Long Hollow

Selfishness in Disguise

Clutter and chaos - the catchphrase of my house and life right now. Even my to-do lists are a mess, scribbled on scraps of paper scattered all over the house and shoved to the bottom of my purse. I am on a roll of writing and house projects...but I feel like someone trying to run with lead weights tied to her ankles.

Time really does move faster when you're older. I doubt there is any scientific proof of that statement, but I know everyone my age and older will agree with me. I just blinked and 2009 had passed me by before I realized it...and 2010 is already moving just as fast!

Nevertheless, I'm taking a road trip this weekend...sticking to my vow of visiting my parents at least once a month. I know it will make my parents happy, and that in itself makes it worth ignoring those lists for a couple of days.

 But here's a confession...I'm doing this for me more than I'm doing it for them.

Too many of my friends no longer have parents to go visit. They would give anything to be able to jump in their car and drive for a few hours to feel the warmth of a parent's hug just one more time...to be able to sit and visit, re-tell favorite stories about their childhood, ask questions, unload some of life's problems. Tom lives too far from his parents for a "quick" visit.

God has blessed me with this opportunity and I'm going to take advantage of it, now that my weekends are free of soccer games, band tournaments...you know the list...all those moments of active hands-on parenting that I wouldn't have traded for anything, but that made it impossible to take off on a road trip like this.

I'm going for hugs and stories and just being with them...but, back to the confessional, I have even more ulterior motives...

First...as morbid as this sounds, there is no guarantee that my parents will be the first to "go", so to speak. Our days are numbered...some have fewer than others...and I have no idea what my number is. But if I do go first, I want my parents to remember me as a daughter who loved them, who made time for them, who ENJOYED them. I want them to have many, many recent memories...not just old stories.

Second (and this is the really selfish one)...if I am blessed with a long life, I want my children to come see me. Often. I want them to make me a priority at least every once in a while over all of the other demands of their busy lives. And as with every other thing I've tried to teach them, I need to set a good example for them, right? Kids will always be kids, doing not what we tell them to do, but what they see us doing.

This will be a short visit, just one night. It will be Mama-and-Daddy-and-siblings-focused...in other words, I'm not going anywhere except maybe a quick run to Rae's to check out her Mexican Import garage sale. Just to look, not to buy, I swear! So those of you who remember where my parents live, please come by and visit! I'm sure they would love to see you as much as I would!

Here's wishing all of you a weekend surrounded by ones you love - go hug someone!

 

 

Kissin' and a' huggin' with Fred

While blog-hopping this morning, I fell into a time warp. Jan of Jan's Daily Dish posted a link to a song she says her dad used to sing to her (with a warning that anyone under 55 might not want to click on it!)..."If I knew you were coming I'd've baked a cake..."

I'm still just a spring chicken of 50, but I took a chance and clicked anyway...and that's when I went swirling back in time (imagine me flailing my arms, surrounded by spirals of black and white, like they used to use on those old sci-fi shows)...landing in the middle of my livingroom of the early 60's.  There are dining room chairs sitting in a row with one in front and somehow I've convinced a few of my friends (probably Janet, Linda, Ricky, Sandy...) to put on a skit based on one of my favorite songs. I still wonder how I managed to talk them into it...you'll wonder the same thing, if you listen to it.

Fingers Crossed for Fame and Fortune...

...for my friends, at least. If I can't have it myself ("yet" - I haven't given up!), I can at least celebrate and shamelessly promote my friends. Last night I placed orders on Amazon for two books published by friends from high school...

Ann is beyond just a friend to me...our relationship is timeless...our souls have become soldered over the years since we first met (click here for more on our friendship story.)  She has poured her heart into this first book, Objects of Reflection: A Soulful Journey of Reflection. Don't be fooled - it's not just another "how-to" art book. It is full of her beautiful, eclectic, original art, yes...but it also includes passages of her thoughtful, poetic writing. It can also be purchased through Etsy on her blog, Isla. Ann will soon be traveling to Haiti with Artisans for Haiti, a group of artists who will use art as therapy with the earthquake victims. (The website is just being developed...keep checking.)

Gina is one of my rediscovered friends, reconnected thanks to Facebook. We worked together on our high school yearbooks, but she was a year younger than me and I lost track of her after my graduation. I think we've become better friends in these last few months of chatting via Facebook and reading each other's blogs than we were in high school. What a wonderful surprise to find out she had written a book! From Gravel to Glory: Becoming a House of God is about her spiritual journey...specifically (from her website) she "digs deeply into her own difficult spiritual journey to demonstrate how every experience we have is related to being a house of God." The book is just part of Gina's Stone's Throw Ministry...plus she's a personal coach, Christian speaker AND writes one of my favorite blogs: simply "Gina Calvert". It's enough to makes me step back and wonder what the heck I've been doing with my time these past 30+ years!

While I was ordering and feeling a little under-accomplished, I was tempted to buy another copy of State Lines - a collection of essays which includes one of mine, "A View from a Catwalk" - but seriously, how many copies do I really need? Instead, I tossed a few Elmer Kelton historical novels and and one on the history of the Texas Rangers (Lone Star Justice: The First Century of the Texas Rangers by Robert M. Utley) into the virtual cart to use as references for my book-in-progress.

Yes, I'm a history nerd...on my own journey back into Texas during the 1800's. These friends of mine are giving me the encouragement I need to stick to it...to follow it all the way to the end. So now it's time for me to mosey on down the trail...in other words, get back to writing, so I can see my own book on Amazon! Happy Trails!

Prayers for Joel

Last spring I had headaches - they were there when I woke up, backed away like wild animals from fire when pain meds kicked in, but then came charging back with teeth bared when the meds wore off. They were there for days and days - I can't remember how long now - but they were bad enough that I took my aching head to the doctor...wanting him to make the pain go away...wanting him to say it was something simple...afraid that it wouldn't be.

He sent me for an MRI. I was relieved; I was scared. Relieved that if it was something serious, we would know and it could be treated. Scared that it would be something serious.

Despite telling myself not to worry, it was hard for me to believe the MRI would find nothing - I'm a worst-case scenario kind of person.

But I was lucky...the MRI tested negative. My headaches eventually went away. They were just caused by a shingles - an annoying and painful virus, but nothing life-threatening.

My friend Joel had headaches - I believe much worse headaches than mine. Like me, he went to the doctor. Like me, he was sent for an MRI. Like me, I bet those same fears and thoughts that I had were running through his mind. He was probably telling himself he was being silly to worry - it was probably nothing.

But it was something. And his headaches haven't gone away. Today he sees a neurosurgeon.

