who have recently...well, ever...had to say goodbye to their furry or feathered or even scaly best friend, I'm sharing this poem with you. I hope you hear their hearts speaking to you when you read the words, as I did, and that it brings you comfort, as it did, and still does, to me.

 

…Grieve not,

   nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me

   as if I were beside you…

I loved you so –

   ‘twas Heaven here with you.

                                         ~Isla Paschal Richardson

Love at First Bark

I start almost every morning with a walk down my dirt road with Belle and Max. Their joie de vivre is palpable. Contagious.

I'm addicted to these walks, to watching my "puppies" greet each new day with passion and energy and optimism. 

Max and Belle were both strays who wandered up to strange houses with a dog's pure faith they would be helped. At the time each of them entered our lives, I didn't think I wanted any more dogs. Too expensive, too constraining of our time, too much heartbreak when they die.

Now I give thanks every morning and several times during the day - well, anytime I look into those big brown eyes - that God brought these little black and brown angels into our lives. He knew just what we needed.

He always does. And Max and Belle remind me of that every day.

 

When I was young, the sight of a stray dog broke my heart. Molded by stories like "Black Beauty", "Old Yeller" and "Call of the Wild", where animals struggle to find a good home,  I dreamed that when I grew up, I'd own a ranch where I could take in every stray I found.

Well, I grew up. The cost for housing, food and medical issues alone for that dream to come true snapped me back to reality. It didn't help that I'm allergic to animals. I'd need a fortune just to buy all that Benadryl.

So you can see why I jumped at the chance to review ("read for free") Julie Klam's book Love at First Bark, for the BlogHer Book Club, especially when the subtitle read "How Saving a Dog Can Sometimes Help You Save Yourself".

I know how true that statement is, that dogs can help you save yourself...

Max came along just when my oldest headed off to college and the other two were close on his heels. Did you know that a goofy German Shepherd-Great Dane puppy is very similar to a 4-year-old? Max became my perpetual 4-year-old and eagerly accepted all the baby talk and (s)mothering attention my human kids had outgrown, making my transition to Empty Nest so much easier. 

Belle came along just in time to save Max, who was despondent after our old dog Charly's death. She revived the "puppy" in him. (Saving Max = saving me. Thank you, Belle!)

However, except for the first chapter where Julie describes how helping an abandoned pit bull essentially saved her marriage, the rest of the book just relates different dog rescues. It's a good book, peppered with Julie's humor, but it didn't grab me the way I thought it would. It felt passive and inconsistent, sort of rushed. 

What keeps it a "good" book in my opinion, and why I believe it's worth reading, is the well-deserved recognition it gives to unsung heroes around the country who are essentially living my dream of helping stray dogs, either through rescues or by adoption or foster care.

Before reading this, I didn't have a clue there were so many organizations (all understaffed and underfunded, of course) and individuals who go miles out of their way to help. Hearing the lengths they go to just to rescue one dog is inspiring. Kudos to Julie and all of the others who do this regularly, who think nothing of adding an incontinent dog to their already large collection of pooches or run through a swamp and duck under a train to help a stray with a jar stuck on its head.

So if you want information about dog rescues or rescuers, I recommend it. But if you're hoping for heartwarming, life-changing stories that send you scrambling for a box of tissue, look somewhere else... after you read the first chapter about Morris the Pit Bull, that is.

Full Disclosure: I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions expressed are my own.

He would have been 64.

Thoughts of my brother Buster flitted in and out of my mind today. My parents drove out to the cemetery as I'm sure they've done every October 16 for 29 years. As I'm sure I would do if I were in their place.

I hope I'm never in their place.

The following is a re-post from 2008. I've included a few more photos, but otherwise there's nothing more to add except to say, I'm thinking of you, Buster. You're always in our hearts.

      Here's a rare picture of me with all of my siblings - Brenda's holding me, Donnie is lying behind us, and Buster, the big brother of us all, is on the right.   

      Yesterday was Buster's birthday - it's hard for me to imagine he would have been sixty-one. It's hard for me to imagine I'm now older by more than a decade than he was in my last memory of him, when I stood beside him in the hospital, kissed him, told him I loved him, and told him good-bye. We knew he wouldn't be coming out of his coma. 

      Even now I cry when I think of it. I can't imagine, don't want to imagine, how it feels to my parents, losing a child. 

      In my earliest memories, Buster had already left home. There's a memory of us visiting him at his Army Boot Camp graduation in Louisiana, and one of him taking me to a carnival, where he won me a soapstone bank shaped like a cartoonish hound dog."Grumpy" is still with me, sitting high on a shelf in the livingroom, a reminder that my big brother loved me and spoiled me. On his visits home, he doted on me...a trail of small footprints meandered across the ceilings in our house because minutes after coming through the door he would comply with my demands to "Walk me on the ceiling!" He would grab me, flip me upside down and hold me up (giggling and squealing) so that I could walk in that imaginary topsy-turvy world.  Mama says he was crazy about me when I was a baby...he would even wash the styling grease out his hair so I could play with his dark brown curls. I can't remember that, but I do remember sitting on the front row of his wedding, crying. I must have sensed that things would change between us.

      Through most of my life he was in the background, a shadow...Buster was busy with his adult life and I was busy with my childhood and they rarely intersected. He became a father and I loved being an aunt. He went to Viet Nam - twice - and we hung a map up on the hallway wall, keeping track of his whereabouts with pushpins. He divorced and gave up custody of his son, and I didn't understand.

     Our lives collided again just before Christmas in 1973. I was watching television in the darkened livingroom, the colored lights on the Christmas tree splashing a kaleidoscope on the walls, when the phone rang. I heard Mam-ma's voice talking, then her silhouette appeared framed in the doorway. "Buster's been shot." 

      I remember Brenda and I pulling in to the dark parking lot of Houston's Ben Taub Hospital, rushing through the glaring white halls, dodging solemn faces overflowing from the waiting rooms, just in time to see Buster, his body bruised and bloody, being wheeled in on a gurney. He disappeared through the white double doors of the operating room.

      Mama refused to leave the hospital for ten days, until she knew he was going to make it. She slept in stolen snatches on a hard wooden bench in the lobby. Daddy brought her fresh clothes and she washed up in the ladies' room.

      My once tall, muscular big brother was now a quadriplegic. He came home from Viet Nam only to be shot in a bar just outside of Houston. One of the bullets severed his spinal cord.

      Over the next few years he was in and out of hospitals...he attended the University of Texas and then Victoria College, getting a degree in business...he started a guard dog business and learned to drive with hand controls...he wrote poetry and loved debating with his friends about religion and what ever else got them stirred up. He could be moody, unpredictable, and gripped by bouts of depression - just like me, a teenager during those years, too consumed with my own life to pay close attention to what was going on in his.

