Long Hollow

Super Moon and other Sweet!s of the Week

I've already jumped onto the Weekend Express, but I'm taking advantage of a pit stop to post my Saturday Sweet! List from the past week before I get whisked into the next one...

 

Saturday: catching the Super Moon low on the horizon; waking to the sound of unexpected rain

(Not the best capture, but enough to trigger my memory of standing on my friend Nancy's back porch watching it rise in the sky over the pasture.) 

Sunday: Mass with dear friends in a beautiful historic church; sunlight streaming through stained glass windows; barbecue chicken plates benefiting a volunteer fire department; a quick visit with your son, future daughter-in-law, and grandpuppy; Gruene, Texas, even for just a quick stop

Monday: an omelette made with fresh veggies from a friend's garden; new tires on your car; spending time with your baby girl 

Tuesday: your husband bringing you flowers; finishing tasks that weighed on your mind

(from a yucca plant that was knocked over in the thunder storm)

Wednesday: soft raindrops on a morning walk; box turtles resting near a pond; sleeping dogs; friends responding to a prayer request; grilled cheese sandwiches a la Tom

Thursday: an unexpected paid work day (cha-ching!); second graders; Ocean Week in an elementary school; storm clouds making way for sunshine long enough to walk your puppies

Friday: gathering with friends and 1/3 of your kids for dinner, even if the band (and dancing) is rained out; sunsets and storm clouds over a lake; rainbows

 

Hope you all had a wonderful week and the next one is even better. And in case my Mother's Day post runs a few days late, Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have experienced the joy and heartbreak of motherhood, whether you ever gave birth or not.

Here's a flower for you...

(the onions are blooming!) 

Hello There

Has anyone even missed me?

For the past few days, I've been holed up in my office, focused in a way that's unusual for me, fueled with determination to finish editing photos from a shoot last month.

(I know! Shame on me for taking so long! I do have the relatively good excuse of getting my new computer, having to load software and learn how to do what I need to do, bit by bit. Still, shame on me...)

But I'm happy to report I finished the photos last night and mailed them off to my friend today. I also mailed a shoebox full of thank-you notes to friends who helped me get this dream computer that I'm staring at right now. I never, ever, ever could have gotten it without them, so the writing of those notes had also been hanging over my head, occasionally tapping me on the shoulder, and even sometimes tripping me when I walked by. 

I forgive them because I appreciate the reminders, but you can imagine how relieved I am to have them out of my house!

(Now I know my friends that they're addressed to aren't checking their mailboxes every day and tsk, tsk, tsking me on my lack of manners, or planning to de-Facebook-friend me because of it. But it's one of those things you feel inside, that you know you need to take care of and the longer you put it off the more it eats at you.)

So, whew! that's done.

During my outing to the post office, I also mailed a ring to a friend. This is a dear friend who lives a couple of hours away, who I just happened to visit this past weekend on the premise of her hosting a Silpada party for me.

This ring is the replacement to one she bought several years ago from a different Silpada representative. The stone had fallen out and I took care of the exchange for her. (Silpada has a lifetime guarantee.) 

I've been holding onto the replacement ring for a few weeks now. I mean, why mail it when I would be going to see her soon anyway, right?

It's weird...I remember the very moment this weekend when I realized I had forgotten to bring that ring. I was standing in her kitchen and it hit me hard, like a frying pan. Thank goodness Nancy was (sort of) forgiving and didn't hit me herself with a frying pan.

And hallelujah! that nagging feeling that I'd forgotten something went away...

Tom came along with me for the weekend and we had such a great time. Nancy and Paul are teachers who live out in the country, as in cows and chickens and kittens and sheep and tractors and gardens overflowing with cucumbers, squash, potatoes, peppers... overflowing enough that they loaded us up with fresh garden treasure... that now overflows bowls in my kitchen...

It had been a couple of years since our last visit to their house. Time always brings change, but this time the change was pretty obvious: an oil rig squatted in the pasture between Nancy's house and her in-laws'.

Oil is the new hot crop in those parts, especially after the drought of the past couple of years. Ranchers have had to sell cattle because they couldn't feed them. The oil boom is a huge blessing!

And that's why they forgive the rig its gawky incongruity with the surrounding countryside. In fact, Tom would really love to get one, too!

But I had looked forward to getting some more photos of Nancy's cows, and was disappointed that the rig had scared them off to some distant back forty. 

Thank goodness the Mama cat had had more kittens...

...and even though for some reason I felt too intimidated on this trip to snap any photos during Mass of their gorgeous, historic church, I did snap these afterward...

Nancy and I also went for a ride down the highway on a Kuboto RTV to meet members of their sheep herd (mostly to see the brand new babies) but I'm going to post those on my photography site, um, later. Hopefully tomorrow.

But there are still some of those items on my to-do list tapping me on my shoulder, so first and foremost, I'm going back into my shell to get them done before they start tripping me as I walk by. 

#1 on that list is "make progress on my book." 

Wish me luck!

Tenacity

Tomorrow will mark four days in a row I didn't have to report to one job or another. That's a record. When I say "job", I'm not talking about working on my book or photography, but at one of those hourly paying gigs that help feed our bank account.

When I envisioned these four wide open days, I saw myself up early, typing away at my book, filling dozens of pages even before heading out for my morning walk with the puppies. I would then edit some photos, write a blog post or two before lunch, followed by making a major dent on my to-do notebook (it's expanded way beyond a list.) I would still have time to work out, and take the pups and my camera on an afternoon walk to the pond. 

Well, of course, in real life it didn't work out that way. I had so many odds and ends to take care of that it felt like my days just kind of piddled away.

I did manage to  work on my book a couple of times, edit some photos, and publish a blog post, but there are some major to-do's I still haven't tackled.

There's always tomorrow...

I say that too often these days.

The thing is... and I hate to put words to the phantom thoughts drifting through my brain.. but I'm beginning to think it's impossible to be a writer, photographer, blogger, personal historian, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, waiter, substitute teacher, and.... um, I think that's it.... all at the same time.

But that doesn't mean I'm giving up. 

On one of my recent walks, I noticed new grapevine twisting around an old limb. Clinging, climbing, intent on moving ever up and up. I was first struck by the bright red color, but its tenacity is what mesmerizes and inspires me now. Tom cleared out as much grapevine as he could this winter - it tends to choke the trees - but grapevine is one stubborn, headstrong plant.

 

I want to be like that.

Last Wednesday night I attended a photography workshop by Clay Blackmore, a professional portrait photographer about my age who started with film thirty years ago. He had to make the switch to digital - and to edgier, artsy photos - to stay on top of his business.

The guy next to me and I started talking. He also was about my age and had been a film photographer who only recently picked up a digital camera, trying to get back into photography and make some money from it. I can't remember now what he asked me, but in answering him, I mentioned that I was writing a book as well as doing some portrait and art photography.

That's when the woman sitting in front of us, also about our age, turned around. She asked me about my book and how I found my critique group. Seems she started writing a romance novel twenty years ago herself, but set it on a shelf somewhere along the way. It had been gnawing on her lately to dust it off and finish it, but she just hadn't done it yet.

When we said good night a little later, I told her "Get back on that book tomorrow!" And she promised she was going to. I believe she did.

I like to think I inspired her. But she also inspired me.

So tomorrow, I'll be working on my book. And my photos. And my blogs. And transcribing an interview, scanning some old photos...

Tomorrow has arms wide open, full of possibility, don't you know?

 

I hope you've had a great week that included at least a few minutes of doing something you've dreamed about, something that makes your imagination soar and your heart beat faster.

If not, there's still time. What are you waiting for?

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."

~ Robert J. Collier

 

Life

There are times in life when everything hits at once.

Your car has issues, your family has issues, your house has issues, your job has issues... 

Opportunities drop onto your path that will scurry away if you don't jump on them right this instant but you don't know how you can squeeze another minute out of your day. Bills need to be paid but you don't know how you're going to squeeze another penny out of your dollar.

That's when you need to step back and realize that even if you're not sure how you're going to deal with the issues or take advantage of the opportunities or pay the bills, things could be worse.

Having these problems means you have a car, you have a family, you have a house, you have a job. You have dreams and hope and faith.

Smile. Breathe. Laugh.

Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.

~ Unknown

 

Adding to my collection...

I started substitute teaching again.

Three years ago I started a (mostly) full-time job and, except for Voting Day and a couple of quick visits to talk about writing to students, I didn't step a foot into the schools during that time.

I missed it, and I'm so grateful the district accepted me as a sub again. Over the past few weeks I've reviewed color patterns... read Peter Rabbit aloud for the first time in more than a decade, as well as voiced a part in the last act of Othello...  watched a stage performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes"... enjoyed a documentary hosted by Peter Jennings about the 50's and early 60's (three times!)... learned about the dangers of drinking and drugs from Hollywood Henderson via VHS... and overheard some heartbreaking home life stories.

I'm not going to be the popular sub... at least not at the high school... because I don't care if the kids like me or not. I'm there to follow the teacher's directions, period. And, if possible, get the kids to learn something while they're under my watch.

After raising three kids and subbing for 15 years (plus one year on the payroll as the elementary school librarian) I'm on to all, or at least most, of the tricks. But I still have a soft heart and those kids can be really tricky. I'm sure they're going to pull one over one me every once in a while because they can also be interesting, considerate and funny.

I'm hoping to sub as much as I can until summer vacation starts. Unlike other jobs I've had in my life, this one gives me a good feeling, like I've actually done something positive with my time. It's also a great source of material for my children's book!

And, of course, the main reason I'm taking time away from my book for anything else is we need the money. I'm just grateful that I've been able to gather a flexible collection of jobs I enjoy:

1. Writer
2. Photographer (Art and Portrait)
3. Blogger
4. Book Reviewer
5. Substitute teacher
6. Winery Bistro waiter
7. Independent Silpada Representative
8. Substitute church secretary
9. Personal historian (although I haven't made much progress on this one!)

I feel like I've forgotten one or two...

Oh, well. It's hard to focus when this is what's going on around me...

So gorgeous! The world is exploding in color!

I pulled over to take this on my commute to #5 yesterday. And to sigh.

There was an art show going on around the estate, so during some down time, I grabbed my camera and walked around...

This was my favorite, by Shakti Sarkin. I didn't go home with it, though. The price? $1350. 

Made me wish I could add 'artist' to my list.

Here are a few other pieces that caught my eye...

I believe the art will hang around for a month. But we also have a new permanent addition to the Bistro. A pizza oven!

You can see Chef Sean is happy about it...

...but this is going to be sooooo detrimental to my waistline...

I love pizza.

I love my jobs.

If you miss me on Facebook or FlickR or in the comments section of your blog, now you know why! (Thanks for missing me, Patti!)

Catching My Breath (and other Sweet!s)

I haven't blogged in a whole week. I think that's a record. 

Snippets and ideas for posts have popped in my head - random words are scribbled on scraps of paper all over the house and in the car - but I haven't been able to stop long enough to work them into full posts.

This morning Life is moving slower and I'm hoping today I can focus my attention on those poor, neglected Good Intentions and Need-To-Do's I see moping in a dusty corner.

It's been a fun week, though. No exotic vacations or anything, but just Life and all of the challenges and adventures and love it provides. There have been beautiful spring days that turned into powerful thunderstorms with blustery winds and cold temperatures... which meant stinky country dogs cowering in the laundry room... but we're back to Spring and warmth and outside dogs now.

While I'm grateful for the rain, I'm not so grateful for the mosquitoes it awakened. They buzzed and bit me every step of my walk this morning. You can be sure I'll thoroughly douse myself with repellent every morning from now on.

Yesterday, TG fixed me breakfast... a delicious sauteed veggies/scrambled eggs concoction she prepared every morning over Christmas break that set my stomach growling with its divine smell. But it was always several hours after I'd already eaten.

I'm too lazy to go to that much trouble myself first thing in the morning, but yesterday I slept late after a sleep-deprived weekend and she woke up early to prepare for a Spring Break trip to the coast... which means we woke up at the same exact time! So when I saw the eggs and veggies coming out of the fridge, I worked out a deal with her involving laundry.

One of the best deals I've ever made! It turned out to be just as delicious as it smelled, and sustaining enough for a day on the run that included seeing her disappear into one of five chartered buses for an overnight drive (and praying the whole way home for their safety!)

Sunday morning I met a blog friend for the first time in person. Non-bloggers (or non-FlickRers, etc.) probably don't understand how exciting that is.  They might have trouble understanding how you can become friends with total strangers you connect to online but have never seen face-to-face, but I can assure you those friendships are just as real as any other. 

Wolf, of Just Add Father, was in town for a dad blogger conference. He delayed his flight home to meet me, Tom, and 2/3 of my kids for brunch downtown at the Driskill Hotel's 1886 Cafe and Bakery. It was just like meeting a long-time friend I hadn't seen in a while. 

Wolf is a pseudonym (he explains why he uses one on his blog) so we had some fun taking this photo below. I wanted one I could post here. (I'm sure the people sitting at nearby tables were wondering what the heck we were doing!) 

We chatted awhile on the sidewalk after eating, but knew it was time to part ways when my kids (ages 20 and 23!) got restless and started roughhousing on the sidewalk. 

Some things never change!

Actually, we needed to leave anyway because Wolf wanted to walk around and see the Austin sights before heading for the airport, and we wanted to get back to the house to visit with my oldest and his fiance before they had to leave.

They were in town for a wedding. After the reception on Saturday night, they brought friends back to the house with them and all of us were up really, really late visiting and laughing. I always enjoy seeing those grown-up kids, even though it makes me feel old, wondering how these kids who I swear were in middle school yesterday are now out of college, working, married...

Totally worth getting only 4 hours of sleep.

No, really it was.

<yawn>

Anyway, Sunday afternoon I grilled chicken and enjoyed a quick dinner with them, before dashing off (late!) to my writer's group meeting.

Even after all this time, my book is still a misshapen piece of clay. Writing is so dang hard. But with these women's input and guidance, it's beginning to take shape, although it still needs lots and lots of pinching, molding, scoring...

It's tough - even painful - but I'm grateful to them and willing to do whatever work is necessary to have a finished piece by the end of the year.  

Saturday I took a short road trip along Highway 281 to San Antonio. A friend of mine hosted a Silpada jewelry party for me.

Highway 281 runs through the Texas hill country and several small towns... a beautiful drive, even on a rainy day like Saturday. I spotted my first bluebonnets, splashes of blue drizzled along the roadside. I promised myself I'd drive out this week on a sunny day and take some photos.

Jewelry parties are always fun, what with the food and drinks, the sparkly silver bling, and meeting lots of interesting women, but this one was especially fun because Jackie and I went to high school together, but didn't really know each other until just recently. We reconnected thanks to Facebook and discovered we didn't live that far from each other.

Here we are with another high school friend, Marilyn, who came to the party. She lives even closer to Jackie but they didn't even realize it until recently.

And here I am with one of my dearest friends, Nancy, the first person I met when we moved to Lago. She now lives near San Antonio, so she and her daughter took advantage of the situation and came to the party, too. 

You just can't beat reconnecting with friends, playing with pretty jewelry, and making money at the same time, can you?

The rest of the week was a blur of writing, reading, subbing at the high school, trying to catch up on emails, and watching the Hollow explode in greens, blue, yellows, pinks, and purples. I'm hoping not to get lost in the busy-ness of this week.

I do want to mention Tuesday, though. I spent the day swim suit shopping with TG in preparation for this trip to the coast. There's always more under the surface than shopping, though... there's talking, laughing, sharing, and just soaking up the sight of her.

In one store, going through a clearance rack, I came across the perfect shirt to describe the way I feel...

We took turns trying it on and snapping pics with my iPhone, but in the end, I just went ahead and bought it. How could I not? It was cheap and fit perfectly, in so many ways!

And now for the official Sweet! report:

Monday: time to be still and breathe, sitting on a rock beside a pond, listening to running water and chattering birds, watching silly dogs and flirting dragonflies

Tuesday: hours spent with your daughter... shopping, talking, laughing; finding a really good fortune in your Panda Express cookie

Wednesday: porch swings; flowers and tree buds popping out everywhere

Thursday: finishing a great book; high school one-act plays

Friday: rainy days when a drought is fresh in your memory; some of your kids home for the weekend

Saturday: clouds sitting on hilltops; roadsides sprinkled with bluebonnets; a job that lets you catch up with 'old' friends and meet new ones; sangria; staying up late visiting with your kids and their friends, who used to be kids but somehow turned into adults; the birth of a great-nephew and photos on Facebook

Sunday: meeting a blog friend in person for the first time; brunch and people-watching at the Driskill Cafe; an afternoon with your son and future daughter-in-law; a writing group that keeps your ego in check

Monday: sleeping in after a sleep-deprived, busy, busy weekend; spending time with your baby girl 

Wishing each of you a week full of sweet moments!

