Long Hollow

The Sugar on Top, Part 2 - Happy 80th Birthday, Mom!

Today is my beautiful mother-in-law's 80th birthday. She didn't want a big celebration, although she deserves it after raising nine boys into nine wonderful men.

...Probably because that would tempt all nine boys plus their families to converge on her house (or nearby vicinity) all at once...and even for a wonderful mother, that's a lot of family to take all at once, especially after the year she's had.

She lost Pop in August, after a big reunion in July where almost all of the brothers overlapped in Florida for at least a day, celebrating Pop's 80th birthday and two brothers' 50th birthdays. Everyone converged again to celebrate his life at a beautiful wake and stayed as long as they could to help Mom get things settled. 

While she's always amazed me (can you imagine raising nine boys?) her grace and strength over the past year have been such an inpiration to me. But then, from the moment I met Tom almost thirty-two years ago, Mom has been teaching me about faith and hope. Thanks to her gentle guidance, I eventually converted to Catholicism, although I knew she would love and accept me whether I did or not.

Instead of one big celebration for her birthday, she's getting a few mini-celebrations over the month. One son visited last week and Tom is there now, along with two other sons (one lives nearby) and our son Daniel. I'm sure the days have been filled with plenty of cribbage and 3-13, and the requisite name-calling and cussing that goes along with the competition.

She may be joyful and quick with a hug, but watch out for her when you're playing cards!

I would love to be able to give her a big hug and let her stomp me as usual in 3-13 today, but I'm just grateful I was able to share Tommy's wedding with her last month, where she danced with her sons, grandsons, and even the bride.

Now here I am, a mother-in-law myself. If I'm only half as good at it as Mom has been, my daughter-in-law is a lucky woman. I learned from the best.

Happy 80th birthday, Mom. Thank you for embracing me as your daughter all those years ago...for all the hugs and help...and especially for your grace and strength that comes from your immense faith. I love you!

A mom's hug lasts long after she lets go.  ~Author Unknown

 

For more about Mom, read The Sugar on Top, Part 1.

Raindrops and Photo Shoots

Saturday morning I woke to the sound of rain. Lots and lots of rain. I staggered to my computer and pulled up radar of our area.

A huge green and yellow blob was blinking its way straight for us. A blessing for sure in this time of drought, two days in a row of serious rainfall, but dang it, I had a photo shoot scheduled that morning.

It wasn't supposed to rain, according to the weather forecast.

But it was raining. All I could do was call off the shoot, hope to reschedule, give thanks for the rain, and crawl back into bed. I was disappointed, but sleeping in on a rainy morning is pretty sweet, don't you agree?

Making it even sweeter was being able to reschedule the shoot for yesterday evening and having the weather cooperate. We didn't even let the fact that dozens of other people decided to celebrate Memorial Day in the little park where we'd planned the shoot, swimming all around the little dam and waterfall that was supposed to be a pristine backdrop. We just carried on as planned.

So far I'm very pleased with the shots and I think my clients will be, too!

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past week...

 

 

Monday: spotting a great blue heron soaring over the Hollow through the french doors; the first tiny bud on your miniature rosebush; a day with no makeup; hummingbirds

Tuesday: helping your co-worker explain the relationship of Catholics and saints to his non-Catholic sister-in-law and having her say "That makes sense."; seeing a friend and her family at work; hearing of miracles on a sad day; being able to talk to your mom and sister about anything; hearing that your neighbor's lost dog wandered back home, safe and sound; new tires on your car, thanks to your husband; the call of a Chuck-Will's-Widow

Wednesday: cotton-tailed rabbits and white-tailed deer on your morning walk; Greek pizza; seventy-year-old newlyweds; a dog's tail wagging at the sight of you; punk-rocking teenager cardinals; the silence of the woods; progress on one of your books

Thursday: a high-five from your allergy/asthma doctor; typing 74 wpm and making a 96 on an employment spelling test; a hug from your baby girl; Chuy's creamy jalapeno dip and tortilla soup; a call from your mom; a thoughtful card in the mailbox from a dear friend; your son's wedding video; painted buntings; playing your drums 