Please join me in praying for Joel...praying that his headaches - and the reason for his headaches - will soon be a distant memory for him as mine are for me. Join me in praying that he heals and is healthy for many, many years to come.

Whoosh!

That's the sound my day made yesterday. From the moment my eyes popped open, yanked from my dreams by the honking of my alarm clock (I think "honking"...as in "intrusive, annoying blasts of noise"...is an appropriate description of an alarm clock at 5am, don't you? More accurate than "beeping", that's for sure!)...anyway, from that moment my eyes first opened until I melted into the mattress and blissfully closed them again late last night, my day was just a blur.

Imagine this montage: my morning routines (coffee, critter care, working out, laundry rotation...I hardly have to think as I go through them)...a stop at the city court to pick up a defensive driving packet for my baby girl's Suzuki Samurai flippage (more on that later - I still can't believe the policeman gave her a ticket!)...my workday (names spinning 'round my head, eyes glued to a computer screen, rear-end planted for hours in a swivel chair)...a quick dinner and gathering of coupons (beef fajitas ready when I walked in the door - bless you, Tom!)...and a trek into town (cheap gas for my car, Walmart, HEB and a night deposit at the bank)...

I think it was the grocery store at night that wore me out the most - for one thing, it took up my book writing time. But it was a price I paid willingly for sticking close to home on Sunday to enjoy the sunshine. It's as if I have a "Sunshine Bank" inside of me - I have to take advantage of every chance I get to build up the balance in preparation for those gray, rainy days that just suck it dry.

When I got home last night, I glanced up before I started unloading the trunk. The sky above me was filled with luminescent islands of clouds, glowing from the soft moonlight. Stars twinkled and floated in between the islands. Without my night excursion...without taking a minute to look up...I would have missed it.

Yes, my house is a wreck, all clutter and chaos, every surface covered with a light film of dust from Tom's laundry room project (I'm not complaining!) and the rest of yesterday flashed past me like scenery outside of my car window, but when I closed my eyes last night, that star-and-cloud filled sky was what I pictured...an image of peace, calm and beauty, the last scene in my Monday montage...reminding me that, all-in-all, through every scene in that montage, it was a very good day; I have much to be grateful for...a country of laws and relative peace and safety, a home, a job, a sweet husband who knows how to cook, money to buy food, transportation to get me to work and the store, health that allows me to do these things, and a loving God beside me every step I take throughout the day...

Tending Gardens

My arms are speckled red with scratches and small bumps, and a band-aid comforts a blister at the crook of my thumb, despite the gloves I wore to protect my hands. The irresistible sunshine convinced me to ignore my 'inside' work and, instead, grab a rake and get back to clearing a field where I envision a blanket of wildflowers this spring.

It's an idea I stole from a neighbor. She started with a freshly cleared area - I'm having to rake up ten years of undergrowth. I don't know if it will work - my gardening philosophy is "survival of the fittest" - but it's a good excuse to get outside on a beautiful day, and the tangled thoughts in my brain seem to get cleared out as much as the dead grapevine and weeds in the field.

Friendship has been on my mind lately - the mystery of it...the strength and fragility of it. It's often compared to a garden in that it needs frequent watering and attention, but to me, friendships are also like fields of wildflowers...wild, eclectic, spontaneous, full of color and surprises. 

As I rake, music drifts down to me from the house - music that arrived in the mail yesterday from a new friend, Dee, and I think how full of surprises life can be...how friendships can pop up unexpectedly just like wildflowers, where you least expect them. 

In a round-about way we became friends through my blog. I've made several friends through my blog - many I've never even met face-to-face, some who were just acquaintances but my blog opened a door between us...between our hearts.

And yet I have other friends who don't even read what I write - either they don't have time or they're just not interested. It hurt a little at first (good ol' narcissism at work) but they show they care in other ways. Still, it made me think about the many faces of friendship...how do you measure it? What are the tests, if any?

And how do friendships even come about? What makes us feel a connection to one person but not another? An invitation arrived in the mail this week to my friend Ky's son's wedding.

Ky is old enough to be my dad. He is Chinese, a Buddhist. We worked together for years, years ago. Why did I feel connected to him but not some of the women I worked with? And how did we stay friends all these years?

C.S. Lewis said "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What? You too? I thought I was the only one!""

I love the fact that the "you too?" moment is oblivious to things such as age, class, gender, race, religion. I love that it can occur between people who just met and people who have "known" each other for years. 

 I love that even if a friendship seems to have died, it can bounce right back as if nothing ever happened, just like the prairie verbena down the road; it seemed the extreme weather had finally taken its toll on the plant, but this morning on our walk we counted 7 or 8 tiny purple blooms. The best friendships are as tough as those little purple flowers.

But some friendships do die. It's a fact of life, but I don't understand it. One friend and I stayed close for years...through changes of address, divorce, different lifestyles...then one day the connection was just gone.

When that happens, you're further apart than strangers.

Then there's the gender/jealousy issue. I know it's possible for men and women to be friends...even close friends but still just friends (my years working in the chemical plant taught me that.)

But not all women believe it, and I recently had to close the door on a longtime, dear friendship because of that. But I wouldn't have been much of a friend if I didn't, would I?

"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it." 

The thing is...with any friendship there are boundary lines you shouldn't cross...certain subjects or names you need to avoid. And although your friend might share your love of Bruce Springsteen music, it doesn't mean they could quote lines from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail with you.

You don't have to be the same to be friends. Without some differences, our friends wouldn't challenge us to learn and grow.

I'm glad that my friendships mostly resemble hardy wildflowers, able to weather those dry periods of neglect on my part, yet still brightening my life with so many different shapes and colors.

For my part, I'll try to do a better job of watering.

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." - Pam Brown

Hootenanny!

Last night Tom and I sat under the branches of towering trees, watching the half-moon play hide-n-seek behind the fast moving clouds and listening to live music - it was a Friday Night Hootenanny! The cold and the rain have kept us away for the last few months - we're wimps. But after last night, we're regretting we missed so many!

Our friends have created an outdoor Texas-style auditorium on their property - all wood and stone. A small fire chased away the chill near where we perched on a stone ledge on the terraced hillside, part of an audience that was almost outnumbered by musicians performing for us on the stage. Musicians came and went, but over the course of the night we listened to several acoustic guitars, a bass guitar, keyboard, saxophone, mandolin, trombone, snare drum, flute and bongo drums. Oh yeah...also a tambourine and one of those cylindrical things you shake to make a sandy, rattling sound.

The Hootenanny is a meeting of nature and music. If you're a musician, you're free to join them on the stage. It's a wonderful combination of cover songs and Linton-Mancilla originals...rock, blues, folk music, some Latino...

