I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
DIANE ACKERMAN
American writer and naturalist, present day
Remember that Garth Brooks song, "The River"? It popped into my head this morning and is still playing in the background - the soundtrack for my Wednesday.
I think it's because I lost a classmate earlier this week. I'm thinking about death even as I scramble to stay on top of the crazy, hectic whirlwind days I've had lately, days filled with the issues of living - kids, finances, neighbors.
Roy had survived cancer only to succumb to a different illness that is still baffling the doctors, from what I've gathered. His death - or at least his death at this time in his life - was unexpected.
I confess I didn't know Roy in high school, except by name. We became friends on Facebook, sharing bits of each other's lives. This is what I do know about Roy - he was a Christian, and although he wasn't afraid of death, he loved his life, loved his wife, kids and grandkids and wasn't in a hurry to leave them. He didn't let his struggles dampen his joy - he felt he had been blessed ten times over.
This past weekend Tom and I enjoyed dinner at my friend Gwen's house, joined by several other friends... friends I went to high school with but didn't really get to know until afterward, some just in the past few years.
Before eating, we joined hands and Larry said a blessing, including a prayer for Tom's back. While we stood there, hand in hand, it struck me how amazing it was, how wonderfully blessed I am, to be joined in such a way with these people, after all these years. It made me think of the connections I've made on Facebook, like so many hands reaching out and grasping mine, connecting to me through the Internet, offering me strength, hope, inspiration and friendship.
What happens when a Facebook friend dies? Roy's profile page is filled with messages...reaching out, offering strength, hope, inspiration and friendship to his family.
Many of the messages mention Roy's faith, his love for his family, his laughter and craziness, how he made the world a better place, how much he will be missed, his courage during his illness, how he fought for his principles and the ones he loved, how gentle, compassionate and kind he was.
One of the days ahead of me will be my last. I'm sure of that. Until then, I'll try to be like Roy and live every day wide and full, hoping that memories of me will include words like faith, laughter, craziness, courage, principles, gentle, compassionate and kind.
And on days like these I've had lately, when trying to find time to work on my book around all of my other responsibilities and setbacks and self-imposed goals and celebrations is a continual challenge, I'll imagine Garth and Roy standing on the bank of this river I'm gliding down, cheering me on, reminding me to paddle every now and then rather than just drift along and risk getting tangled up in the brush lining the shore.
You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry
Rest in peace, Roy.
photo from his Facebook page
