Long Hollow

Ben's Story... When the Fantasy Ends and Heaven Begins

Ben Breedlove, an Austin teenager, died Christmas night. 

I didn't know him personally; in fact, I had never heard of him until this week. 

But after watching the videos below, I know I won't forget him or his sweet smile.

Ben had a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy; according to his videos, he had cheated death three times. The first time, when he was 4, he says he saw a bright light and felt a peace he never forgot. The second time...

...well, Ben tells it much better than I can. I urge you to watch these - the total time is less than 8 minutes, but if you're like me, it will be 8 minutes you'll carry with you the rest of your life, whether you remember the name Ben Breedlove or not.

(You can read Ben's obituary HERE.)

He Said, She Said

He said, "Will you marry me?"

She said, "Yes."

 

After dating five years... after hanging on to a relationship and seeing each other every chance they could while going after their dreams and getting their degrees at different colleges and getting jobs in different cities and sharing custody of their puppy...

 

...they're getting married.

 

 

Sigh.

 

I get to be the mother of the groom, at last!

(Congratulations to the cutest couple in the world! I wish you much happiness and hearts that love fiercely enough to withstand whatever life tosses into your path!)

 

"Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us..."

Sweets On Christmas Eve Eve

Who is rich? He that rejoices in his portion.

~The Talmud

Dishes overflow the kitchen sink.

Fudge waits in a lined pan to be cut into squares and shared.

Three twenty-something kids and I huddle around a laptop within the glow of Christmas tree lights, laughing at You-Tube videos.

Favorite cookies fill gold and silver tins, tumble off of plates and cool on a metal rack on the kitchen counter... Chocolate Chip, courtesy of TG, while I made a last minute dash to the grocery store, and peanut butter Cyclops Cookies by me, assisted by Daniel.

I haven't taken one single photograph. The one above was taken earlier this week.

There are no gifts piled under the tree... the cookies are our gift. Our laughter is our gift. We are our gift.

I'm headed out in the morning with my kids, leaving Tom behind to care for the puppies... his gift to me. For the first time in decades, I'll wake Christmas morning in my childhood home and enjoy Christmas dinner with my parents. What better gift could I receive? 

 

And now for a few my sweet! moments of the past week. I hope you've gathered a nice, shiny collection yourself!

 

Sunday: placing your gifts under the church Giving Tree, imagining the faces of two 9-year-old boys when they open the gifts you bought for them; recovering treasured ornaments you thought were lost forever; fresh tamales and guacamole; your son's rants about the commercialization of Christmas

Monday: rainy days (good for writing); getting back to work on a dusty project; forgiving scales after a week of peanut butter and chocolate bars

Tuesday: tangerine sunrises framed in a window; brisk mornings and frisky dogs; listening to your daddy's stories; your pop-in-law finally released from the hospital; Pinterest, at last!; chili so spicy it makes your brow sweat on a cold night

Wednesday: your husband and daughter home with you, but quiet enough that you can still write; your college student child getting the official report of good grades for her past (really tough!) semester

Thursday: walking along a fog-shrouded country road; driving on a two-lane highway that zigs, zags, rises and falls over and through the hills; a surprise Christmas bonus; Lammes dark chocolate pecan and caramel Longhorns; a glass of wine and a movie with your son after seven nonstop hours on your feet

Friday: warm chocolate chip cookies baked by your daughter; your son helping you bake his favorite cookies; the mailroom scene in Elf; all three of your kids home, laughing over You-Tube videos and watching movies

Saturday: traveling with all three of your kids; Christmas Eve spent with your parents for the first time in decades

Another very special sweet... Kamana of Journalling Through Photos recently posted a series of "Six Question" interviews with women bloggers. I was honored and humbled that she asked me to participate.

Go HERE to read the interview, but be sure to stay there awhile... meet the other bloggers she interviewed and also take a stroll through Kamana's beautiful poetry and photographs. Thank you again, Kamana!

I wish all of you a blessed Christmas, filled with peace and joy, love and laughter...

I'm also joining Otto at Münchow's Creative Photo Blog in challenging each of you to use Christmas to make a difference in someone's life who, instead of love and joy during these holidays, feels despair or sadness. Perhaps they've lost a job or a loved one or have just forgotten the meaning of the season. Even if all you do is smile at a stranger, try to do something. ("...it might be the only sunshine they see.")