If you're in the Austin area and want to experience the Hootenanny yourself, let me know. I'll send you all the details. It's free - the only cost is an adventurous trek down a dirt road, something to drink and maybe a bag of chips and jar of salsa.

Now I'm off for more adventure - my first University of Texas women's basketball game and a movie with some Lago girlfriends...we're not sure which movie, but it doesn't matter. It will be fun just spending time with them!

Tomorrow will be a day of playing catch-up and crossing off to-do lists. Today...fun and friends.

Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

A Morning Warrior

The sun was already blinding me by the time I headed out to walk the critters this morning - how did it get so late? To save time, I decided we would run! We could all use the exercise; Max is only a puppy in his mind, now - his body is middle-aged thick - and Frankie needs to be in top form to run from cars and coyotes.

I started off and right away wondered why running on the road is so much harder than running on the treadmill - geez...I could go three miles watching television downstairs but I wasn't sure I could even make it the half mile to the curve without stopping to catch my breath!

I thought of a series of posts my friend Gina wrote recently about breathing. It helped me focus...in...out...in...out...and I found a rhythm.

I thought of my mother and her battle for breath. I said a quick prayer for her and remembered I normally say the Rosary during my morning walks. I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth...

I counted the decades off on my fingers...the mysteries ran through the background of my brain while my mind wandered to a friend who just discovered he has a mass on his brain...to other prayer requests I'd seen in my email and on Facebook ...to candles, real and virtual, lit in continual prayer on the altar of our church and on Gratefulness.org...to the friend who introduced me to the virtual candle site - she recently lost her daughter to a drunk driver...to another friend who recently lost his son and is now reinventing himself to be a counselor to youth at risk...and to other friends who are worried about their children, their parents, their grandchildren, their marriages, their jobs, their health...to images on television of homes threatened by mudslides in California and crying children in Haiti, victims of the devastating earthquake and massive aftershock...

And then I was at the curve. I slowed to a walk - the road dips and I'm klutzy enough that I would slip on a rock for sure if I kept running down the hill. I looked up at the brilliant blue sky and twirled around, amazed at the beauty...overwhelmed by my blessings. I stretched while Max and Frankie did their respective sniffing and snacking, then we headed back home. It was easier starting off this time. I picked up the pace a little...Hail Mary, full of grace...

...I prayed for my children...our marriage...our finances...our country...my parents...my siblings and their families...Tom's parents and siblings and their families...my friends - I know all of them have worries and fears and needs of some kind, whether they ask for prayer or not...

I was almost home...I was amazed at how strong I felt - I knew I could keep on running and running if I had time - I felt so light...like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 

Well, I guess it had.

My heart trusts in the Lord, and I am helped.
Psalm 28:7

Feeling the Squeeze but Holding on to the Dreams

On the local news this morning I heard there was going to be a meeting tonight at the University of Texas - an open meeting between students, parents and administration to discuss a potential tuition hike.

Funny...I wasn't invited.

I receive a newsletter from the University...a newsletter from the Parents' Association...and I'm on the email list for the University President's new blog, Tower Talk. If any of these mentioned the meeting, I didn't see it.

It's not that I would be able to attend, anyway. After work I need to come home and write...trying to gather all the pennies I can to pay those monthly financial aid loan bills and gambling on writing a best-seller to pay off all the loans, once and for all...and possibly pay for my own college classes.

Tom can't attend - he's gone twelve hours a day as it is and when he comes home, he helps with the housework and then on the laundry room...still determined to finish building this house we started almost a decade ago.

We're still chasing our dreams because we don't want our kids to give up on theirs.

But I hope there is someone there who can speak for us...the ones who make just enough money that the only financial aid available is a semi-low interest loan, but not enough to pay the tuition otherwise, and not enough to pay for four years of college x 3 kids worth of loans without drowning.

Will someone speak for those of us with above-average, hard-working kids who are good at a lot of things, but not necessarily the best at anything?...who don't excel at one thing enough to qualify for a scholarship?...who aren't part of a minority, so can't qualify for a scholarship?

I wish I could be there so I could explain that we don't live extravagantly - it's not that we have the money and just choose to spend it elsewhere. We have one car payment - the first one since 1988. Our kids don't have their own cars, used or otherwise. They were the last ones to get cell phones and personal computers (high school graduation gifts.) They don't mind hand-me-down clothes or shopping at Goodwill. They've never even been to Disneyworld, except the oldest who went for a high school band competition years ago.

In fact, I've never been to Disneyworld or on a cruise or to Cozumel.

Don't get me wrong - I don't resent these things - they are sacrifices I made knowingly and willingly when I chose to be a stay-at-home mom, and they were worth it. But what I didn't expect was for college tuition to be out of reach - even at the public level. We couldn't afford the Texas Tomorrow Fund, but we thought the kids would be able to work enough to pay for it...gather some scholarships...perhaps go in the military if necessary.  They are working...they did gather some scholarships...the military option is out because of asthma...but I'm wondering now if they'll even be able to finish if the tuition continues to climb.

It's all I can do to stop one of them from dropping out even now - he wants to save us money and thinks he'll go back on his own, later. As a college-dropout myself, still holding on to that dream of finishing "one day", I just can't let that happen.

If anyone goes to that meeting tonight, will you please speak for us?

An Empty Nest part 2

I felt it yesterday morning, like a palpable echo. When I awoke and remembered my college kids were back at school, I could feel the emptiness of their bedrooms. I didn't have to worry about being too loud and waking them...didn't have to remember to leave a little coffee for the girl...didn't need to think of chores for Daniel (he asked for a list every day he was home - what a sweet kid!)

On the way to work I listened to KGSR on the radio again, not that hip-hop/rap stuff she likes. I didn't offer to share my food with anyone during the day, worried that they didn't bring enough to eat.

At home Tom and I fell back into our empty-nest rhythm...he started the grill, I made the guacamole and finished up the laundry. He cut up the grilled chicken, I cut up the veggies and we took turns decorating the tortillas heating on the griddle. Quesadillas for two. Tons of leftover grilled chicken in the fridge.

It's not that the house is quieter - the kids spent a lot of time in their respective rooms, reading or on their computers. Last night Tom was busy working on the walls in the laundry room, making a lot of noise, plus he had the downstairs television turned on and up loud so he could hear it while he worked...so it was actually less quiet than normal.

Still, there's that echo...a sense that there is just a little more empty space in the house now...a little more empty time.

But I'm not sad about it - just reflective. It's an opportunity to focus on other things...my writing, my drums, Tom and my other relationships. I started back on the book last night and even spent a few minutes on my drums this morning. I enjoy having my kids home, but I enjoy having the house to myself again, too. I'm trying to be organized...to make good use of my time and "get things done"... but I'm trying to be flexible and look for God's direction in my life. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to be a slave to my to-do list or even my "dreams" ...in such a frenzy that I forget to appreciate each minute he gives me.