Friday: remembering your puppies' heart and flea protection; much-needed rain in your Hollow; the relief and gratitude in your puppies' eyes when you let them be house dogs during a thunderstorm; your mom calling to warn you about severe thunderstorms headed your way

Saturday: roadrunners; a second day of much-needed rain; a full moon over a vineyard; wedding cake; a midnight serenade, courtesy of happy frogs

Sunday: the sound of a waterfall; brunch, wine, and a long visit with a dear friend while being the customer instead of the server for a change; a visit from your oldest baby; your youngest calling to check on you; making it to your writing critique group

Monday: your photo chosen for a Mortal Muses Mosaic; watching the new Star Trek movie with 1/2 of your kids; popcorn for lunch; a photo shoot with a beautiful, fun family

Tuesday: summer mornings; watching your old puppy swim across a pond; shopping with your baby girl; a long phone call with a dear friend

I hope sweet! moments rained down on you all last week and overflow into the next!

(I'd love to hear about some of yours! Please share them in the comments.)

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow Morning...

 

 

"Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same." ~

Patty Loveless, "How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye"

That Memorial Day weekend in 1998 was one of the best we'd ever had. We had laughed with friends and danced to Johnny Dee and the Rocket 88's. Spent a glorious day swimming in a private stretch of the pristine San Marcos River with our kids and friends. 

We were young and happy and blessed, living in Paradise in the Texas Hill Country, preparing to build our dream home. We thought the tough times were behind us. 

But fifteen years ago tomorrow morning, the phone woke me.  A nurse on the other end let me know Tom was lucky to be alive. He was in Brackenridge Hospital, preparing for surgery. She urged me to get there as fast as possible.

It had only taken a split second for us to be pushed along paths we didn't want to travel. Our lives changed. We ourselves changed.

But then, that's what journeys do to you, and what is Life but one long journey? How dull a trip would be if the scenery always stayed the same. Unfortunately, on every trip, there's good scenery and there's bad scenery.

The potential for change is constant. Some of it we have control over. Big decisions like dropping out of college. Getting married. Having children. Moving to a new town.

But even little ones can trigger huge changes. Having one more drink. Angry words you can't take back. An opportunity you let slip by without grabbing it. Saying "yes" when you should say "no", or the other way around.

Perhaps it's unfair that we can't control what other people do, even though their decisions can send us reeling. We didn't know the kid who hit Tom head-on that morning, but even if we did, we couldn't have stopped him from making one bad decision after another.

All we can really do is pray for guidance in our own decisions and be sure they are rooted in love, with a desire that God's will be done.

We can't waste our time worrying about the changes ahead of us. All we can do when the road turns unexpectedly is what we did back then...count our blessings and carry on, noticing the beauty on the new path before us. Because it's there.

When you find it, don't take it for granted, thinking it will be there forever. Relish it, cherish it, soak it up, because, after all, life's about changes. It can be no other way.

Happy 15th anniversary of your second chance, Tom!

Through the ups and down that have been, and the inevitable ones to come,
remember my love is constant.

Five Things from La-La Land

Linking with A Rural Journal's Random 5 Friday 

 

1. 

 

This card, full of words of love and encouragement and inspiration, waited for me in the mailbox earlier this week, a precious gift from my friend Rae. 

How could I not share them with you, because the words are true for all of us, aren't they? Take a minute to read them and believe them. You are very special.

Thank you again, sweet Rae!

 

2.

In a previous life, Jeannie was my kids' high school Spanish teacher. A few years ago she retired to follow her dream of becoming a missionary in Honduras through SAMSUSA.org.

I subscribe to her newsletters and in today's I found this note that made me really stop and think. I thought it was worth sharing with you, too...

 

Dear Mission Partners,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what we pray for. I hear so many people resolve their problems and say, Oh, if God would just.....let me pass the exam, give me the dream job I want.... everything would be good and I could handle it from there. We want Him to hand our desires to us and back off. We want the control back. We think we know what’s best for us. When he doesn’t answer our prayer we feel abandoned. God doesn’t care.