Sunsets that Kiss the Sky, Silly Things That Make Me Cry, and other sweets of the week

I'm late with my sweet!s. It feels like a whole month was stuffed into last week...highs and lows, late nights and early mornings, and miles and miles on the road. I've only been home long enough to sleep the past few days. I haven't even gone on a morning walk with my puppies since Friday!

I had to ignore Max and Belle's puppy dog eyes once again this morning so I could make it to my allergy doctor appointment on time. Somehow I missed the past two yearly check-ups. But that just means I've been asthma-free! A very good thing after a lifetime of asthma, of doctor visits and pills and shots and too many trips to the emergency room to count.

But listen to this... based on high scores on my peak flow and lung function tests ("better than average!") I don't have to see him again for another year and a half. Now that's sweet!

Keeping track of the sweet moments in each day has become a habit, hallelujah! Some days I'm better at it than others, but overall I spot them much easier and more often than I ever did before. I know there aren't more sweet!s... I'm just keeping my eyes and heart more open to recognizing them when they grace my way.

I urge you to try, too, if you're not already. It puts a lightness in my heart I would never have imagined possible.

"Even in the midst of all this pain and sadness I see something beautiful."

~ Claire Bidwell Smith

Earlier this week I admitted to a friend that I don't cry as easily as I used to. It kind of worried me, in a way, but I thought perhaps it was because I'm better able to accept the bumps, roadblocks, detours that come in life.

But then the next day Lisleman (from A Few Clowns Short) sent me a short film - he said he knew I'd like it because I'm a writer.  That's pretty sweet! by itself. 

Well, I did like the film. In fact, I loved it! So much that by the last scene I was sobbing! Happy, sad, bittersweet tears, all at the same time. It is one of the most creative, best made, sweetest films I've ever seen. I also realize I'm kind of a book addict, and that probably has a lot to do with why I love it, but I truly think it would bring at least a smile to everyone's face.

Here's the link: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Lessmore 

If you watch it and love it, please let me know. If you don't love it, well, okay, go ahead and let me know that, too. I promise I won't hold it against you. 

Well, I promise I'll try not to hold it against you.

(P.S. Lisleman just let me know it won an Oscar last night for Best Animated Short Film. Yay!)

Friday night I attended Stations of the Cross, something I try to do at least once during Lent... step out of my busy life and really reflect on Christ's sacrifice, his Passion, the last moments of his life on earth, on the fourteen significant moments between his condemnation to his placement in the tomb. I try to consider how I can apply them to my own life. 

This year the Stations in our church were done a little differently than in past years. While our priest moved from station to station, Aaron Neville crooned "Were You There?" in between the readings. He wasn't actually in our church (I wish!) but our priest played a recording narrated by Father Jeff Bayhi with Aaron's sweet voice singing in between.

I enjoyed it so much, I searched and found this little 3-minute clip to share with you. Just one of the fourteen stations. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

 

 And now for a few more of my Sweet!s from the past week...

Monday: the sound of a running creek at the bend in the road; a tip on a writing gig from a friend; an afternoon hunting fossils with your husband

Tuesday: ponds filling with water; arriving in Houston just ahead of highway-clogging traffic; laughter blending with tears

 

Wednesday: supporting your friends and loved ones in times of heartbreak and grief; treasured time with your parents, sister, and cousins; talking to a rooster and a chicken in a parking lot; warm days that turn into soft evenings; reminders to not waste a single moment of your life 

Thursday: prayers answered in the way you were hoping for;  your blog chosen as one of five finalists in About.com's Favorite Friendship Blog contest; your friends voting for your blog; witnessing a sunset that kissed the entire sky

 Friday: eavesdropping on a conversation between the wind and the treetops; a "Happy Friday" email from your son; time for reflection and Aaron Neville singing "Were You There?"; movie night at home with your sweetie

Saturday: dinner and board games with friends; Siamese cats; making it home safe and sound when your car is dripping oil; a friend who wants a text letting her know you made it home safe and sound

 

 

Sunday: vineyards in winter; your husband fixing your car, bringing it out to you at work (and driving his back home); the smell of warm foccacia bread; red chili chocolate cake, especially when you're starving; the support you get from a writing critique group

What were some of your sweet! moments this past week? Please share! (If you wrote a post, you can share the link in the comments.)

Hope this week is full of sweet moments for you!

A Message From Myself Out of the Past

Epiphany (-nies)

Knotted muscle in my neck...can't quite catch my breath...geez, it's only Jan. 4 and I'm already stressing about how to get everything accomplished that I want to do this year! I wish I could resolve to have an extra six hours each day - that would help! Twenty-four doesn't seem to be nearly enough.

But, of course, I can't. None of us can. We just have to stumble along and do the best we can and try not to worry about the minutes we drop along the way. Just keep facing forward, or, as this Japanese proverb reminds us...

 "If you look up, there are no limits."

For me, this means that God will give me the time, strength and whatever other resources I need (money, patience, determination, health...) to do what he needs me to do. And nothing else really matters.

That's so much easier to say than to accept, though.

This morning I rose at 5am...the first time in more than a week I've been up before the sun. Even though I hate that first jolt of the alarm clock and long to jump back under the covers just a little while longer, I love getting so much done before the sun rises. I love walking the critters under a fresh morning sky, watching the world wake up. I feel invigorated...hopeful...ready to embrace the day. I wish morning could last all day!

It helped that we celebrated the Epiphany at Mass yesterday - the visit of the Magi to the baby Jesus. The theme...the key word to remember...the word and image I took away from the service was LIGHT.

Light as in guidance...the star that led them to Jesus; light as in understanding...they recognized Jesus was a king, the son of God; light as in revelation...they revealed to us that Jesus came for all people, all nations, all races.

So each day I will focus on that light. His light. I'll imagine it as the fresh morning light, stretching over the world as the sun rises. I'll pray that it shines outward, leading me along the right path and helping me have greater understanding and compassion...I'll pray that it shines inward upon myself, revealing my faults...those areas that I most need to work on. I'll pray that I have his light within me and that others can see it. And then I'll take a deep breath and try not to worry about anything more.

A massage sure sounds nice right now, though...

"If you look up, there are no limits."

 

 

Glancing through January posts from the past few years, I came across the one above. It was just what I needed to hear.

Ironic that it came from myself, isn't it?

I decided to repost it and not just because yesterday was Epiphany...

...Perhaps it's just what someone else needs to hear right now, too.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

"A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."

~ Thomas Mann

If that's so, then I'm definitely a writer. There are times when writing isn't just difficult for me - it's pure hell.

But other times it's heaven, and that's why I stand here in January of 2012, once again repeating the mantra from past New Year's resolutions: finish my book... finish my book... finish my book...

In terms of writing, my 2011 looked a lot - too much - like 2010, 2009, 2008...

It's time to review what I've learned over my two decades or so of writing. I need to figure out what helps, and do more of that, while clearing the hurdles that are keeping me from the finish line.

Let's see... I've learned I need big chunks of time for writing. My writing can't thrive and grow on the handfuls of stolen minutes I've been feeding it for years.

I've learned multitasking is my enemy. I have to close all those extra windows on my computer that tempt me... Facebook being the main culprit, but email and even research sites can be time-sucking tempters.

Other things I've learned: I compare myself to others too often; I need the challenge, support and feedback of a writer's group; I have a problem with finishing what I start... and starting too many things.

On the 'up' side, I'm much better at saying 'no'. Housework, bills, laundry, cooking... I can easily shove the thought of them into a closet and forget they exist. Wearing earplugs helps me do the same with any nearby conversations or television noise. (I work at a desktop in the open livingroom.)

My biggest challenge for 2012? Finding a balance and setting priorities between all of my different interests/callings/projects... writing my book(s), blogging, photography, and my seed of a personal history/photography business... while not neglecting my family, friends and health.

Pretty much the same challenge I faced last year. And the year before. And the year before.

I hope that by next January, I can adopt a new mantra. At least for a different book.

'F' Words for 2012

In 2011, my thoughts ran wild like mustangs, my energy scattered into all different directions trying to chase them down.

True, creativity needs space and the freedom to run wild for a bit, to stretch its legs and grow strong... but if those thoughts scatter too far in too many directions... if they never return to the corral, never get reined in, never learn to work as a team... well, they're not good for anything but looking or sounding pretty.

I need more than that this year. 

{Prepare yourself... here come my 'F' words...}

In 2012, I'm going to put up Fences to structure my time... I'm going to corral those thoughts and Focus on one project at a time so I can experience Finishing something. 

I bet that's an amazing feeling.

My other 'F' words for 2012... Faith, Fitness, Friendship, Frugality and Financial Freedom. 

Oh, and Forgiveness... another awesome 'F' word...

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." ~ Ephesians 4:31-32 

What about you? 

 Do you have a Theme,Word or Resolution for 2012? 

 

 

Gifts

O Sunrise, 
splendor of light eternal and sun of righteousness:
Come and enlighten those who dwell in darkness 
and the shadow of death.

This sunrise was a gift, a splash of tangerine through my window reminding me that light conquers darkness, that each new day is a promise fulfilled, a gift to savor.

I rose at 4:30 this morning to write... a gift to myself but also to my family who has handed me the gift of flexible time and relative freedom to work on my creative pursuits, despite the echo of an empty bank account that goes with them. 

I owe it to them to face the empty pages head-on, to pull the right words out of my dreamy head and arrange them on the page the best I can, instead of just chasing them around in that dreamland of my imagination.

And I owe it to myself, because this isn't a pretty knick-knack you place on a shelf and admire, but the kind of gift you try to use up, the kind that won't last forever.

It's a gift I've wished for for so long that I've been hesitant to open it, as if I feared the beautiful thing inside wouldn't fit me.

I've wasted time fiddling with the ribbons, but not any more. This week I'm ripping into it, no longer worried about whether it will fit, but determined to make it my own.

I'm adding structure to my dreamland. No more vague boundaries between projects... I'm keeping track of my time, submerging myself in one venture at a time as much as possible, finding a balance between creative and business. 

No more multi-tasking, but pure focus on whatever I'm working on.

I've stepped back into my children's book; it's the closest to being finished and it just makes more sense to dress it up, slick back its cowlick,  and ship it off to a potential agent or two... and then get back to my historical fiction, where the research has become a bog, slowing my progress.

Besides... I missed my characters (Winston, Eddie, Reed and Nate) and felt guilty that I just left them hanging, poor kids. I could hear them calling my name every once in awhile, but like a busy mother told them, Not now. Go play.

I think they've forgiven me for neglecting them. They were a little stingy with the story yesterday, but today seemed to forget they were mad.... we had a pretty exciting morning!

I haven't forgotten my personal history business, but it's like a model plane I began building but had to set aside, without its wings.

This afternoon I spent a few hours transcribing those interviews with my parents from the summer. I love listening to their voices, hearing stories I've never heard, imagining them in their other lives, those aside from being Mama and Daddy.

It takes time, but to me, it's worth it. Their stories are a treasured gift to myself. I need to get this plane off the ground and help others discover the same treasure... the treasure of family stories. So a block of my day, or at least my week, is devoted to it, too.

I'm able to do all of this during the week before Christmas because TG and Daniel helped me decorate the house and tree. My cards are ordered - they'll go out after Christmas, but that's okay - the Christmas season runs into January. The Epiphany.

We have a "no-bought-gift" policy this year, so no frantic last minute shopping for me. The next couple of nights will find me baking cookies, editing and scanning and uploading photos... those are my gifts this year, gifts of my time and cooking and photography, but not I'm stressing or keeping tabs about what doesn't get done.

Why didn't we do this earlier? Somewhere along the way I feel we lost the point of our celebration... the birth of Jesus. 

On the phone with my oldest earlier this week, discussing our Christmas plans, I asked how he felt about not exchanging gifts this year. That triggered a near-rant that made my mother's heart soar, about the over-commercialization of Christmas and extreme emphasis on bought gifts. 

"I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday now... it's all about family and just hanging out with each other. I think that's how Christmas should be, too," he told me.

This isn't a drastic change in attitude for him - even when he was small he didn't ask for much, and when he was older, he scolded me for buying him things he didn't need.

The other two are the same way. I have no idea where their pragmatic, frugal outlook came from - I was a zealous 'gotta have lots under the tree' kind of mom for years and Tom's not much better - but I'm very grateful for their attitude now. Perhaps they just rubbed off on me. 

Those three are my best gifts ever.

Another gift... Tom's Pop is out of the hospital. Still no definite answers till test results arrive next week, though, so we appreciate your continued prayers!

 

 

 

Ssssh! Don't Tell my Mom! (plus the Shutterfly winners)

Life has gotten crazy busy.

My oldest son and his girlfriend are heading here this evening, joined by a few of his 'old' college buddies who are driving in from Dallas. Tomorrow is his birthday and he's letting me celebrate it with him for the first time in years and years... well, since he left home for college. It will be a late night celebration, and simple. Just pizza and ice cream cake. But it will warm my heart getting to see him (briefly) on his actual birthday tomorrow.

However, come to think of it, it might only be his sleeping 26-year-old face I get to see; I have to leave for work relatively early and they'll probably stay up late tonight, which means they'll sleep in before heading out for another celebration downtown tomorrow night.

But I'll take what I can get and be grateful!

So... today I'm cleaning house. Not just a room here or there, but the whole dang thing, top to bottom. As soon as I finish with my writing duties, I'm going to put something energetic and old (like me) on the stereo... something like KC and the Sunshine Band or James Brown or Elvis... and become a dancing, singing, cleaning, whirling dervish.

I'm hoping to finish in time to drop in on a Christmas Bunco party tonight and visit with women I never get to see anymore before running back home to greet my oldest baby. Then there's work at the Bistro, a college graduation and more Christmas parties on this week's calendar, plus decorations and cards and photo editing and writing assignments hovering over my head. 

Which means something's gotta give, and as usual, it's sleep... enough that those little dark circles are appearing under my eyes.  I've also missed a couple of workouts this week because of extra jobs that popped up, blessings I can't turn down.

But please don't tell my mom - she'll worry. And don't tell my kids - I'm always nagging them to make sure they get enough sleep. Oh, they'd love to throw this back on me!

One thing I'm not cutting out - not yet, anyway - is my morning walk. Before it was even light this morning, Belle appeared at the window next to my computer, begging to get started. Max stood a few steps behind her... a black patch on the dark porch... and that was unusual; he usually lets her do the begging alone, happy to relax in his bed on the front porch until I step out the door.

I could hear the rain hitting the roof. I guess they were as relieved and excited by the steady, light rain as I was... and I was glad they were eager for a walk. Cool, rainy days are the most beautiful when you're out in them, wrapped in a warm jacket and protected from total drenching by an umbrella. Colors deepen - greens, browns, golds, rusts - and everything glistens, bedazzled in crystal drops. 

No photographs. It was too wet to risk my camera. Belle's begging at the window again now, though, and the rain has stopped. Perhaps I'll wander out with my camera before I get busy cleaning and capture some of the rain bling...

But then... that's why my house is so dirty. All those, "But first..."s.

Ah, well. I'll just go ahead and share a couple I took the last time it rained and get busy cleaning...

And now, I won't drag it out any longer. Here are the winners of the Shutterfly card giveaway... 

Congratulations to Hilary at The Smitten Image, Gail at Louisiana Belle and Walker at A Woman's Page! I'll send you each the codes for your free 25 cards!

I wish everyone who entered could have won. I really hate leaving people out and I loved hearing all of your sweet! moments. Thanks for sharing them!

 

Summer, a fading memory

A splash of light from my iPhone guided me through the dark to my car last night. The wedding guests were long gone and only one light glowed in the winery Bistro behind me. 

Pausing in a clearing, I gazed up at the stars crowded around a sliver of moon. My frosty breath rose to greet them, along with a regret of never learning the constellations beyond the Big and Little Dippers. 

Frost coated the windshield of my car, although it wasn't even midnight. I dug my community college ID from my purse - it's good for scraping ice but not much else these days - and wished I had my gloves.

My headlights cut through the darkness on the winding road leading home through the hills. I seemed to be the only person out driving. Tom had left the porch lights on for me, a welcome sight, and Belle greeted me near the road, but inside, the house was silent; everyone was already snug in bed.

I turned off the lights and snuggled under the covers myself, not even thinking one thought about my poor plants, the aloe and bougainvillea I'd faithfully watered all summer, trying to help them survive the drought.

This morning I feared I'd find nothing but wilted, frozen leaves, but the aloe was still fresh and green, and fuchsia blossoms still dotted the bougainvillea. The rock wall where they're nestled must have retained enough afternoon sunshine to protect them through the cold night.