Instead, I want to focus...be in the moment, whether I'm playing my drums or tossing dirty laundry in the washing machine. Too often my brain is running miles ahead of myself, in a hurry to be in the next place, scratching the next thing off of my list. It's time to harness my thoughts, pin them down and just be... here...now.

Discovering Temple Grandin

I've discovered a whole new world that I didn't even realize existed.

Until about a year ago, I knew nothing about autism. I was aware of it...I personally knew children with it...but I didn't have a clue how complex it could be until I became involved with Jobs4Autism, the nonprofit website my employers sponsor.

Since then I've read numerous articles, subscribed to newsletters and joined communities on Twitter and Facebook. I've met mothers and fathers of children with autism. I've met mothers and fathers who themselves are on the autism spectrum, along with numerous founders of organizations dedicated to helping and supporting the autism cause.

What I've learned is...there is a lot more to learn. Autism is broad, layered, connected by similarities but separated by differences. And it's a lot more common than most of us realize. I've enjoyed working on the website because I can see that one of the biggest problems is just lack of understanding about autism; I feel we are doing a little bit to erase that ignorance...to help close the gap between "neuro-typicals" and those on the spectrum.

No matter where I turn, one name keeps popping up: Temple Grandin. Over the past year, I've come to know enough about her to understand why her name is mentioned whenever people begin talking about autism. She is a barrier-breaker, although she didn't set out to break barriers - she just had a dream and refused to let anyone stop her from achieving it, whether it was because she was a woman or because she was on the autism spectrum. She is an inpiration to everyone that has ever had a dream and had to overcome obstacles to reach it.

On Saturday, February 6, a movie based on two of Grandin's books (Thinking in Pictures and Emergence, co-written with Margeret Sciarano) premiers on HBO, starring Claire Danes as Temple Grandin and directed by Mick Jackson. For those like me who haven't read Grandin's books, it's a great opportunity to see her story.

Last week on Jobs4Autism I blogged about an interview with Grandin by author Chantal Sicile-Kira published in the Huffington Post. Our website is focused on employment for those on the spectrum, and in the interview Grandin shared some great advice that applies to anyone trying to get a job...not just those on the spectrum.

Grandin also mentions the importance of mentors in her life - she credits them with giving her the guidance, support and confidence she needed to move forward and accomplish all that she has accomplished. Isn't that true for anyone? I've certainly had mentors help me along my way. I sure hope in my days as a librarian and volunteer I was able to have a positive influence on the kids that crossed my path.

You can read my Jobs4Autism blog post here, but I encourage you to read Sicile-Kira's entire interview here and especially, I encourage you to watch Temple Grandin.

(above photo credit: HBO/Van Redin)

I'm Back on the Horse

What's that old saying...."If you fall off a horse, you have to climb right back on or you'll never ride again?" Anyway, it's about facing your fears and today I did just that...I went shopping.

The girl needed a few things before heading back to school. Once inside, I couldn't resist the pull of the Kohl's clearance racks. Good Morning America's warnings grew fainter in my ears as I raked through the yellow-tagged items; soon, my arms were full and I headed to the dressing rooms, germs be damned.

Thank goodness my checking account balance wasn't as easy to dismiss from my consciousness; I tossed everything back except two blouses, each less than $10.

The warnings weren't completely gone, though: back in the car...hand sanitizer; back home...wash the blouses before wearing.

We had a weekend of watching movies, walking the critters and whittling away on projects. Late this evening, we loaded up my little car (it's amazing how much a Hyundai Elantra will hold!) and I delivered the kids back to campus with hugs and prayers for a good semester.

I'm really going to miss them. Having them around means more groceries, more cooking and more laundry...but also more laughter, more conversation and more hands helping. 

But this is where they need to be. I'm excited for them...worried for them. It's a good thing my "class" starts again this week - time to jump back into my great-great grandfather's story and finish this book. Wish me luck!

Ew. Yuck. Ew.

I did NOT want to know about this, but now that I do, I have to share it. Misery loves company, you know. But that's not the only reason I'm passing this information on...there may be a few more of you out there that were like me...just sticking your heads in the ground, not wanting to think about this. Because now that I know it, I realize it should have been pretty obvious. At least some of it.

I'm talking about the results of an investigation by Good Morning America on new clothing; they purchased 14 different pieces from three popular chain clothing stores, high-end and low-end, and gave them to microbiologist Dr. Philip Tierno from New York University to test for germs.

Talk about being a fun-sucker. Clearance racks will never hold the same allure for me after hearing the results of his report...

Tierno discovered bacteria, or "flora", on several items. He found "representation of respiratory secretions, skin flora, and some fecal flora" on one blouse; tests on a jacket revealed evidence of feces, skin flora and "respiratory secretions" in the armpit and even "close to the buttocks"; on a silk blouse he found vaginal organisms, yeast and more fecal evidence.

Ugh. Ew. Yuck.

According to the report, you can actually get sick from some of this bacteria. To protect yourself, Tierno recommends washing your new clothes before wearing them or at least running them through a cycle in a hot dryer. Of course, he says to wash your hands after shopping...and he also recommends wearing clothes BENEATH your clothes when trying them on...somehow that kind of makes trying them on useless, doesn't it? You'd end up buying everything too big! Maybe someone will invent a "shopping bodysuit"...

I have a feeling I'll be saving quite a bit of money this year; now it will be hard for me not to wonder who has been in the clothes I'm trying on...and what they were doing in them.

Read Good Morning America's full yucky report here.  

Just Breathe

It's a melancholy day. Maybe it's the gray skies, the chilly rain...maybe it's because the kids head back to their college digs this weekend...maybe it's the heartbreaking devastation the people of Haiti are suffering right now.

Maybe it's none of the above...or all of the above.

Whatever the reason, the haunting melody and wistful lyrics of  "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam has been the soundtrack for my day...

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh...
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh...
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...

Some folks just have one,
Other they got none, aw huh...

Stay with me...
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh...
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed.

Stay with me...
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see...
No one knows this more than me,
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday as I look upon your face, aw huh...
Everything you gave and nothing you would take, aw huh...
Nothing you would take...
Everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see...
No one knows this more than me,
As I come clean.

Nothing you would take, everything you gave.
Hold me till I die...
Meet you on the other side.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I was down all day...knowing what was ahead of me, wondering if I would be able to find the right words...wondering if I would be able to explain myself and my reasons clearly enough...hoping there would be no tears. 

