As a baby, my daughter was all eyes ... huge sapphires that filled her face.
They acted as magnets, drawing perfect strangers to her... especially men, it seemed. It made me uncomfortable, as you can imagine.
She must have sensed my unease, because she's been on guard around strangers ever since. Especially men. And as her mother, I'm glad of it. I never had to worry... okay, scratch that, I'll always worry... but I didn't have to worry as much as other mothers about her chatting it up with strangers on My Space or Facebook, much less meeting them in a mall somewhere and riding off with them.
The only downside of this, if there is a downside, is that her reticence around people (not just strangers) sometimes comes off as anti-social. She's not one of those bubbly, huggy, gushy girls who believes everyone is her new best friend, that accepts anyone and everyone at face value, and will spill her life story and deepest secrets in a heartbeat.
Before you get the wrong impression of her, let me add that she's usually warm, sweet and giving, as well as very polite, sociable and funny, and if she's your friend you can count on her to the end.
But she can also be very cynical and sarcastic. She has a 'cold' faucet and she's not afraid to use it. She is who she is, not who others want her to be, and she hopes that's enough, but if it isn't, well... let's just say she's not a "people pleaser", worried about making everyone happy. That's just not her job.
And I admire that about her.
The truth is, she's just like me... and she's nothing like me. I'm shy and reticent - at times. But the older I get, the more open I'm becoming. My barriers are dropping. I'm not sure if life experience has just made me more self-confident and outgoing, or if my social ease is some form of early dementia (as my kids suspect), but I'm more willing to take risks with people. I do take them at face value quite often.
I admit, there's a little part of me inside that stands ready to turn on that 'cold' faucet in a moment's notice. I'm trusting and open... to a point. But that point has stretched way farther out than it used to be, that's for sure.
And it worries my daughter. Somehow in just a few short years, we've switched places; she's now the one cautioning me about strangers, about divulging too much information here on my blog or on Facebook.
"Seriously Mom? 500 friends? Those are not real friends, Mom. They're probably stalkers!"
"Mom, you didn't post your address and phone number on Facebook, did you? Come on!"
"Mom, please tell me you didn't blog about us going on vacation!"
The thing is, she's right. And I'm proud about it.
("Of all the haunting moments of motherhood, few rank with hearing your own words come out of your daughter's mouth." ~ Victoria Secunda)
Today is her 19th birthday, which just amazes me. I remember 19; it was a huge year for me, a year of changes... changes I don't want for her. It was the year I dropped out of college, worked as a welder's helper, moved into my own apartment. It was the first of 13 years that I spent as a chemical plant technician.
Can you believe this is me? It was the day before my 19th birthday - I was doing great in school that semester, full of big plans for my future. It scares me how quickly things can change when you're 19. It scares me for her, because she doesn't realize it.
I'm not complaining about my life (I realize I've been blessed!), only some of the choices I made that 19th year. I hope the wisdom she shows about privacy extends into the other areas of her life... college, relationships, money, health, faith.
Speaking of privacy, out of respect for hers I no longer refer to her by name (she's TG or The Girl, a nickname she earned as the only daughter) or post recent photos of her. I hope she doesn't mind this one of her wading in Lake Michigan with her Daddy last week, though. Knowing it was probably the last 'family' vacation is bittersweet. This is my Friday Favorite Frozen Moment of the Week.
She's also given me permission to share old photographs... and I've enjoyed digging through albums pulling these...
Day 1... at least Tom and I look happy!
With her Daddy...
(This always made me a nervous wreck, but they both loved it! Please don't call Child Protective Services... )
With her brothers...
Just being herself, my one and only baby girl, exploring, celebrating, ready to take on the world...
Happy 19th birthday, sweet Girl! I'm grateful for you, I'm proud of you, I love you... and I always will!
