Long Hollow

Returning to Me

With the birth of my first child, my ego, dreams, and most other aspects of Me as I knew Me sloughed off like a snake skin, forgotten. I was a Mother now! That tiny little being depended on me and by golly, that's all that mattered.

Within a few years, I had two more little beings depending on me. Throughout my thirties and most of my forties, I was just Mom. Busy, practical and unselfish.

Oh, I toyed with my old dreams. Took a few classes at the community college. Had some essays published. Met my girlfriends for dinner and a movie every once in a while. Worked some part-time jobs.

For years I held onto enough ego to battle my body over the same 15 pounds, but when semi-daily walks with my dogs, periodic lifting of light weights and eating healthy-ish didn't make a difference, I finally gave up and accepted my body as it was.

I was way too mature and sensible to care that the varicose veins on my right leg were so bad a new friend asked if I'd been in a car wreck, thinking they were horrible scars. I cringed a bit myself when I looked at them, but I hated to be so vain and selfish as to undergo the pain and expense of surgery. There were so many other things we needed.

Then my oldest son left for college.

Oh, my heart ached! For days I would suddenly burst into tears over the pain; it hurt so badly! One day I realized my tears weren't falling just because I missed my son; that's what triggered them, but my tears fell because I could suddenly feel Life, as I knew it, changing. Soon, my two youngest would follow their big brother out of the nest.

I would always be a mother, but I knew the end of my days as Mom was just a few years away. It made me feel...old. And I wondered, if I'm not Mom anymore, what will I be? Who will I be?

Some might call what happened next a case of the MidLife Crazies. I just call it Returning to Me.

You can be anything you want to be. I had told my kids that over and over because I believed it, and now was my chance to act on it. I would be Me. The best Me possible, for as long as possible. I wasn't ready to be old.

I took bits from each of my previous selves: the spoiled youngest child, the tomboy, the homecoming queen, the scholar, the thinker, the independent woman, the dancer, the newlywed, the mother, the daughter, friend, the volunteer, the writer, the photographer, and even, thanks to my husband, the wanna-be drummer.

Dusting off my dreams, I signed up for college classes, one per semester. Over the next few years, I started a blog and began teaching myself digital photography. I wrote a screenplay, polished up one book, and started another.

I reconnected with friends, other women who were going through the same changes I was experiencing, including friends I'd known since childhood, before any of us were wives or mothers. They helped me rediscover the Me I was back then.

I made my own health a priority, scheduling time every day for a workout. I began running again for the first time in years. Part of my motivation was ego, I admit, but I knew others still depended on me; I needed to be in the best shape possible so I could take care of them. Heart disease runs in my family. I wanted to be a good example to my kids, who carry the same genes.

My hair was thinning at an alarming rate, so I educated myself about nutrition and made huge changes in my diet. It didn't have any affect on my hair, but between those changes and my stepped-up physical work-outs, I finally dropped those 15 pounds I'd given up on. What a great surprise!

With my ego fully out of the closet, I treated myself to varicose vein surgery for my 47th birthday, deciding I was too young to wear nothing but ankle-length dresses the rest of my life.

All of these changes acted as defensive armor just in the nick of time, preparing me for the assault of menopause. I've experienced a few hot flashes, but not the mood swings, weight gain, severe sweats, or disrupted sleep some of my friends complain about.

My kids have all flown the nest now; but instead of crying, I feel like I'm flying with them.

The people at Pfizer are interested in helping all of us find our wings and keep flying through these strange, trying, wonderful midlife years and hope to accomplish that through their "Return to You" program, a program aimed at helping women return to their best selves.

Have YOU had a Return to You moment? Please share it with me in the comments; I'd love to hear your story!

Visit the Pfizer Return to You page on BlogHer.com for more blogger stories and prepare to be inspired!

Just popping in...

...to say thanks for the prayers for Max.

This morning he didn't just use all of his legs on our walk, but even trotted a little and played with Belle, pouncing and prancing and twirling so she couldn't bite his ankles (her favorite move.)

I believe in the power of prayer and I know those you offered made a huge difference. Max's days are numbered, I realize that. There will come a morning, sooner than I'd like, when he's worse, rather than better, and the day after even worse than before.

But I'm grateful today wasn't that day. I'm sure Max and Belle are grateful, too, so thank you from all of us.

My reflective mood continues, which I guess is a good thing since we're now in Advent. Tonight I'm going to Vespers for the first time - it sounds reflective so I'm looking forward to it, except for the smell of burning incense, which I'm sure will be hanging heavy in the air. (Funny how I burned incense all the time as a teenager but now I don't care for it!)

This past week many bloggers posted about gratitude. A video posted by Gail at Louisiana Belle reminded me to watch for the wonders of each day, to remember each one is a gift to live like it was your first and your last. That way you cover all your bases. (Click here to hop over to Gail's to see it. It's almost 10 minutes long and features some beautiful time-lapsed photography, but if you don't have that much time, start it at minute 5:20.)

I can't remember if I've posted here about the photography business that has dropped into my lap out of the blue, but I finally shared some of the photos from my first shoot, as well as lessons I've learned, on my photography blog HERE. I got lucky - great models and perfect weather. (Thank you Candace, Cornell and God!)

The photo below seems to be the hands down favorite. 

Now I'm off to Vespers... (I just love the way that sounds!)

Hope you have a wonderful evening!

 

 

 

Summer, a fading memory

A splash of light from my iPhone guided me through the dark to my car last night. The wedding guests were long gone and only one light glowed in the winery Bistro behind me. 

Pausing in a clearing, I gazed up at the stars crowded around a sliver of moon. My frosty breath rose to greet them, along with a regret of never learning the constellations beyond the Big and Little Dippers. 

Frost coated the windshield of my car, although it wasn't even midnight. I dug my community college ID from my purse - it's good for scraping ice but not much else these days - and wished I had my gloves.