We often never consider that He has other plans for us, probably much better plans that we have concocted to solve our problems and make us happy. Usually he makes us wait for His plans and the waiting is very hard when we see our solution just within our grasp. The solution is so obvious! Why won’t He just give it to us?

His plans are so much more comprehensive than our solutions. We don’t see His huge map. Like Sara with Abraham, we tire of waiting and substitute our plans for His. But the true solution is His. What we have done in the meantime may only complicate things.

I’m pretty clear on what I want. I work toward it and pray I am in line with what He wants. But I am praying that His Will, not mine, be done. I am praying to be obedient. Because I know He’s in control. And I have found his plans to be much better than mine. For His Sake,

Jeannie 

Jeannie does amazing work there with the poverty-stricken, transporting children to doctor's visits, among tons of other things. If you're interested in donating to support her mission, send me an email and I'll send you hers.

 

3.

"If you're lost and alone...or you're sinking like a stone...carry on.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on."

~ Fun

Speaking of inspiring and energizing things, Fun. was on the Today Show this morning. This song has been in my head all day. (I'm not complaining!)

 

 

4.

It rained all day today, and I didn't mind a bit because I had no where to go. That's one of the good things about not having a real job beyond writing and a fledgling photography company. (The bad thing about it is the lack of a paycheck, of course.)

Anyway, rain makes me pensive, so I flipped through a few of the journals where I noted details of our lives for about twenty-five years. 

There were some tough times, I'll tell you, but one thing I noticed was how I always ended with a positive note...using words like 'faith' and 'prayer' and 'blessings'. I remember some of those times vividly, the ache and the worry and the fogginess of the road ahead of us.

I love seeing it from this perspective, how the paths opened up and the sun came out again. I was reminded again that God has a plan, that he's got our backs, which is a helpful reminder right now when the road ahead has gone all foggy again.

Tom says I live in La-La Land, where there's always a silver lining and everything is hunky-dory. He says it like it's a bad thing.

But if we've prayed for God's guidance and truly trust him, how can we not think everything is hunky-dory, even if we can't see it from where we're standing at the moment?

 

 

5.

The proof of that hit home when I read through my notes written during my oldest son's heartwrenching high school years...and compare them to the joy and love I see on his face in the short video below of The. Most. Beautiful. Wedding. Ever. Amen. by amazing videographer Adam Grumbo. (I can't wait for the full video!) 

My prayers of so long ago have been answered. My mother-tears were not in vain.

(It takes a minute to buffer, so take my advice -  go grab a tissue while it loads...)

 

Dusk

Lately, when dusk falls, it finds me taking a break from the computer, folded into my rocking chair on the front porch, Belle snoozing beside me, camera at the ready, glass of wine in hand.

It's a transitional moment between day and night. The front porch faces east, so there's no dramatic sunset, just a quiet hush and shadow settling over the woods. A breeze floats through, tickling the wind chimes.

The Mexican Jays take their turn at the birdfeeder before calling it a night, relinquishing control of the feeder to the cardinal family.

Baby cardinal has turned into Punk-Rocker Teenager cardinal, full of spunk, but wary of me. Dad flies in every so often, but I haven't seen Mom lately.

I hope she's okay.

A squirrel tiptoes close to get a drink of water from our pie plate bird bath, keeping a wary eye on me. One last drink before heading to bed. 

I try to quiet the voices and noises in my head so I can listen to the woods. The buzz of insects. Belle's rhythmic breathing. A peep, peep from somewhere, then, as dusk deepens, I hear the Chuck-Will's-Widow, so like a Whippoorwill's song that I mistook it for one for years.

A mosquito buzzes in my ear and I wave my magic yellow bracelet at it. Take that, sucker! The buzzing stops. It's a miracle! I'm so glad I spotted these yellow bracelets in our grocery store. It's like wearing a citronella candle, and they seem to work, if you can stand the smell. Just 99 cents. I plan to load up on them. 