I'm challenging myself as well.

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.

~Janice Maeditere

Gifts

O Sunrise, 
splendor of light eternal and sun of righteousness:
Come and enlighten those who dwell in darkness 
and the shadow of death.

This sunrise was a gift, a splash of tangerine through my window reminding me that light conquers darkness, that each new day is a promise fulfilled, a gift to savor.

I rose at 4:30 this morning to write... a gift to myself but also to my family who has handed me the gift of flexible time and relative freedom to work on my creative pursuits, despite the echo of an empty bank account that goes with them. 

I owe it to them to face the empty pages head-on, to pull the right words out of my dreamy head and arrange them on the page the best I can, instead of just chasing them around in that dreamland of my imagination.

And I owe it to myself, because this isn't a pretty knick-knack you place on a shelf and admire, but the kind of gift you try to use up, the kind that won't last forever.

It's a gift I've wished for for so long that I've been hesitant to open it, as if I feared the beautiful thing inside wouldn't fit me.

I've wasted time fiddling with the ribbons, but not any more. This week I'm ripping into it, no longer worried about whether it will fit, but determined to make it my own.

I'm adding structure to my dreamland. No more vague boundaries between projects... I'm keeping track of my time, submerging myself in one venture at a time as much as possible, finding a balance between creative and business. 

No more multi-tasking, but pure focus on whatever I'm working on.

I've stepped back into my children's book; it's the closest to being finished and it just makes more sense to dress it up, slick back its cowlick,  and ship it off to a potential agent or two... and then get back to my historical fiction, where the research has become a bog, slowing my progress.

Besides... I missed my characters (Winston, Eddie, Reed and Nate) and felt guilty that I just left them hanging, poor kids. I could hear them calling my name every once in awhile, but like a busy mother told them, Not now. Go play.

I think they've forgiven me for neglecting them. They were a little stingy with the story yesterday, but today seemed to forget they were mad.... we had a pretty exciting morning!

I haven't forgotten my personal history business, but it's like a model plane I began building but had to set aside, without its wings.

This afternoon I spent a few hours transcribing those interviews with my parents from the summer. I love listening to their voices, hearing stories I've never heard, imagining them in their other lives, those aside from being Mama and Daddy.

It takes time, but to me, it's worth it. Their stories are a treasured gift to myself. I need to get this plane off the ground and help others discover the same treasure... the treasure of family stories. So a block of my day, or at least my week, is devoted to it, too.

I'm able to do all of this during the week before Christmas because TG and Daniel helped me decorate the house and tree. My cards are ordered - they'll go out after Christmas, but that's okay - the Christmas season runs into January. The Epiphany.

We have a "no-bought-gift" policy this year, so no frantic last minute shopping for me. The next couple of nights will find me baking cookies, editing and scanning and uploading photos... those are my gifts this year, gifts of my time and cooking and photography, but not I'm stressing or keeping tabs about what doesn't get done.

Why didn't we do this earlier? Somewhere along the way I feel we lost the point of our celebration... the birth of Jesus. 

On the phone with my oldest earlier this week, discussing our Christmas plans, I asked how he felt about not exchanging gifts this year. That triggered a near-rant that made my mother's heart soar, about the over-commercialization of Christmas and extreme emphasis on bought gifts. 

"I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday now... it's all about family and just hanging out with each other. I think that's how Christmas should be, too," he told me.

This isn't a drastic change in attitude for him - even when he was small he didn't ask for much, and when he was older, he scolded me for buying him things he didn't need.

The other two are the same way. I have no idea where their pragmatic, frugal outlook came from - I was a zealous 'gotta have lots under the tree' kind of mom for years and Tom's not much better - but I'm very grateful for their attitude now. Perhaps they just rubbed off on me. 

Those three are my best gifts ever.

Another gift... Tom's Pop is out of the hospital. Still no definite answers till test results arrive next week, though, so we appreciate your continued prayers!

 

 

 

Peanut Butter/Chocolate Bars, a Snow-Squeaky Beach and other Sweet!s of the Week

Wednesday evening I spent an hour sitting at my in-law's dining room table working on a post to update you on our Florida week. I just had one more image to add before I hit 'publish' when Tom's laptop froze on me. As a last ditch effort, I refreshed the page.

Poof! My post vanished! 

Sigh. 