My headlights cut through the darkness on the winding road leading home through the hills. I seemed to be the only person out driving. Tom had left the porch lights on for me, a welcome sight, and Belle greeted me near the road, but inside, the house was silent; everyone was already snug in bed.

I turned off the lights and snuggled under the covers myself, not even thinking one thought about my poor plants, the aloe and bougainvillea I'd faithfully watered all summer, trying to help them survive the drought.

This morning I feared I'd find nothing but wilted, frozen leaves, but the aloe was still fresh and green, and fuchsia blossoms still dotted the bougainvillea. The rock wall where they're nestled must have retained enough afternoon sunshine to protect them through the cold night.

Max, on the other hand... that poor puppy can barely stand on his dysplasia-cursed elbow. I guess the cold gets to him like it gets to the rest of us feeling our age in our joints.

He was determined to join me and Belle on our morning walk, though. His face fell when I suggested he 'stay', so I said come on, then. He hopped along mostly on three legs, but his face shone, he was so eager and happy to hit the road.

Belle and I walked slow, following his pace for the most part. A few times he found a soft spot in the woods where he'd lie down and rest.

His appetite was down again this morning, too - I hand fed him a few pieces where I'd hidden his aspirin and he readily took it from my hand, as well as his glucosamine supplements, but otherwise had no interest. Belle seems to be on a sympathy hunger strike - her bowl is untouched and I refuse to hand feed her!

So the bowls are back on the kitchen counter. I'll try again later... maybe with a few pieces of cheese or some other goody in there. No more hand feeding, but I have no qualms against bribery.

Meanwhile, here it is a cold but sunshine-filled Monday and the week ahead is going to fly by, faster than usual, I believe. I'm going to be wearing a dozen different hats, trying hard to give each a fair share of my time without stressing over any of them too much, or spending hours hatless from indecision about which to wear next.

I'm grateful for each one and that's what I'm going to (try to) keep in mind. 

I hope all of you have a beautiful, busy, fulfilling, love-filled and peaceful week!

(And if you have a minute, please say a little prayer for my Max. Thank you!)

 

Shutterfly goodies and my weekly Sweet! report

Back in October, Shutterfly approached me with a holiday card offer.

I love Shutterfly, although I haven't used it as much as I'd like, and now (yay!) they were offering me the the chance to get 50 free cards, plus offer three of my readers 25 free cards each!

But because of my "Thanksgiving Comes First" stance, I turned them down. It was tough, let me tell you.

To my surprise, they agreed to let me postpone my post until after Thanksgiving. (Thanks, Shutterfly!) It makes me even more eager to use their services and products.

And guess what? It's after Thanksgiving!

In fact, tomorrow is the first Sunday in Advent, the season when we reflect on the Nativity and think about the future coming of the Lord... essentially,  the beginning of the Christmas season, when I hope to find tons of Christmas cards stuffed and overflowing out of my mailbox every day. 

You can't expect Christmas cards if you don't send them, though, so every year I vow to get my cards in the mail the day after Thanksgiving. 

I think it's only happened once in 30 years. Usually my cards arrive closer to New Year's Day than Christmas.

When the kids were young, I took their photo, printed a zillion copies and stuck them in cheap Christmas cards. It was easy to snap a photo of my kids were young; not so easy once they got older, busier and more vocal in protest over the photos.

So I began writing one of those Christmas newsletters with photos captured during the year scattered amongst the text. Then I stuck it in a cheap card.

But I've always drooled over the beautiful photo cards that arrive in our mailbox - and this year, thanks to Shutterfly, I get to send out some of my own.

Now, I just need to choose from one of their beautiful card designs. That's going to be tough. For me, Christmas is a religious day and I want my cards to reflect that belief, but how I'm going to pick one out of Shutterfly's many choices, I don't know.

I've got it narrowed down to three, though. (Aren't these beautiful?)

 

 

(I'd insert photos of my own family, though, of course!)

The bottom one is my favorite, but I doubt if I have one single photo of my family. I can't wait to sort through the photos of the past year for the ones to use - and I can't wait to see them on one of these cards. They'll look so much better than on a piece of copy paper!

Click here to see the rest of Shutterfly's Christmas card collection or here to see their collection of greeting cards. 

For a chance to win 25 free cards from Shutterfly of your own, just tell me something you're grateful for in the comments section below. I'll choose the three winners by random selection at midnight December 1st and will announce the winners in a post on December 2nd. (Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you!)

And now for my weekly Sweet! report... 

Sunday: a homily that soothes your heart; a quiet day at work following one of the busiest ever; fried chocolate torte

Monday: listening to old cd's while you work; your puppy reminding you to take breaks from the computer

Tuesday: thunderstorms that wake you up; morning sunflares; a letter from a dear friend 

Wednesday: a barbed wire fence glistening with dew drops;a potential new photo shoot; finding a back way through the countryside into Houston to bypass holiday traffic; being with all three of your kids at once in your childhood home

Thursday: cooking in your mother's kitchen; drinking mimosas from crystal stemware you bought your mother in Venice 35 years ago (and being able to picture the store where you bought it); complements on your roasted turkey and ham; holding hands in prayer with your family, giving thanks for one another; watching the sun set while you swing; the team you're rooting for winning a teeth-clenching-close football game

Friday: Thanksgiving leftovers; gabbing with your mother and sister at the kitchen table; arriving back home from a road trip, safe and sound

Saturday: waking to rainfall; a morning walk with your sweetie; seeing a friend's precious red-haired granddaughter in person; a second professional photo shoot; your husband helping your daughter with her engineering homework 

Hope you had a week overflowing with Sweet! moments!

(Don't forget to share one here for your chance to win 25 cards from Shutterfly!)

God's Little People

The world is a much smaller place than it used to be for me, thanks to blogging. I've connected with amazing people in so many different countries.