       We didn't get along very well. He loved to tease me and embarrass my boyfriends. Except Tom...Tom just let it roll off of him.

       Just before his thirty-fourth birthday, Buster went in the hospital for surgery. The next day he went into the coma. Within a few days, he was gone and I realized how much I loved him, and how much I would miss him. I wished I had told him I loved him more often when I had the chance.

       Not long after his death, I woke to find him standing in my room. Standing. We didn't speak. Perhaps it was a dream, but it doesn't matter...in my heart I knew he was sending me a message because he knew I loved him and would want to know that he was once again tall and strong, healthy and whole, just like he was in my childhood.

Twenty-Three? How is that possible?

"Daniel, you're going to be 23 in two days!"

"Yeah, I know, mom."

Whoa. That thought hit me while we were driving back from town two days ago. There I was, comfortably cruising along with him being 22, and next thing I knew, a whole year had zoomed by, just a blur out my window, it moved so fast.

And now here we are on October 13, the day 23 years ago that I first laid eyes on this amazing kid... um, man... oh, gosh, what do you call your kids when they get to be so old?

...love at first sight...

...I swear this was yesterday and not two decades ago...

This will be the first birthday in several years I'll get to see him on his actual birthday, since he's back living at home.

I know it's not where he hoped to be on his 23rd birthday, but he's got such a great attitude about it, teaching me by example about hope, optimism and 'chill'. 

He's been spoiling me and Tom while he's here... loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash without being asked, feeding and walking the dogs, cooking dinner, helping Tom with jobs around the property, watching movies with us... whatever we ask him to do, he jumps on it, eager to help.  He even seems to enjoy being with us! Most of the time, anyway.

Tom and I got used to that really quick. I feel blessed having this extra time with him, not because he's so helpful (although that's a definite plus!) but because he's just a great kid man guy (there, that sounds right)... so funny and smart, as well as thoughtful. (I've already written tons about how great he is HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE if you don't believe me.) 

So today I'll make sure I don't ask him to do anything. I'll try to go back to my old ways and spoil him by cooking him breakfast (he's sleeping in for a change... one advantage of not having a job yet!), fixing the King Ranch Casserole he requested (after dozens of "What do you want for your birthday?" pleas from me) and the Cyclops cookies he didn't request but I know he loves.

(Why is it mothering always revolves around food, especially when our babies get older?)

So Happy 23rd birthday, Daniel.

May you have clear paths and bright skies.

And no matter what this year brings,

I hope you continue to "Be silly. Be honest. Be kind."  

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Also... Happy birthday wishes to Kim, my sweet previously-Montana-now-Arizona sister-in-law... young cousins Ashley, Kayce and Kayce's daughter, Tayvie (celebrating her first birthday!)... and Pete, my inspirational blogging friend, who wrote a wonderful, reflective piece today in honor of his birthday (go here to read it - it's great!) 

 

Now I Remember Why

Autumn behaved itself that year, arriving right on time, just at the end of September, bringing T-shirt-warm days and sweater-cool nights, perfect for snuggling in a sleeping bag with someone on the beach, staring up at a star-studded night sky. 

Perfect weather for New Braunfel's Wurstfest, with a night breeze chilly enough to believe it came straight from the Alps. 

Perfect weather for nights spent two-stepping in old dancehalls, like Gruene and Gilley's.

Perfect weather for the Renaissance Festival nestled in the tall trees near Magnolia, Texas, where cool mornings warmed up enough for wearing shorts but not hot enough for sweating in front of your new boyfriend.

That year, we went twice to the Renaissance Festival.

After the second trip, a day with such a glorious blue sky that every blue sky I've seen since reminded me of that one...a day where everything seemed to glow in a magical light, dreamlike, sparkling with life, he asked me to marry him.

Now I remember why I love autumn!

Happy 30th anniversary of that first autumn, Tom.

I still feel the magic!

 

 

To my mom and dad with love

 

Thank you for the love you have for each other, a love that has survived life's firing, its ups and downs, joys and heartbreaks.

That looks past each other's idiosyncrasies and irritations into your hearts where love lies, releasing it to color everything you do with affection and patience.

Thank you for your strength, your humor, your honesty, your compassion, your generosity and unselfishness that reaches out to each of us and holds us close no matter the physical distance.

I am blessed.

Happy 62nd wedding anniversary, Mama and Daddy! I love you!

 

When you're down and troubled...

"...and you need a helping hand. And nothing, nothing is going right..."

 

"Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there..."

I covered for our church secretary yesterday afternoon so she could keep a doctor's appointment. It doesn't pay much, but sitting in her chair even for a short time I sense the pulse of our parish in a way that's impossible to feel from just attending weekly Mass and dropping a check or two in the offering plate.

In the two hours I sat there yesterday afternoon, two people approached our church for assistance. First, an elderly woman called, needing help with paying her rent. I gave her the number for our St. Vincent de Paul Society because that's what they do, help people in our parish with electric bills, rent, doctor's bills, you name it. If someone calls who isn't in our parish, they let them know where to turn.

Soon afterward, a young man stepped into the foyer, his face wearing a mixture of desperation, hope, gratitude, anxiety and relief. He had contacted SVP but missed the return call from our member and came up to the church, hoping to find her there. Even though I wasn't the person he sought, he thanked me and blessed me anyway, patting my arm in gratitude, tears edging the corners of his eyes.

"... to brighten up even your darkest night. You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall...all you have to do is call, and I'll be there. You've got a friend."

I didn't know the young man. I'm not sure if he's a member of our church or not - the St. Vincent de Paul Society does their best to help all in need regardless of their beliefs.

But I imagined him to be a young father trying to help his family, responsibility and love overcoming any feelings of shame he felt for having to ask for help. Or maybe he was a son, trying to get help for his elderly parents.

All I know is, before heading up to the church, I had to sit and pay some bills before late charges were tacked on and the gloom cast by our dwindling bank account still lingered in my heart knowing there were still more to pay today.

Yet witnessing the desperate hope and gratitude of this young man, I immediately gave thanks myself that, dwindling funds or not, at least I had money to pay them.  

 "If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds and that old north wind begins to blow, keep your head together and call my name out loud. Soon, you'll hear me knocking at your door."

Then I remembered the twenty raffle tickets I shoved in my purse two weeks ago. Our parish's annual Oktoberfest is coming up on October 8 and the proceeds, including those from the raffle tickets, help fund our St. Vincent de Paul Society, as well as our other church organizations, like the Women's Guild that, among other things, provides school supplies for low-income families and Easter baskets for nursing home residents.