The overcast day matched my mood and added to the melancholy. It's so sad when a relationship comes to an end.

I was nervous when I entered the little house. Was it obvious something was wrong? I thought about waiting until the end, but I felt it was only right to just get it out in the open right away.

"This...I...this is my last visit," I sputtered to Michael.

"Why?" I could tell he wasn't expecting this.

So I explained it all: the hulking college loans breathing down our necks...the shuffled bills on my desk...the growing guilt from this self-indulgent pleasure... the mounting tension in my neck that even Clint's magic hands can't massage away during those wonderful shampoos.

Oh, how I'm going to miss those shampoos!

"I understand," he said, relieved that it wasn't because I was unhappy with his work.

Heavens no! Michael's been cutting and coloring my hair for over two years now and I've never been happier with a hair stylist...or a shampoo-ist. It has been such a relief to have such consistency...such care...especially since my hair stubbornly continues to thin despite my best efforts of eating right and all the other tricks I've read about.

Visits to Michael's house were my splurges...my dessert after years of "dieting" - I've had one manicure in my life, two massages and I can count the number of pedicures I've had with one foot. For several years Tom cut my hair and he did a wonderful job! But the thinner my hair became, the harder it was for him to cut it...plus standing up in the kitchen while it's cut and then having to do all of that sweeping...well, let's just say it wasn't really a pamper-session.

I tried my best to hold on to my time with Michael and Clint. I looked for other ways to cut back, even "dropped out" of college again. And as far as stylists go, the cost isn't extravagant. But with one more student in college, that hulking federal-loan-monster has grown larger and more menacing, and I want to take him down. I'm ready to fight and I think I'm up to it. I remember when I first quit my job to be a stay-at-home mother and all of the ways we learned to cut corners to make that work. I don't regret that decision now or the fact that we have to continue cutting corners to finish what we started - doing what we felt was best for our kids.

So I'm giving up Michael and Clint...my college class (again)...my nightly glass of red wine...my daily Diet Lipton Citrus-flavored Green Tea and red grapes (until the prices go back down)...and I can't think of any other splurges I even have to give up. I'm not ready to give up my rare night at the movies with my kids or get-togethers with my friends. I hope we can tackle this giant without resorting to such drastic measures!

This quote popped out at me earlier this week. It helps make these changes a little easier for now - I'll keep it close by if I start feeling mopey...

"You may have a desire for six double-chocolate donuts, but hopefully, you have a deeper desire for health and well-being. The deepest desires have your destiny all over them." - Matthew Kelly

Right now my deepest desires are to see all three kids graduate from college (one down, two to go) and to be debt-free, as much as possible. I'd like to at least have some breathing room. If it means I have to give up the donuts, I'll do it gladly. For now.

Next week my "class" begins again and I will have even more incentive to finish my book, sell it and become a millionaire: I want to return to Michael's house!

For those of you in the Austin area, I highly recommend Michael Smothers. Yes, I'll be jealous, but when you find something good it's just not right to keep it to yourself. You can find him at the Mark Thomas studio. Click here for more info.

Yesterday evening, I hugged Michael and Clint goodbye and walked away...looking fabulous, I must add. Yes, I'll be back...one day.

I'm curious to know how other people are cutting back. If you have any ideas, please let me know - leave me a comment!

Praying for Haiti

Earthquakes scare me. I've never experienced one...just seen the devastation from the big ones on television.

Hurricanes destroy and devastate...but they come with warnings. Even with tornadoes, you see the storm clouds on the horizon.

But earthquakes are sneaky. There can be a blue sky overhead...no warnings flashing on the television or sirens going off...then wham! In just a few seconds your life...if you've survived...has changed. 

My heart is breaking for the people in Haiti. From my sheltered, comfortable living room, I can't imagine experiencing that kind of catastrophe.

I will be praying for the survivors and for those who have rushed to their aid. But as a friend pointed out, it's a time for more than prayers. We are all called to action.

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Edmund Everett Hale

I can't jump on a plane for Haiti...I can't send a lot of money...but even with bills piled on my desk waiting to be paid, I can send something. It's God's money, anyway, not mine; I know he'll provide for my needs and he's giving me a chance to help others.

"The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have." - Leonard Nimoy

Please join me. Here are some sites to go to for ways to help:

Shelter Box http://www.shelterbox.org/index2.php
The American Red Cross http://www.redcross.org/
Unicef http://www.unicef.org/
Operation USA http://www.opusa.org/

Please say a prayer for the people involved with Embrace Haiti, an organization that a friend of mine is involved with. They are committed to helping the people of Haiti all the time...for example, digging wells to provide water for villages, and last I heard, there has been no contact with them since the earthquake. 

"We can do great things, only small things with great love." - Mother Teresa

 

My friend Scott with one of his new friends in Haiti on a mission trip last year. Yesterday Scott reported "Our friends in the northeast of Haiti were far from the quake so it is our prayer that they are OK, however we have not received any communication from the missionaries. Please join us in our work! You can save lives and change yours in the process."

It Could Have Been So Much Worse...

Mike Parker, editor of our local newspaper, was on the scene, snapping away, soon after the Suzuki Samurai had its little adventure a couple of weeks ago (see the background story here.) He sent me copies (as he put it..."ah...memories") but in a form I can't upload to my blog, so this is the blurb with one of his photos from last week's paper.

I'm so grateful it was just a minor blip, not a major detour, in our lives. It could have been much, much worse (you can't see them in the photo, but I'm sure the angels were still hovering around.)

Viva My Elvis

Elvis was my first crush.

There. I said it.

I hesitate to broadcast it because I'm not an Elvis groupie. I've never been to Graceland and I don't have his birthday marked on my calendar...in fact, I didn't even realize he would have celebrated his 75th birthday this past week until CBS Sunday Morning featured some early Elvis photographs by Alfred Wertheimer.

Just a glance at those photographs...the dark hair, full, passionate lips and soulful eyes...(sigh...!) and I was back in the Pasadena Capitan Theater, walking down the aisle to my seat as Elvis sang the intro to "Viva Las Vegas"...staring up at him, falling in love with him and the song.

I was 5 years old.

Five years later, in 1970, he performed at the Houston Rodeo and Livestock Show. By sheer luck, Daddy and I scored free tickets - we were walking around the Livestock Show and someone gave us theirs...I can't remember the exact details or circumstances, but those tickets enabled me to share a moment in history with Elvis himself. Granted, we were only a few rows shy of the very top of the Astrodome - Elvis was a little doll dancing and singing far below us - but I was there! I remember seeing him...and I also remember the teenage girls squealing all around us.