Through one of them  - Joan at God's Little People - I've become aware of the overabundance of stray cats in Greece. Joan is devoted to rescuing them, and her stories and photos both break and warm my heart.

After many of her readers asked how they could help with her rescue efforts, she came up with a fundraising idea: 

I am delighted to introduce these quality cards made from a selection of my favorite images of the cats that I have rescued and I love the idea of them now being part of raising funds for themselves. These cards are now listed in my Etsy shop and ALL proceeds goes towards food, neutering and medical care for all the cats (and the dumpster cats I daily feed). Winter has set in and feral cats just keeps dropping into the garden and I've finally given up counting the numbers! But I now daily feed approximately 45 cats and as you can imagine the cost constantly rise and I won't compromise on the quality of food. Many of the cats that live in the wild desperately needs a proper food to keep them warm. 

You can donate/purchase in the following way:

One large blank card with a colored image mounted on carton (that enhances the colors in the image)for $5  or a set of three small blank cards with black/white images mounted on black carton (and a white paper slip inside for your message) for $10. 

Whether it's one large card or a small set of three cards - they all come with white envelopes and a label on the back with the  Pythagoras quote I use under my blog title: "We share with animals the privilege of having a soul." Cards and envelopes are neatly tied with a burlap string and carefully wrapped in tissue paper. 

 

Visit Joan's Etsy Shop HERE and read more about Joan and her cats (including precious images of them) HERE.

(I'm not compensated for this post in any way except for the good feeling of potentially helping Joan help those sweet kittens.)

The Glad Game

My sweet sister, the very one who is still recovering from hip surgery and lives daily with Parkinson's, found out this week she has glaucoma. To treat it and save her eyesight, she'll need to put drops in her eyes every day for the rest of her life.

Listen to what she told me about it: "I read that if you have blue or green eyes, the drops might turn your eyes brown! I've always wanted brown eyes! And another side effect is that it will turn your eyelashes dark and thick. So now I'll have beautiful dark eyes!"

That's my sister.

She lives her life playing "The Glad Game". Like Pollyanna, (which we call her!) she is always able to find something good in every situation.

It took awhile, but her optimistic attitude finally started rubbing off on me, and oh my gosh, what a relief it is to recognize those blessings that are tucked into bad news.  

Playing the Glad Game isn't just about helping ourselves get through tough times, though. The best thing about it is how your joy and gratitude is contagious. It might be just the inspiration - the shining light - someone else needs to find their way out of personal darkness... pain, illness, loss of a loved one, discouragement, anger, financial problems...

There's so much potential darkness in this world trying to blind us to all that we have to be grateful for.

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:18

I remember groaning when I read Corrie Ten Boom's description of the flea infestation in the concentration camp bunkroom, enough to turn their skin black when they entered the area to sleep, and I agreed with her that there was nothing about fleas to be grateful for. But urged by her sister Betsy (another Pollyanna-type, obviously), Corrie reluctantly told God thank you for the fleas.

When I read a little further how she realized it was because of the fleas that the guards wouldn't step foot in the bunkroom, allowing them freedom to hold prayer sessions and Bible readings and comfort each other through those dark days, a little light went on in my mind.

I'm grateful I was able to read their story - I'm grateful for that little light that now reminds me how, when something bad happens (and there are bad things - those fleas were bad!) God can squeeze something good out of the worst of things.

I'm reminded to give thanks in all circumstances, even if, like Corrie with the fleas, I'm not sure exactly why.

I'm still not as good with the Glad Game as my sister is, but I promise to keep practicing. I hope you'll play along. I think you'll like it.

Hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

 

Peacemakers, Busybodies and the Fine Art of Forgiveness

Saturday night Tom and I watched Riding in Cars with Boys, an old Drew Barrymore movie from 2001.

I missed it in 2001, along with a lot of other movies that came out during that time, plus or minus 3 years. We were busy with kids and preparing the foundation for our house.

If you're like me and missed it back then, in a nutshell Drew plays a smart girl who gets pregnant at 15 back in 1965. It devastates her family, especially her father, so hoping to make peace, and against her better judgement, she sets her dreams of going to college aside and marries the father of her child. He ultimately becomes a drug addict. 

Based on a memoir by Beverly D'Onofrio, it's not so much a tragedy, though, as a story of friendship, determination, and ultimately, forgiveness. The ending caught me by surprise and I cried - not just "teared up" but cried as the credits rolled.

It was a good, cleansing cry, though... tears that are triggered by hope.

That's what I took away from the movie, a message of hope that love is so strong, it can survive for years buried deeply under pride, hurt feelings, disappointment... all of those feelings you open yourself up to when you allow yourself to love or even just care about another person. I think it's that impression they make on your soul that can't be filled or matched by anyone else or anything.

But relationships can't stay the same, because we don't. We're constantly changing and so is everyone else. 

When you accept that ... when you don't take other people's decisions personally... when you don't clog up the connection between you with pride, you're usually able to hang on to that relationship, at least in some form.

It probably won't be the same.  It might be better... it might be less. But without it, you won't be wholly yourself. There are extreme situations, of course, cases of physical or mental abuse, but I'm just talking about ordinary friendships and families that get tugged and pulled and stretched thin by life. 

In the movie, the characters finally stopped focusing on the things that separated them. They each chose to reach through all of the junk they'd piled up between them and at the moment they connected, those piles became dust, losing their importance. It took a lot of courage, knocking aside all of that pride, but the movie points out how rewarding it can be when we muster that courage to forgive. Totally worth the risk.

 

I believe we are each the sum of other people.

I believe every cell of our body connects us to family, past and present... Every person we encounter in life, each friend who touches our heart, leaves an impression on our souls... The books we read, movies we watch, songs we hear, become filed in the library of our minds, words and thoughts given to us by another for us to ponder and use to tweek our own thoughts and apply to our experiences.

We are all connected, yet we are also unique, because no one has the same combination... We are each on a different adventure, following our own distinct path that might overlap and twist tightly with another's but will never be exactly the same.

