In desperation
searching for answers
you make a decision
plot a course
feeling divinely inspired
so sure this is it
the answer
then at the threshold
too late to turn back
you discover a pit
self-doubt, worry, fear
what if this isn't the answer?
what if, instead, this makes it worse
creates more knots
a bigger snowball
suffocation and loss, rather than freedom?
Those are the thoughts in my heart and head today.
Time to move on, step-by-step, tune them out as much as possible and pray this is the right direction.
These words from Thomas Merton will help...
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.