Belle sighs in her sleep. The shadows deepen and the buzzing gets closer. I haven't seen the cardinals in awhile. I picture Teenager snuggling into the nest between his mom and dad, not quite as tough as he wanted me to believe. 

Time to go inside and get back to work.

 

Longhorns and other sweet!s

 

 

Yesterday I helped a friend celebrate her son Ryan's graduation from the University of Texas. 

We enjoyed beer, barbecue, and a cake decorated like Big Bertha, the large drum wheeled around at halftime performances, because Ryan was on the Big Bertha team for the Longhorn Band.

I got to see all of my kids and spend time with friends in a beautifully landscaped backyard close enough to campus to see the fireworks through the trees at the end of the ceremony. 

It was a very sweet! day!

(We watched the ceremony itself on television in the air-conditioned comfort of the house, and I'm glad because summer has officially arrived in Austin, Texas. Whew! That was sweet!, too!)

Here are some others from the last half of the week. (I'm trying to stay on track now!)

Wednesday: being able to wish your husband a happy birthday; chocolate torte

Thursday: getting a parking spot downtown when you need it; hanging out in a genealogy library; dinner with your son; the floppy ears on German Shepherd puppies; attending a panel on writing with your son

 

Friday: a call from a dear friend; Panda Express fortunes that come true; bumping into a friend in Walmart; the smell of warm brownies; the taste of warm brownies 

Saturday: celebrating a friend's son's graduation from the University of Texas; Rudy's Barbecue; getting to see all of your kids  

 

Sunday: your friend sneaking into Mass even later than you; a bee buzzing up to a Texas Thistle just as you snap the photo, even if it makes you jump; spotting a Green Heron in a tree down the creek

 

I hope you've had a week full of sweet! moments. If you find yourself getting down, start looking for them. They're there, just waiting to be noticed, and it's one of the best ways to climb out of the dumps! (The absolute best is helping someone else, of course.)

What was one of the sweetest moments of your past week?

Five Things on a Friday Night. And a Puppy.

 

1.

You know you're getting old when, instead of taking friends up on an invitation to listen to live music on a Friday night after work, you walk your friend's dogs, eat dinner alone at Panda Express, pick up a few things at Walmart, and make brownies for your friend's son's college graduation party on Saturday.

And then write a blog post about it.

 

2. 

 

Nothing smells better than brownies baking in the oven. Amen.

 

3.

 

The fortune in my cookie at Panda Express read: "A pleasant surprise is in store for you." Sure enough, within the hour, I was standing in the check-out line at Walmart when a familiar voice said, "Barbara?"

It was the former high school librarian who I loved working with as a substitute assistant and who loved having my son as her aide. I haven't seen her in ages.

It truly was a very, very, very pleasant surprise. (But how did Panda Express know? It's almost creepy!)

 

4.

 

One of the feral cats that adopted my parents has disappeared. They believe it died.

When I was there for Mother's Day, it had tucked itself into a tight spot between the house and the deck. It was too wild for them to catch. Daddy just made sure it had food and water nearby, but it had no appetite.

They had enjoyed watching that cat sleep on the deck (and try to catch birds at the feeder and bath - sometimes successfully) for over a year.

She was a pretty little thing, and they forgave her for trying to kill (and succeeding in killing) the birds, and scaring the squirrels away.

It makes me so sad for them. 

 

5.

 

I attended a Writer's League of Texas panel on magazine writing last night. Four writers shared their experiences: Sarah Bird, Chuck Eddy, Alicia Dennis, and Michael Hall.

In a nutshell I learned that magazine writing used to be a great gig, but that it's getting harder and harder to make a living at it because so many magazines have folded, so much is online now, and there are tons of writers doing it for next-to-nothing...or nothing, period. 

The writers were all really interesting and funny, and still all actively writing for publications, including People and Texas Monthly, but overall it was kind of sad and bittersweet.

So don't you think it's ironic that I want to do it even more after listening to them talk about it?

P.S.

 

Before the magazine panel, Daniel and I ate at Opal Divine's. This little Mini-Max and his mom sat near us, and, oh! he stole my heart!