 

And that's why I've been sticking my nose into other people's business lately, even before I watched the movie. 

I resisted, believe me. I think there are times when you just need to mind your own business.

But two dear friends of mine who once-upon-a-time were the best of friends to each other had a falling out a few years ago. Somewhere along the way, something happened. I don't know what... I only know that one decided to cut off all communication with the other and I was left in the middle.

My friendship with each continued just as it had. It went on that way for years, but something came over me this week and I stuck my nose into the void with an email, asking for some kind of communication with the other. I didn't ask what happened to cause the rift. I don't need to know. That truly is none of my business. But as their friend, I believe their friendship is my business and I should at least try to help them make some kind of re-connection for their own sakes and peace of mind. 

It's possible I've lost a friend over this, but I couldn't stand sitting back and witnessing this any longer without trying to do something.

And then it happened again. I found out that two friends of mine who I knew had been really good friends not too long ago had drifted apart. One told me his emails and phone calls had gone unanswered, so he had just accepted it and moved on, although he had no idea what had happened or if he had caused offense in some way. It had been three years.

I couldn't help myself. I sent an email to the other one. Turns out, the second friend had been going through a tough time; his mother had dementia/alzheimer's and he had spent all of his free time caring for her. In the meantime, the first friend had changed emails and phone numbers and wasn't on Facebook, so he had given up trying to contact him.

I provided all of the contact information and stepped back, with a good feeling in my heart.

So be forewarned... I'm a busybody and not ashamed of it. You're important to me.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. ~ Matthew 5:9

 

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be holier than thou. Even at the moment, I have a nephew who isn't speaking to me because of an argument we had a few years ago. I believe in forgiveness and acceptance, but not in letting other people take advantage of you or lie about you. 

God says "Love your neighbor as yourself", which to me says we first have to love and respect ourselves in order to love others. 

But I do believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt, accepting their humanity and flaws (and hoping they accept ours), and trying to understand what they're going through.

Most of all, I believe in forgiveness and the power of love.

So you should know that if you don't want me to be your friend, you're going to have to work really, really hard at it. I don't let go of people easily.

We do not need to seek for love, we only need to seek and remove the barriers we have built against it. ~ Rumi

Simplify! (and my Saturday Sweet Report)

"Simplify, organize, simplify..." a small voice has been chanting in my head lately, making it difficult to concentrate.

So when my friend Gwen invited me to add some of my things to her garage sale this weekend, I jumped on the chance to de-clutter.

By yesterday morning, my car was loaded with two large boxes for the garage sale - one of clothes and another of junk like lampshades, 90's jewelry, steam hair rollers and clocks. 

On my way to Gwen's I would be passing a Half Price Books store, so I also loaded up two boxes of textbooks we've been hoarding for some insane reason... some were from my brief engineering student days, for goodness' sake, relics of the dark ages when a pocket calculator cost hundreds of dollars and a computer filled an entire room.

Someone please tell me why I thought I should save those?

Half Price gave me $9 and an offer to recycle the ones they didn't want (probably my college books!) Thank you and good riddance!

Unfortunately, those boxes didn't make a dent in the junk inventory. For the next few weeks, I foresee an internal battle between my alter egos (the collector/hoarder and the zealous tosser/organizer) over what to toss and what to keep. Please wish me luck! The zealous/organizer is responsible for throwing away my journals from 3rd grade all through high school. She's dangerous!

So please also wish me a clean, organized, but interesting and eclectic decor, with no lingering regrets!

And now for my Saturday Sweet Report... 

Saturday: celebrating your mother's 80th birthday; your toddler niece reaching out to you for a cuddle

Sunday: wishing your Mama a happy 80th birthday in person; your Daddy's bacon and biscuits for breakfast; baby squirrels taking peanuts straight from your son's hand; your mom in a sombrero; a son who is addicted to books, just like you are; your oldest running his first marathon

 

Monday: an Indian summer morning; getting paid to write

Tuesday: a good soaking rain; photography friends who give advice and tips; Google, when you're learning something new and can't afford a class; people who make free tutorials

 

Wednesday: sunshine in the morning after a rainy day; a surprise visit from a friend; meeting a writing deadline; a call from your youngest; a POTW from Hilary!; a husband who shops and cooks so you can keep working on your dreams 

Thursday: the sound of a woodpecker filtering through the trees; finally sending the Cd of photos from your first shoot off to your client; bumping into a neighbor at the post office; an afternoon walk through the woods with your puppies

 

Friday: a happy photography client; lunch with girlfriends; ridding your house of two boxes of old textbooks, one box of clothes and another one of junk; visiting with three generations of beautiful blondes; lace and velvet Christmas dresses, in size 3Toddler 

Saturday: a friend who lets you put things in her garage sale even though you can't help work it; autumn leaves falling on the road in front of you; helping break a sales record where you work; sitting down after a long day on your feet; making $30 on things you would have tossed away; a movie that makes you both smile and cry at the end

 

Hope you've collected plenty of Sweet!s, too!

 

 

"The Best Laid Schemes..." (What happened to Monday and Tuesday?)

According to my calendar, I'm in Galveston right now, visiting my friend Ann, finally getting to see the cute little Victorian house she's fixing up and browsing through some wonderful eclectic shops.

Things don't always go according to plan, though, do they?

Instead of strolling the tourist-free beaches and staying up late talking and laughing with my dear friend, I've spent the past two days glued to this old computer, spending hours and hours on projects that should have only taken half the time.

(I'm beginning to wonder if shoveling coal into it might make it go any faster. I don't think it could hurt!)

Ann's free days evaporated, too, anyway, complicated by family schedules. We're going to try again in the next month or two. Why are our lives still so complicated?