I didn't feel compelled to squeal, despite my earlier crush. Maybe I was too young. Maybe I'm just not a squealer. But I think it's because Elvis wasn't Elvis to me anymore...he was already into his white jumpsuit days. His face was a little puffy and he had those sideburns...

I still loved some of his music, but he just wasn't...cool. Let's face it - he was middle-aged! No longer crush-material. I had moved on to Bobby Sherman.

I still loved some of his music, but in the Astrodome...especially near the very top...hell, all we could hear were those squealing girls!

Still, I was there! I shared that space, that bit of time with Elvis, and a wonderful memory with Daddy...but when I think of Elvis, it's not that Elvis...Elvis of the long sideburns and white jumpsuit. It's young, fun Elvis in "It Happened at the World's Fair", "Fun in Acapulco", and "Kissin' Cousins" (featuring Elvis in a blonde wig!)...it's Elvis making me want to dance, singing "Hound Dog", "Jailhouse Rock", and "Teddy Bear"...it's my passionate, sexy Elvis singing "Viva Las Vegas"...

Happy Birthday, Elvis...Let's dance!

Darla's Diva Lunch...17, 50 and all points in between

A song came on the radio this afternoon - one I'd never heard before. I was punching buttons and this line jumped out at me from a country/western station..."I feel like 17 when I'm in my hometown..."

Well, I'm not even sure that was the line, but it was something similar and it made me think of the friends I had just spent several hours with...eating, laughing, drinking...celebrating yet another birthday (my friend Darla's)...friends that knew me when I was 17.

Like the song said, when I go back to my hometown, it's like peeling back years. But I don't even have to go all the way back to feel that way - just being with these friends connects me to my 17-year-old self. They are my hometown, personified and portable.

Don't get me wrong...I love the age I am! I love being 50! Even if there was a way, I wouldn't want to go back to 17! (shiver...)

But ages are merely points on a line; when I'm with these girls and other friends from back then...when I go back to my old neighborhood...it reconnects my points...broadens me...stretches me from a single point back into the whole line, reminding me that I am both ages and all in between, all at the same time...

"The great thing about getting older is you don't lose all the other ages you've been." (Madeleine L'Engle)

I'm grateful for these local Deer Park Divas who help me hang on to those other points...Donna CF, Darla, Leslie, Donna BV...

I love comments! Share your thoughts...

Saturday Snippets...the End of a Week

Ah, we're such bad "parents"...here we are on the coldest morning since 1996 - it got down in the teens last night - and we had barely a spoonful of seed left for Frankie's breakfast. I gave him a couple of nuggets from Max's canned dog food to tide him over - he loves those! He attacks them like big bugs...so fun to watch!

Daniel brought seed home on his lunch break from the hardware store where he works and we'll try to do a better job keeping a full seed jar for the poor guinea from now on.

The wave of winter actually washed over us early yesterday morning...the wind whipped into my face during our morning walk and the sun was a mere bleach spot on a gray flannel sky.

But this morning the wind disappeared and the sun shone bright...by lunchtime it was already back in the thirties - warm enough for our Saturday walk and, without the wind, even too warm for my knit cap and gloves!

*********************************

Our oldest son Tommy is here for the weekend. We won't get to see much of him - he's here to attend a friend's wedding (a friend from high school and his first college roommate...it took awhile, but I'm finally getting used to the idea that they are old enough to get married...)

Last night we had a little bit of time with him, watching movies and visiting, and I'm pretty sure we'll have time with him again tonight. I'll take whatever I can get. We've seen him more the past two months than we had the rest of the year combined, but I can't think of anything else on the calendar-horizon to bring him our way for quite awhile.

**********************************

The first step in a project is always the toughest, isn't it? One of my goals for the next two months is to Sort, Clear and Organize, inside and out of this house; I've been thinking the best place to start is the laundry room, where all kinds of junk landed when we moved in for want of anywhere else to put it. Usually just the thought of it all exhausts me, but I woke up determined to get started.

My determination probably would have flitted away with the day, but I happened to mention it to Tom. Lo and behold, he had been thinking it was a good time to finish that room himself - as in the walls needed to be sanded, texture applied and then painted. So we teamed up and cleared out the junk! It wasn't as dramatic as I hoped...essentially we just moved the wire shelving from the laundry room to the middle of the hallway between the boys' rooms and the television room downstairs...I couldn't part with much of the stuff and still don't know where else to put any of it, so the shelves are filled with the same junk, more or less. Still, at least I went through it and reminded myself of what's down there. It's a start...

*********************************

Thursday night was all football...Longhorns vs. Alabama. It didn't end the way I hoped or expected, of course, and I feel so bad for Colt McCoy (click here to watch his post-game interview...he shows a lot of class in response to a ridiculous question from a reporter...I mean, come on...how do you think he felt?)

We did our best to support the team...we ate Tex-Mex (fajitas, courtesy of our friends who came over to help us cheer them on)...Conni and I covered ourselves in burnt orange and Longhorn bling...but it just wasn't enough, I guess. Next year...

***********************************

It's always a bit of an adjustment having the kids home from school...more laundry, more cooking, more noise. But I can honestly say I'm still enjoying it and I think I'll miss them when they head back to school in a week or so.

When their classes start, mine does, too: Novel Writing Part II. I'm ready to jump back into my great-great grandfather's story and finish fleshing it out on paper. My primary goal is to get the first draft finished, but I'm optimistic that once I finish it, it won't take long to run through it a second time. I think at that point I'll feel confident enough to start sending out the first three chapters to agents, editors, publishers...accompanied by lots of prayer!

First things first, though. I've had a request for King Ranch Chicken casserole for dinner tonight and I better get started on it...Mom and Wife first, Writer second. Always.

Just Hovering (also...Secret Santa Revealed and Hook 'em Horns!)

It's a scary thing, watching a surgical team whisk your child's gurney through those double doors, even if it's for a minor, non-emergency operation. A quick kiss on the forehead and Kendall was gone yesterday morning, leaving me with snippets of a recent conversation running through my head: a friend's son almost died following minor surgery this past year when the removal of his breathing tube caused his trachea to spasm and close. He had to be resuscitated and spent a day or two in ICU.

I chased those thoughts away (what good were they to me?) reminding myself of all of the prayers being said for her that morning, thanks to our friends and family (thank you!) Finding a seat in the waiting room, I finished praying the Rosary I started while she was being prepped...just in time to watch the Ellen Degeneres Show. Nothing like prayer and laughter to chase away your worries!

Before too long, the doctor found me to let me know the surgery was over, it had gone well and that she was in recovery...and soon they allowed me to go back to her. Right away I was scared again..."Mom, I'm having an asthma attack!"  I found my albuterol inhaler, but, still groggy from the anesthesia, she had a hard time breathing in the medicine in the first puff. I gave her two more and, whew, that seemed to do the trick. No more wheezing. We'll have to remember that for the next time she has surgery.