I'm going to post more street photos on Confessions, but had to share Augie with you here, too.

I think I want a puppy.

Happy Birthday, anyway, Tom!

When the rain started around 3 am, pounding on the house like we were under a giant faucet, Tom remembered he left his car windows down. A mad dash in the rain up the hill in the middle of the night isn't the greatest way to start your birthday. 

I think the worst of it came through our area just as he left for work. I prayed for his angels to stick close to him while he maneuvered the wet highways in his little Suzuki Samurai, trying not to think of another wet May morning in 1998 that changed our lives.

He'll be working late tonight (still catching up from those days off for the wedding) and so we have no special plans. Last night he met the boys for beer and pizza after work, though. His kind of celebration, for sure.

Before writing this, I glanced over some other posts I wrote in honor of his birthday. I had to shake my head when reading this in Grateful for #53:

So I wasn't surprised when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said: "Don't get me anything. Just pay off the credit cards." 

I'm trying. I've made progress. Substantial progress. But it's a constant tug between needs, wants and finances, a battle we're intimately familiar with - we've been a mostly one-income family since soon after we married, when he quit work to go to college. We just switched places after our youngest was born. 

Now that we're Empty Nesters, I've doubled my "paid" hours. The catch is, without a college degree, my pay ... and my choices ... are limited. I try to make up for both - the pay and the fulfillment - with my writing. Blogging brings in a little bit of money; my play and my book, not so much ... yet. I joke that they're our retirement plan - once they're finished, I'll make a million dollars and we can both retire. But the only way that can happen is if I write, and the trick there is finding time to write. Between the 'paid' job and life, there's not much time left without dipping into my sleep, and when I skimp on sleep ... well, I'm back where I started, full circle: Tom worries. About me.

But I haven't given up. If being broke and juggling finances for years has taught me anything, it's to be creative and frugal. Being frugal just gets so tiring. But Tom's worth it. 

I feel bad that I won't be able to give him what he asked for this year, but I'll do my best for #54. I have a feeling he'll be asking for the same thing, anyway."

I shook my head because he still hasn't gotten this wish. But I haven't given up doing my part to see it come true by finding a job that will do more than slow the sinking. I know it's out there!

(Are you hiring? Contact me! I can do anything - seriously!)

Anyway, I'm wishing my dear husband sunshine on his birthday, even if it's only in his heart and not in the sky. A lightness and sense of hope that comes from faith. And I'm giving him all of my love, as always, and thanking God for letting me share my life with him for so long. 

Happy 56th birthday, Tom!

 

Mother's Day and A Sweet Confession

Here it is, my confession: I've fallen out of the habit of looking for those sweet! moments in every day. It hasn't been too much of a problem until now, what with The Wedding and Mother's Day and all, because they overflowed in sweetness.

But today. Ah, today. A Monday by any other name would still be a Monday, if you know what I mean. So even though the calendar said it was Tuesday, once I stepped into the winery this morning, I knew it was really a Monday, with all of its Murphy's Law madness. 

Nothing big. Just one little thing after another that kept me a little grumpy all day, and now here I sit with brain freeze, needing to pay bills and finish laundry, wanting to work on my book, but overwhelmed with...everything.

I just want to climb in bed and forget about today.

That's what happens when I stop really paying attention to the sweet!s. 

So for my peace of mind I need to walk backward through the day with open eyes and find those sweet!s I was too blind to notice earlier.

...First of all, after writing that first part I took a break out on the porch swing, letting the evening breeze ruffle my hair, imagining it filtering into my brain and cleaning out the cobwebs.

A cedar tree creaked in the wind, the leaves rustled, my wind chimes played in harmony with the evening songbirds. Belle and Max lay nearby, eyes open, just listening with me. 

No matter what else happened today, that was all pretty sweet!

But my day began with a sunrise walk with my life-loving puppies. Besides all of the yellow flowers, prairie verbena, and Indian Blankets that are blooming right now, the cactus are dotted with delicate yellow flowers that should have reminded me that sweet! moments can transform the thorniest of days.