Of course, it was a brilliant post - one of my best ever! Ahem. But I decided playing cards, exploring thrift stores and walking on the beach were more important than trying to remember what I'd written, and I procrastinated re-writing it until now, after a twelve-hour drive home and lugging in all of our suitcases and before starting the laundry.

I'm sure you understand. 

I do recall that Nobel-worthy post had something to do with eating lots of peanut butter and chocolate. In my mother-in-law's kitchen there were these cute little Christmas plates that magically filled with all kinds of cookies overnight. Tom and I did our best to eat them up every day but then, the next morning, it would be overflowing in sweet yummy goodies all over again!

It was so weird!

Christmas magic, I'm sure.

We did more than eat peanut butter and chocolate, though; we played lots of cards... mostly 3-13, a kind of rummy. Tom and his family also play cribbage, but they're so fast at it I'd rather just sit and watch in awe.

One of Tom's eight brothers, Joe, lives near his parents; he and his wife Erin used to live in Texas and we've always had a great time with them. On this trip we trekked through antique/junk shops and along the beach, searching for all different kinds of treasure. We also spent one evening catching up over margaritas and 3-13 (they stomped us!)

Martha Stewart has nothing on Mom and Erin when it comes to Christmas decor. I came home totally inspired to finish my tree and create a beautiful table setting. Both of their houses twinkle in Christmas spirit.

Friday, our last day there, Mom had planned to take us to the infamous McGuires Irish Pub right after Pop had a small test run. Unfortunately, we ended up eating in a hospital cafeteria instead of McGuires. (Barbecued ribs, since you asked. And they were pretty dang good!)

Pop didn't even get any lunch... unless you call the stuff that drips through an IV "lunch".

You see, over the last few years - more frequently in the past few months - Pop has been getting anemic. So anemic that he requires transfusions. On Friday the doctor felt his blood count was low enough that he needed another recharge.

I'm glad Tom and I were able to be there to help them out, at least for a day. And we still had fun with them, playing cards and listening to Pop flirt with the nurses (that old rascal!)

As I write this, he's still in the hospital. We're praying the doctors can figure out why he keeps getting anemic and what to do about it. Please join me! (Thank you!)

And now for my sweet! moments of the week... 

Sunday: your parents-in-law's faces on a long overdue visit; playing 3-13 even if you lose every game; a tree covered in angel ornaments; chocolate and peanut butter bars

Monday: chocolate and peanut butter bars; chocolate and peanut butter bars; chocolate and peanut butter bars; laughing with your brother- and sister-in-law over margaritas and games of 3-13 (even if they always win)

Tuesday: chocolate and peanut butter bars; Tums; running with your sweetie so you can eat more chocolate and peanut butter bars; swingsets sturdy enough for adults; an evening penitential service in a beautiful church

Wednesday: exploring thrift/antique/junk shops with your sweetie, brother- and sister-in-law; Victorian houses draped in Christmas

Thursday: walking on a deserted Pensacola beach with loved ones, searching for shells; your heels sinking deep into squeaky snow white sand; wearing a swimsuit in December; purple beach flowers; finally winning a game of 3-13!

Friday: spending a day laughing and playing cards with your in-laws, even if most of it is spent in the hospital; old globes; watching old episodes of MASH, Taxi, Gomer Pyle, Petticoat Junction...

Saturday: starting off on time for your return trip home; a pre-dawn deserted interstate; sharing a footlong turkey sandwich with your sweetie; your tail-wagging, grinning puppies greeting you when you arrive back home after a week away; the sight of 2/3 of your kids after a long absence; your son helping you out when you're feeling frustrated and exhausted; three paychecks in the mail

Sugar Frosted Mornings and other Sweet!s

I stepped out into a frosted world... even the tops of the cedars sparkled in the first rays of morning light peeking into the Hollow.

The frozen mud crunched with each footstep. Like a tourist with their first glimpse of the Grand Canyon, I snapped photo after photo of crystal-crusted oak leaves, flowers, blades of grass, juniper berries,bits of dried wood and mud...

I've barely looked at my photos, though... Tom and I are headed to Florida to visit his parents, leaving our capable kids to take care of the house and dogs, and I've had too many stray to-do's I needed to round up before leaving.

I fell into a funk earlier this week, much like the fog that replaced those sparkling frosty mornings. Too much stress, too little sleep, worries over families or friends or finances... who knows what pulled me into that internal fog, but I took my own advice, counted my blessings, prayed, and just marched on ahead, knowing a clear blue sky waited just behind the cloud. 