Despite good intentions to start peddling those raffle tickets right away, they're still right where I shoved them, buried in the bottom of my purse, along with forgotton pennies, crumpled gas receipts and those good intentions.

If I could, I would just buy them all myself, plus some, but I can't. I'll buy a couple, but starting today, with the old women's voice and the young man's face in my mind, I'm peddling the heck out of the rest of them to everyone I meet, starting with you.

I hope I sell so many I have to run up to the church for more!

So here's the deal. For a $10 ticket, you get a chance at 5 different prizes and you don't have to be present to win.

1st prize - $5000 gift card
2nd prize - Maid service for 1 year (or equivalent value gift card of $3000)
3rd prize - Apple iPad 2 (or equivalent value gift card of $800)
4th prize - American Girl Doll or Electric Scooter (estimated value $450)
5th prize - Weber Performance Charcoal Grill (or equivalent value gift card of $450)

I confess that in all the years I've been buying and selling these tickets, I've never won and neither have the people I've sold them to. But I keep hoping - that's what these tickets are all about, right? Giving hope?

If you're interested in buying one or two or twenty, e-mail me at barbarashallue (at) yahoo (dot) com and I'll let you know how to get your ticket or tickets. But whether or not you buy any, please say a prayer that enough money is raised to help all of those who will need it in the coming year. 

"Ain't it good to know you've got a friend when people can be so cold. They'll hurt you and desert you...and take your soul if you let them...oh, but don't you let them. You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again.

Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there.

You've got a friend."

~Carole King

*************************************************

 This is actually Part 2 of a post from 2009, where I wrote "Even before the economy took its latest nose dive, thousands were laid off from their jobs, and the sun went on overtime, there were many among us who were already struggling." 

The need itself never ends, does it? Next year I'm sure I'll be writing a Part 3.

(click HERE to see the whole post.)

 

*************************************

Oktoberfest itself is a lot of small town fun (you know, a carnival for the children, a country store, silent auction, turkey legs, music, a German dinner, bingo) so if you're in the area, come on over!

Here are the details: 

Saturday October 8 from 8am to 7pm at St. Mary Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church (6100 Lohman Ford Rd. Lago Vista, Texas, 78645.)

**** Admission is free, but full disclosure: our motive is to Raise Money! ***** 

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

~ 1 John 4:11

 

 

Slow Love

The last two chapters of Dominique Browning's memoir Slow Love prove she's a talented writer. They're poetic, original, descriptive, wistful and hopeful. A true joy to read. 

However, if I hadn't promised to finish reading her memoir before writing this review for the BlogHer Book Club, I would have tossed it aside after the first few chapters because of unnecessary details, a confusing timeline, and my own pure frustration. 

Editor-in-chief of House & Garden magazine when it folded in 2007, Browning was also mired in a longterm relationship with a legally-separated man who refused to leave his wife. Despite the explanations and excuses Browning offers, I couldn't understand how someone her age at her level of success didn't wave goodbye to him long before.

Slow Love describes her depression and journey back to the surface, but as much as I wanted to, I had a tough time finding sympathy for her. For one thing, losing her job didn't throw her into the financial crisis it would so many others. She was very fortunate.

But perhaps I couldn't identify with her because I've been in a constant state of employment transition for more than thirty years and never based my self-worth on any of my jobs.  Perhaps it's because I learned decades ago that a woman doesn't need a man to be "complete", that you can't change people or depend on them for your happiness.

Perhaps I'm the fortunate one, after all.

Just counting a few of my blessings... (my Friday Favorite Photos)

 

1. Rain on my windshield! Before heading to Houston yesterday, I swung downtown to drop some things off for TG on campus, and I heard an unusual sound... raindrops on my car! And then it actually rained on me all the way to Smithville or LaGrange. It wasn't enough to wash the dust from my car, but I'm grateful even for this small amount. Tom says a little even fell at our house, hallelujah! At least we know it remembers where we live!

2. My parents back at home; specifically, Daddy out of the hospital. Nothing more to add. That's enough!

3. Being able to catch a photo of my great-niece Haila smiling. I love this one of her and her daddy, Evan, my brother's son. They were in Houston visiting from Wyoming and I'm so glad I was able to run down to see them. I've been told Haila never fusses, but just before I arrived, she woke from a bad dream and cried and cried a good part of the time I was there. When she wasn't crying, she was on the move. This is a miracle capture!

4. My sister Brenda can walk without her cane! Just a few steps and she keeps it handy, but still, that's a major accomplishment and a beautiful sight to see. I haven't seen her since her hip surgery 5 months ago - how can that be possible? To say she looks much better would be an understatement!

I returned this evening from a quick trip to my hometown to attend my friend's husband's funeral. As you can see from these photos, I packed a lot into 24 hours... long overdue visits with my parents and siblings plus hugs (and tears) with my lifetime friends at the viewing and funeral.

I wish I'd had more time, but I'm just grateful I was able to sneak down there at all. I have to work tomorrow.

I'm hoping to fit another trip in soon for a second interview with my parents and to gather with the other Deer Park Divas around our friend. She's doing great now, but we all know the next few months are going to be tough.

This next week I'm focusing on getting organized - I have no deadlines to make me crazy although another book is in the mail for the next BlogHer Book Club review. I'm looking forward to it, though. These book reviews have kept me reading all summer.

The last one I read was Faithful Place, by Tana French - a wonderful love story/murder mystery with the kind of writing that makes me want to go revise everything I've ever written! You can read the full review HERE on BlogHer.

I have several friends and quite a bit of family over there on the East Coast and even though I've been on the road, I know there's a hurricane headed their way, so I'll be praying it's a dud like the one aimed at us a few weeks ago! And if not quite a dud, that its damage is minimal. Stay safe, all of you!

 

 

 

Phone Calls, Heartbeats, Hugs

A call that wakes you in the morning rarely bears good news.

The call that woke me yesterday let me know a dear friend's husband had died. He had some health issues (who doesn't by the time you hit your 50's?) but nothing that warned her that a day we all dread and hope never comes would soon arrive on her doorstep.

I, in turn, began making calls and sending messages to other friends, and they then did the same... so many digital arms stretching out and surrounding our friend, embracing her in a virtual hug. It's comforting to be able to connect that way with men and women who are still just school-age boys and girls in your mind.

Most of us will come together in person on Friday for the service and we'll continue to encircle our friend afterward as long as she needs us. 

I've been wanting to head that way to see my parents, anyway, especially since Daddy's recent hospital visit, and my nephew, his wife and baby are visiting from Wyoming this week. 

I always enjoy fitting a visit with friends into my trips home, but not under these circumstances.

