Depression settles into me like a fine dust, obscuring reality just enough to be an annoyance. It reminds me of the dust storms in the Texas panhandle my grandmother told me about - one minute its a sunshiny day, you're going about your business, whistling ... and then this darkness rolls in, seeping into every corner, cabinet, drawer ... leaving layers of dust on every surface.
I guess, technically, this would be more of "the blues" than true depression. I'm not overwhelmed by sadness, frozen, unable to do more than lie on my bed and cry or stare at the wall. I slept just fine - I'm up doing laundry, taking care of the critters, eating. It's just this feeling like I'm being followed by an unsettling character and I can't shake them.
But its been here before and I know it'll eventually leave. I probably won't even notice the minute it goes - I'll just become aware of the sunshine again.
It's amazing how quickly these clouds can roll in and block the sunshine in our lives, isn't it? Perhaps these blue seasons of the soul are necessary, ensuring we don't take the sunshine for granted. Blah! They irritate me because I feel so blessed - I am so blessed. I know that even now. But this grayness obscures that knowledge, or at least the joy from that knowledge, and that makes me feel ashamed. How did I let my guard down enough for The Blues to sneak in?
I'll truly believe it will never happen again - bad news, bumps in the road, and other disappointments won't even cast a shadow in my heart, but then somehow, somewhere, a crack appears in my sunshine bubble (too few hours of sleep? too many to-do's?), and all it takes is a story on the news, someone else's sadness, sometimes just one wrong word or look from someone else ... and suddenly it's hard to find a single ray of light.
One good thing I know from experience is that it's temporary. I know the sunshine is still there under the cloak of gray, under this layer of dust. The storm will roll on past and then, just like my grandmother probably did after her dust storms, I'll give thanks that its gone, roll up my sleeves, and start cleaning house. I'll just go about my business and I know, before too long, my vision will be clear again.
Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones. When you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace for God is awake. ~ Victor Hugo
In times of dryness and desolation, we must be patient, and wait with resignation the return of consolation, putting our trust in the goodness of God. We must animate ourselves by the thought that God is always with us, that He only allows this trial for our greater good, and that we have not necessarily lost his grace because we have lost the taste and feelings of it.~ St. Ignatius of Loyola
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahlil Gibran
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. ~ Dolly Parton