 

And then there was Mother's Day.

Over the weekend, I saw all three of my kids, plus my mom. Not all at the same time, but I'm grateful for what I can get!

Friday night my oldest came to see us, bearing gifts from their honeymoon adventures in Italy. He brought me a bottle of wine from one of the vineyards they visited in Tuscany and this gorgeous bracelet from Venice made of Murano glass beads.

 

I always regretted not buying some of that beautiful glass on my own trip in 1976. 

 

Thank you, Tommy and Kirby! (How did they know?)

I stayed up later than I intended, listening to Tommy's stories from Italy, making him look at my old Italy photos from '76, laughing over funny videos, and watching (dozing through) an episode of Game of Thrones, but it was worth losing a few hours of sleep.

Saturday morning I dropped groceries off for TG who was in the middle of finals (and got a quick hug) then picked up my middle one for a road trip to Houston to spend Mother's Day with my mom.

We celebrated with lots of family over lunch on Sunday at an Italian restaurant. 

(I forgot to get one of Mama with the grandkids until she was already in the car. But I love it!)

Daniel gave me an updated version of my absolute favorite cookbook - Cooking Texas Style. I ordered mine out of Country Living magazine back in 1983. Its pages are smudged and worn from use.

This latest version is not only cleaner, but it has all of my old favorites, plus a bunch of new recipes I can't wait to try!

 

Thank you, Daniel!

And now, the Squirrel.

Every time I drive to Houston I pass this huge squirrel at the Berdoll Pecan & Gift Company outside of Bastrop...and I always wish I had stopped and gotten a photo of it. 

Okay, with it.

So this time I did.

 

And bless his heart, Daniel agreed to be in the photo with me since there was a couple who could take the photo for us.

I am one lucky mom!

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past few weeks that I actually did jot down, but I don't think I officially posted...

Seeing an owl swoop past at dusk; the Hoary Bat; fireflies; finally watching the Hunger Games movie with your son; getting a score of 26 in a game of 3-13 with your mother-in-law; a mani-pedi; your own cowgirl boots courtesy of your sweet friends; hummingbirds; a friend's help on the centerpieces for your son's rehearsal dinner; dancing at your son's wedding; YOUR SON'S WEDDING!; photo-booth pictures; keeping up with the honeymoon via Instagram and Facebook; chocolate-covered strawberries; spending a week with your grandpuppy; a free prime rib dinner with friends; wildflowers lining the road

I hope you pay attention to the sweet!s in your week! I'm going to make sure I do!

 

 

Five Things on Friday

1.

 

Remember this old farmhouse? I pass it on my way to work at the winery.

It's weathered, but has wonderful stonework on and around it, a working windmill (at least it spins!) and outbuildings oozing in character. As far as I could tell it was abandoned, which made me sad, so I wrote about it HERE.

But guess what? I've been training a young woman whose family actually lives next door to it.

They own and operate a youth camp across the road, and as it turns out, they also own the old house and the surrounding property. She says their dream is to renovate it and convert it to a tea house/bed and breakfast.

Yay! I'm so glad. 

 

2. 

My house smells like dog. Old dirty, country dog, to be specific.

Thunderstorms rolled through last night, continuing into the morning, so we let Belle and Max be house dogs for awhile. They're restricted to the downstairs (concrete floor.) The laundry room has a rug, though, and I spread a light blanket out just at the bottom of the stairs. 

Tom didn't think that was enough. This morning I discovered he put some cushions from our old pop-up trailer down, then re-spread the blanket over them. 

And he says I'm the soft one.

Of course, Josie, the princess grandpuppy, slept upstairs on the couch. In my defense, she's relatively clean. She learned early on that if she got wet or rolled in the mud on her visits, that she wouldn't be allowed in the house.

My dogs would choose rolling in the mud over sleeping in the house. They're happiest outside...except during thunderstorms.

(Another round is on top of us now! We need the rain, but I sure hope we don't get the damaging hail folks farther west got last night!)

3. 