One friend shared a comment his father-in-law made years ago...  "when you're in your sixties, the funeral homes become your reunions with everyone." We're not yet in our sixties, but I think we've met at too many funerals already.

So if you don't mind, please say a little prayer for my friend this weekend. And while you're at it, could you pray for a bit of rain to head our way? We just passed the triple digit record - 70 (sweaty) days this summer as of today. 

Oh, and two more prayer requests. I've delivered TG and her things safely back to campus - would you say a prayer for her for a safe and successful semester... and one for her recently graduated brother to find a job?

I promise that's all (for now.)

Thank you in advance.

I'll be praying for all of the above, plus keeping the East Coast in my prayers as Hurricane Irene heads its way and I'll also give thanks the recent earthquake up there didn't do more damage.

Just too much going on, isn't there?

How do we get back to simple? Or is simple just an illusion created by our memories? Probably. If so, then I'm even more grateful for my memories. 

A Good Monday - Writing and (news of) Weddings

Today is Monday, isn't it? I've already lost track.

I neglected so much today - I'm behind on emails, Facebook and reading my favorite blogs, as well as laundry and... well, everything.

But it's for a good reason: I spent the day writing... specifically re-writing the beginning pages of my book for the "We Love New Novelists" contest on She Writes. Once I took a hard look at them, I decided they weren't in shape to submit anywhere.

The deadline is tomorrow. I intended to get up early (as in 4am) every day this past week to work on it while the house was quiet, but that good intention fizzled by the second morning. I just had too many other things going on. Sleep and Procrastination won over Writing (as usual!)

So the pages I submit won't be as good as they would have been if I'd been able to spend a few focused hours on them every day for a week, instead of frantically writing for two days, but I'm just grateful for these two days free of (too many) other obligations and that I'll have something to submit!

Having this deadline in front of me stoked my writing fire; I'm determined to dedicate a couple of hours every day to keep it flaming until it's finished.  

Now for the wedding part of this post... this morning I got word that my brother's new love is now offically his wife! Donnie and Donna sneakily got married at 6pm last night in a small church ceremony only an hour or so away. But I've forgiven him for not inviting us. I just hope someone took pictures!

This one will have to do for now - I took it during their visit a few weeks ago. Please join me in congratulating and asking blessings for this joyous couple, Donnie and Donna! 

 

My Sweet and My Sweets!

On this day 29 years ago, I walked down the aisle of St. Mary's Catholic Church in League City, Texas and officially joined my life to Tom's. I hadn't even known him a full year, but I was very sure my feet were treading in the right direction.

Despite that confidence and our whole romantic fairy-tale falling-in-love story, the path hasn't always been an easy one, because, you know, we're married. It's like a three-legged sack race... to get to the finish line you have to learn to work as a team. You might travel faster by yourself, and maybe trip less, but it sure wouldn't be as much fun.

Last weekend we attended a wedding officiated by a permanent deacon of the Catholic Church, a widower who was able to give a unique spin to the ceremony and the concept of marriage. 

He spoke mostly to the new couple, but his words resonated even with the rest of us who already know that marriage can be hard, how there are going to be times you might not even like that person you married much less love them, grrr, because he helped us remember we're just a heartbeat away from being left alone with just our memories and regrets. Never take each other's presence for granted.

He warned the new couple that Life would try to come between them. I personally think the most important word in marriage, besides Love, is Cling. You have got to cling to each other with all you've got because there's so much pulling you apart or trying to squeeze in between you. Stress, lack of money, lack of sleep, kids, exhaustion, pride...

Oh, pride is a big one. Watch out for it! The deacon warned against it, too, about the dangers of keeping score on who does the most around the house, etc. (Those of you who've been married awhile know what I'm talking about!)

We need to overlook each other's faults and focus on the positives. Focus on love, because after all, the love you have for each other is just a reflection of God's love for each of you.

"My wife was a terrible housekeeper," he told us, then looking up, he said, "You know it's true! You were!" But he said if started to complain, she would look at him and say, "Do you love me?" and it would get him everytime. (Yes, he loved you. It was plain to all of us!)

He told us to kiss each other and say "I love you" every day, and he had us do it right then and there! 

By golly, I think the best thing a couple can do for their marriage is to attend a wedding every now and then, especially right before their anniversary.

Happy anniversary, sweet Tom! I love you!

Gosh, we were cute, weren't we?

 And now for the rest of my sweet! moments of the week...

Sunday: attending Mass with 2/3 of your kids; an unrushed trip to the grocery store; Tom's hot wings for dinner; catching up on South Park episodes with your son

Monday: pink clouds; capturing photos of a woodpecker; a too rare phone conversation with your mother- and father-in-law

Tuesday: watching your old dog run down a dirt road; keeping your temper despite being disconnected 6 times and being on hold for two hours with the phone company; a new lens waiting in your mailbox; a violet dusk; a call from your brother with joyful news

Wednesday: glimpse of a hummingbird out the window; a new book to review waiting in your mailbox; potentially good news from your son

Thursday: your sister's birthday!; news that your cataract is growing but not enough to affect your vision or require surgery... yet; lunch at the mall and philosophical discussions with 2/3 of your kids; Panda Express orange chicken; a surprise gift from a friend

Friday: the excitement of closing one chapter in your life and opening a new one; a roadrunner zipping in front of you then waiting while you snap its picture; writing and writing and writing on your book; a full moon over your left shoulder, casting light on the road before you.

Saturday: looking into a pair of familiar blue eyes, feeling the same rush of love you felt 29 years ago when you said "I do".

Hope you've had a week full of sweet! moments!

 

 

Portrait of a Sister

How do people make it through life without a sister? 

~Sara Corpening

I've asked myself this question so many times and always felt a twinge of guilt that TG doesn't have a sister, even though she's got two great brothers.

Because I truly can't imagine how different, how empty and downright dull my life would have been without my big sister in it.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips. 

~Author Unknown

Brenda added drama and conflict to my life (fighting over the state of our bedroom)... enriched it with literature (sharing her books with me, like Swiss Family Robinson and Pollyanna and Jane Eyre)... expanded my world (taking me to museums, the zoo and movies I probably shouldn't be seeing)... and gave me a great soundtrack (exposing me to the best from the 60's and 70's.)

Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. 

~Carol Saline

Well, she was certainly there for me. If I ever had a problem, I knew she'd be right by my side, no matter how much I'd irritated her seconds before.

The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble. 

~Clara Ortega

Oh, here's another good one that truly applies to Brenda and me...

When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us? 

~Pam Brown

You don't want to test that, believe me. It could get ugly. We're formidable.