Max, on the other hand... that poor puppy can barely stand on his dysplasia-cursed elbow. I guess the cold gets to him like it gets to the rest of us feeling our age in our joints.

He was determined to join me and Belle on our morning walk, though. His face fell when I suggested he 'stay', so I said come on, then. He hopped along mostly on three legs, but his face shone, he was so eager and happy to hit the road.

Belle and I walked slow, following his pace for the most part. A few times he found a soft spot in the woods where he'd lie down and rest.

His appetite was down again this morning, too - I hand fed him a few pieces where I'd hidden his aspirin and he readily took it from my hand, as well as his glucosamine supplements, but otherwise had no interest. Belle seems to be on a sympathy hunger strike - her bowl is untouched and I refuse to hand feed her!

So the bowls are back on the kitchen counter. I'll try again later... maybe with a few pieces of cheese or some other goody in there. No more hand feeding, but I have no qualms against bribery.

Meanwhile, here it is a cold but sunshine-filled Monday and the week ahead is going to fly by, faster than usual, I believe. I'm going to be wearing a dozen different hats, trying hard to give each a fair share of my time without stressing over any of them too much, or spending hours hatless from indecision about which to wear next.

I'm grateful for each one and that's what I'm going to (try to) keep in mind. 

I hope all of you have a beautiful, busy, fulfilling, love-filled and peaceful week!

(And if you have a minute, please say a little prayer for my Max. Thank you!)

 

"The Best Laid Schemes..." (What happened to Monday and Tuesday?)

According to my calendar, I'm in Galveston right now, visiting my friend Ann, finally getting to see the cute little Victorian house she's fixing up and browsing through some wonderful eclectic shops.

Things don't always go according to plan, though, do they?

Instead of strolling the tourist-free beaches and staying up late talking and laughing with my dear friend, I've spent the past two days glued to this old computer, spending hours and hours on projects that should have only taken half the time.

(I'm beginning to wonder if shoveling coal into it might make it go any faster. I don't think it could hurt!)

Ann's free days evaporated, too, anyway, complicated by family schedules. We're going to try again in the next month or two. Why are our lives still so complicated?

I'm grateful for the work that's keeping me glued to the computer, though. One is a photo shoot from a couple of weeks ago that forced me to learn Lightoom. I'm by no means an expert, but I've learned so much, thanks to tutorials and photography friends (thank you, Beth!) and learning something new is so much fun! (And frustrating. And agonizing.)

Unfortunately, one thing I've learned is that my E: drive on my computer has gone kaputz. Nothing like a few hurdles in your path to keep you on your toes, right?

The second project was a review for BlogHer with a quick turnaround, as in, I learned about it yesterday and the deadline was this morning. And I (pretty much) turned it in on time. Ahem.

It wasn't a typical product review... more of a personal essay on health and aging and menopause, so I was happy I was chosen for the project.

I can't believe it's already Wednesday, though. Here are a few highlights from the past few days...

 

My mother turned 80! Middle-son Daniel went with me for the celebration at my parents' house. I enjoy road trips with Daniel - he helps me find good radio stations and doesn't mind me singing along loudly, even when I don't really know the words. 

It was a quick visit with family, highlighted by fried Gulf shrimp, birthday cake, breakfast by Daddy, plenty of coffee, Mexican food, and my mother in a birthday sombrero... 

...which matches this one of my dad from last month...

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Oldest-son Tommy ran his first full marathon! If you knew all the nights I stayed up with him while he struggled to breathe with his asthma, you'd really understand how very proud I am! And how relieved I was that he crossed that line, safe and sound and breathing!

This photo was snapped by his sweetheart, Kirby. She completed her second half-marathon that day. 

Yay, Tommy and Kirby!

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I won a blog drawing!! This cute cup featuring a 'doodle' by Cyndee at Eloise's Collage arrived in my mailbox Friday. I love it! Thank you, Cyndee! 

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Remember the Thanksgiving Comes First campaign? Thanks to Suldog, I found out about a petition to "Tell Target to Save Thanksgiving". If you want to add your name, click HERE.

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It rained yesterday! I mean, really and truly rained!

Well, not enough to capture a photo of the actual rain, but I did get one this morning of a dew-covered wildflower...

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Last but not least, Hilary at the Smitten Image awarded me a Post of the Week for As if I were beside you... Thank you, Hilary!

(Click the icon below to go read the other POTW and see her wonderful photography.)

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I hope you're having a wonderful week, even if your plans went agley like mine!

(At least I wasn't left with "nought but grief an' pain"...)

 

...The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

~from To a Mouse by Robert Burnes

On November (and my Sweet! Report)

Today is the fifth of November. How can that be?

Does anyone else feel the swoosh of time flying by?  If I'm not careful, with just a blink it will be December Eve.

November is full of writing challenges - novel writing, nonfiction writing, blogging...

Why? Who decided this was a month to focus on writing? A month dotted with important holidays in between two other big holiday months... a month of beautiful weather that begs you to drop your pen or leave your keyboard to come outside and soak it up (at least here in Austin.)

I won't be joining any challenges. Well, okay, maybe the blogging one because blogging is therapy... plus there are prizes, and I love prizes. I'll spend a few hours a week on my book, but I won't log the hours or daily words anywhere. The encouragement from other writers would be great, but right now, that's just extra time spent away from writing.

And every minute is gold right now. Yesterday morning, like a curious puppy on a leash, my brain dashed forward through the days of this month and all of the exciting events - visiting friends, celebrating my mother's 80th birthday, Thanksgiving - then I remembered the everyday demands, like editing photos from my first-ever paid photo shoot, writing, transcribing... laundry, groceries, bill-paying... morning walks, dog duties, working out...

How am I going to fit it all in?

Right away, I pushed the retract button on the leash, reeled in that frisky puppy-thought and made up my mind to keep it on a tight leash, allowing myself to stand in just one square of this month at a time as much as possible. I want to appreciate each day, accomplish what I can and not stress about the rest. (Why am I always having to remind myself of this?)

Already this month I waved my son off on his first post-graduation job, attended Mass in honor of All Saints Day, and said extra prayers for the souls of my friends and family who have passed on in honor of All Soul's Day. I came across these quotes and started writing a post including them, but ran out of time.

But they're great, so I'll still share them with you...

God creates out of nothing. … but He does what is still more wonderful: He makes saints out of sinners.~ Søren Kierkegaard

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.~ Oscar Wilde

 

I've also survived my first paid photo shoot gig (from what I've seen of the photos, I think it was a success!) and helped ease a friend into a new decade of life with a surprise celebration of his 60th birthday. 

(As promised, Dan!)

And at the moment this post is published, Tom and I will be off visiting dear friends.

{Last night (Friday) we enjoyed (I'm sure!) listening to their son's band play, and today (Saturday) we're either off exploring garage sales and flea markets or, if we're too tired from last night, we're just hanging out on the back porch. Either way, we're having fun!}

It's only the fifth of November, but the rest of the month promises to be just as packed. I'm determined to savor each day, slowly and deliciously, as if it came from a box of assorted rich chocolates. 

Because these days of our lives are precious, aren't they?

And now on to the rest of my sweet moments from this past week... Hope your week was filled with them, too!

Saturday: a surprise visit from a friend at the Bistro; winning a coin toss; autumn days in a vineyard; home from work early enough to watch a movie with your sweetie

Sunday: catching up with a dear friend after church; sharing a yummy cheesesteak sandwich with the one you love; five minutes with, and a hug from, your oldest, on his way from Dallas to San Antonio; cleaning house while listening to The Best of U2, 1990 to 2000 and the Beatles #1 hits 

Monday: Haley, the neighbor puppy who was hit by a truck just a few weeks ago, joining you and your puppies for your morning walk; making a little headway on learning Photoshop Elements

Tuesday: seeing your son off on his first day of a new job; support and advice from photographer friends; almost forgetting, but then arriving early for All Saint's Day Mass

Wednesday: cotton candy clouds; meeting Fancy, a leggy Doberman puppy; surviving your first ever 'real' photo shoot; a call from your sister; a now-routine weekly lunch with wonderful friends; helping a friend celebrate his 60th birthday (and spending time with friends you never get to see anymore) 

Thursday: seeing your "baby" girl; homemade chili on a chilly night; laughing with your son at the Modern Family episode you missed via Hulu

Friday: joining other bloggers worldwide for the Blog Blast for Peace; Belle peering in at the window beside you, in hopes you'll come out and visit; taking a break from the computer and visiting with your wiggly, joyful, full-of-kisses puppy; finding out you won a blog drawing for a cup with a friend's beautiful original artwork on it!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend. Don't forget...

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." - Robert Brault

P.S. Please keep my father-in-law in your prayers. He had to go into the hospital this week and be given blood for a recurring problem with anemia. So far, they haven't figured out what's causing it. Thank you! 

Ambience Lost

 

 

Writers, especially those trying to write at a desktop in the middle of the livingroom in a houseful of people, know you have to learn to tune everything out around you. And anyone who works from home and hopes to accomplish anything at all has to learn to ignore laundry, dishes, dust...

I've developed both of those skills to an extraordinary level. From dusty furniture to photos I've promised people... I can procrastinate them all.

But there's a time for everything - a level of, um, "dirty house" that just can't be ignored anymore. Mine reached that level weeks ago. I just didn't know it until my focus began to blur. 

It was like those nasty mosquitos that have taken over the Hollow near the creekbed lately, buzzing and biting until finally there are so many you can't enjoy your walk because you're too busy slapping them off your shoulders and legs.

So I cleaned my bathroom yesterday. 

Yeah, it's just a drop in the bucket, or, well, one room in a whole house, but hey, it's a start! And getting started, for me, is the toughest part of anything.

And when I say I cleaned it, I mean I scrubbed the shower and the floor... I took all of the rose plates off the wall and washed them in the kitchen sink... I dusted my little vases and photos (although I didn't go so far as to dust each separate spiral Mexican shell sitting in a blue bowl on the counter.)

I shouldn't admit this, but I spent hours on just that one room. When I was through, I lit a candle and relaxed for a few minutes, savoring the clean-ness. I love that room - next to the library, it's my favorite. I truly owed it an apology. 

I also annihilated the overflowing piles of laundry and scratched several unrelated things off of my to-do list yesterday. It felt really, really good.

I have too many deadlines and projects and jobs right now to spend a whole week cleaning and organizing like I need to, so I'm not completely mosquito-free, but I'm promising myself I'll spend at least a day or two each week swatting the rest of them until the buzzing in my ears stops. I know that, until then, I'm going to feel a little out-of-balance and out-of-focus.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you find time to stay on top of everything? 

I’ve learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything… at least not at the same time. Timing is everything.

~Dan Millman 

 

Finding the Rhythm

This morning the sun's red-orange fingertips barely touched the horizon when I stepped out onto the road for my walk. Belle and Max, prancing in the pre-dawn darkness just beyond the French doors, had convinced me not to wait until daylight.

A rowdy wind whipped down the road, whistling through the trees and playing with my hair. A cold front was passing through - well, "cold" by Texas standards, anyway - and despite my sweat pants and hoodie, I shivered. 

Autumn's no longer hinting around, I thought, it's moving on in. Then I remembered the rhythm of the seasons; the transition from one to the next is never overnight, a "honey I'm home!", but more of a flirtation, a dance... up two, back one, up two, back one... although the ultimate marriage is pretty one-sided.

That started me thinking about rhythms and transitions...

You grab the chains and walk backwards as far as you can. With a little hop, you plop your bottom onto the seat, lean back and extend your legs. Thus begins the back and forth, pull with the arms, pull with the legs rhythm until finally, finally you're soaring up, up, up above the trees, into the clouds... and back down again... then up, up, up... gliding with hardly any effort at all...

You grip the oar, lean forward and dip it into the water. You dig deep and pull, pull back toward you, past you, then lift it free, resting it on your lap as you glide smoothly forward with no effort. Then you lean forward and dip it into the water again...

For four minutes I jog, easy does it... then as soon as I enter the fifth minute, I push the little button to speed up my treadmill, kicking and stretching to keep up with the pace. I run as fast as I can for one solid minute, then back it back down to an easy pace for four more. Then I push the button...

With each there is exertion and rest, exertion and rest... a steady movement that inches you farther or further along in your goal.

It hit me I'm in such a transition right now. I have been for some time, but I just lose my momentum every now and then and have to get that push, pull thing going again.

Work, rest, work, rest.

What a great lesson. I need to remember this one, if I ever hope to soar.

 

 

Work and leisure are complementary parts of the same process. They cannot be separated without destroying the joy of work and the bliss of leisure.

E.F. Schumacher

 

Out of Focus (and my Weekly Sweet! List)

I dropped off my camera last Thursday for some much needed TLC. It was way overdue. Just imagine... four years of trips to the beach and walks down my dusty road.

Oh, poor, neglected thing. 

When I finally had it back in my hands, I expected it to work like it was brand new. Instead, the autofocus wouldn't work. I could slip it into manual, but obviously something was wrong.

After a phone call to the shop and a glance at my camera manual, it turned out I just needed to hit 'reset'. 

 Works like a charm, now as you can see. 

I wish I had a "reset" button somewhere on me. My autofocus is shot and my manual focus isn't even working too great either. All I see is a blur as I dash from one thing to another, with a nagging feeling that I'm not making progress anywhere, merely running in circles.

Beth, a friend of mine, posted a photography tip recently: "be careful what you focus on".

Her advice keeps running through my head. Maybe that's what's wrong - I'm not being careful with my focus. In trying to focus on everything within view, it all turns out a blurry mess.

So that's my goal for next week - pushing 'reset' and finding my focus...

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Keeping track of the Sweet! moments in my life helps a little... but I've even had a tougher time focusing on these this week...

Sunday: photos and videos proving your boys on vacation in Germany are still alive and well and having fun;

Monday: being reunited with your camera; black and brown puppies, in sizes Small, Medium and Xtra-large, all playing together sweetly

Tuesday: wishing your parents a happy 62nd wedding anniversary; your sister healed enough from her hip surgery to drive; hearing how your puppy defended her 'niece' from a potential neighborhood bully

Wednesday: morning Mass; black butterflies; your "broken" camera miraculously working with just the push of a reset button; being forced to learn more about your camera

Thursday: a clean(er) house; a message that your kids made it to Prague safe and sound

Friday: two calls from your daughter in one day; an update from your globetrotting boys; a surprise chat with your brother-in-law; scanning photos, turning the pages in your memory

Saturday: waking before the alarm, ready to start your day; the sun rising on the Hollow, full of greens and golds

I hope you've had plenty of sweet moments this week and they continue into the weekend! Wish me luck adjusting my focus!

Sweets and Balance on a Catch-Up Sunday

Just trying to catch my balance!

I worked twelve hours yesterday for the first time in twenty years. (I'm talking about paid work, not parenting or household work, from which you never actually clock-out, am I right?...)

Anyway, each year volunteers respond to the call when it's time to harvest the grapes at the vineyard. To say thanks, the owners treat the volunteers to a free buffet dinner party at the Bistro: the annual Harvest Dinner.

Whew! I think I got a taste of what working at a mainstream restaurant on a busy Saturday night might be like!

But the hours went by fast and it was actually fun, in a crazy way. And near the end, I even got to sit down for a bit and visit with two friends I hadn't seen in a while. Very sweet!

Once home last night, I plopped down in a recliner to rest my aching feet and nibble on some chicken, spinach and artichoke lasagna that I snagged from the buffet line, then promptly fell asleep while watching a British television show about cars with Tom.

Today, well-rested, I'm playing catch-up: laundry, emails, um... I think that's as far as I've gotten and I haven't even finished those! So without further ado, here are a few other Sweet! moments from the past week...

Sunday: Boy Scout caramel popcorn full of almonds, pecans and cashews; meeting Kona the English Bulldog, all wiggles and drool; finishing the book "Faithful Place" in time to write the review

Monday: hearing that your Daddy is released from the hospital, even if there's no diagnosis; meeting your book review deadline with hours to spare

Tuesday: joining with others to support a friend; your son's help moving your daughter back to campus; news that your dad (only recently released from the hospital) swept the kitchen

Wednesday: your son's help with moving again, especially with getting a mini-fridge up two flights of stairs; a warm smile and sincere "How are you?" from a Walmart employee who wasn't even the official greeter; the smell of rain and sight of distant lightning

Thursday: your old dog Max running after jackrabbit (and knowing the jackrabbit got away); raindrops on your dusty windshield; photographing your toddler great niece who you haven't seen since Thanksgiving

Friday: watching a hawk splashing in a birdbath; faces of dear friends; lunch with your mom and dad; seeing your sister walk without using her cane; slipping out of Houston before the Friday afternoon rush hour 

Saturday: putting your feet up after a long day; sharing chocolate torte with your sweetie

Sunday: sleeping in and still making it to church on time; a day off to play catch-up around the house

I hope you managed to find some sweet moments in your week! 