It hurts, seeing your child hurt. And I've never seen her in this much pain. I sat there beside her on my plastic chair, ready with a cup of water...a tissue...lip balm. Just sat there waiting and wanting to help, gazing at the colorful curtain "walls" surrounding us, at her blinking vital sign numbers, and at her. Grateful.

I thought of my parents and friends who have gone through the pain of losing a child - especially one who unexpectedly lost her daughter earlier this week. I remembered another whose young granddaughter is in the hospital right now with pneumonia.

Having a child is such a gamble, isn't it? They come with no guarantees of health or happiness. You're just painting a target on your heart for pain when you have one. But it's worth it. No doubt about it.

I knew she was on the "up" side of the surgery when Independence returned. She has always been my most independent child - determined to out-do her brothers, I guess. So I've stepped from my role as Active Caregiver to Hoverer - still sticking close and watching, ready to jump forward and help, but trying my best to hang back a little.

Before heading to the hospital, I made sure I wished my sweet friend Darla a happy birthday (click here for a bit of back history on our friendship.) This is how sweet she is...she was my New Year's Eve Secret Santa...my Angel of the white towels. She had been my first guess, because it's just the kind of thoughtful thing she does all the time. One of my resolutions for 2010 is to be more like her. I hope she had a special day. Several of us are getting together with her this Sunday to celebrate a little more.

Tonight we'll be planted in front of the television downstairs with friends, cheering and coaching the Longhorns on to victory over Alabama. I won't use the word "hope" or the term "crossing my fingers"...I'm positive the Longhorns will be the BCS National Champions!

Hmmm...should I even let Kendall watch the game? She's not supposed to be yelling or exerting herself in any way, and I'm sure this game will be a "yeller".

But then...is there really a way I can stop her? I doubt it. So please continue to keep her in your prayers. And Hook'em!

P.S. I love comments...share your thoughts with me!

Fixing Old Boo-Boos...and Contemplating Bigger Issues

Was it a basketball or soccer ball? We're not sure. It could have been either. Or both.

What we do know is...sometime within the past 5 years or so, Kendall got banged on the nose hard enough to break it. But she has always been so tough, so immune to the bumps and bruises that go with the game(s), that she probably didn't even mention it to me when it happened.

However, I did realize awhile back that the bump on her nose (the one she inherited from me) looked a little...different. And she said it was tender. Finally, the allergy doctor mentioned she had a deviated septum - she hadn't even realized she was mostly only breathing through one side of her nose.

So tomorrow morning we'll be leaving the house while it's still dark ...she's going to have surgery so she can breathe with her whole nose for the first time in years.

 Unfortunately, we didn't know to ask the right questions when we first met with the surgeon...and he didn't mention to us until last night that this surgery won't do anything to repair the sore bump. Insurance considers even the repair of a broken nose elective "cosmetic" surgery; he got tired of dealing with them and quit performing that type of surgery. If you are aware of this in advance, you can arrange to have a plastic surgeon work his magic at the same time...if you can afford it. But we also just found this out last night and it has to be more than two days in advance. Granted...cosmetic surgery is way out of our budget right now, but I would at least like to have known all the options.

So, here we are headed into this surgery feeling a little frustrated. Frustrated that we weren't given all the information up front (too often these days it seems you have to become your own expert at everything!) Frustrated that insurance companies have gotten so stingy and full of red-tape that doctors have given up dealing with them.

Thank God that when Tom had his accident more than a decade ago...when the steering wheel split his face - his nose - down the middle...our insurance treated his nose injury as a medical treatment and not "elective" cosmetic surgery...he had an amazing plastic surgeon stitch his face back together...within a week, the scar was barely visible!

Granted, Kendall's injury isn't as traumatic as Tom's by a longshot, but an injury is an injury, and elective is elective. Tom could have survived with just a regular surgeon patching his nose back together, and I would love him just as much if he had a huge purple scar running down his face, but, again, thank God our insurance treated it as a medical problem rather than an elective procedure or a luxury.

Yes, I know our insurance industry has some big problems. But then I stop to think...what would our experience be like if we didn't have this system? She could have had this surgery within a week or two of her initial visit with the surgeon (we waited until Christmas break so she wouldn't miss any school)...and 90% of our costs tomorrow will be covered. In countries with national healthcare programs, we wouldn't have been able to choose the surgeon (our allergy doctor recommended this one from personal experience) and the wait for a non-emergency surgery like this...well, who knows if she could have even gotten it? (I'm basing this on a 20/20 program about healthcare from 2007.)

So I'll zip up my frustration for now and be grateful she's going to be able to breathe through both nostrils in a few days. But I realize I need to get more informed on this whole healthcare issue...with more current information and sources; if there's anything I can do to help the current system improve, I'll do it. It's flawed...no doubt about that...but it's still amazing...still a blessing that I take way too much for granted.

Please keep my little girl in your prayers tomorrow as she undergoes this surgery...no matter how minor, it's still a scary thing for a mom...

Not on my list, but just what I needed...Popcorn and Sherlock

When you have a stress knot in your neck and to-do lists are popping up all over the house and you're wondering when you're going to have time to do all of them, is it really sane to head off to the movies after work instead of trying to scratch things off?

Who cares? Yeah, I know I've been complaining about not having enough time in the day...I realize I have to be up 5 am again in the morning...I can see there are still a few ornaments waiting quietly on the kitchen table to be boxed and shelved for another year...but I turned a blind eye to it all and treated Daniel and Kendall to the movies tonight. I love sitting in a dark theater, sharing the movie experience with other people, stuffing that salty, unhealthy popcorn in my mouth by the handfuls...Tom hates it. So I have to take advantage of having the kids here while I can. Gotta get my movie/popcorn fix!

Tonight we saw Sherlock Holmes. I wasn't sure what to expect...some critics loved it, some hated it, and the one viewer review I read said "save your money." But I've read the complete Sherlock Holmes collection...I'm a big Guy Ritchie fan ("Snatch", "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels")...and you can hardly go wrong with Robert Downey Jr. or Jude Law.  It was worth the gamble.

I loved it. It isn't a film...it doesn't make you think or feel. So if that's what you're looking for...yes, save your money. But if you enjoy action and popcorn-munching mystery, like I do...if you want to laugh or just be entertained for a couple of hours...then I think you'll love it, too. Two thumbs up!