That being said, we're not just alike. Sure, we both like reciting Little Boy Blue and watching old movies. We share the same taste in books (just about anything) and enjoy visiting museums, no matter how small. 

But she's always been a 'dress' person. A girly-girl. I'm jeans or shorts, definitely a tom-boy. She knew all about coloring hair and curlers. I'm totally hair-inept.

I tend to make mountains out of mole hills while she refuses to even acknowledge mountains exist.

She truly has the most positive outlook of anyone I've ever known. 

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden. 

~Author Unknown

By example, Brenda taught me about love and acceptance, about appreciating the eccentricities that each of us on this earth has, about the importance of family connections, about looking on the bright side. We had our share of spats and arguments, but as I grew they dwindled, dried up and drifted away into childhood memories and stories.

An older sister is a friend and defender - a listener, conspirator, a counsellor and a sharer of delights.  And sorrows too. 

~Pam Brown

She doesn't hesitate to correct me if my facts are a little awry when I relate those memories and stories here on my blog, or I misspell a word. But as she's my biggest fan and cheerleader in whatever I attempt to do, I know not to take it as criticism. She's just burdened with a better memory and writing/spelling skills than I have!

A sister smiles when one tells one's stories - for she knows where the decoration has been added. 

~Chris Montaigne

She turned 60 today, a number that is hard for me to grasp because in my eyes and heart, she hasn't aged a day in my life.

I didn't get to wish her a happy birthday face-to-face this year as I did last year. In fact, it's been months since I've seen her sweet face in person. 

But I called her this morning and now I'll wish her a happy birthday here (I know she'll read it eventually, even though right now she's off gambling in Louisiana in honor of this milestone year. Last I heard she was winning! I'm glad she's having fun and celebrating big!)

So once again, happy birthday, my beautiful sister! I didn't always appreciate you like I should when I was little, but now I thank God, Mama and Daddy every day for blessing my life with you! Have fun and I hope you cleaned out the casino! 

Sister to sister we will always be,
A couple of nuts off the family tree.

~Author Unknown

And proud of it! I love you!

There is no better friend than a sister.  And there is no better sister than you. 

~Author Unknown

Where did the week go? Heck, where did the years go? (plus my Saturday Sweet Report)

I totally lost track of this week. Until this weekend, nothing extraordinary happened, but even so, it felt crazy and I was exhausted without knowing exactly why!

Our empty nest isn't so empty right now - TG is still home for the summer, along with the contents of her dorm room, currently in Transition-Limbo, tucked into random places. And as of this past Saturday, Daniel and the stuff from his apartment are back home in Transition-Limbo, as well.

Tom helped move him home then they both took off for several days of sun and fishing on the coast, leaving a maze of boxes and stuffed trash bags full of household items and clothes overflowing from Daniel's room.

While they were gone I had to cover for Tom, which meant making sure TG and I had something to eat and pulling the evening puppy duty as well as the morning one. Okay, it doesn't sound like much, but it felt like a lot and I was pooped. 

They rolled back in Thursday night, just in time to unpack, re-pack and head to Dallas (all of us) for a wedding.

See that cute chubby-cheeked boy in red below?

That's Quentin, one of Tommy's friends. They went through Boy Scouts together and helped each other earn their Eagle Scout ranks. Along with his dad and brothers, Quentin helped us build our house.

Somehow, he's old enough to get married now. How did that happen?

The photo above was taken at Tommy's 12th birthday party, when all it took to entertain those boys was pizza, video games, movies, boxing gloves and some kind of rowdy wrestling game that, if I remember correctly, involved jumping from trees and forced me to come inside before I started screaming "Be careful!" and embarrassing my children.

Ah, boys. Those were the days.

In just a blink or two from when this photo was snapped, Quentin graduated salutatorian from high school, graduated with a degree in Aerospace Engineering from Texas A&M and then decided to teach high school math and science. A pretty good decision because that's where he met Kristen, the high school Spanish teacher who is now his wife.

Funny how we somehow get to where we need to be, even though the path seems to zig-zag a bit.

These days, I believe Quentin finds Kristen much more entertaining than pizza and video games.

It was fun seeing those kids, all grown up. A bonus to the trip was having all of my kids together. TG and Daniel stayed at Tommy's house, while Tom and I snuck away to our very own hotel room - all by ourselves! It was kind of an early anniversary celebration - next week will be 29 years.

Talk about time passing in a blink of the eye!

This morning we enjoyed a wonderful Mexican food breakfast all together before zooming back home, where I changed clothes and headed to work for the First Saturday Dinner at the Bistro. Each month the Three Course Wine Lunch menu changes and they feature some of the new items at this special night event. Getting to see - and taste - some of the new items... definitely sweet!

Here are some other sweets from the week...

Sunday: seeing your son and husband heading off for a few days of coastal adventure; watching a movie with your daughter instead of tackling your to-do list.

Monday: a surprise call from a dear friend; a text from your son letting you know they made it to the coast okay; hearing that your sister is feeling better after being very sick... again.

Tuesday: finally making the decision to buy a lens you've been wanting and getting a surprise discount on it; a glorious blue and orange striped sunset.

Wednesday: a glimpse of a mama quail, babies parading behind her, making it safely across a busy road; trio of baby deer finally out in the sunshine where you could snap their photo.

Thursday: pink mornings; your husband and son straggling in safe and only slightly burnt from days of fun at the coast.

Friday: witnessing a wedding, being reminded of love that lasts a lifetime; catching up with long-time friends; dancing.

Saturday: sharing breakfast with your husband and all of your babies; arriving home safely from a road trip; a new book to review waiting for you in the mailbox; Banana Crumble with a glass of Mistella; moonlight on a vineyard.

Hope you took time to notice the sweet moments in your week!

 

 

 

A Brother's Smile and other (belated) "Sweet!"s of the Week

The day his wife died, my brother Donnie lost his smile.

Well, he lost more than that; with just a glance at his drawn face, it was easy to believe he thought the world held absolutely nothing for him anymore. If it weren't for his children, I think he would have just sat in a corner and faded away.

But instead, he held on, gradually pulling himself back into the land of the living. Eventually the birth of his granddaughter reminded his face and heart how to smile. But it was still a rare and magical sight.

So you can imagine how ecstatic I am to report its return! He and his smile paid us an unexpected but very welcome visit this weekend, introducing us to the reason behind the smile's return: a girlfriend.

In other words... Love.

It turns out Donna grew up just around the corner from us. She and Donnie were great friends in high school but lost touch a few years later when he went in the Navy and she got married.

They recently reconnected via Facebook. He rode his Harley up to see her in person last month and he said it was like those years had never passed. (I believe him - he looks years younger!)