Now where was I...?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweets in a busy week

For some reason, I thought this past week would have more time in it. 

I thought by the time I headed to work at the Bistro this morning, I would be all caught up on everything, plus perhaps even a little ahead on a few things.

Well, I wasn't. But I refuse to give myself a hard time about it. There's always next week... (and if there's not, then none of it matters anyway, right?)

I was so scatterbrained this whole week that a dear friend's 50th birthday snuck up on me... I remembered in time to send an email and a text, but not in time to send the card I intended to send all week (it was even on my to-do list!)

Despite that, I actually kept track of my Sweets! each day. It appears I've managed to turn it into a habit. (Thank goodness! I needed another good one to balance out the bad ones!)

So here they are, a few of my sweet moments of this past crazy-busy airheaded week...

 

Saturday: running 1.5 miles in less than 15 minutes for the first time in 30+ years; watching the full moon rise over Lake Travis with your sweetie pie and thinking about all the full moons you've shared in the past 29 years; grilled rib-eye steak, baked potato with the works and cheesecake

Sunday: listening to an inspiring sermon on faith; miraculously getting to work on time; laughing over old episodes of Twin Peaks with your son 

Monday: a morning walk with the full moon; news that your brother snuck off and got married over the weekend; hours and hours of writing 

Tuesday: tons of prayer and sweet thoughts from your friends for your dad who is in the hospital; meeting a deadline

Wednesday: praying in a quiet, empty church; news that your dad passed his arteriogram with flying colors

Thursday: skipping on a dirt road; shopping with your frugal daughter; lots of reading time

Friday: hitting the clearance racks with your daughter, Part 2; satisfying your shoe addiction within your budget; watching a movie with your sweetie

Saturday: sleeping in (ahhhh!); time at work to snap lots of photos; news that your dad is passing all of his tests, even if the doctors can't figure out what's causing his problems and won't let him escape from the hospital yet

 

Hope you took time to notice your sweet moments, too! 

At times

With mere minutes to spare (I thought) I hit the send button, catapulting my She Writes submission just under the deadline wire. 

Turns out I had four hours left - Tom and I both weren't thinking straight on the Pacific vs. East Coast time thing - but that's okay. If I'd known I had the time, I would have used it, staying up way too late. I'm already dragging as it is.

I spent the past two days writing, writing, writing, trying to get those 2000 words just right. Sometimes the story just flowed - I was right there in it. Other times the words I needed were rooted in hard soil;  I had to plant my feet and pull, pull, pull till they broke free.

Anyway, after staying focused on my book like that, and working the whole weekend, I'm behind on everything else again. 

I'm not even talking about laundry. I can live with that. What stresses me out is my email inbox is overflowing and mostly unanswered, I have 341 unread posts on my Google Reader and I have no idea what celebrations, trials or tribulations my Facebook friends have been going through for days.  

I don't like that. Will I ever find a balance?

Today I've been too scatterbrained and distracted to accomplish much of anything. Here it is almost 8pm and I have no idea where the day went, except for the almost 2 hours I spent on the phone with a nice lady from AT&T who tried to help me set up my outdated version of Outlook Express on my ancient computer, and the quick trip into town to light a candle in the church, water my friend's plants and grab some milk from the store.

See, as of yesterday evening, my dad is in the hospital. It's unclear exactly what's wrong with Daddy, but a good guess is some sort of circulation issue, his main gremlin the past few decades. They're running tests and I pray they're able to determine what's going on. (An update before I could publish this - so far everything they've tested is looking good! Maybe it's something minor after all!!)

I jumped on Facebook last night long enough to request prayers, and the outpouring of positive energy in my mom and dad's direction through prayer, good thoughts and love was phenomenol. 

Thank you all! I hope to be a better friend and less of a scatterbrain next week. (No guarantees before then!)

 

I know that at times I will be troubled, 
I know that at times I will be belabored,
I know that at times I will be disquieted,
But I believe that I will not be overcome.
Amen.

- Julian of Norwich

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Detours (and my Friday Favorite Photo)

This has been one crazy, zig-zagging, bouncing, stretching-myself-across-so-many-things-I-think-I'm-going-to-pop kind of week. One of those weeks where everything is high priority and you just can't procrastinate any longer. So you just do it all, period, and try your best to get some sleep.

Things like a writing deadline, a book review deadline, a contact list to compile and a group email that had to go out, a BlogHer assignment, a Parish Council meeting, eye doctor appointments x 3 of us, my car inspected, our anniversary looming, my sister's birthday, a dozen blog posts swirling in my head waiting to be born, a new FlickR project, my refrigerator filter glowing orange, watering a friend's plants while she's out of town plus trying to keep our own alive...

Whew.

All of this on top of my two day jobs (weekday and weekend) overlapping so I have only one day off in 9 days right on the heels of a quick trip out of town to a wedding. 

I confess I didn't even think about housework of any kind this week or do more than glance at my three-page to-do list. 

If it weren't for Tom, TG and Daniel helping with cooking, laundry and whatever I ask them to do around here, I really would have popped, I'm sure.

Of course, it's not over yet. I work both days this week at the Bistro; we celebrate our anniversary tomorrow night (we're thinking dessert at Sonic at sunset); reading and writing deadlines still loom, the filter light still gives me an orange wink every time I open the fridge door, my car still isn't inspected (shhh! don't tell!), I haven't started the FlickR project, and my laundry is overflowing...

But the good news is I'll have time to take care of most of these starting Monday. The bad news is it's because one of my jobs ended, which means one of my paychecks. The good news is that means I'll have more time to focus on my book and my businesses, and I'll still be moderating the Jobs4Autism website.

I haven't decided if I've come to another detour in my life or if I'm actually stepping back onto the main road. I've taken so many detours I'm not even sure what the main road looks like anymore. Some detours were results of my own decisions; some just plopped down from no where, forcing me to veer in a new direction.

I came across this on a blog today, written by Baron Batch, a Texas Tech to Pittsburgh Steelers football player/writer:

"The funny thing about all roads is that at some point they all have potholes, speed bumps and detours. However, the durability of your vehicle is what allows you to reach your destination regardless of your traveling conditions."

Baron's post is a tribute to his faith and a reminder of the value of detours in our life. Instead of playing in his first NFL game this week, he tore his ACL. He writes...

"Trying to understand Gods plan will bring insanity, trusting it brings peace."

So much wisdom in one so young! I aspire to have that kind of faith and pray my kids do, too. I hope we all have durable vehicles! (I wish I could be confident that when my own kids face detours in their lives, when things go wrong as they always will, they hear my voice whispering, "Have faith, have faith.")

 

And now for my Friday Favorite Photo!

I picked this one of Max because...

a) it's taken with my new 50mm lens! and 

b) he's eating! 

(He stopped eating for awhile last weekend when we were gone. Got me so worried! Dang dogs.)

Now that I think of it, Max himself was a detour. We had decided we weren't going to have any more dogs. Then that starving puppy wandered up and stole our hearts...

Hope you've had a wonderful week... hope you have a great weekend...  and hope you look at the detours in your life as opportunities rather than bad luck.

Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Tenacity

"Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live."

~JIm Rohn
American motivational speaker, 20th century

 

I didn't feel like running yesterday morning. Too many things to do before work and not enough sleep the night before. Skipping one day won't matter...

I ignored that voice. It's true my world doesn't stop turning if I skip one morning workout - there are some days I actually don't have time - and on those days I forgive myself and just get back to it the next day.

But yesterday, I knew I had time.  So I agreed to a compromise: I could stop after two miles, and if I felt like walking a little, that was okay. But I had to go at least two miles. No negotiation on that point.

(I've learned the key is tricking myself - I knew once I started, I'd feel much better and keep going. I fall for it every time!)

Sure enough, within the first few seconds, I felt pretty good. Instead of increasing my speed every five minutes like I normally do, I revved it up a notch every four. And at the two mile mark, I didn't even consider stopping.

You've probably already guess that I run on a treadmill. Our road is caliche, a combination of big rocks and gravel. It only took one skinned knee and where-the-heck-did-that-rock-come-from-did-I-break-anything? incident to convince me to move indoors. 

Anyway, yesterday morning I thought I couldn't run at all and ended up completing three miles in 31 minutes 

You might not think that's great, especially you runners out there. But when I remember all the times I couldn't run because of my asthma - all the medicine I've taken, all the trips to the emergency room, that whole winter semester of tennis in 8th grade when Ms. Clark wouldn't even let me go outside with the rest of the class because she feared the cold would trigger an asthma attack and I had to practice volleying against the wall alone all period - well, I think running three miles in 31 minutes at 52 years old is pretty damn good.

I started running in high school. Not the kind you do as a kid, for fun, but the kind you don't really want to do but do anyway because you know it's good for you.

Or because, like me, you want to lose weight. (I had to take a lot of prednisone for my asthma - and if you've taken prednisone, you know it makes you crave cheesecake! And Doritos and Roadrunner steak sandwiches and Wendy's Frosties...)

My asthma flared at first , but before too long, I stopped needing my inhaler. As much, anyway.

I didn't actually run-run. I wasn't on the track team or anything. I just ran-jogged around my half-mile block every morning before school. Afterwards, I'd jump rope for a few minutes, and finish up with some sit-ups and stretches.

But then during my first semester in college, thinking of myself as a runner, I signed up for "Aerobics" (Dr. Cooper's version, not Dance.) We learned all about cardiovascular fitness and kept track of our "daily aerobic points", aiming at a minimum of 40 each day.(Cooper's book, Aerobics, assigned points for different activities, depending on their aerobic benefit.)

At intervals during the semester, we took timed 1 1/2 mile runs around the top of the University of Houston's Hofheinz Pavilion to measure our progress. 

Despite all those half-mile morning jogs leading up to my first timed 1 1/2 mile circuit, I thought I would die before I finished. I couldn't even run the whole way, but had to stop and walk a few times! I finished in something like 15 minutes and 20 seconds.

How humbling and eye-opening.

Fast forward through a semester of night runs and jump rope sessions. I'm running my last 1 1/2 miles around the top of Hofheinz Pavilion. I'm kind of nervous, but this time I'm able to keep running, running, running the whole way, finishing in 12 minutes and 40 seconds.

I know from TG's high school cross-country meets that for an 18-year-old, this still isn't a great time, but it was almost three minutes faster than two months before! High-five!

Okay, and I know I'll never be able to run 1 1/2 miles in less than 13 minutes again, but I did finish it in 15 minutes and 45 seconds one morning recently... and then kept on running for another 1 1/2 miles. Another high-five!

 

“Fitness is a journey, not a destination. It must be continued for the rest of your life.”

- Dr. Kenneth Cooper

I continued running after that semester, working up to 3 miles. But one night I didn't have time to run 3 miles. I didn't want to run less, so I just didn't run at all. (How's that for logic??)

Before I knew it, weeks of no running had passed. I dropped out of school, started working shiftwork, got married, had babies. 

Every once in awhile during those next few years, I'd lace up my shoes and try running again, or bicycling, or swimming. Then I'd reach a point I couldn't or wouldn't maintain, or something else in my life would take precedence.

Until four years ago, when I realized what a terrible friend I had been to someone who depended solely on me: My body.

I walked with the dogs in the mornings, but otherwise put my own health last on my priority list, behind the people I loved - ironically, the very ones who depended on me to take care of them, who needed me to be healthy, who I wanted to be healthy! And just look at the example I'd been giving them! 

Instead of being selfish, I realized taking care of myself was actually a way to show my love to those who depended on me! And that's what keeps me going every morning now, even more than the desire to fit into my favorite jeans or be able to go out dancing or whatever else I want to do in the time I have left on this earth. 

Although those are pretty good motivators, I admit.

Because there are so many dreams I'm still working on as time allows. My writing, my photography, my college degree ...even playing my drums, although I have no illusion of ever really being good. But I intend to keep playing them as long as I can hold those drumsticks.

I also run out of gratitude, with every step giving thanks for my legs, my lungs, my heart. Gifts we too often take for granted or even abuse, like spoiled children with expensive toys. I run for my friends and family who can't.

When I started running again, I cut myself some slack - I didn't want to hurt myself! But I was still firm and refused to let myself quit. I'm in it for the long run, literally. And that determination flows over into the other areas of my life.

I just wish I'd had this much determination and flexibility when I was 18 - this vision of the "long run," of ebb-and-flow-but-don't-stop. Time isn't gracious. Over the years, just as I found a rhythm, making progress on one dream or another, something would pop up and I'd have to set it on a shelf. I gave up way too fast. But at least I have it now, this bullheadedness. This tenacity.

 As long as I'm breathing, my dreams won't stay long on the shelf. 

And I'll keep lacing up my shoes.

"Anything is possible.

You can be told that you have a 90-percent chance or a 50-percent chance or a 1-percent chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight."

 
~Lance Armstrong

Birdbrained and Ridin' Dirty...

This bird didn't know where it was going!

Seeing its zig-zaggy tracks made me laugh - it's exactly how I feel these days, bouncing from writing my book to writing blog posts to photography to 'paycheck' work to blog-reading to my jewelry business to my personal history business to house stuff to to-do lists to emails to Facebook... and getting behind on all of them.

So last night I set the alarm to wake up at 4am this morning.

That would give me over an hour of writing time in a silent house. I hoped at 4am the wild-flying thoughts and words bouncing around in my brain would be tame enough to capture. 

Then I calculated how much sleep that would give me if I rose at 4, projected myself through the rest of the day on so few hours of rest, weighed whether getting all of those things done I needed to do but couldn't focus on at night was worth feeling miserable all day and having huge bags under my eyes.

I reset the alarm for 5:30am.

One day soon I'll have time for writing and sleeping - but much less money. Why can't time and money work together? It seems I never have enough of either one.

Speaking of droughts, it's still dry around here; my dust-covered car is once again attracting attention from random passers-by in parking lots...

Hope today you get plenty of rain or time or money or whatever it is you need!

(And if you don't, I hope you can laugh about it! Remember, nothing ever stays the same. Just hang on!)

 

Smiles (and Friday's Favorite Photos)

Oh, I had big plans for yesterday, all spelled out in a realistic and do-able list of things to accomplish on my day off.

Besides the usual - my morning walk with the dogs, their breakfast on the back porch and my work-out which I always dread and want to get out of the way as soon as possible - I was eager to activate my new iPhone. I'm finally entering the "iWorld", although still a bit behind everyone else with a 3G because they're cheap and 4Gs aren't.

Once I had my new phone up and running, I would tackle the rest of my list: pick up a few groceries, try out a new recipe, clear the mound of paperwork from my desk, pay some bills, work on my book and blogs and photos ... until it was time to shuttle TG to her summer class at the community college.

However, I forgot about Murphy's Law. To activate the phone, I had to install iTunes on my computer and that turned into an all day ordeal, involving downloads and uninstalls and phone calls to Apple.

Sooo... I'm still using my old phone today. Sigh. The pretty, new, shiny iPhone is back in its box waiting for my next day off to be brought to life.

But this morning I'm still smiling, inside and out, and here's why...

Belle greeted me, all wiggles and grins and squeals of delight, as soon as I stepped out the door.

 

How could you see this face and not smile?

Then Max pranced around the corner and even though Belle bit his ankles all the way up the walkway, he kept grinning - he puts up with the pain and irritation (to a certain extent, anyway) out of love and appreciation for her playfulness. Seeing him smile makes me smile.

But there's more...

I know we need rain and I would welcome stormy skies, but in all honesty, a blue sky stretching cloudless from one rose-kissed horizon to the other makes my heart soar.

My bougainvillea continues to bloom, brightening the browns and grays with splashes of deep fuschia.

Bird tracks zig-zag and criss-cross the dirt in several spots along our road. Perhaps a roadrunner or the goofy doves that cluster in that area, but they remind me of my Frankie-bird and that makes me smile.

I received a text yesterday from someone very dear to me, someone whose heart suffered deep loss just a few years ago, someone who I feared would never rediscover the joy in life, letting me know he'd found love again. He's happy. That didn't just make me smile - it made me cry with joy!

Even if I didn't have all of these things to smile about, I'd find a way to smile anyway because of this Japanese proverb I came across yesterday...

 

‎"We do not smile because something good has happened;

rather something good happens because we smile." 

So find a way to smile today, somehow, someway!

And now here's my Favorite Photo of the Week...