I'm grateful for the work that's keeping me glued to the computer, though. One is a photo shoot from a couple of weeks ago that forced me to learn Lightoom. I'm by no means an expert, but I've learned so much, thanks to tutorials and photography friends (thank you, Beth!) and learning something new is so much fun! (And frustrating. And agonizing.)

Unfortunately, one thing I've learned is that my E: drive on my computer has gone kaputz. Nothing like a few hurdles in your path to keep you on your toes, right?

The second project was a review for BlogHer with a quick turnaround, as in, I learned about it yesterday and the deadline was this morning. And I (pretty much) turned it in on time. Ahem.

It wasn't a typical product review... more of a personal essay on health and aging and menopause, so I was happy I was chosen for the project.

I can't believe it's already Wednesday, though. Here are a few highlights from the past few days...

 

My mother turned 80! Middle-son Daniel went with me for the celebration at my parents' house. I enjoy road trips with Daniel - he helps me find good radio stations and doesn't mind me singing along loudly, even when I don't really know the words. 

It was a quick visit with family, highlighted by fried Gulf shrimp, birthday cake, breakfast by Daddy, plenty of coffee, Mexican food, and my mother in a birthday sombrero... 

...which matches this one of my dad from last month...

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Oldest-son Tommy ran his first full marathon! If you knew all the nights I stayed up with him while he struggled to breathe with his asthma, you'd really understand how very proud I am! And how relieved I was that he crossed that line, safe and sound and breathing!

This photo was snapped by his sweetheart, Kirby. She completed her second half-marathon that day. 

Yay, Tommy and Kirby!

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I won a blog drawing!! This cute cup featuring a 'doodle' by Cyndee at Eloise's Collage arrived in my mailbox Friday. I love it! Thank you, Cyndee! 

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Remember the Thanksgiving Comes First campaign? Thanks to Suldog, I found out about a petition to "Tell Target to Save Thanksgiving". If you want to add your name, click HERE.

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It rained yesterday! I mean, really and truly rained!

Well, not enough to capture a photo of the actual rain, but I did get one this morning of a dew-covered wildflower...

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Last but not least, Hilary at the Smitten Image awarded me a Post of the Week for As if I were beside you... Thank you, Hilary!

(Click the icon below to go read the other POTW and see her wonderful photography.)

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I hope you're having a wonderful week, even if your plans went agley like mine!

(At least I wasn't left with "nought but grief an' pain"...)

 

...The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

~from To a Mouse by Robert Burnes

Tuesday's Storm

Nature is holding its breath. Not a leaf twitches.

Trees crowd the hill leading up from the creek bed and stare at the slate sky.  Frozen in place, they wait - hope - for the promised storm, banners lifted high... some fresh and green, others rusting, faded by the summer sun and heat.

Their quiet pleading works. First, a soft rumbling, then a flash of light. Rain begins to fall, soft, a whisper on the roof.

The trees stand as still as those in an autumn painting, perhaps afraid they'll scare it away, this gentle storm tiptoeing into the Hollow. 

Slate turns to steel. More confident now, the storm moves with bold steps; the whisper becomes a roar, pouring blessings. Nothing flashy, no lightshows, no angry thunder, just soothing strength.

Banners begin to wave, trees dance in gratitude. 

I step outside, breathe in deep the cool freshness, and remember God's promises.

By your grace, O God.

~Emmanuel D'Alzon

 

 

Mama Taught Me... (Lesson #80)

Today is my mother's 80th birthday. 

A few years ago, in honor of her 77th birthday, I started compiling a list of things she has taught me. Each year since then, on her birthday, I've added to it. 

This year, I've had trouble with #80. Not trouble coming up with something - if my mother lives to be 1000 I could come up with something every year because I'm still learning from her. My problem has been narrowing it down to one thing.

I thought of Keep it simple when she insisted on celebrating with a quiet family dinner at Sudie's Catfish House, followed by cake at the house, instead of the big celebration with friends and extended family that my sister and I wanted to throw her.

I thought of Be someone others can depend on when I opened my eyes this morning in what used to be my grandmother's room in my parents' house, remembering how she moved in with us when I was two and, except for a few years, lived with Mama and Daddy until her death. It wasn't always an easy situation, but my mother was willing to make the sacrifice because she knew her mother needed her.

The colorful cards standing in formation on the sideboard, proclaiming happy birthday wishes from her kids, lifelong friends, nieces and nephews reinforced that one, reminding me of all the times over the years family dropped in unexpected or called for her advice. She never hesitated helping anyone.

She isn't a pushover - woe to anyone who tries to take advantage of her.  If someone is in need, they can count on her. I can't begin to count the ways or times she's caught me from falling. And after my sister's hip surgery this year, sheer love and determination gave Mama the strength to care for her.

I thought about how she has a way of seeing through a person, an ability to overlook flaws and see the good, and I remembered this quote:

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” ~ George Eliot

That's my mother. She's been hurt and disappointed by people, but she doesn't hold one person's sins against another, and she's quick to forgive (if there's sincere repentance.)

The thing is, my mother is all of these things. She's dependable. She's forgiving. She loves with all her heart.

In essence, she knows people are more important than things. Her actions, her life, have always reflected this.

Thank you for all you do and for who you are, Mama! Happy birthday! I love you!

 

Things Mama has taught me...

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals - let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are - you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone - we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time - let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums
74. listen to your body - doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. People are more important than things.
    

 

 

 

The Chase (and this week's Sweet!s)

There I was, walking along with my puppies on our dirt road yesterday morning, the sun just barely peeking into the Hollow, when suddenly Max and Belle caught a whiff of something exciting and took off in a full run.

I thought they would stop after a few yards as they usually do, but to my surprise, they continued running all the way around the next curve, disappearing out of sight, leaving me all alone. 

I just kept plodding along, expecting to see them come trotting back to me any minute, so when I heard movement in the woods to my right a few minutes later, I assumed it was my puppies. 

But then I heard movement again, just a few seconds later in the same area. Through the trees I caught a glimpse of a deer, closely followed by Belle and Max, heading back toward the house.