She lives in a little town not too far from us, so this weekend they drove over and spent the night. It was fun reminiscing, but more fun watching them beam at each other. 

What's rare now is his face without a smile. It's still hard for me to believe, but I tested it with my camera, always in the past a sure-fire way to make that smile run away and hide.

Not anymore, as you can see...

Aren't they cute? <sigh> Thank you, Donna! 

And thank you, Lord!

Accept the things to which fate binds you,

and love the people with whom fate brings you together,

but do so with all your heart.

~ Marcus Aurelius

***************************************************

 

Between TG's birthday and Donnie's smile, that's already a lot of Sweet! but would you believe I spotted more sweet! moments this week? Here they are...

Sunday: spending a wonderful dinner with your niece-in-law while she's in town visiting her family

Monday: organizing a zillion loose to-do lists into one and scratching off tons of things before the day's over

Tuesday: finally getting your iPhone operational (it only took two full days and a few phone calls); a clean bathroom!

Wednesday: welcoming the newest baby Shallue into the world!; hours of work on your book; complete Lesson 1 of kim klassen's skinny mini class on Photoshop Elements (getting started is the hardest part!

Thursday: full moon waving goodnight through your kitchen window - at dawn; finally meeting the new parish priest; bougainvillea exploding with color even in a drought; sweet fresh strawberries 

Friday: mandatory employee wine-tasting session (!); just the moon, you, your camera and dog in the quiet of the night; a sweet comment from your mom on a blog post; watching a movie with your sweetie

Saturday: sleeping in; remembering the day twenty years ago when you first met your baby girl; an unexpected visit from your brother and getting to meet the woman who restored his smile

Sunday: fresh chocolate birthday cake washed down with a glass of cold milk

What was your most Sweet! moment this week?

 

 

 

 

Divas ... Then and Now

More than two weeks have already passed since my Deer Park Diva Weekend, but I'm just now getting the photos uploaded to Facebook and I've barely mentioned it on here.

(Or have I? I can't remember!)

But on these hectic, over-packed days I find myself in lately, I just have to flip a page in my mind to take myself back there beside Rae's pool, surrounded by ladies who have known me most of my life (plus a few Divas-in-Training) and ahhh, the stress just melts away in the warmth of the memory.

Friendship and sunshine. They can cure almost anything - or at least help you get through anything.

Who are the Divas? We're just girls, um, women who used to be girls who attended high school together. Many of us attended junior high and even elementary school together, too. Some are married to the guys who attended high school with the rest of us and that makes them honorary Divas.

We didn't necessarily hang around each other back then or share the same interests or hobbies or classes.

Some of us were best friends in junior high then drifted apart in the bigger sea of high school. 

 

Some became best friends in high school and have somehow hung on through all the ups and downs of the years. 

 

 

But the important thing is we're friends now, with so much in common, connected by bonds we never realized were there, more than thirty years after graduation.

In their faces, I see all the ages we've been. We didn't spend them all together - there have been gaps in our closeness during those times when our lives led in different directions.

But what a blessing that our paths have once again converged because when I look at these women, I also see survivors.  Divorce... deaths of children, husbands, siblings, parents... cancer... the fear of children at war overseas and children battling addiction...

You name it and one of us has lived through it.

I see women who keep going despite it all, who still find plenty to laugh about. Women who love life.

But Patti describes a Diva Weekend much better than I can...

 

Ode to the Deer Park Divas

So we’re all in our fifties, but none of us care

We’re all just so happy to have us all there.

We talk about husbands, the jobs that we’ve had,

We talk about kids, the good and the bad.

We drink margaritas and hang in Rae’s pool

And remember the days when we were all cool.

We play “who was....?” but mostly don’t know

Which makes us laugh harder at these brains that are slow.

We are 13 again as long as we’re together

And with a little luck, we’ll do this forever.

We’re sisters for life, let the story be told -

We’re the Deer Park Divas and we’ll never grow old!

~ Patti (Stringer) McPeek

Friends Forever!

Smiles (and Friday's Favorite Photos)

Oh, I had big plans for yesterday, all spelled out in a realistic and do-able list of things to accomplish on my day off.

Besides the usual - my morning walk with the dogs, their breakfast on the back porch and my work-out which I always dread and want to get out of the way as soon as possible - I was eager to activate my new iPhone. I'm finally entering the "iWorld", although still a bit behind everyone else with a 3G because they're cheap and 4Gs aren't.

Once I had my new phone up and running, I would tackle the rest of my list: pick up a few groceries, try out a new recipe, clear the mound of paperwork from my desk, pay some bills, work on my book and blogs and photos ... until it was time to shuttle TG to her summer class at the community college.

However, I forgot about Murphy's Law. To activate the phone, I had to install iTunes on my computer and that turned into an all day ordeal, involving downloads and uninstalls and phone calls to Apple.

Sooo... I'm still using my old phone today. Sigh. The pretty, new, shiny iPhone is back in its box waiting for my next day off to be brought to life.

But this morning I'm still smiling, inside and out, and here's why...

Belle greeted me, all wiggles and grins and squeals of delight, as soon as I stepped out the door.

 

How could you see this face and not smile?

Then Max pranced around the corner and even though Belle bit his ankles all the way up the walkway, he kept grinning - he puts up with the pain and irritation (to a certain extent, anyway) out of love and appreciation for her playfulness. Seeing him smile makes me smile.

But there's more...

I know we need rain and I would welcome stormy skies, but in all honesty, a blue sky stretching cloudless from one rose-kissed horizon to the other makes my heart soar.

My bougainvillea continues to bloom, brightening the browns and grays with splashes of deep fuschia.

Bird tracks zig-zag and criss-cross the dirt in several spots along our road. Perhaps a roadrunner or the goofy doves that cluster in that area, but they remind me of my Frankie-bird and that makes me smile.

I received a text yesterday from someone very dear to me, someone whose heart suffered deep loss just a few years ago, someone who I feared would never rediscover the joy in life, letting me know he'd found love again. He's happy. That didn't just make me smile - it made me cry with joy!

Even if I didn't have all of these things to smile about, I'd find a way to smile anyway because of this Japanese proverb I came across yesterday...

 

‎"We do not smile because something good has happened;

rather something good happens because we smile." 

So find a way to smile today, somehow, someway!

And now here's my Favorite Photo of the Week...

This just says "Texas" to me, because where but Texas will you find a cactus growing beside a vineyard? 

Maybe there are other places, but we Texans always like to think we're unique. Being a Texan makes me smile - as well as getting to work where I can see cactus growing beside a vineyard.

 

Happy Friday! Tell me what makes you smile these days.