This just says "Texas" to me, because where but Texas will you find a cactus growing beside a vineyard? 

Maybe there are other places, but we Texans always like to think we're unique. Being a Texan makes me smile - as well as getting to work where I can see cactus growing beside a vineyard.

 

Happy Friday! Tell me what makes you smile these days.

Under the right circumstances (or "All Dried Up")

If you could peek inside my brain, this is what it would look like...

I feel as dry as our pond. Seeds of thought sprout in my brain, but there's nary a cloud of creativity in sight to nourish them. They're just withering away. 

Time. That's what I need a bit more of right now. Free time to help those thoughts grow into big, beautiful finished products.

I know the rain will eventually fall and fill our pond to overflowing once again, so I believe Time will soon return to help me clean off my crowded backburners and get things cooking. 

(Wait, how did I get from weather and nature metaphors to cooking? See what I mean? Completely dried up!)

I just hope that, despite the drought and unreliable creativity clouds and crowded backburners and mixed metaphors, I'm on the verge of blossoming, just like my crape myrtles. 

But then I'll probably complain about being broke.

Happy Wednesday, anyway!

 

Time, Water and other missing things (plus Friday's Favorite Photos)

I walked at dusk, a tangerine glow still lining the horizon, not quite snuffed by the night sky. The wind blew hard, but it was comforting, like a friend's reassuring hug, and its roaring in my ear was a lullaby, soothing.

While the puppies hunted for lizards and rough-housed in the sand, I turned inward, flipping through my thoughts, trying to sort and organize and figure out why I feel so scattered, why I feel someone has stolen minutes from my day.

I just can't get as much done as I used to and I don't know why.

My brain feels as dry as the land around me, and that doesn't help. My words and thoughts are wilted, sluggish, thirsty for more writing time.

And yet, hasn't my time for writing always been like that, just bits and pieces shared by so many different projects that they're worn thin like tattered hand-me-downs, tossed aside into the nooks and crannies of my day? What's different now?

Maybe it's not the amount of time, but the rhythm of my day. Maybe it's the other things competing with space in my brain...things like jobs and money, dreams and reality, love and heartache, concerns about family and friends.

Maybe it's just the weather.

But the wind blew my cloud of melancholy away. Despite the heat, the drought and the horsefly circling me, preparing to strike, it was a beautiful evening and my blessings are too numerous to count.

Here's one... My sister Brenda got the okay from her doctor to put weight on her hip. She's back home again, with her husband and cat. I know she appreciates how Mama and Daddy embraced her and cared for her while she recuperated from hip surgery, but three months is a long time to be away from home and I'm happy for all of them.

Yeah, maybe I'm dropping things lately like so much loose change slipping through my fingers, but I've also taken care of a few to-do's that have waited patiently for my attention, such as finally posting (and selling!) stuff via Craig's List, starting back on writing my book semi-daily, cleaning up my hard drive to free up some space... um, maybe that's it. But that's something.

By the way, did you see the full moon this week? I always count it as a blessing, one that helps me put the trivial things of my life into perspective. I remembered to take a few shots of its progression - they don't do it justice, but they're still my Friday Favorite Photos picks, reminding me to stop, focus, breathe, be still.

Oh, and here's a favorite quote from the week. It has nothing to do with anything else I wrote - I just like it...

Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom.

Merry Browne

Hope you are having a wonderful Friday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My backburner is getting crowded...

I fidgeted in the swivel chair -- the 'good' chair, the teacher's chair -- twisting it back and forth by swinging my crossed leg up and down.  Mostly unfamiliar faces stared back at me, except one or two I've known since their toddler-hood. But then, the whole high school felt unfamiliar. Odd, considering all the days I spent there not so long ago.

I spoke to the faces about writing, even though I know all of these kids could teach me a thing or two about writing. Ms. D taught my kids AP English and AP Literature, and I often subbed for her. She's very thorough.

But they listened politely and even asked a few questions.

Still, after ten years or so of annually reading my published essays to Ms. D's junior AP English class and giving them my tired tidbits of writing advice, I think it may be time to retire.

You see, Ms. D always introduces me as a 'published author' and while that's true, it's been a long, long time since I had anything published.

I'm not counting my newspaper articles. Those barely felt like writing - they weren't a part of me in the same way my essays are. (No offense to any newspaper writers out there.) And my blog - well, I just push a button! No approval but mine necessary.

Of course, it's been a long time since I actually submitted anything anywhere, and if you want to be published, it helps to submit your work. Your chances greatly improve!

It's just ... well ... I feel a little silly sitting up there hanging on to past glory. While reading A View from a Catwalk, it hit me I was just 31 when I wrote it, ready to set the world on fire with my writing.

Here I come, world!

That was 21 years ago! Wow. I discovered setting the world on fire with your writing is a lot harder than I thought, especially when you're just an above average writer at best (lots of rewrites requiring lots of time,) coming off of 13 years of shiftwork and your dream of being a stay-at-home mom with your three precious babies is coming true.

Along with Tom, they were the pot on the front burner that needed the most attention, and writing was pushed way to the back, right next to completing my college degree and hitting garage sales because we were now a broke, single-income family.

My most recently published essay is In the Aftermath of a Car Crash, about the head-on collision that nearly killed Tom back in 1998, and it was published eleven years ago in 2000.

Eleven years ago!

It's not that I haven't written since then. I was very disciplined the year following Tom's accident - with a published essay to show for it -  until the computer hard drive crashed, imprisoning several short stories, the first few drafts of two books and ideas for more. (I wasn't quite as disciplined about backing up my work, unfortunately.)

Tom salvaged some of it, but I haven't had chunks of dedicated writing time like that since that year. We started on our house, the kids' schedules got busier... and whoosh! here I am sitting in front of a class reading something I wrote more than a decade ago, because I have nothing newer that's been published ... or even completed anything enough to submit anywhere.

Sounds like I've already retired, doesn't it?

But  I'm not giving up on finishing and submitting my books or stories or screenplays someday. And I might not even give up my annual 'author' spotlight, if Ms. D asks me back again. Even if my credentials are getting dusty and my writing tips are ho-hum, I think I'm still very qualified to speak on never giving up on your dreams. I can vouch they keep pretty well on that backburner for a long, long time.

 

 

Sweet! #7 and then some

Some days it's tough to think of a Sweet! and this is one of them.

I'm tired. It's way past my bedtime.

I've started a dozen things this evening but haven't finished a single one.

I have a deadline looming.

Tom's birthday is coming up and I'm not ready.

Facebook is acting up on loading pictures, the restaurant I wanted to reserve for after Daniel's graduation is already booked, and I found out my brother-in-law's 87-year-old mother is in the hospital with pneumonia. I know my sister Brenda is very worried.

But...

...I slept all night without waking a single time. (All of you other menopausal women can appreciate that one!)

...it rained again. Lots of thick drops, the kind that soak into the ground and do some good.

...Daniel and TG feel they did pretty good on their finals today.

...I took a break from work for a walk this afternoon and the wind and sun felt fabulous on my face.

...on our morning walk, Belle stayed sitting beside me when our neighbor drove past in his truck; I didn't have to pull her back by the collar to keep her from chasing him like I usually do.

...my oldest volunteered to help me find a restaurant for after graduation.

...Tom fixed my jumprope I've been using for 34 years that decided to come apart this morning.

All pretty Sweet!-worthy on their own, I guess.

Now I'm going to bed.

Hope you had at least one Sweet! today!

(This photo is technically an accident, but I really like it. One more Sweet!)

 

 

On Dreams ... and Sweet #5

"Nothing happens unless first we dream." ~ Carl Sanburg

So true. But dreams are just seeds - they don't bloom without the right conditions and it's up to us to help them along. We have to water them. Plant them where they'll get enough sunshine. 

I've been prodded several times just in the past few days to keep moving on my dreams - to nurture them.

• Saturday night Shake Russell stood a few feet away from me and sang, "...you're only as strong as your dreams. Don't give 'em up for a stack of green. Keep right on going and you'll see what I mean..." from one of his latest songs. (I'll post about this, but I've barely had time to look at my photos!)
• Last night I finally watched the movie "Up" - it's about an elderly man finally following through on a dream he shared with his wife, after she passes away.
• Today I saw the Sanburg quote up above.

But I already planned to use this day to further my (latest) dream, a personal history business, where I can use my love of writing and history and genealogy and general nosiness about people's lives to help them preserve their stories as legacy - and today I registered the name and secured the domain (I didn't even make up my mind on it until I was in the county tax office!) 

 

The name I chose is...

"Memory to Legacy"

So...what do you think?

Huh? You don't like it? Well, there's no going back now, so please don't even tell me!

(Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback on some of my choices and gave me other ideas. It really helped. Please don't be mad if I didn't choose your favorite!This one isn't even my first pick!)

It's scary, this "going into business" for myself thing, especially since we're already pretty broke. But I feel I'm moving in a direction I'm supposed to (does that make sense?) so at this point, I'm not too worried. Next month when I'm trying to pay bills it might be different, but right now I feel very optimistic.  Shake's words help: "...don't give them up for a small stack of green..."  which to me means a another job I don't enjoy but that provides a steady paycheck.

While I was busy trying to figure out how to secure the domain and link it to my blog host, Tom was huffing and puffing, carrying even more bookshelves into my library. So that dream has moved even further along as well, bless my sweet husband's heart. 

I'm hoping I'll have time to work on my book and photography during downtime on my business. The clock is ticking and I need to stop dawdling and get busy.

Okay, now for my Sweet!...

 It's funny - now that I've started this Sweet! series, it's actually tough to pick just one to post a day. Making the final decision on a name felt really good. Plus, today, I got to see 2/3 of my kids - even had lunch and a great philosophical discussion with 1/3. A funny Mother's Day card from my oldest third arrived in the mail. And I found a penny on the floor just as I was handing over the paperwork for my name. (A great reminder of "In God We Trust")

All pretty Sweet!

But I'll stick to the dream theme for Sweet #5:

Moving a step (or two) closer along the path to your Dream.

What is your dream and what have you done lately to make it come true?

P.S. I received word today that someone who played a big part in our lives has Stage 4 cancer in their liver, colon and lungs, and just started chemo. Please, please keep this person in your prayers! Thank you!

 

 

 

Spring Fever Frenzy and Sweet! #1

Frenzy is my word of the week, (where's my copy of Pearl Jam's song Just Breathe?) so please forgive me if this post seems a little harried and unorganized. If it jumps around a bit, it's just a reflection of my life right now, hopscotching from one project to the next in haphazard order.

Tom and I have two Major Events coming up this month - another Shake Russell home concert and Daniel's graduation - just the kind of matches we need to light fires under our butts and get us moving on projects we should have tackled months ago.

Why, oh why do we procrastinate?

You would be amazed by how much Tom and I can ignore around our house - he always has half a dozen projects in various stages going on simultaneously and after almost 30 years together, I've learned to ignore random tools and pieces of equipment left lying in odd places. 

One reason I ignore it all is because, if he dares say anything about my own piles of unorganized junk or projects-in-progress, I have ammunition. We've learned to be very accepting of each other's idiosyncrasies.

When Major Events appear on the calendar, though, that helps us see our home from a visitor's point of view and YIKES, our priorities shift. I haven't even gotten to the 'cleaning' part - for some reason, I've got it in my head I need to sort through boxes, clean up my office-to-be, my closet, cabinets... 

It's not that I think anyone will care, but I have to use this rare fever while I have it.

So, what I didn't do this past weekend: 

• Work on my book.
• Dance, play ping-pong or my drums.
• Load Photoshop Elements on my computer. (I'm hesitating because, from experience with my computer, I know it won't be as easy as clicking a few buttons. I need a chunk of time to work on this.)
• Finalize the name for my new venture. If I get any chunks of time, this is what I've been spending them on. Even though I work for a naming company, I had no idea it would take me this long to pick one. I'm really afraid I'm overthinking it. I've narrowed it down to three, though, and now have to figure out how to register it. There are so many things involved in starting a business - yikes!
• Attend my friend Jacque's college graduation Saturday morning. I fully intended to - I got up early, showered, dressed and was ready to head out the door, but stopped to double check directions to where I thought it was being held Turns out, it was on a totally different highway than she told me in her graduation-eve excitement, much farther than I realized. I should have googled it the night before and gotten up earlier. There was no way I could make it there in time.

What I did accomplish, outside of the normal routine:

• Unloaded a ton of stuff at Goodwill. I was going to stop after the graduation ceremony, anyway. Tom and I had already loaded up my car with bags and boxes of things to donate.
• Treated myself to a pedicure and manicure. Unusual for someone in a frenzy, I know, but the salon is next door to Goodwill. I'm 52, but I can count the number of pedicures I've had in my life on one hand - I think this was number 5 - and this was only the second manicure I've ever had. The other one was part of a spa day gift from Tom in honor of my 30th birthday. (What is wrong with me?)
• Promised myself I won't wait another year for a pedicure, or another 22 years for a manicure.
• Made a few baby steps of progress on starting my business. No, I didn't finalize the name, but I made progress. That's what I have to focus on.
• Sorted through several boxes of stuff and weeded out more stuff to give away. I'm a hoarder collector, but I'm started to have pity on my kids when they have to go through my things later. (Of course, if Tom's still around, it'll be easy on them. He'll just dump it all or burn it.)
• Paid bills and made a dent in the laundry. (No explanation needed here - these things never wait patiently.) 

Tom spent most of Saturday on a Habitat-for-Humanity type project. It's not HFH, but a similar program his company partners with a few times a year. He loves using his carpentry skills to help people.

On his way home he picked up a new (to us) elliptical trainer and stationary bike he found on Craig's List. We have our own little gym again, for less than the cost of a gym membership. Yay, Tom! 

He's putting his Craig's List truck to good use!

On the Today Show this week, I found out about something that apparently everyone else already knows about - 1000 Awesome Things.

How did I miss this? Especially as a blogger? (If you, like me, have had your head in the ground lately and haven't heard about this, click on that link above and take a look - but then come back!)

Actually, what I want to know, is why didn't I think of this myself?

Even though I didn't, I'm going to blatantly steal borrow Neil Pasricha's premise and start looking on the bright side of things every day. Considering my current frenzied state, I think it will do me some good.

I also want to set a good example for my kids and prove to them that no matter how bad things get in a day, it's possible to find one little "sweet!" moment. I honestly believe that.

I apologize in advance because this means I might have two posts in a single day right here on Long Hollow, plus another one on Confessions. I forgive you if you don't always read them or comment, but I would like to hear about your "sweet!" moments too, if you have the time to share them. From here on out, I'll write them as separate posts and keep them in the Sweet! category so I can go back and remember little rays of sunshine on those dark days.

 So here we go with Sweet #1 (drumroll please)...

... Getting an email from my son just to say he loves me - and to tell me he has no cavities. When your grown children take charge of their lives, it can be so hard to let go, especially in those health care areas. After years of intensive, organized, methodical mothering and worrying over their health - doctor and dentist check-ups, prescriptions, etc. - you watch them fly out of the nest to other regions with unknown doctors and dentists and you can only pray they continue to take care of themselves. 

It took the suspicion of a cavity, but he did it. Sweet!

 

 

 

Thank you, BlogHer!

I think I've mentioned this before - I'm a book addict. I have boxes and boxes of books stacked in the boys' rooms downstairs, waiting for the library Tom has promised me  (and promised me... and promised me...)

(Okay, in his defense, he built this whole house ... even finished out my closet while he barely has a rod to hang his shirts on, so I understand a proper home for my beloved books isn't high on the priority list. Really I do. Sigh.) 

Anyway, back to my addiction...

Books fill windowsills and mismatched bookshelves that are scattered around the house. Books are stacked on tables, fill cabinets... you get the picture. I just can't throw a book away or resist "adopting" a homeless one (for the right price, anyway.)

But I think I've also already mentioned that I don't take time to read anymore - not books, anyway. Not often. I have good intentions and dream of reading all of the books I adopt, but the reality is they sit waiting, neglected, while I spend my hours trying to make money and chase the dreams I've put off for so long.

I miss reading a good book. There's nothing like it, getting sucked into the pages, caught up in the lives of the characters, becoming oblivious to everything around you, laughing, crying, getting mad.

Growing up I spent hours reading, and when the kids were younger we shared dozens of books over the years, 30 minutes at a time, every single night. When they got older, summers would find me next to the pool with a book in my hand while they splashed around with their friends.

Now they're grown up and I'm too busy trying to make money.

And that's why I'm so grateful to BlogHer - they started a Book Club and asked for reviewers. Immediately, I raised my hand. Not only would I be sent a book (for free!) but I'd be paid to read and write a review. Not much, mind you, but any little bit was enough justification to me.