Max, old man that he is... well, I expected he would just head on home after such lengthy runs. He'd be worn out!

It was a beautiful morning, though, so I decided to keep walking as far as the curve, as usual, and then head home. No reason why I should call my walk short!

Next thing I know, there's a crashing sound from the woods ahead of me and, one after another, deer popped out, dashing across the road.

And then... I couldn't believe it... out popped Max and Belle, still on their heels. Max was still running!

They all disappeared into the woods on my left. I kept walking but wondered where they might appear next!

Belle returned first. It was a few minutes before Max emerged from the woods... mouth foaming, a rust-colored leaf hanging from a bit of drool from his mouth, but obviously very pleased with himself. 

It was a good morning.

 

And now for the rest of the Sweet! moments of my week....

Friday: watching your friends' son play the drums in public; dancing; staying up late, eating peanuts, catching up with friends

Saturday: pancakes and bacon; talking 'cat' with Nala; garage sales and antique stores with your husband and friends; Shari's taco soup; watching home movies; the sound of the wind through tall pines, like rushing water

Sunday: sitting on a back porch, listening to crows and other birds, sipping coffee and chatting with your friend; breakfast tacos; walking along the river, being silly; exploring old barns

Monday: your son's first day at a new job in a new town, the answer to his prayers; working on your book; rain after a drought; a 30-day free trial of Lightroom; meeting friends at a Junior Forum Christmas show; Victorian houses

Tuesday: playing the drums; learning Lightroom; voting; two days in a row of rain; getting to bed before 11pm

Wednesday: sunshine and a brisk wind on your morning walk; Belle running and running and running; Daughtry singing on the Today Show while you're on the elliptical; finding free presets for Lightroom; a call from your oldest, reporting that he loves his new job

Thursday: the full moon resting on silhouetted treetops; a morning photo shoot with a red-tailed hawk; lunch with friends; discussing family history with your son; remembering to snap the full moon

Friday: having your camera in hand when a herd of startled deer cross the road right in front of you; watching your old dog run and run and run

Saturday: an orange dawn; a road trip with your son; helping your mom celebrate her 80th birthday

Yes, I'm headed out to see my mom today. Tomorrow is her 80th birthday and most of us will be gathering this evening to help her celebrate. That will be the sweetest moment of my week, I'm sure!

My oldest can't be there - he's running his first marathon this weekend. I'm so proud of him!

Hope you've had a week full of Sweet! moments and the next one is even sweeter!

"It was the thing to do..." (Thank you, Veterans!)

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

 

 

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into...but he did it anyway. 

 

 

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do." In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva...to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried. 

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

 

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea...about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe...living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes - Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)...visiting a dozen other countries...eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

 

 

My husband Tom was raised in a military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different...by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget - hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day...period! And yet as soon as he could he joined the service...the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard...and even marrying other service members!

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted - as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary. To many, they are a symbol of war, not peace, and sadly become targets of derision, scorn, blame... and even violence, like the sad incident at Ft. Hood a few years ago.

They deserve to be thanked every day of the year. A friend of mine says that when he's in a restaurant and sees a man or woman in uniform, he secretly pays their bill. What a wonderful idea! I think more of us should go out of our way every day to show our appreciation, but I'm glad there is at least one special day where we shine a spotlight on them, remember their sacrifices and make clear our gratitude.

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan...and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs.

But let's hope we do remember the price, as well as those who, through their actions, say "Don't worry. I got this."

(If this sounds familiar, it's a re-post from last year and the year before, with just a few tweeks.)

 

Morning Gifts (and So-So Photography)

Belle's silhouette, a blacker black than the pre-dawn darkness, drew me through the French doors and out onto the deck this morning, but the golden orb resting on a nest of treetops just over the deck railing is what sent me scrambling back inside for my camera.

I snapped before making the right adjustments, just wanting to capture enough to jog my memory.

After fiddling with the adjustments, I snapped a few more as the moon dropped fast below the treetops, like a celebrity ducking from the paparazzi.  Still not great photography, but more of a resemblance to the color as I saw it. (These are straight out of the camera.)

An hour later, when enough morning light had trickled into the Hollow to see the road, the puppies and I headed out for our walk.

I spotted it right away, as soon as I stepped into the clearing, as you will when something new appears in a familiar place.

It didn't move. Was it a bird or merely a plastic bag caught in the branches? 

I raised my camera, grateful I'd chosen the zoom lens this morning, snapped a shot, then magnified my capture for a closer look. A head appeared at the top of the white. Streaks of dark through the body.

It was a Red-Tailed Hawk! Oh, my!

I'd heard his call in the Hollow for years. Caught glimpses of him soaring in the distance or perched briefly on the tops of telephone poles. But I'd never seen him just sitting still for longer than a second... in essence, posing for me.

Alas, he was too far away to capture any crisp clear photos of him, especially with the clearing still bathed in dawn's shadows, but I snapped away, made adjustments, slowly stepped ever closer, and hoped for the best.

Eventually he tired of the photo shoot, or perhaps just felt I was getting too close. Spreading his wings, he dropped, then swooped across the clearing right in front of me. Given the split-second choice of fiddling with my camera adjustments to try to capture him in flight, or just watch him fly...

...I chose watching.

And sighing.

And giving thanks.

P.S. Would you believe during the whole hawk photo shoot my puppies sat very still beside me, just watching and waiting? This is their very favorite spot to run - plus they love to bark at the wild things around us - and yet they just sat there. Yet another morning gift. Sweet puppies.

As if I were beside you...

…Grieve not,

   nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me

   as if I were beside you…

I loved you so –

   ‘twas Heaven here with you.

                                         ~Isla Paschal Richardson

 

In the last couple of weeks, several of my friends have had to say goodbye to their beloved pets. Enough that it seems off-balance, somehow... sort of extreme, like the recent weather patterns. An oddity of nature.