What a Father Does

A father gives advice 

A father nourishes body 

and soul 

A father encourages

A father is joyful

A father reads

A father lends a hand 

 

A father plays 

 

A father offers support 

A father sticks close by your side

 

A father makes memories

A father teaches 

A father laughs 

 

A father is gallant

 

A father proves age is just a number

 

A father reaches out 

A father hangs on tight

 

A father helps you aim high

A father shows pride 

A father sets a good example to follow

A father relaxes

A father listens

A father works

 

A father keeps you honest

 

A father helps out

 

A father loves

A father dances 

 

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

~Author Unknown

I've spent the day wading through photos, pulling out these of my three favorite fathers - my sweet Daddy, my remarkable father-in-law and my wonderful husband Tom, father of my children.

I might have gone overboard with the posting, but once I got started, it was hard to stop. While gathering the ones I wanted to use and posting them here, I also transferred photos from decrepit photo albums to new, more protective ones and recovered tons of files from that dying external hard drive. There are still a few left. I hope I can salvage them before it's gone completely.

There were tons of photos to choose from, reminders of how blessed Tom and I are to have such great, loving fathers. And I was reminded how lucky I am that he's the father of my children. Granted, we don't always see eye to eye on parenting styles, but I think we complement each other and achieve a good balance. 

We didn't get to see our fathers today, but we know how blessed we are that we can pick up a phone and wish them a Happy Father's Day (which we did.) 

I hope all of you dads (and moms who are playing both both roles for your children) had a wonderful Father's Day!

P.S.

My sister gave me permission to post this beautiful letter she wrote to our Daddy for Father's Day. It expresses much better than I can what kind of parents we were blessed with. Thank you, Daddy and Mama (and Brenda for letting me post it!)

Dear Daddy,

   As fathers go, you’re as good as they get. I’ve always loved you and been proud of you, and one of the things I appreciate about you is that you’ve always made it clear that you were proud of me. As I matured, I realized that not all parents are as generous with praise and appreciation of their kids as you and Mama have been with all of us. Thank you for the confidence you instilled!

   Thank you, also, for being my first first-grade teacher. Even after all these years I can remember lessons with you, particularly the large chart of the alphabet hanging on my bedroom wall, from which you taught me to read. That started my love of reading and opened worlds to me. For that I will be forever grateful.

   There is so much between then and now to be thankful for, but I am so very, very grateful for the opportunity to fall back into your and Mama’s loving arms for the last three months. At the least you provided me with basic care and waited on me hand and foot. But you did so much more. You doted on me, fussed over me, kept me company and entertained me. It was a little bit of heaven I’ll always be thankful for.

   I enjoyed waking up each morning and using my walker to meet you in the living room, where you stored my wheelchair each night. You seemed to enjoy pushing me, even though I could wheel myself, and I enjoyed letting you. You parked me at the dining room table and poured me a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice, then it was, “What would you like for breakfast today? Toast, bacon, eggs, oatmeal?” And you cheerfully fixed whatever I asked for. I was Daddy’s little princess every morning. Before I finished skimming the newspaper, Mama would join us. That made the morning perfect. What a rare treat for someone my age!

   Nobody ever had a better Daddy. I’m so glad I got you!

And I am, too! Happy Father's Day, Daddy! Thank you for always putting up with me, for always encouraging me and always believing in me! I love you!

Bloom Anyway

Conditions may change.

No, scratch that. Conditions will change.

That's just life.

No matter what condition you find yourself in today,

whether drought or flood or somewhere in between,

look for ways to nourish your spirit

(they're there, I promise)

and bloom anyway.

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within your control, and some things are not."

~Epictetus, Greek Stoic philosopher

Have you ever...

 

In desperation

searching for answers

you make a decision

plot a course

feeling divinely inspired

so sure this is it

the answer

then at the threshold

too late to turn back

you discover a pit

self-doubt, worry, fear

what if this isn't the answer?

what if, instead, this makes it worse

creates more knots

a bigger snowball

suffocation and loss, rather than freedom?

Those are the thoughts in my heart and head today.

Time to move on, step-by-step, tune them out as much as possible and pray this is the right direction.

These words from Thomas Merton will help...

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

 

 

Thanks to you...

...I slept in this morning, until the impatient sunlight pestered me awake.

...I walked with the dogs along a country road, safe and free.

...I'll spend time in the sunshine, share a bountiful meal, maybe play some ping-pong with my kids. 

Thanks to you...

...I grew up in a country where I (mostly) make my own choices.

...I live in a land where my dreams are limited only by my own lack of creativity, ambition and drive.

...my children face a future where almost anything is possible.

...I'm free to live my life because you gave your own.

I promise I won't forget. I promise I won't take it for granted.

I promise your sacrifice won't be wasted on me.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~Gladys Bronwyn Stern

 

 

Wake at Dawn (and my Friday Favorite Photo)

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.

~ Khalil Gibran

I rose early to see a loved one off on a tough adventure, with a prayer that their perseverance pays off... either that or that they learn to be flexible if things don't work out the way they want.

I've learned one of the keys to happiness is flexibility - no road stays straight and you have to learn to handle the curves. But wouldn't life be boring otherwise?

While the morning was still soft, I walked with the dogs to a small pond nestled in the hills. I wouldn't want to swim in its murky, brown-gold water, but for them, it's an oasis in this dry hollow. Tom told me our pond only has about 10 gallons of water left in it. Last time I wandered that way, I startled the the blue heron. I wonder if he's still hanging around? I doubt it. 

We still have wildlife around though. Every day Max and Belle team up for a Bunny Chase. Thank goodness they never actually catch them. Yet, anyway.

This hillside pond is down by a third of its normal size, but it's still deep enough that a turtle dove out of sight before I could snap a good photo of it. I took a few shots of the dogs, but they mostly just wade in up to their chins and then just stand there, happy for the cool water seeping into their coats.

Not as exciting or rare as a turtle shot. See what I mean?

Until Belle gets out and wallows in the dirt. 

I guess that's not so much exciting as just plain goofy. I've never seen a dog who loved dirt like she does. I swear she's part pig.

She just makes me laugh.

This past week was the tortoise and the hare for me, sprinting past but also seeming to take forever, full of emotional ups and down, highs and lows, questions, celebrations, tears, hugs and laughter.

It reminded me to take life one day at a time - one minute at a time if necessary, and to celebrate each and every one.

To be grateful. To stay flexible. To love and love and love.

I believe in love and its power to work miracles, don't you?

Now we've rolled around to another weekend. It's not going to be the one we planned but it's beginning to look like a good one, anyway. Daniel's home, and we'll spend time with friends and perhaps even get out on the lake before it completely dries up.