The first book I read for the Book Club, Caleb's Crossing by Geraldine Brooks, is a historical fiction, a genre I love, but it's been awhile since I read one I enjoyed this much. It was tough to put it down! It's about the first Native American to attend Harvard, although for me it was more of a coming-of-age story about a young girl named Bethia who befriends him.

If you're interested, click HERE to read my review and others on BlogHer. (But if you decide to buy it, please come back here and click on my link!)

Now (thanks to BlogHer) I'm reading a memoir - A Jane Austen Education, by William Deresiewicz. After my adventure with Caleb's Crossing, I was tempted to jump into another novel, but this one called to me for some reason, and I'm glad I picked it. Stay tuned for my review later this month.

Besides giving me an excuse to read, BlogHer also recently gave me a chance to try some new dog food (well, for Belle to try some new dog food) and to give readers a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card.  I won't give any of the details away here, though ... if you're interested, click HERE to read my review on Purina Pro Plan Selects and see how to win.

Okay, I'll tell you this much - all you have to do is leave a comment on my review blog (not here) to be entered to win. (Although I love reading your comments, here, too!)

You'll also get to read a little about me and my dogs and see some cute pictures of them. And also find out how to increase your chances of winning!

Good luck, and I hope you're having a great week!

Pausing for a moment to look back

The window beside me frames a pre-dawn indigo sky separating from the black treeline - soon I'll be able to make out Belle's black body sitting patiently just beyond the French doors, head-tilted, waiting for our walk. 

I've climbed from the rapids my life has become to sit here on the bank in the quiet and take a breath, think about the past weekend and the week ahead, before diving back in and getting carried along in the swift currents. I can get moving so fast, from one thing to the next, that I sometimes forget to stop and savor.

Easter weekend overflowed with blessings ... kids, dogs, food ... dancing, Mass, dinner with friends. We walked a little, worked a little, watched movies, rocked on the porch. I took lots of photos but have barely had time to look at them.

Last night a dear friend from the past stopped by with his wife, and then I made a boomerang trip downtown to pick up TG for a doctor's visit this morning. I'll return her to campus, put in a few hours of (paid) work, and then prepare for a meeting this evening. Tomorrow night I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reunion with another friend. Swirling around it all is a looming deadline - or two or three.

I refuse to let myself feel over-anxious about any of it. I'm determined to keeping breathing, keep my eyes open and enjoy the ride. I'm blessed.

Oops, the sky is now a soft gray and the trees are green. Time to dive back into the rapids. I've enjoyed this little break with you. Hope you have a wonderful week!

 

 

 

 

 

Time to re-sort my rocks

 

You've seen that story about the professor and the rocks, right? The one where he uses them to explain priorities to his classroom?  

If you haven't, here's a synopsis (if you know the story, just skip this part)...

To illustrate time management and priorities, a professor sets a large jar on the table in front of his class, and fills it with some fist-sized rocks. Then he adds some pebbles that fit between the large rocks. Then he pours sand in on top of those, and finally, in one version, he pours in two beers, filling every single little bit of space. Nothing more will fit.

 With each step until the beer, the professor asks the class if the jar is full. They say yes, then he proves them wrong by adding something else to it. 

There are several points you can take from the story...

1. If you fill up the jar with the little stuff first, you won't have room for the big stuff (your family, your health - physical, spiritual and mental, and other things of highest importance.) Those need to go in first. Top priority.
2. You can squeeze a lot into the empty spaces surrounding those big rocks; use your free time productively. Multitask.
3. There's always room in a day for a couple of beers. Or a dance. Or a game of ping-pong. Or a walk with the dogs.
4.  Unfortunately, the jar eventually becomes too full and bits start falling over the side, unnoticed - nothing more will fit unless something else comes out.

As much as I love #3, I'm realizing the truth of #4. That's where I am right now - my jar is full and overflowing. 

I wish I could just get a new jar.

Instead, I'm having to virtually dump everything out onto the table and re-evaluate all of my rocks, pebbles, sand, and even the beer. I gotta decide what goes back in - and in what order - and what gets left on the table.

For now, anyway.

Because, as Patty Loveless says, "Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same," and soon enough, I'll need to do this all over again, and maybe some of those things I'm having to leave on the table for now will be able to fit in the jar again ... things like playing my drums, playing around with photography, keeping up with Facebook and blogging friends, posting so much on my own blogs, slipping away so often with my friends ... even working on my book. 

They won't be left out for long. Those are things I love! Things I need!

But I have a new venture that's scary and exciting at the same time - something so new to me that for the next couple of months I'm going to have to devote a lot of time to learning and preparing. I've tried fitting it into the existing spaces, but that's when I realized my jar is overflowing. There are no empty spaces left.

As much as I hate to admit it, something's got to go.

For now. Just for a little while.

(Wish me luck!)

Weary Travelers - Weary Mom (and Happy St. Patrick's Day!)

I've been home alone for the past few days, holding down the fort, while the rest of my bunch have been out having Spring Break fun.

I didn't begrudge them heading out for fun and adventure while I had to work - I take an annual Fall Break, an escape to the coast with girlfriends. And besides, I looked forward to a few days with the house all to myself. I always have illusions of unlimited time when I'm left alone ... time to conquer huge projects around here, relax on the front porch, go for long, leisurely walks with my "sweet" puppies.

I'll get all of those lists organized, fill up my photo albums, scan all of my mom's photos, finish drafts 1 AND 2 of my book, print out three years worth of photos, transfer VHS tapes to DVD, clean out the storage room, sell a bunch of crap on Craig's List, sort through file cabinets, desks, drawers...

You get the idea. For some reason, I think it's these people I live with that keep me from accomplishing all of this, but every time they leave me alone, I remember... it's that work versus free time thing.

And instead of more free time, I had less, because Tom wasn't here cooking dinner for me or feeding the dogs at night or unloading the dishwasher. I still had a full day's work, my writing, all of my chores, plus his. 

Man, I missed him.

And then there were the gypsy dogs...

Dang dogs.

But my weary travelers have found their way back home, grungy and stinky from wonderful adventures.

Tom and Daniel went backpacking in Big Bend (they saw a cougar!) and TG joined friends for a few days on the Alabama coast...

...while I tracked down mischievous, misbehaving gypsy dogs.

Oh, I know. I can't really complain. For the second weekend in a row, I spent time with good friends, went shopping in Salado and topped it all off with a night of dancing.

Last weekend it was with Rae and my high school friends (Deer Park Divas.) This weekend my friend Nancy came to stay for two nights. She was my first friend in Lago, and one of those who fits so right with you that they become more than friends ... so much so that when she had to move just a few years later, we stayed close anyway... despite our difference of opinion on school sports.

Friday evening was just playing catch-up over pinot noir and veggie quesadillas. Saturday was a road trip to Salado. Nancy's currently a middle school theater teacher (she has taught everything!) and was on a quest for props. We hit a few wonderful gift shops, but nothing within our budget. We kept searching and finally, on the highway, we hit gold: a flea market! She and I both walked away with treasure.

Hers was for her play; mine... well, I wasn't sure what I'd do with this vintage overnight case at first, but that didn't stop me. Now I've decided I'll use it on my desk... somehow. I'm sure it'll be great ... for something...

I snatched up this souvenir plate for two reasons: first, I collect vintage Texas souvenir plates; second, my grandmother grew up in Mexia (she pronounced it "Ma-hair".) So of course I couldn't pass up this gem. It'll just hang on a wall somewhere. I don't even try to fool myself that it can be useful in any way.

After our junking expedition, we cleaned ourselves up and headed back out to a 60th birthday party for our friend Cheryl's husband. I don't have a photo of Brian, but I do have this one of Cheryl, Mary Kay, me, Conni and Nancy .

Nancy and I skipped out early to meet our friend Rachel for a night of dancing - back to Graham Central Station where I celebrated my 50th birthday almost two years ago by dancing in a cage.

Of course, I made a bee-line for those cages and pulled Nancy and Rachel up with me. They're not 50 yet, but they're old enough.

So I can't really complain about my family abandoning me. I think I've packed enough fun into the past two weekends to qualify for one Spring Break.

No wonder I'm so tired...

Oh, before I forget...

An Irish Prayer

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer. 

 

 

March Winds and Loose Ends

The March wind is up early this morning, rushing through the Hollow, as if it were cleaning house, preparing for April. 

And I feel like I'm a leaf caught up in the wind, spinning this way and that.

I'm not complaining. I'm just having a tough time finding the ground again. I'm feeling dizzy from the spin. So much is going on, so many undone things on my list (so many lists!), so much just under the surface on the verge of breaking out, announcing a new season.

I guess in a way, I'm trying to be like the March wind, busy, busy, busy, trying to sweep and clean up the old leaves, and yet keep everything else moving along.

Other people have much more on their plates than I do and seem to accomplish so much more without getting overwhelmed. I'm beginning to realize I have a pretty small plate. I'm just having a tough time accepting that fact.

So anyway ... here I am on a Saturday morning with a long drive ahead of me, and what happens? My eyes pop open after just a few hours of sleep, my brain clicks on, and I had no choice (after an hour like that) but to get up and get moving.

I spent a wonderful day yesterday with a friend, away from computers and lists, and capped it off by joining more friends for dinner outside at Steiner Ranch Steakhouse, dancing and listening to the music of Drew Womack. Usually a day like that will affect me like a deep breath, a relaxing sigh, but as wonderful as it was, this time that relaxed feeling didn't last very long. My brain keeps zooming to places in the future or dwelling on other issues I have no control over, or just focusing too much on those damn lists that keep growing longer instead of shorter.

I'm trying to take all of my own advice about letting go, focusing on the moment, counting my blessings ... and it does help. For a bit.

I know I'm not the only one feeling whisked too fast by this March wind - I glanced at Facebook this morning and saw this post by a friend ... a reminder of how to find shelter from the wind (thanks, Doug!) ...

For a moment I felt overwhelmed! Another weekend. Kids with MANY places to go. Soccer game, track, church event, back to High School, back to church event, Sunday Church, meeting friends, worrying... I felt a touch that gently reminded me just how blessed I am to be busy, with a wonderful family! Thanks Lord!

As I step back into this day, I'll do my best to stay on the ground, stay in the moment, and not allow the winds to sweep me completely away.

Some good news about Max and Belle, though - they've either stopped their wandering ways (or learned to be more sneaky about it.) Miss Ginger hasn't called in three days now!

I'm so glad because I do love those goofy dogs!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend - don't let the March winds sweep you away!

Cinnamon Toast and Puzzle Pieces

Last night, just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I swear I smelled cinnamon toast. You know that kind where you put four globs of butter on a slice of white bread, then sprinkle cinnamon all over it and finally, cover the whole thing in sugar and toast it in a small broiler oven like we had when I was growing up, open on one side so the smell tiptoes out...

That's what I smelled. Cinnamon toast browning in my mama's toaster oven.

It halted me in my fall into slumber - and then I couldn't get back to sleep, because my brain started turning...

I wondered why the hell I was smelling cinnamon toast.

Then I thought about my W-2 form, and how I didn't have enough taken out for taxes and now we were going to have to pay big-time... I thought about the bills I needed to pay, and how it was good my hours had picked up again, but then how frustrating it was that I wouldn't have time to work on my book just when I got on a roll again... and no time to bang on my drums... and I tried to figure out how I could fit it all in, but still get enough sleep, because I'm trying so hard to eat right and exercise and take care of myself, but what good is it if I'm not getting the sleep I need? That's the glue that holds it all together!

I know this, and yet there I was, lying wide awake, watching the clock tick beyond the chance to get six hours of sleep... dang it, now only five... so I tried 'emptying my pockets' (handing it all over to God), visualizing myself reaching deep and pulling each of these things out and handing them over, and then I tried just old fashioned prayer and then I tried deep-breathing and thinking "Oh, I'm soooo tired and this is soooo comfortable..." and somehow in all of that, I finally fell asleep.

But here I am again, wouldn't you know, still sitting at the computer, plotting how I can get at least seven hours if I really hurry, and that's plenty, isn't it? but I was determined to post something on my photography site - I have so many photos I've almost forgotten about and it drives me absolutely crazy when I continue putting it off again and again, so tonight I just sat down and did it... I posted some photos from the day after Christmas when we drove out to Taylor, Texas to meet friends for dinner just as the sun was setting on the farmsteads. (You can take a look here.)

My puzzle pieces still don't fit... work, sleep, photography, blogs, writing, reading, answering email, household stuff, family... do yours? If they do, please share your secret!

 

 

 

Happy birthday, Elvis!

Today I have baked blueberry muffins, taken the puppies for a long walk, snapped tons of photos (and learned a little more about my camera), made a huge dent in the laundry, grocery-shopped, answered several emails and even fit in an hour-long work-out ... so why do I feel I haven't accomplished anything? It's like I've just been spinning my wheels, just taking care of the same old, same old, barely keeping my head above the water. (Okay, no more cliches. You get the idea.)

Maybe I feel that way because, although the tree is down and put away, the rest of the house is still celebrating Christmas. Stuck in December.

No wonder I feel like I haven't made any progress - I haven't!

So instead of writing the post I had planned to about Tom's surgery adventures, I'm going to re-post this one I wrote last year about Elvis because today is his birthday ...and because these decorations are starting to get on my nerves.

Hope you've had a productive Saturday! Or a relaxing one! Or a fun one! Okay, I hope your Saturday is exactly the one you wished for...

Happy birthday, Elvis!

 

Elvis was my first crush.

There. I said it.

I hesitate to broadcast it because I'm not an Elvis groupie. I've never been to Graceland and I don't have his birthday marked on my calendar...in fact, I didn't even realize he would have celebrated his 75th birthday this past week until CBS Sunday Morning featured some early Elvis photographs by Alfred Wertheimer.

Just a glance at those photographs...the dark hair, full, passionate lips and soulful eyes...(sigh...!) and I was back in the Pasadena Capitan Theater, walking down the aisle to my seat as Elvis sang the intro to "Viva Las Vegas"...staring up at him, falling in love with him and the song.

I was 5 years old.

Five or six years later, in 1970, he performed at the Houston Rodeo and Livestock Show. By sheer luck, Daddy and I scored free tickets - we were walking around the Livestock Show and someone gave us theirs...I can't remember the exact details or circumstances, but those tickets enabled me to share a moment in history with Elvis himself. Granted, we were only a few rows shy of the very top of the Astrodome - Elvis was a little doll dancing and singing far below us - but I was there! I remember seeing him...and I also remember the teenage girls squealing all around us.

I didn't feel compelled to squeal, despite my earlier crush. Maybe I was too young. Maybe I'm just not a squealer. But I think it's because Elvis wasn't Elvis to me anymore...he was already into his white jumpsuit days. His face was a little puffy and he had those sideburns...

I still loved some of his music, but he just wasn't...cool. Let's face it - he was middle-aged! No longer crush-material. I had moved on to Bobby Sherman.

I still loved some of his music, but in the Astrodome...especially near the very top...hell, all we could hear were those squealing girls!

Still, I was there! I shared that space, that bit of time with Elvis, and a wonderful memory with Daddy...but when I think of Elvis, it's not that Elvis...Elvis of the long sideburns and white jumpsuit. It's young, fun Elvis in "It Happened at the World's Fair", "Fun in Acapulco", and "Kissin' Cousins" (featuring Elvis in a blonde wig!)...it's Elvis making me want to dance, singing "Hound Dog", "Jailhouse Rock", and "Teddy Bear"...it's my passionate, sexy Elvis singing "Viva Las Vegas"...

Happy Birthday, Elvis...Let's dance!

Balance

Silly me.

I'm longing for balance in my life, between work and play, book and blog, drums and laundry, sleep and wakefulness ... but I envisioned this balance as a stagnant thing, like evenly weighed scales.

Boring.

Life is about moving, and now I realize balance is a verb, a see-saw in constant motion, each end loaded with what we should aim for, never letting one end remain up or down too long.

Or like a swing, going up and up and up, that has to travel an equal distance in the other direction (but then is guaranteed to move forward again.)

How did I miss this? We've been given plenty of examples of Balance: sun and rain, hot and cold, happiness and anger, health and sickness, joy and sorrow.

We don't want too much of either one, even of sunshine or joy or health, because how can you recognize and appreciate joy without experiencing sorrow?

 

 

I want to be knocked over by joy...

 

 

...but that means I have to accept sorrow.

 

 

I'd rather open my heart to joy and experience it full strength...

 

 

...even though I know sorrow is waiting for another turn...

 

 

I'd rather risk an unbalanced life, too much of one or another and the stress that comes along with it, than live in a stagnant gray unmoving twilight.

 

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow." 

And he answered: 

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. 

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. 

