I will not think about food today.
I will not think about the crunchy, dry-roasted peanuts I always have mid-morning ... or the healthy salmon salad and triscuits I'd probably have for lunch ... the Sweet 'n Salty Almond granola bar ... the sweet Clementine oranges ... the almonds ... the banana ... the slice of cheese ... the steak, chicken or pork chops Tom would grill for dinner ...
That's what was already running through my head on my morning walk with the critters. I tried hard to switch my brain over to my surroundings - to the sunlight stretching from one horizon to the next over my head, leaving the Hollow bathed in soft light ... to the clear blue sky above, tattooed with a half moon ... to the new reddish-orange wildflowers joining the ranks of the yellows, whites and purples ...
I've probably said it before, perhaps even in another season, but right now, today, this is my favorite time of year. Cool mornings that require a light jacket and warm afternoons that remind you of beaches. Clear skies, sunshine, soft breezes.
But even in the midst of this beauty, my stomach already started grumbling and my mind turned back to food and what I won't be able to eat today.
I'm not good with not eating. I eat all day long, every two or three hours. I keep a bag of almonds with me because when my hunger pangs hit, they hit hard. I feel sick. I need to eat right then, and that's all I can think about.
No, I'm not looking forward to today, this day of preparation before my Happy 50th Birthday Colonoscopy. The test itself doesn't worry me. I'm grateful for this technology, for the chance to catch a potential problem. It's this not eating bit and the "internal cleansing" that I dread with every pore of my being.
Today, when thoughts of food pop into my head and my stomach feels like it's turning on itself, I'll try to think instead of all the people in the world, way too many, who never have enough to eat, who would be grateful for the broth I'll be having for lunch, and I'll say a prayer for them.
Tonight, when I'm catching up on all of my bathroom reading, wink-wink, I'll also spend some time thinking and praying for my friends who are at this minute fighting colon cancer; I'll give thanks for the advances in medicine that help catch and treat cancer before it gets a good toehold, and for our health insurance that makes it affordable.
I'll also give thanks for friends who are helping me laugh about the whole thing. Mary reminded me about Dave Barry's classic, "A Journey into My Colon - and Yours" and Kim shared the clip below. Think of me as you're laughing ... (and if you're over 50 but haven't had your colonoscopy yet, schedule it now!!)
Have I mentioned that I'm hungry?