Sitting low on the horizon, the rust-tinted full moon kept me company all the way home from the grocery store last night. And there he was again this morning, sitting on the railing right outside the French doors, waiting for me it seemed.
Full moons mesmerize me. I could spend hours just sitting still, staring at it, the thoughts in my mind darting around like kids on a playground.
So driving home last night, I continued thinking about this imbalance or restlessness I wrote about yesterday. It's like there's an hourglass just on the edge of my line of vision, and I'm racing it, trying to "do it all" before the last grain of sand hits the ever-growing pile at the bottom...
I think Tom is feeling the same way lately. He has hobbies he doesn't have time for, too, thanks to the monstrous mound of projects in front of him he has to climb first. And there's the "will I ever get to retire?" question, thanks to never-ending money issues weighing on him. Maybe part of it is we're not passionate about our jobs (except being passionately grateful we have them!) I pray my kids recognize their passions and find a way to make a living at them early on.
In all honesty, I realize part of my angst is the double-edged sword I'm playing with now. Tom and I have been on the go for several weeks now - one fun weekend after another - and my calendar shows the party isn't ending anytime soon. Fun can ease stress, but it can cause it, too. There's only so much time and something has to give.
But I'm not about to cut out any of these special times we have planned with friends and family if I can help it - those times are too precious, the salt and pepper and cayenne that spice up our days - I'm just going to have to keep it all in perspective and not sweat about what I'm having to leave out. After all, these are the things we haven't had time for until now.
Yesterday morning I hit on something that I think will help, if I'll just remember it. Lately, instead of "Hail, Mary, full of grace..." on my walks, I find myself spouting baby talk to Belle and Max, and Frankie when he joins us. So I began reciting the Rosary out loud to stay on track.
When I came to "Our Father...", it hit me that Jesus was listing things that would help me maintain balance: I should give thanks and praise his name; I should ask for what I needed, but pray that his will be done, not mine; I should forgive and ask forgiveness; I should ask for his help with my weaknesses rather than depend on my own supposed strength; I should ask for protection from evil.
Gratitude, worship, humility, forgiveness.
Today I remembered another clue he gave us for maintaining balance: the Holy Trinity. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit... the mental, the physical, and the spiritual... all parts of us that need to be nourished. (I wonder where Social fits in? I'm sure it does somewhere!)
Ah, it all sounds so simple when I write it out like that, but I've got years of experience with myself that tell me it's easier said than done, especially with that dang hourglass sitting over there.