It helped when I read these lines on The Blue Muse...

Whatever the reason, I feel calm and centered and as if I am basking in the glow of something wonderful.

I think I’ll wrap a bit of this glow up in a big old box, tie it with a very old, very pretty ribbon, and send it out to the world.

When it comes your way, I hope you’ll open it, take a big deep breath, and then send it back out with a smile.

Her words were my deep breath; when I exhaled, I could feel the shift back to center inside and the glow of the something wonderful she spoke of. I'm sending it back out, now, with a smile, in case there's someone else who needs that light.

I finally began decorating the house for Christmas Friday, memories spilling out of the boxes with each Santa or snowman I unpacked. In the past few years I've held back, only pulling out a fraction of my decorations, but this year I'm setting out every Christmas beany baby, every spray-painted glitter-sprinkled pine cone "tree", every crocheted Santa kiss and snowflake and angel, every ceramic fundraiser Nativity scene...

So now my house is splashed in Christmas kitsch and I love it. It wraps around me like a worn warm quilt I once thought of tossing out but now can't bear to part with.

I sit here now in a quiet house, after a day at work and then two Christmas parties... gatherings with dear friends I don't see often enough... trying to finish this post I started days ago. Beds are filled with people near to my heart, worn out from the week or maybe from dancing, but I'm still wide awake, savoring the sweetness... 

Sunday: receiving a blessing from your congregation; dancing a waltz, the Cotton-Eyed Joe, the Schottisch and the Twist, all in one night; Rudy's barbecue 

Monday: gratitude on your puppies' faces for letting them sleep inside on a cold, wet night 

Tuesday: homemade pizza; a Christmas party at a winery

Wednesday: frosty mornings; finally getting caught up on a week's worth of emails

Thursday: the first touch of the sun on autumn leaves; hamburgers grilled by your son; a surprise ornament from a friend waiting for you in the mailbox; visiting with friends in the church parking lot

Friday: morning fog gathered in a hollow; your neighbor's dog, recovering from being hit by a truck, actually running again... or at least trying to; keeping promises; your son helping you unpack Christmas and drape it around the house

Saturday: a walk with your puppies and sweetie before heading off to work; a customer taking the time to sing your praises to your supervisor; celebrating the season by gathering with friends and dancing in an airplane hangar; hugging 2/3 of your kids

Belated Sweet: your sister giving you the teapot your grandmother used almost every day for 60 years or so 

Wishing you a week full of sweet! moments!

A Birthday, a Graduation and Texas Heaven...

We let Max sleep inside the past two nights. Belle, too, of course, although it was more for Max's sake than hers. They have a large dog house, nestled up against the house and the hill, protected from the elements, but even though temperatures were just in the low forties Sunday night, it was bone-chilling damp and he's an old dog with sore joints.

So I found an old comforter and Daniel spread it in on the floor of the laundry room. Comfy cozy and warm.

Then yesterday morning I discovered Max isn't the only one with old achy, slow-moving bones and joints. The winter chill seems to be affecting my computer, too! (You thought I was going to say it was me, didn't you?)

Tom asked me to scan and email him some documents for our health insurance... would you believe it took me over 40 minutes to scan three photos!

Forty minutes to scan 3 photos!!

My old computer was moving so slow I knew I had to do something, so instead of finishing up the editing of my last photo shoot, as I'd planned, plus catching up on my blog reading, blog writing, book writing, personal history transcribing, etc. etc, I went down the list of installed programs, files and folders with a virtual pair of scissors, Googling the ones I wasn't sure about and getting rid of everything I didn't absolutely need.

Six hours and a couple of defrags later, I gained 3% of my free space back. It was still as slow as ever, but I still felt like I had accomplished something, like that feeling you get when you finally clean out your kitchen junk drawer.

You know, if you keep a computer long enough, and your entire family uses it, it essentially does resemble a junk drawer or storage closet... a repository of all kinds of odds and ends no one needs or uses anymore.

Anyway, I also finished up the editing of my last photo shoot and emailed them to my friend/client so she could get her Christmas cards ordered, although I had to stay up really late to finish it. It was worth it just to help her out... and also for that awesome feeling of finishing something!

It's a rare thing for me; I hope to get more acquainted with it!