Epiphany (-nies)

Knotted muscle in my neck...can't quite catch my breath...geez, it's only Jan. 4 and I'm already stressing about how to get everything accomplished that I want to do this year! I wish I could resolve to have an extra 6 hours each day - that would help!

But, of course, I can't. None of us can. We just have to stumble along and do the best we can and try not to worry about the minutes we drop along the way. Just keep facing forward, or, as this Japanese proverb reminds us...

 "If you look up, there are no limits."

For me, this means that God will give me the time, strength and whatever other resources I need (money, patience, determination, health...) to do what he needs me to do. And nothing else really matters.

That's so much easier to say than to accept, though.

This morning I rose at 5am...the first time in more than a week I've been up before the sun. Even though I hate that first jolt of the alarm clock and long to jump back under the covers just a little while longer, I love getting so much done before the sun rises. I love walking the critters under a fresh morning sky, watching the world wake up. I feel invigorated...hopeful...ready to embrace the day. I wish morning could last all day!

It helped that we celebrated the Epiphany at Mass yesterday - the visit of the Magi to the baby Jesus. The theme...the key word to remember...the word and image I took away from the service was LIGHT.

Light as in guidance...the star that led them to Jesus; light as in understanding...they recognized Jesus was a king, the son of God; light as in revelation...they revealed to us that Jesus came for all people, all nations, all races.

So each day I will focus on that light. His light. I'll imagine it as the fresh morning light, stretching over the world as the sun rises. I'll pray that it shines outward, leading me along the right path and helping me have greater understanding and compassion...I'll pray that it shines inward upon myself, revealing my faults...those areas that I most need to work on. I'll pray that I have his light within me and that others can see it. And then I'll take a deep breath and try not to worry about anything more.

A massage sure sounds nice right now, though...

"If you look up, there are no limits."

Resolutions...the Power of Positive Thinking

This year I resolve to sell my book and become a millionaire.

I'm setting up an archery range in my mind. Yesterday I posted about some abstract, daily goals for the year. They still hold true, and when it's all said and done, I still believe what's most important is just trying to figure out and follow God's plan for my life, one day at a time...

"I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's."  ~Henry Moore

But when I took a look at my post from New Year's Day a year ago, I realized my goals hadn't changed much. I was moderately successful at fulfilling them, but for 2010 I'm hoping for more concrete progress.

That's where the archery range fits in...I'm imagining several targets lined up in front of me with a different goal written in the bull's eye. I've got my arrows gathered up and I'm ready to start shooting.

I've decided to think big; even if I don't quite hit the bull's eye, I will have accomplished more than if I didn't even aim in that direction, right?

Take #1, above: Sell my book and become a millionaire. That's the bull's eye. The ring just around it is "Sell my book" and the outer ring is simply "Finish writing my book." If I just hit the outer ring, I'll be happy!

So here are the rest of my "bull's eyes"...I sure hope when I look back in a year (God willing) I'll be able to say I hit at least a few of them...

• Pay off all of our bills. That's the biggie! Since I'm also resolving to be more generous, thoughtful and giving, I'm going to have to be more creative and resourceful... and work more hours!
• Visit my parents one weekend a month. Nothing more to add to that.
• Finish clearing out, cleaning up and organizing this house. So many possibilities here that won't cost much more than time and elbow grease!
• Read SIX books...rotating between fiction, nonfiction, writing, history, philosophy and theology. That gives me two months to read one. Should be plenty of time...so why haven't I been able to do it?

I think that's enough for one year...especially since I want to continue what I've started: keeping in touch with my friends and family, blogging, staying in shape....

As Oprah said..."Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

(So...do you have any "bull's eyes" for 2010? Share!)

New Towels for a New Year - Thank you, Secret Santa!

Dear Secret Santa,

It was after 2am before I discovered them...

After hugging the last guests good-bye and straightening up the kitchen, I headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed; there it sat, balanced on the edge of the tub where I couldn't miss it, despite the exhaustion-and-champagne-induced fog settling into my brain...the Big Blue Gift Bag. Huh? Where did that come from?

I forgot all about bed. Pulling aside the white tissue paper, I found them...six beautiful, soft, sparkling-white, brand-spanking-new bath towels.

I cried. Now, you might try to blame that on the exhaustion and champagne, but in truth, even now...this minute...it overwhelms me to the point of tears that you were that generous, that thoughtful...and that sneaky!

Tom and I have racked our brains trying to figure out who you are, but honestly, there are too many possibilities. Going down our guest list, we realize we have many, many generous, thoughtful and, potentially, sneaky friends.

So thank you, thank you, thank you, dear Secret Santa, whoever you are. I just wanted to let you know how much your gift meant to me...and that you've inspired me to be more generous and thoughtful in this new year.

On this first day of 2010, I feel truly blessed.

Much love,

Barbara

 

Finding those towels was an amazing way to end a wonderful evening surrounded by friends - a great mixture of ex-classmates and local friends. Nothing fancy...no fireworks...but lots of food and laughter.

This first day of 2010 has been a beautiful day - about as perfect, weather-wise, as a winter day in Texas can be. I slept late and have spent more time indoors than I should have, but Tom and I took the critters for a walk and I'm about to head back outside to soak in more sunshine and ponder this new year.

I rarely make resolutions, but this year is an exception. I feel like I've slipped away from my goal of Balance...remembering the trinity within myself that reflects the Holy Trinity...my physical, mental and spiritual parts. With those in mind, this year I'm going to take better care of myself, especially trying to stay on track with exercise, eating right and getting enough sleep. I'm going to be more disciplined in my writing: finishing my book is top priority, but now that I've found a way to make a little money blogging, I don't feel guilty spending time on it, as well. And I'm hoping to enter writing competitions along the way.

I've got to get more organized around the house...I realize all of these projects-in-waiting get in the way of my peace of mind. I need to stop procrastinating, learn to plan ahead and just get things done.

But none of these things can get in the way of my spiritual life...my relationship with God. I need to spend time reading...challenging myself...learning and growing...and also doing...helping others...being more thoughtful and considerate (like my Secret Santa)...more giving of myself, my gifts, my time. And I need to keep my eyes open, to be more aware of his work and my blessings.

No matter what it is at any given moment, I'm going to try to put my whole self into it. Too often I split myself between too many things...my mind is wandering instead of focusing on whatever I'm working on...multitasking has gotten out of control. (Wish me luck on this one! I have a feeling it's going to be my toughest challenge!)

That's probably enough for now...probably too much. Maybe instead of too many goals I should just say I'll take each day as it comes with gratitude and a goal to do my best that day, to look to God to guide me to be the best 'me' I can be, to ask him to use me for his purpose. (But I sure hope finishing my book is part of his plan!)

Wishing all of you a blessed 2010! Happy New Year!