But then, most of them are older pets, treasured members of their families.  Perhaps it's just this age we've reached ourselves; puppies and kittens we gave into for our young kids have grown up beside them, gradually become more ours than our children's, and are reaching old age before us.

It's tough watching them grow old. Yet while we don't want to see them in pain, we don't want to let go and say goodbye, either.

When Jake, our old Black Lab, died years ago at 15, our vet sent us a card with the Richardson poem, above, printed inside. Reading it the first time was like having Jake speak to me - I knew it was exactly what he would tell us.

Of course it makes me cry even now when I read it, thinking of Jake, his "sister" Maggie, my precious kitty Char, sweet Chewy and Charly, little Frankie bird... there are so many impressions on my heart made by "God's Little People" (a term used by a blogger friend who rescues stray cats in Greece) and I wouldn't be who I am today without the blessing of them in my life.

Now we see our sweet Max aging fast. Eternal puppy on the inside, visible in his eyes, goofy grin, and playful spirit ... old man on the outside, obvious in his graying whiskers, limp and dragging rear leg.

Pythagoras said "Animals share with us the privelege of having a soul."

I believe this, too. I know it from looking into their eyes. I know it from the ache in my heart when I've had to say goodbye.

I also believe we could learn a lot from their sweet souls about love, honesty, faithfulness, joy...

To all my friends who have recently...well, ever...had to say goodbye to their furry or feathered or even scaly best friend, I'm sharing this poem with you. I hope you hear their hearts speaking to you when you read the words, as I did, and that it brings you comfort, as it did, and still does, to me.

 

…Grieve not,

   nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me

   as if I were beside you…

I loved you so –

   ‘twas Heaven here with you.

                                         ~Isla Paschal Richardson

Dancing, friendship, butterflies and the Jake Carr Band...

Tom and I ventured into enemy territory Friday night: we went dancing in College Station.

Considering we have one University of Texas graduate and one still in attendance, that's tantamount to treason around here. (College Station is the home of Texas A&M... UT's arch-rival.)

But we had a good reason to go there! We went to hear our friends' son play... he's the drummer in the Jake Carr Band, an up-and-coming country-ish musical group full of talented kids. They opened for another band (JB and the Moonshine Band) at a Bryan/College Station landmark: the Texas Hall of Fame. 

I call it a landmark because it's been there since 1978. It only took a few minutes for Tom to realize he had been there before.

"Did you come here with Debbie?"

"Yep."

Hmmm.

I know all about Debbie. Tom even called me "Debbie" once when we first started dating.

Needless to say, I made sure we got out on that dancefloor. He owed me! Plus, the Hall has one of the best dancefloors I've ever seen - I think the best since Gilley's in the days of our youth. Huge! No danger of bumping into anyone else, no matter how wild they get with their elbows and their twirling.

But back to why we were there...

The Jake Carr Band is really good. Sam Duncan, on the drums, is really, really good. Remember that name!

Plus he's so dang cute! Here he is with his beautiful Momma, Shari...

And here are some shots of the band... I bet we'll be hearing them on the radio before too long.

College Station was just the first stop on our weekend away. The true destination was our friends' place, nestled in the tall pines northwest of Houston.

Did you know that when the wind plays in those giant trees, its laughter sounds like rushing water? I had never noticed it before - perhaps it's because I miss the sound of our little waterfall so much.

That's the kind of weekend we had - slow and relaxing, where you have time to listen to the wind playing in the trees. Just the kind of weekend we needed.

We went for walks in nearby Tomball, full of great antique shops, where I was very, very tempted to buy this...

...because I've always wanted one and it was a great price.

But even a great price is too much these days, especially when I have no idea where I'd put it or what I'd do with it. That used to never stop me, but in these days when I'm dying to de-clutter, function trumps everything else.

We also took a long walk beside a nearby river, where my drought-weary eyes found colorful relief in the form of purple morning glories, clumps of red, white and yellow wildflowers, and even the butterflies I've missed so much this year, like this beauty... 

An old stable, buried under vines by the side of the road, caught our eye. We stopped to explore, not realizing until we were telling it goodbye that some of the vines were poison ivy... (Yikes! Where's the Benadryl?)

But we still used it as a "couples" photo backdrop before leaving (stepping up a few feet, of course!) 

Our sweet hosts, Robert and Shari...Thank you both for such a wonderful weekend!!

 

 

 

Every Breath is a Second Chance

Driving, daydreaming, radio playing... I'm oblivious to the music, preoccupied with my thoughts, until this line from a song breaks through their chatter:

Every breath is a second chance.

Later, I couldn't remember another single word from the song. I couldn't tell you who sang it or even what station I was listening to. Those words just echoed.

Every breath is a second chance.

They still play over and over in my mind, the truth so simple and yet so astounding. So freeing.

So full of hope.

Don't you think?

(Google informed me the line is from "Always" by Switchfoot. Thanks, Switchfoot!)

 

On November (and my Sweet! Report)

Today is the fifth of November. How can that be?

Does anyone else feel the swoosh of time flying by?  If I'm not careful, with just a blink it will be December Eve.

November is full of writing challenges - novel writing, nonfiction writing, blogging...

Why? Who decided this was a month to focus on writing? A month dotted with important holidays in between two other big holiday months... a month of beautiful weather that begs you to drop your pen or leave your keyboard to come outside and soak it up (at least here in Austin.)

I won't be joining any challenges. Well, okay, maybe the blogging one because blogging is therapy... plus there are prizes, and I love prizes. I'll spend a few hours a week on my book, but I won't log the hours or daily words anywhere. The encouragement from other writers would be great, but right now, that's just extra time spent away from writing.

And every minute is gold right now. Yesterday morning, like a curious puppy on a leash, my brain dashed forward through the days of this month and all of the exciting events - visiting friends, celebrating my mother's 80th birthday, Thanksgiving - then I remembered the everyday demands, like editing photos from my first-ever paid photo shoot, writing, transcribing... laundry, groceries, bill-paying... morning walks, dog duties, working out...