The only thing I accomplished this past weekend was spending lots of time with friends and family... even though it means I'm behind on everything else, it was another awesome feeling! 

First came the celebration of my first baby Tommy's 26th birthday. It was just like his birthday parties in the old days: lots of pizza... ice cream cake... singing Happy Birthday off-key... kids sleeping over, staying up all night playing video games and watching movies...

...except this time the "kids" were drinking wine and beer, not just soda. My how time flies!

Me and my sweet boy.

After working at the Bistro Saturday, I rushed home, changed clothes and met Daniel and Tom downtown for Daniel's friend Austin's graduation from UT...

Here, let me zoom in a little more.

See how happy he is?

Afterwards, we joined Austin's parents and some of the boys' friends at Asti (above) for a scrumptious Italian dinner. We arrived a little early, so I filled the time strolling down the street, snapping photos.

Look, someone knitted scarfs for the street posts! (To see more of these scarves, plus other night street scenes, go HERE.)

 

 

Sunday night Tom and I went to our church Christmas party. I look forward to it every year... we get yummy Rudy's Bar-B-Q and a wide open dance floor.

My idea of Texas heaven!

With the busy weekend, I neglected to check and charge my camera battery before we left. Of course it died before I could get any photos of the great dancers, but I did manage to get this one.

I want one of these shirts!

I smudged their name tags to protect the innocent. (You're welcome, Joan and Sherry!)

It was a wonderful weekend, and I think I appreciated it even more because through it all I was praying for a friend who underwent surgery for cancer on Friday, a friend who lost his mother on Saturday, a high school classmate who died on Friday, and fellow parishioners who rushed from the Christmas party Sunday evening when they got word their house was on fire. It burned to the ground; they didn't just lose all of their belongings, but also their dog. Just breaks my heart. Please say a prayer for each of them.

So I hope you had a wonderful weekend, too... but mostly I hope you didn't take a single second of it for granted. 

26 Sweets (and then some)

 

I was 26.

I had felt the life inside of me, kicking my ribs, pressing on my bladder. Had heard the amplified swoosh swoosh of the heartbeat in the doctor's office. Had spent all night and most of the morning gritting my teeth and breathing heh-heh-heh through the waves of pain.

And then, there you were. My baby boy. 

They wrapped you in blue blankets, covered your head to keep it warm, and placed you in my nervous arms. 

I'd never held a baby this small before. Never even changed a diaper. How could I be a mother? What if I hurt you? The feeling swelled up from deep inside... I would die if anything happened to you. The strength of that thought overwhelmed me. The truth of it rang in my heart, through my bones and every pore of my body.

Your tiny face, so close to mine. Eyes tinted blue, bottomless pools that gazed into mine, full of all the wisdom of the world. I fell into those eyes, felt the miracle and mystery of life, all God-doubts forgotten. I was forever changed. 

Happy 26th birthday, Tommy! Meeting you and watching you grow into the man you've become has been one of the sweetest adventures of my life! 

And now for a few sweet moments from the past week...

Sunday: weddings and cake balls; a clear night sky full of stars; the glow of porch light when you get home late at night

Monday: warm jackets on frosty autumn mornings; working at home so you can take drum-playing breaks

Tuesday: your old puppy well enough, not only just to walk, but to run a little and play with his little sister; a church busy with helping hands

Wednesday: a fire in the woodburning stove on a cold morning; a few seconds in a clearing in the woods, just breathing; witnessing the Holy Spirit at work; news that your father-in-law is better and out of the hospital

Thursday: a card in the mail from a friend, just because it made her think of you; editing photos on your son's faster computer and larger monitor

Friday: sitting on the back porch, sipping coffee, watching waves of misty rain parade past; good news on a friend's major surgery; singing happy birthday to your son and thinking of all of the other birthdays gone by; a house full of twenty-somethings

Saturday: a house full of twenty-somethings; chatting with your oldest on the morning of his 26th birthday, wishing him happy birthday face-to-face

Hope you all have had a week full of sweet! moments, too!

And Tommy, I'm hoping 26 is as sweet for you as it was for me!

 

Ssssh! Don't Tell my Mom! (plus the Shutterfly winners)

Life has gotten crazy busy.