And how else can it be? 

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. 

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? 

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? 

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. 

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." 

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. 

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. 

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. 

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. 

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

~Joy and Sorrow, by Khalil Gibran

 

This is my entry to Jillsy Girl's One Word Wednesday Challenge. Hop over to her site to see the other entries.

2011, so far...

Whew.

Is it just me, or is this year already going by too fast? 

The tree is down, bills are paid, my desk is clean, but Christmas ornaments are scattered around the livingroom, dirty dishes fill the sink, laundry is waiting to be folded, my email inbox is inundated, and I haven't blogged in two days.

But taped to my desk in front of me is this quote:

If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done." (John Lubbock)

I think when my alarm goes off at 5 am, I'll immediately wish I'd gone to bed sooner. So this is going to be a quick update.

A friend once told me that whatever you do on New Year's Day, that's what you'll be doing the rest of the year. I hope that's not true because I never found time to write (blog, book, or otherwise) or play my drums yesterday or today. I took a few photos, but didn't even look at them until tonight - I've barely been on the computer.

On the other hand, I spent time with all three kids this weekend, took a wonderful, long walk along the creek (a great blue heron soared directly above me), besides ushering in the new year with dear friends. I spent a leisurely morning yesterday making veggie omelettes and a leisurely afternoon (into evening) at our neighbor's dinner party. Later, instead of just slouching on the couch with a glass of wine (not that I ever do that, Mama), I ran almost 3 miles on the treadmill while watching an interesting movie with Daniel and Tom. (If you like martial arts and WW2 history, and don't mind subtitles, I recommend Ip Man, a loose biography on the man who trained Bruce Lee.)

We celebrated the Epiphany this morning at Mass, where the priest encouraged us to pay attention and pursue inspired thoughts or ideas or 'goals' that came to us, using as an example the Magi who followed through on their inspiration to find the new King. I like to think all of these driven desires inside of me are divinely inspired!

The rest of this day I spent with TG, hitting one sales rack after another until my feet were sore and my back ached.

I'm tired. But it's a wonderful tired.

More later...

Happy New Year!

 

 

It's Christmas Eve-Eve

Up until today, I've managed to miss out on all of that holiday stress that's hitting so many people.

We're not really doing gifts, so I haven't worried about that. Lord knows we don't need all the calories from fresh baked cookies, so I haven't started baking yet (we'd eat them all, and I'd have to bake more and more and more...) I haven't had time to work on Christmas cards, so I gave myself permission to procrastinate on those, too.

But now my time's up. There are zillions of things I want to do and zillions of things I need to do, and I've barely touched any of them!!

Even though there aren't many gifts, they still need to be wrapped. And it's now or never for the cookies and cards. I had big productive plans today, but they turned into a crumbly mess, so I did what any card-carrying procrastinator would do in such a situation -  just swept them all onto tomorrow. 

Because 2/3 of the kids are here now, and the third is on his way. That's all I wanted for Christmas, and I'm getting my gift early.

Daniel is grilling chicken while I play here at the computer. After dinner, my top priority is watching "The Jerk" with the kids. I discovered quite by accident the other day that Daniel wasn't familiar with some of the key scenes! How have I been so lax in my parental duties?! So I'm making up for it tonight. (Besides, I'll have better luck getting them to watch "The Jerk" with me than "It's a Wonderful Life", and that's what it's all about, you know, being with them.)

After the movie, if there's time, I'll finish up the Christmas cards, so tomorrow, I'll just need to hit the grocery store, bake cookies, mail the cards (the post office will be open, right?), wrap gifts ... and finally, attend Mass, where I'll be reminded that all I really needed to do was give thanks and not dwell on all of this stressful stuff.

So Peace and Merry Christmas Eve-Eve to you! I'm including this video, A Social Network Christmas, in case you haven't seen it yet ... hope you enjoy it as much as I did! (Where do these people find time to do things like this?)

 

 

 

Meetings

I had to go to a meeting tonight.

In another life, I had at least one meeting almost every night of the week, and sometimes during the day. Meetings go hand-in-hand with volunteering, and I was pretty much a professional volunteer and community busy-body...

There were PTA meetings, PTA officer meetings, Room Parent meetings, Site-Based Committee meetings, City Long Range Planning Committee meetings, Education Foundation meetings, Education Foundation Grant Committee meetings, Parent Action Committee meetings, Library Board meetings, Cub Scout committee meetings, Boy Scout committee meetings, School Board meetings, Band Parent meetings, Band Board meetings...and then all of those little sub-committees and special projects that you have to get together for...theater programs, band programs, fundraisers of all kinds...and then different hats like Confirmation teacher and UIL Spelling coach. Plus all the kids' meetings and practices....

Whew. Now I'm tired.

Somehow, all those years, I managed to side-step the top job. Never the President, always the Vice-President, the Assistant Whatever... sometimes a minor sub-committee chairman, but usually just an eager and hard-working helper and supporter, letting as much responsibility slide off my shoulders as possible, because I had work to do in all of those other committees! 

As the kids got older and the bills piled up (because we were pretty much a one-income family - volunteering doesn't pay well) and I started working more and more part-time jobs, I let the volunteering and the meetings fall by the wayside. I only had one volunteer gig left, and even though I was responsible for taking the minutes, we didn't meet that often. 

Somehow last month I became Chairman of that Committee.  

I could have said no, of course, but realized it would have left some ripples instead of keeping the waters flowing smoothly. Since this is an organization I care about, it was important to me to keep it flowing. And besides, I feel like I can do a good job. 

So tonight I went to a meeting to show support for a cause that's important to us. I didn't want to go...I had things to do here (like finish decorating my tree!)... but I knew it was important, something bigger than me, and I think I've missed that. I will never let myself get pulled in a zillion different directions again and never fill up my calendar with one meeting after another, no matter how good the causes are. I have to have balance in my life now more than ever. 

But I'm aware of that box I'm trying to fill up, and I want it filled with good things. Yeah, Roger's example is still on my mind... a full life of working hard, playing hard, and giving back.

And, besides it was just one meeting, for crying out loud.

Friday Favorite Photos - Still Running and Playing

I pick these two photos as my favorites because take a look at Max - in the first one, he's running! And in the second one, I caught him mid-prance, playing with his puppy, Belle (you can see a bit of her in the foreground.) It hasn't been more than a month that we thought his running days were over - he was limping so bad. We just knew he was on a downhill slide to being totally lame, thanks to his elbow dysplasia (ununited anconeal process). 

He's still limping, but would you believe the cooler weather has helped? Most days, he's frisky and, at least once on our walk, he initiates a game with Belle, letting her pounce on him, bite his leg, and play the way dogs play.

I have to turn and walk away. Just like I did when my oldest son and his friends pulled out those dang boxing gloves.

But there's another reason I chose these photos as my favorites...but it will take a little more explaining...bear with me, please...

The rain surprised me this morning...a pouring rain that washed through the Hollow. I thought our walk was washed away with it, but moments later it had slowed to a drizzle.

A drizzle the puppies and I can handle, so I grabbed an umbrella and started down the road. I never even opened the umbrella, though - by the time I hit the road, sunlight and gray clouds were battling it out in the sky.

As it so often does, the sky mirrored my turbulent mood...sunlight struggled behind the clouds, illuminating the edges, try to break free of the persistent gray veils...doubt, worry and questions blocking my view of answers, resolution and peace. 

They're the same dark clouds that pop up every now and then, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with my life. What should I focus on with the little amount of "dream" time I have? Is it enough to accomplish anything with? What is my dream, for that matter? What should it be? I'm 51 and still trying to figure it out.

Oh, some days I know. Some days I'm sure of it, full of confidence and determination. Then other days, like this morning, I wake up wondering if I've just been wasting a lot of time.

A friend thinks I should focus on photography, start promoting myself as a wedding photographer or take portraits. It flatters me that she thinks I could possibly do this...but I know enough about photography now that the glitches in the idea glare down their noses at me: I don't have the right equipment; I can't afford the right equipment; I don't have the knowledge. I don't have the time to gather the knowledge. 

(I subscribe to half a dozen photography newsletters that I neatly file in a folder in my email inbox, for later...when I have time to read them...)

But the thing is, that's not my passion. Photography is an obsession and a stress-reliever and I want to get better and better...and if I can make money at it without a huge time investment, that's great, but my dream has to do with writing. 

Most of my writing time I spend on this blog. I love blogging - it brings in a little bit of money, plus it's my old-time hobbies of journaling, scrap-booking, and letter-writing all rolled into one. But I'm left with just a small portion of time for my book, which is supposed to be my Big Thing.

But when I look at other blogs...oh, geez, it makes me wonder why I even bother! Should I just quit and focus on my book? Or should I give up the book altogether and focus on my blog? Then I stop to pay bills, and think, should I forget them both and just focus on finding a second better-paying job to help us get out of debt?

(Is your head spinning yet?)

My faith steps in here...I truly just want to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do. If I can figure out what that is...

(Lord, I'm listening!)

I didn't fall into total despair, don't worry. I'm used to this battle - I've gotten pretty good at stepping to the side as a bystander.

It's a good thing, because the sun and clouds took turns all day, both inside my head and outside. I still haven't heard any trumpets or a loud voice announcing clear instructions. And at this point I don't expect to.

Last night two friends told me they enjoyed reading my blog, and I believe them. I have friends tell me that sometimes and I know they don't really read it. Some of my best friends don't read it. That hurts a little, but reading blogs takes time. I don't get to read all of the ones I enjoy every day, either, so I guess I need to cut my friends some slack.

But through my blog I've met some fabulous people and discovered some wonderful blogs. I believe it's a path I'm supposed to continue along, at least for a little while. 

I really don't believe in coincidence anymore...I think I'm supposed to trying to juggle all of these things, my blog, the book, photography...even my drums..although I don't see the benefit of it. Perhaps the end goal isn't my success at any of it, in the world's sense of success, but just the path they lead me along...the people I meet along the way, the lives I touch, the lives that touch me.

So that brings me back to the photos of Max. In them I see a dog who ignores a handicap to go after something, still believing he can catch it. I see a dog who ignores his pain to play with his puppy because he knows it makes her happy, and because of that, it makes him happy. 

Don't give up the chase. Make others happy.

Damn, he's a smart dog.

Thanks, Max.

 

 

 

A Not-So-Unproductive Weekend

I had big plans for this weekend.

BIG plans.

Number one on the list: getting caught up on my sleep.

Next, I planned to get caught up on my book. It only took me a few days to fall short of my 1500 words/day writing goal. Mostly because my body refused to put up with only 5 hours of sleep a night after just three days, the only way I could fit in writing time.

Traitor.

I also needed to conquer the mountain of laundry and then, the mountain of paperwork on my desk (including bills.) Next, I had blog posts to read and write (I hoped to get ahead for this week), photos to dig out and scan for our church directory, tons of emails to read and answer, brownies to make for a Saturday night get-together with friends, and finally, Mass and an Eagle Scout ceremony to attend on Sunday. (I had hoped to somehow squeeze in a trip to my friend's ranch south of San Antonio, either late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, but let that dream go early on.)

You've probably already guessed that I didn't get all of this done.

But I did do some of it, plus some I didn't have on any lists. I'm trying really hard to do a better job of focusing on the positive instead of the negative, so here's what I accomplished:

I slept a whole glorious eight hours two nights in a row (no alarm clock!)...watched Big Fish with Daniel and Tom (and cried again - love that movie!)...went for two wonderful, long walks...

 

...played ping-pong with Daniel...worked on my book (no comment on the number of words)...published two blog posts and read a few...demolished the mountains of laundry and paperwork...paid some bills...read some emails...made brownies.

Saturday night we spent several hours with friends in Wimberley...

...witnessed a glorious sunset...

...talked genealogy with Joe (it's so much fun to find other genealogy nuts!)...

...made it to Mass Sunday morning, and to bed Sunday night in time to get six hours of sleep before starting this new week.

Six is the magic number, I've discovered. As in "minimum amount I can have without turning into a brainless-zombie-witch."

We didn't make it to the Eagle Court of Honor - that's my biggest regret. This Boy Scout troop holds a special place in my heart, even though I don't really know the boys in it anymore. But I'm having to realize I can't do everything, can't be everywhere, and still make progress on my dream of writing this book...

...and when I look at my "Done" list, I see I actually accomplished quite a bit! The most important things, anyway...

So what did you accomplish this weekend? How do you prioritize your time?

I'm grateful for the time, wisdom, and opportunity to reconnect with friends from my past... for those who live close enough to see often...for Texas sunsets, guitars, bonfires, people who can sing...and ping-pong on autumn afternoons.

 

On Writing, and the Pros and Cons of a Late Night Shopping Trip

I realize I've been spoiled the past, what, 20 years since I quit working at the chemical plant to be a stay-at-home mom.

Before you get the wrong idea, first let me tell you that being a "stay-at-home" kicked my butt, especially at first. It's the toughest job I've ever had, and I was the toughest boss I've ever had. I had all of these ideas about time - as in, I thought I'd have plenty of it to do everything I wanted to do,and for years I had dreamed that, if I could only "stay home", I'd have a sparkling clean, organized house, write a bestseller, be a gourmet cook, get my degree, learn how to sew, and play with my kids 24/7. 

I was wrong. Within a week, I was exhausted! I had to learn to pace myself, take breaks and just let some things go. But by the time my kids were all in school, I was swimming in the co-mingling worlds of Mom and Volunteer. I cooked, I handicrafted, I room-mothered, I PTA'd and chaperoned everything. There were meetings during the day, meetings at night, with reports and research and phone calls in between. Before too long, and for a very long time, I was in way over my head.

When we needed money, I substitute-taught for years and even "librarian"-ed full-time for one. I added two or three other part-time jobs... data entry, newspaper reporter and substitute church secretary.

There were some long days in there. But the thing is, I was still in control of my day. I could say yes or no... if there was something else I needed to take care of... a birthday present or some Christmas shopping, or even just a friend I needed to meet for lunch... I did it with no guilty feelings whatsoever. My family, my connections, came first.

Life has changed. No one really needs me to be that flexible anymore; the greater need is for a bigger paycheck, which means working more hours, and thank goodness my boss agrees with our bank account and I have that option.

Back in my chemical plant days, I worked 12 hour shifts. I had to work two weekends a month. On the up side, Tom cooked and took care of the kids on the days I worked... except when I worked the night shift and would wake up early to pick the boys up from daycare, needing to spend a little time with them before heading out again.

When I became a stay-at-home mom, I took it all on... the housework, cooking, shopping, bill-paying (we traded off and on with that one, but I've had it most of the time), the doctors' visits (and there were a lot, with three asthmatic kids), the insurance, the medicine, the calendar, the... you get the picture. Tom helped (he has always been Mr. Amazing) but he was mostly in charge of the cars, most of the outside work, and "large projects"; when he moved to Austin ahead of us, I had to add mowing our huge corner lot and pool care to my list.

Meanwhile, I was also taking a college class every semester, and writing... in my spare time.

The writing is what I sat down to write about here.

Twenty years ago I took my first writing class... had my first essay published... but in the years since then, my writing has been like this piece of fluff, above, flying here and there at the mercy of whatever else was going on in our lives that took precedence... landing every once in awhile long enough for me to scribble another essay down or start this blog, but then lifted by yet another breeze/priority and forgotten. 

This week I'm changing that. I'm trying, really trying, to work on my book every day, no matter what. Because I'm working a "real" job again, one without the flexibility I've enjoyed for twenty years, I'm having to learn to fit the pieces of my life together, and it's tough. It's such a give and take.

The thing is, I'm stubborn. I want to do it all... I want to continue everything I've started, like my work-outs and my morning walks and my get-togethers with my friends and being available for my kids whenever they need me and my blogs and my photography and my drums...

And I want to write my book.

I came across a quote by Meryl Streep this week; she seems to be talking straight to me...

"Put blinders on to those things that conspire to hold you back, especially the ones in your own head. Guard your good mood. Listen to music every day, joke, and love, and read more fun fun, especially poetry."

By golly, Meryl, I'm going to do it! But... that means something has to give. The reality... the hard, wooden boundary I'm having to work within... is that there are only 24 hours in a day. I've juggled those hours around, tried different combinations, tried to work out systems, but the truth I can't get away from is, if I want to write this book within my lifetime - if I want to finally finish something, go all the way to the end with it - I have to carve into my sleep.

Yes, I know it's not good to skimp on sleep for a number of reasons, but when days go by and I haven't had a chance to work on my book or play my drums, and I'm getting behind on my blog and have to rush my words and lose my thoughts or just give up on publishing a specific post, period, something turns gray inside of me. That can't be good, either, and I don't like it. 