How am I going to fit it all in?

Right away, I pushed the retract button on the leash, reeled in that frisky puppy-thought and made up my mind to keep it on a tight leash, allowing myself to stand in just one square of this month at a time as much as possible. I want to appreciate each day, accomplish what I can and not stress about the rest. (Why am I always having to remind myself of this?)

Already this month I waved my son off on his first post-graduation job, attended Mass in honor of All Saints Day, and said extra prayers for the souls of my friends and family who have passed on in honor of All Soul's Day. I came across these quotes and started writing a post including them, but ran out of time.

But they're great, so I'll still share them with you...

God creates out of nothing. … but He does what is still more wonderful: He makes saints out of sinners.~ Søren Kierkegaard

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.~ Oscar Wilde

 

I've also survived my first paid photo shoot gig (from what I've seen of the photos, I think it was a success!) and helped ease a friend into a new decade of life with a surprise celebration of his 60th birthday. 

(As promised, Dan!)

And at the moment this post is published, Tom and I will be off visiting dear friends.

{Last night (Friday) we enjoyed (I'm sure!) listening to their son's band play, and today (Saturday) we're either off exploring garage sales and flea markets or, if we're too tired from last night, we're just hanging out on the back porch. Either way, we're having fun!}

It's only the fifth of November, but the rest of the month promises to be just as packed. I'm determined to savor each day, slowly and deliciously, as if it came from a box of assorted rich chocolates. 

Because these days of our lives are precious, aren't they?

And now on to the rest of my sweet moments from this past week... Hope your week was filled with them, too!

Saturday: a surprise visit from a friend at the Bistro; winning a coin toss; autumn days in a vineyard; home from work early enough to watch a movie with your sweetie

Sunday: catching up with a dear friend after church; sharing a yummy cheesesteak sandwich with the one you love; five minutes with, and a hug from, your oldest, on his way from Dallas to San Antonio; cleaning house while listening to The Best of U2, 1990 to 2000 and the Beatles #1 hits 

Monday: Haley, the neighbor puppy who was hit by a truck just a few weeks ago, joining you and your puppies for your morning walk; making a little headway on learning Photoshop Elements

Tuesday: seeing your son off on his first day of a new job; support and advice from photographer friends; almost forgetting, but then arriving early for All Saint's Day Mass

Wednesday: cotton candy clouds; meeting Fancy, a leggy Doberman puppy; surviving your first ever 'real' photo shoot; a call from your sister; a now-routine weekly lunch with wonderful friends; helping a friend celebrate his 60th birthday (and spending time with friends you never get to see anymore) 

Thursday: seeing your "baby" girl; homemade chili on a chilly night; laughing with your son at the Modern Family episode you missed via Hulu

Friday: joining other bloggers worldwide for the Blog Blast for Peace; Belle peering in at the window beside you, in hopes you'll come out and visit; taking a break from the computer and visiting with your wiggly, joyful, full-of-kisses puppy; finding out you won a blog drawing for a cup with a friend's beautiful original artwork on it!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend. Don't forget...

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." - Robert Brault

P.S. Please keep my father-in-law in your prayers. He had to go into the hospital this week and be given blood for a recurring problem with anemia. So far, they haven't figured out what's causing it. Thank you! 

Dona Nobis Pacem (Blog Blast for Peace 2011)

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.

~A.J. Muste
Dutch Reverend and Christian Pacifist, 20th century

 

(We owe it to them, don't you think?)

Dona Nobis Pacem

(Grant us Peace.)

Linking up with the 2011 Blog Blast for Peace. Will you join us?

 

Soft Mornings

 

On soft mornings

cotton candy clouds floating in a pastel blue sky

the wind and the trees laughing and talking and singing all around me,

I open wide the windows 

feel the brisk autumn breeze whoosh into every corner

carrying away all the bits of darkness and doubt and worry

leaving only energy and excitement and eagerness.

On soft mornings 

the day before me stretches out, timeless and infinite.

On soft mornings I can do anything.

First Days

Looking sharp in "business casual", he tucked his lunch into his backpack and headed out the door with Tom this morning before dawn. It's Daniel's first day at his post-college-graduation, adult-world job. He and Tom are carpooling right now until Daniel gets his own place in town.

I stood there watching him as he grabbed a banana and a couple of oranges from bowls on the kitchen island. He sported a new shirt, slacks and shoes... so reminiscent of other "first days" when he wore his favorite set of new school clothes and a clutched a superhero-decorated lunchbox free of crumbs and grime. I almost grabbed my camera to capture the image of him standing by the front door, backpack slung over his shoulder, like I always did in those days that don't seem that long ago...

...But I held back. I'm not sure why. There seemed to be a line I would be crossing, a line that appears once your baby birds have tested their wings and learned they're capable of flying on their own. It's a wavery line, though, hard to see at times and I'm sure I step over it occasionally, purely out of old habit. But I'm getting better at spotting it and staying on my side.

I think I am, anyway.

Daniel plans to look for his own place soon. That makes me happy and sad, all at the same time. Happy because it's the way it should be. Sad because I enjoy having him around, of course. 

Happy and sad... a mother's braid of feelings she wears most of her life when it comes to her children.

I don't take it personally that he's eager to move out. Lord knows, living with me and Tom would drive anyone nuts, but I think it has more to do with this: 

He's 23... his wings are more than capable of flying where ever he wishes to go...

Life, according to an Arabic proverb, is composed of two parts: that which is past - a dream; and that which is to come - a wish. ~ G.A. Sala

(I didn't have one from today, so I'm posting this one... his first day of kindergarten. It took awhile, but all that education has finally paid off. I bet I still have that lunchbox somewhere...)

Anyway, I hope this is the best first day ever, Daniel!