My oldest son and his girlfriend are heading here this evening, joined by a few of his 'old' college buddies who are driving in from Dallas. Tomorrow is his birthday and he's letting me celebrate it with him for the first time in years and years... well, since he left home for college. It will be a late night celebration, and simple. Just pizza and ice cream cake. But it will warm my heart getting to see him (briefly) on his actual birthday tomorrow.

However, come to think of it, it might only be his sleeping 26-year-old face I get to see; I have to leave for work relatively early and they'll probably stay up late tonight, which means they'll sleep in before heading out for another celebration downtown tomorrow night.

But I'll take what I can get and be grateful!

So... today I'm cleaning house. Not just a room here or there, but the whole dang thing, top to bottom. As soon as I finish with my writing duties, I'm going to put something energetic and old (like me) on the stereo... something like KC and the Sunshine Band or James Brown or Elvis... and become a dancing, singing, cleaning, whirling dervish.

I'm hoping to finish in time to drop in on a Christmas Bunco party tonight and visit with women I never get to see anymore before running back home to greet my oldest baby. Then there's work at the Bistro, a college graduation and more Christmas parties on this week's calendar, plus decorations and cards and photo editing and writing assignments hovering over my head. 

Which means something's gotta give, and as usual, it's sleep... enough that those little dark circles are appearing under my eyes.  I've also missed a couple of workouts this week because of extra jobs that popped up, blessings I can't turn down.

But please don't tell my mom - she'll worry. And don't tell my kids - I'm always nagging them to make sure they get enough sleep. Oh, they'd love to throw this back on me!

One thing I'm not cutting out - not yet, anyway - is my morning walk. Before it was even light this morning, Belle appeared at the window next to my computer, begging to get started. Max stood a few steps behind her... a black patch on the dark porch... and that was unusual; he usually lets her do the begging alone, happy to relax in his bed on the front porch until I step out the door.

I could hear the rain hitting the roof. I guess they were as relieved and excited by the steady, light rain as I was... and I was glad they were eager for a walk. Cool, rainy days are the most beautiful when you're out in them, wrapped in a warm jacket and protected from total drenching by an umbrella. Colors deepen - greens, browns, golds, rusts - and everything glistens, bedazzled in crystal drops. 

No photographs. It was too wet to risk my camera. Belle's begging at the window again now, though, and the rain has stopped. Perhaps I'll wander out with my camera before I get busy cleaning and capture some of the rain bling...

But then... that's why my house is so dirty. All those, "But first..."s.

Ah, well. I'll just go ahead and share a couple I took the last time it rained and get busy cleaning...

And now, I won't drag it out any longer. Here are the winners of the Shutterfly card giveaway... 

Congratulations to Hilary at The Smitten Image, Gail at Louisiana Belle and Walker at A Woman's Page! I'll send you each the codes for your free 25 cards!

I wish everyone who entered could have won. I really hate leaving people out and I loved hearing all of your sweet! moments. Thanks for sharing them!

 

In the Clearing

Standing in the clearing, just standing there breathing and listening to bird song and puppy scuffles, I feel them sprouting in my head, fed by the sunshine and fresh air and stillness.

So many thoughts popping up... brilliant, original thoughts blossoming like beautiful flowers never before seen by anyone. I gather them into a bouquet to share with you, but by the time I get home, words like petals have drifted away from me, lost forever, and I'm left holding only wilted, spent blooms.

Perhaps that's all they were to begin with. They just looked more beautiful in the sunshine.

One thought lingered this morning, though... not quite as splendid as it seemed in the clearing, but a hint of color remained...

It was actually an image that popped in my head of a child walking along, gazing in wonder at the world, feeling safe and oblivious to danger because she held her father's hand. She was free to watch the sun paint treetops golden and patches of blue sky break through orange-tipped morning clouds because he guided her steps and protected her.

Lately lots of little things have tried to sneak onto my shoulders. Nothing big and in-your-face that rev up your adrenaline, but just little ones that drain your strength... worries about friends and family and finances, mostly.

But as soon as that image popped up, I felt the weight fly away; I knew I was that child holding God's hand as I walked through the clearing. Just as I held tight to my children's hands, took care of them, guided them, protected them, he does the same to me, allowing me to wander and enjoy the flowers, the sky, the sunrise and sunset.

Others are struggling with much weightier issues than I am. At times I'm ashamed of my weakness and amazed at their strength, but this morning I gave thanks for my weakness that sends me scurrying early on for the strength and tenderness in God's hand.