Oh, before I forget, here's my favorite photo of the week. On a walk last weekend, I spotted something yellow just off the road. I moved closer and discovered this...

...a small colony of tiny cactus, barely visible among the rocks, boasting gorgeous blooms that towered above the spiny bumps. Most of the other flowers have all faded away because of the drought, but here was this beautiful, wild splash of yellow.

In all the years we've lived here, I've never seen these. I guess it's possible they've popped up and I just didn't see them, but they are so bold I believe I couldn't have missed them. The cacti are small and easy to ignore, just blending in with the rocks.

It's amazing to me that they bloomed so brilliantly in conditions that challenged the other flowers. In fact, it seems things have to get pretty rough before we're blessed with the best this tiny, easily overlooked plant has to offer. 

It's like that in our own lives - it's often during the worst of times or the biggest challenges that we discover hidden blooms, strengths or talents that have been dormant inside of us.

These little cacti remind me to be grateful for the rough times that force me to surprise myself with new blossoms... and that life itself is full of (wonderful) surprises!

 

 

Fable of the Porcupines (or, Be Grateful for the Pricks in Your Life)

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. They were covered and protected, but the quills of each wounded the closest companion. After a while, they decided to distance themselves, and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice: Either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by their close relationships because the most important part was the heat that came from the others.

They were able to survive. 

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people,

but the one that forms when individuals learn to live with the imperfections

and admire the good qualities of others. 

The Moral of the story: 

LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.

This was floating around Facebook yesterday. I loved it so much I had to post it here, too, just in case there were a handful of people who didn't catch it yet. I originally spotted it on the Texas Hill Country page - I'm not sure where it originated. I snagged the photo from the same page - not sure if it's a baby porcupine or hedgehog, but who cares? It's prickly and precious!

Rambling on a Monday in May

Before I was fully awake this morning, I started the coffee brewing and switched on the television.

Up popped the devastation in Joplin, Missouri - that hospital with blown windows surrounded by mangled vehicles, toothpick trees and piles of rubbish ... the videos, the woman's voice praying "Help us, Jesus..."

After saying a prayer for all of those affected, I vowed never to complain about the weather here again.  

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 May is almost over and I'm feeling paranoid. 

The past two Mays have given me belated birthday presents that I wouldn't re-gift to my worst enemy.

For my 50th birthday, May gave me a case of shingles which came with an MRI because of the headaches that heralded its arrival and steroid drops for my eyes so I wouldn't go blind.

Last year I guess May felt it had to top the previous one. First, it gave me the worst urinary tract infection of my life. (It was actually only my second ever, but the first one, thirty years ago, was so bad I took every precaution to avoid another.)

I thought that was it (thank you so much!), but then just a week or so later my heart went crazy, pounding and racing so hard and fast that it woke me up. I thought it was going to fly out of my chest! Follow up tests concluded it was  SVT, or Supraventricular Tachycardia, basically an electrical short circuit in my heart that causes it to pound and race. 

I haven't had another episode, or any other health scares, but then, May isn't over yet, is it? I'm just hoping this "Welcome to your 50's" initiation phase is over.

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My book review for A Jane Austen Education went live on BlogHer this evening (along with several others, if you want more than one opinion!)

I've been thinking about the book again today, mostly thinking it's a shame Jane Austen isn't required reading for everyone. Some people learn the lessons about life on their own that William Deresiewicz, the author, learned from the books, but I know quite a few people who have never learned them, such as the one he learned from Pride and Prejudice: we aren't born perfect and there are some lessons we have to learn on our own in order to grow. We can't learn them from other people. We have to experience our own failure.

I know this was certainly true for me when I was young (and maybe it's still true!). I wish it hadn't been - I wish I'd had the sense to take the advice of those older and more experienced than I was. I hope I have a teeny bit of that sense myself now.

Which reminds me... I saw a blurb on the news today that some state is considering holding parents responsible when their child gets a bad grade. Huh? Maybe I heard it wrong, but if it's true, don't they realize they're just giving parents more reason to do their kids' work for them or encourage them to cheat or that we'd be keeping kids from learning life lessons they need later on? Don't they realize no one is born perfect and everyone has a different path to follow? A different time line?

Where are these people coming from?  Why do some people think their way is the only way? 

Oops. Sorry.

Anyway, click HERE to read my review on BlogHer... and go read some Jane Austen!

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 As far as Mondays go, this hasn't been a great one. Okay, it truly sucked in places (and I don't use that 's' word lightly.)

But I'm still keeping my eyes open for those Sweet! moments and keeping my feet moving forward, even though I don't know what's ahead of me.

These quotes help, so I'm going to add them here in case one of you needs a little 'faith reminder'. (I need them a lot - that's why I collect these quotes!)

"Suppose you plant a garden, and after a few days, you don't see results. Do you dig it up again? No, because you know that a lot of things are going on that you can't see. It's the same with God."

~ Charles Stanley, American Baptist preacher

"Patience with others is love, patience with self is hope, patience with God is faith." 

~ADEL BESTAVROS Egyptian deacon and lawyer

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

"God often closes a door before opening a new one. Between those doors, don't worry. Wait, worship and watch! It's a test of faith. Colossians 4:3"

- Rick Warren

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods."

~C.S. Lewis

 "Hope is wishing for something to come true. Faith is belief that it will come true. Believe that for every problem God gives you, He will also provide you with a solution."

Anyone know who said that? I love it!

But this is my favorite, and the one that truly keeps me going...

Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end.

~Author Unknown

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And for me, this is proof of that nugget of truth... the path might be tough, but if you keep going, you just might get fireworks in your honor! (The last of my graduation photos, I promise. Here, anyway. I'll post the rest on "Confessions".) 

 

There are days...

 

Were there no fools, there would be no wise ones.

~ German Proverb

 

There are days I'm grateful for the gray skies and gathering storm clouds because a blue sky would be a slap in the face, mocking the gray I feel inside.

There are days I feel I know everything, and days I realize I am a fool and know nothing at all.

There are days when I feel like a kaleidoscope of gem-colored shards, pieced together into ever-changing, yet beautiful, intricate patterns, and days I feel like a blur of indistinct, unformed images.

There are days the earth beneath my feet feels solid and I see the path I should follow, and days when the way before me is dark and the ground seems to crumble and shift with each step.

There are days I need to stay wrapped in this melancholy cloud and just think... days my soul needs to feel the falling rain.

There are days I wonder what the point of it all is, and days I realize I don't need to know.

There are days I know I need to keep walking as long as I'm able and hope I'm heading in the right direction.

I am a flower quickly fading... here today and gone tomorrow...

~Casting Crowns