So for now, for this time in my life, for these dreams I've carried in my heart for so long, I'm going to sacrifice a few hours of sleep... however many are necessary to get what needs to be done, done, work on my dreams for a little while every day, and try to include the things that color my sky. It's the only way it's going to happen and no one can do it but me. 

I apologize in advance if, next time you see me, I mumble incoherently or doze off mid-sentence. I'm sure I'll be using a lot of eye cream and concealer to cover up dark circles and bags under my eyes.

I'm going to try hard not to mention this again or complain about not getting enough sleep, because it's my choice and I'm blessed that I have even this much flexibility to make it ... and also because my mother worries about it and Tom grumbles about it, but only because they both love me.

Well, we'll see how long I can carry it out. Who knows, I might give it up by next week and start scrambling for a new plan of attack. But the past two nights haven't been bad - I told myself I'd turn into a pumpkin at midnight, and I listened to myself. I seem to function pretty well on 5 1/2 hours of sleep.

But tonight I had to go to the grocery store when my work day was done. And poor Tom fell ill and went to bed before I left (please say a prayer for him!) so the unloading of the groceries and the putting away into the cupboards fell to me, by myself (there are 42 uphill steps to the car - I had never counted them before!) I used to do it by myself all the time... during the daytime. At 10 pm, it's a little tougher, especially when I know I still have work to do on the computer.

However, the night captivated me, turning a chore into a blessing... we park in a small clearing with a wide view of the sky. It was a soft navy color tonight, sprinkled with stars, with a half moon standing guard. I stood still, looked straight up, and thought about how truly insignificant I am when compared to the vastness of the universe... how piddly my little problems really are... how magnificent the hand who created this intricate world is...

I let myself soak in the night music... a chorus of insects singing from the trees, with solos by cars on the highway in the distance and the wind whispering through the treetops and in my ears, the breeze cooling me after my climb from the house. I didn't want to move... just wanted to stand there all night... but then Belle's collar jingled, pulling me back to real life and I remembered I would need to feed them for Tom, besides put all the groceries away, before I could get to work here on my blog and on my book. 

But even feeding them didn't feel like a chore - I rocked on the back deck while they ate, sipping a glass of wine, listening to the little creek down below us playing on its way down to Lake Travis; that half-moon had hopped around to the back and now kept me company, sitting just above the silhouetted tree line directly ahead of me. 

And so finally, here I am in the middle of the night, sitting at the computer, preparing to work on my book, at least for a little while. I'm not worried about being too tired or uninspired - that's what writers do... write when they can, not necessarily when they have huge chunks of time or feel in the mood or inspired. You just sit down to write, and write.

So here I go. Sweet dreams to the rest of you!

 

 P.S. I finished writing this at 1:30, but didn't hit "Publish" because I know better than to post something I've written impulsively in the middle of the night without a quick perusal with morning eyes, albeit blurry ones.

Tom is really, really sick. He's staying home from work today - that doesn't happen often, let me tell you. We're thinking maybe it's the flu. Please, please, keep him in your prayers!

 

 

 

Celebrating Daddy (or... Another Weekend, Come and Gone Already?)

Saturday I sang happy birthday to Daddy in person and watched him blow out his big "84" candles. What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.

It was a very low key weekend, just what I needed. We glanced through Daddy's college yearbooks - Texas Tech '47 and '48 (By '49 he was a Highway Patrolman.) He discovered them in a wooden chest in the storage room - such a surprise to me, because I thought I had stuck my nose into every chest and box in that house. How did I miss these??

It was a treat turning the pages, going back in time with Daddy, listening to his stories... long-buried memories that climbed from the book... glancing at the photos, seeing Daddy's handsome young sophomore face... 

We also watched the birds feasting at the bird feeder, and spent hours around that kitchen table again, sharing pizza and some of this delicious "ugly" mega-chocolate cake laced together with fudge that my sister made (she's the one who called it "ugly" - all I could see was the chocolate... beautiful in my eyes!)

...and just talking, joined by my friends Robert, Shari and their friend Archie for a little while. (This is how my quirky memory works... I never really knew Archie in high school, but I have a memory of his band playing at a dance... specifically I remember them playing "Smoke on the Water." I'm not sure who I was with, what grade it was, what I was wearing... but I remember he was in the band, and even now I can see them up on the stage, rocking out forever in my mind. Weird.)

Anyway... before heading home on Sunday afternoon, we treated my parents to lunch at a new Chinese buffet in town. Tom didn't laugh like I did when I popped open my fortune cookie... I thought it was so funny I had Mama hold it while I took its picture...

Tom, on the other hand, muttered something about me trying a new husband if I decided to try anything else new.

As much as I hate to admit it, I think he's right - my daily plate is already too full. In fact, it's been nearly two weeks since I worked on my book... long enough to qualify it as something new again, right? So I think I'll close this post and mosey back to the 19th century to spend the rest of the evening with my great-great grandpa... hope you have a good evening, too!

Me with my parents and siblings... I am blessed...

October birthday boys... Daddy and Daniel...

 

Good Mondays (and long, long Tuesdays)

Monday was a good day.

Despite being out of coffee (remembering as soon as I stepped into the kitchen that it was the main reason I planned to go to the grocery store after shopping with TG the night before) the lightning, thunder and expletives a morning without fresh hot coffee would normally trigger stayed hidden behind this warm, fuzzy, sunshiny feeling. Corny description, but accurate. 

I'm not sure where that feeling came from. Maybe from the celebration of life I attended for a sweet lady on Saturday... upbeat, joyful and hopeful more than sad. Maybe from taking time to catch up with longtime, long unseen friends I ran into afterward when I dashed into the local grocery store (I spent more time talking than shopping!) or from the feeling of having a (semi-)clean, organized house, good friends over, and the University of Texas pulling out a win over Texas Tech.

Maybe it was from the 100 raffle tickets a friend bought (or from having another friend help me fill out the stubs during the commercials of the football game.) Or from a beautiful Sunday Mass followed by a day spent with TG and a good night's rest... I'm sure it helps to not start a week on a sleep deficit. Maybe it's from recognizing my blessings and changing my attitude (sleep helps with that!)

Whatever the reason or reasons, Mondays have earned a new reputation with me; this was the second "good" Monday in a row, a day when a smile comes easily to my face and no matter what the weather is outside, I can feel the sunshine inside. 

This past Monday, I zapped a coffee single in the microwave (thankful I keep them handy for traveling and emergencies like this!) and checked my email. I found a long, funny letter from a friend, a comment from a stranger, a young mom, telling me how much one of my blog posts had meant to her - she'd even shared it with friends - good news from a friend who needs good news, and photos sent from another friend visiting Paris right now. All of these people had thought of me and taken the time to let me know it. (Warm, fuzzy, sunshiny!)

I called Belle and Max for our walk. They were happy, too. It was a gray morning, but along the road the tiny wildflowers had exploded; patches of yellow and purple were everywhere. Was it because of the attention I'd payed them, by taking their pictures and blogging about them, like children blossom when given attention? More likely the recent rain coaxed them from their shyness, but either way, they brightened my walk. (Warm, fuzzy, sunshiny!)

Feeding Max and Belle on the back deck later, they barked "Breakfast time!" and soon neighbor Haley came trotting around the corner of the house, sat for her treat, then hopped halfway into my lap and gave me a kiss. You can't say no when a pit bull gives you sugar, even if you want to. But what a sweet morning gift. (Warm, fuzzy, sunshiny!)

And it was my parents' 61st wedding anniversary. I played the what-if game: What if Daddy hadn't dropped out of college to be a highway patrolman? What if Mama hadn't taken a job as a waitress or didn't have the nerve to ask him to that picnic since he was too shy to ask her? What if... well, you get it. What it boils down to is I don't believe in coincidences anymore. I know someone's got control of the Big Picture and that's a comforting feeling to me. I'll still chase my dreams, but I'm not going to despair over the detours. I like thinking of them as adventures. (Warm, fuzzy, sunshiny!)

After work, Tom met me for dinner at Panda Express (my fortune read "Your efforts are budding - results will appear soon." How cool is that? Not that I believe in them or anything, but still... how cool is that?) and then helped me with the grocery shopping - I couldn't procrastinate any longer.

That alone made it more fun, but then rounding a corner, I bumped into Denise, a friend from high school. Well, we didn't really know each other in high school, but we've become good friends on Facebook. This was our first face-to-face meeting, probably ever! What a great surprise! (Warm, fuzzy, sunshiny!)

And then there was Tuesday.

It started out in a similar way, if not better. I had fresh coffee, hallelujah! The sun was out, stretching into the Hollow on our early walk and I had more messages and photos from friends waiting for me on the computer.

But sometime that afternoon, after spending an hour and a half in the pouring rain and crawling traffic (on a trip that should have taken 30 minutes tops to get Daniel from a doctor appointment to class), and then having to hit 3 stores to find something TG needed, hunger, exhaustion and exasperation set in and I needed to hear my own admonitions to the young mom in aisle 7. Even old moms get grumpy and forget to look at the big picture when they're hungry and tired. (Sorry again, TG!)

I had looked forward to an evening at home, but instead it became another late night away from the house, the third in a row... away from working on my book, my blog, the laundry and other things on my to-do list. It's one thing to say those to-do's can wait for another day, just enjoy the time you have with your kids and friends, etc., but the truth is some to-do's really do need to be done... like paying bills and keeping up with laundry so you don't pay penalties or run out of underwear. And when writing is a job, a pathway to the light at the end of the tunnel, as well as therapeutic, it becomes a "need" more than a "want" and not having time for it just adds stress. That warm, sunshiny feeling has a tough time fighting off the storm clouds.

But I heard my own voice saying "... if only I had the chance to do some things a little differently..." and I apologized for my grumps before heading home alone, already missing my kids. I'm so silly.

The clouds in the night sky had broken, revealing a large, glowing moon over my left shoulder that kept an eye on me as I made my way through the dark hills. Tom had given up and already eaten, but the steak and baked potato he'd cooked were there waiting for me, still hot. And they tasted so good!

Now it's Wednesday, another gray morning. I can still feel that sunshine inside, but when I woke up the warm and fuzzy was still cold and damp from yesterday's rain, maybe because I opted to write awhile last night rather than get a full night's sleep.

But tonight I really do get to stay home. And on our walk this morning a herd of deer crossed the road in front of us (camera left behind in the car, alas, because of raindrops) so Belle and Max are happy and tired from the chase.

Oh, and I skipped for the first time in a long time. Before today, if I tried, Belle would get excited and skip with me... under my feet. Have you tried to skip with a happy puppy zig-zagging through your legs? It could be called "Extreme Skipping" and I don't recommend it. But she's growing up and today she was happy to skip along beside me; I could feel the wind drying out that damp and cold as we made our way down the dirt road toward home.

Hope your Wednesday is warm, fuzzy and sunshiny!

 

 

 

It's Wednesday Eve!

It's only Tuesday, but it feels like this week is lasting forever! Just when I thought I had everything all organized in my head, a schedule figured out, a game plan in place on how to tackle my to-do lists AND my book AND get some sleep (AND have some fun!), life reminded me that survival is all about flexibility. Glass balls shatter when they slip out of place - rubber ones bounce.

I am going to bounce, baby. I'm not giving up that easily!

But I am so happy that tomorrow is Wednesday. It's going to be jam-packed, but I will get to bed on time - that's a promise to myself.

Thursday will be another busy day, but it will be Weekend-Eve... the day before I get to see all my kids (actually they're kind of iffy on it, still, but I'm staying positive and hopeful.)

I'll still have some work to do around here (and don't tell them, but I think their Daddy has some projects he needs help with) but I'm hoping to fit in some funny movies, walks on the property... maybe I'll get lucky and it'll cool down enough for ping-pong or just hanging out on the porch, talking.

What would really be fun is to make a funny video like the one below - I discovered it on my friend Juana's blog. It's her nephew, his wife and their teenage girls - they have a whole series of them on You Tube!

My kids would never do this, and especially not with me and Tom. The closest thing I have is a video of TG and Daniel's energetic lip sync performance to Livin' La Vida Loca several years ago (move over, Ricky Martin!) complete with costume changes, dancing, you name it. It's hilarious, but unfortunately, I can't show it to you here, much less post it on You Tube. Another one of those promises. In fact, I have to keep the tape highly guarded - there have been threats to its life!

But I can show you this one by the Longostatikz. I'm not even related to them and I think it's funny! (Click here to see more of the Longostatikz on Juana's blog, or check them out on You Tube!)

Happy Wednesday Eve!

 

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Today is life - shake yourself awake!

Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today.Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby.
Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.

~Dale Carnegie

Despite an afternoon on the lake with friends yesterday, warmed by the sun, cooled by the water and my spirit refreshed by the wind in my face, by nightfall I was weighed down by a heavy blanket woven of stress.

My untouched to-do lists (just the introduction page to a whole book of to-do's and want-to's and need-to's) glared at me when I got home, like a neglected spouse or child, and my brain scrambled through the minutes of the next week, trying to project and plan how and when I would get this stuff done between work and sleep.

It was exhausting! I could feel myself shutting down mentally; I just wanted to crawl into bed and call it a day.

And I probably should have because I spent a restless night full of strange dreams, my brain still scrambling to figure out that schedule. I woke still exhausted.

Then I read this reminder from Dale about life and I shook myself awake. I remembered my own advice: do what I can do today, do the best I can do, do as much as I can, but keep it prioritized and balanced. Don't worry about what doesn't get done or what I can't control. Just start over tomorrow.

Because today is the only day I need to worry about. The only day I'm guaranteed. It might be a day spent focused on those to-do's (because I know with every one I scratch out, that blanket of stress gets lighter and lighter), and there are some - bills that are due or other deadlines - that I have to take care of, no matter what.

So I'm not tossing out my lists - everything on them is important and I do need to take care of them, eventually. But I'll ignore their dirty looks. I'll refuse to let them make me feel guilty for spending time with friends and family, sharing my thoughts here, playing my drums, or capturing priceless moments with my camera. Those are the colors in my life, the sun, the water, and the winds of my enthusiasm.

Happy Monday! Shake yourself awake!

 

The Elusive and Slippery Right Perspective

A rainbow arched across the sky right in front of me last night as I headed down the highway toward Austin. I mean, right in front of me, crossing from one side of the road to the other, with the most crisp, sharp color spectrum I've ever seen in a real rainbow. It was like one out of a kids' book, with the colors perfectly lined up, side by side, and it was right in front of me! Straight ahead! Oh, why didn't I bring my camera?

Rainbows. Promises. It made me smile. I've had a lot on my mind... lots of worries trying to break free and wreak havoc... and I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. The rainbow reassured me, helped me remember to just take things a day at a time.

I looked forward to the next few hours with the Girl, shopping for a some last things she needed before school started. My kids don't have cars at school - we're down to just the two Tom and I are driving - so they have to rely on us or the charity of friends with cars if they need to get around. I don't really mind - it's a good excuse to spend time with them.

I picked up the Girl and we spent the next several hours zipping around Austin highways, searching in futility for specific stores that had the best bargains (she had done her research - that's my Girl!) I stubbornly avoided driving all the way back to my side of town; I knew those stores were there - I just didn't want to drive that far! Subsequently we went in huge circles, missed exits, and encountered tons of traffic. I was tired and stressed with zillions of things buzzing around in my head, and so was she. Two exhausted, stressed women wandering Austin highways in the rain with no clear sense of where they are headed and the clock ticking ever-nearer to closing time doesn't equal a fun shopping experience. (Oh, how I wished I had the internet - Google! - on my phone last night!)

Somewhere, on one of those highways, the Right Perspective slipped clean away.  We both lost our tempers. And that's all I'll say about that.

Eventually, we found what we were searching for just before closing time... on my side of town, of course. If I had just headed back there in the beginning...

Anyway, on the way back to campus, our senses of humor returned; we apologized and laughed at ourselves. Passing a long line of halted traffic headed the opposite way, I realized if we had finished up sooner, I would have been sitting in that line of cars for hours instead of exploring every highway in the city with the Girl. My Right Perspective returned, shaking a finger at me for being so careless with it.

What the heck had I been thinking to let myself get so worked up? Why hadn't I realized that none of those things I was worrying or stressing about mattered as much as building precious memories with this Girl I love so much? I'm such a doofus sometimes.

After dropping her off with a hug and kiss and I love you, I made a quick stop at Daniel's (another hug, kiss and I love you) then headed home via an alternate route, able to avoid the huge traffic jam only because our shopping trip had taken hours and hours and led us to the other side of town. Funny, huh?

Out my window an overstuffed half moon lit up the sky and guided me home. A rainbow, a bright moon, the Girl and Daniel. Yeah, it was a good night.