My daughter-in-law sent me the link to the wedding photographs last night. All 600+ of them. I spent two hours clicking on each and every one. And smiling. I wish I could afford to buy them all and share them with you!

 

 

4. 

Our loquat tree is dotted with fruit. It's the grandbaby of one that stood in the front yard of the house we lived in when each of our children were born, and where they spent the first few years of their lives...and the child of one that grew from a cutting in my parents' front yard, tempting neighborhood kids who passed on the nearby sidewalk.

 

 

It's the last of its line. A hard freeze killed the grandmother and I'm not sure what happened to the mother. But thanks to Daddy, they live on with us.

 

 5.

A squirrel mom took a liking to Tom's GMC truck and built a nest there for her babies.

We're just leaving them alone for now and praying they don't chew up any wires...or that the dogs don't chew up the truck trying to get to the squirrels, like they did on Tom's other truck.

Sigh.

That's life in the country.

Linking with

Random 5 Friday at A Rural Journal

 

 

Rambling about Dogs, Children, and Butterflies

 

The sun still yawned under a light gray blanket this morning when the puppies and I headed out for our walk.

Josie, my grandpuppy, took the lead as usual; she's still excited about her visit to the country. Belle, my sweet companion, fell into step near me. She never strays too far from my side for long. Max lagged behind, probably worn out from trying to keep up with the youngsters all week.

Tomorrow evening my son, the newlywed, will be coming to take Josie home. I'll miss that little girl. We've had some great conversations and cuddle-time, but I look forward to seeing Tommy and hearing about their adventures in Italy.

This will be my Mother's Day visit from him, since I'll be in Houston visiting my mother on Sunday. I'll probably see the other two on Saturday. One might even travel with me to Houston, but it's still kind of iffy.

When the kids all lived at home, Mother's Day morning found me lying in bed, pretending to be asleep, listening to pans banging and Tom coaching them through fixing me a big bacon, eggs, and toast breakfast.

But once they started leaving the nest, it was rare to see them - especially all three at once - much less have a kid-cooked breakfast, because college finals usually fell around Mother's Day. 

But I'm grateful I can spend that special day with my mom, trying to make up for way too many Mother's Days that I spent with my friends on a Galveston beach instead of with her. (Kids! Sigh.)

I also go see her because it would be wrong not to, when so many of you would give anything to be able to tell your moms Happy Mother's Day in person, just one more time.

Anyway, back to this morning's walk...

I spotted a butterfly clinging to a low juniper branch. It fluttered a bit but stayed put as I snapped one photo after another, drawing ever closer.

The fact that it didn't fly away worried and concerned me. For some reason, I got the impression it was stuck to the branch, trying to get loose. Wanting to help, I put my finger out to help free it. It climbed onto my finger, but then fluttered to the ground, wings out, lying still.

Oh great, I thought. Now what I have I done?

I shooed the dogs away from it and started to continue on my walk, but worry and guilt got the best of me. I returned to the butterfly, found a small twig, and put it near its little feet. It clung to the twig, so I lifted it back up to where I first found it. It returned to the juniper branch, so I dropped the twig, and, again, started walking away.

But...what if it really wanted to be on the ground? Maybe I helped it the first time and just messed things up the second time. What if...what if...what if...?

I said a prayer for the little thing, and kept walking, trusting God to fix whatever I might have screwed up.

 

Then I thought about my kids (because that's the way my brain works and it is almost Mother's Day, after all) and about all the times I tried to help them. So often I just seemed to mess things up instead of making them better.

What if...what if...what if...?

And that's when I told myself to just shut the heck up, because what's done is done. I can honestly say my kids are awesome people, and whether it was despite me or because of me, it doesn't matter.

I know I did the best I could along the way for those beautiful creatures God put in my life's path,  just as I did the butterfly, always with lots of prayer. So I'll just keep trusting God to fix whatever I might have screwed up with my kids, too.

What more can we do, as mothers and fathers, and hikers in the woods?

So.... at the grocery store a little later, I indulged and bought some chocolate-covered strawberries.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

And Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there! 

May you indulge yourself with forgiveness for any past (or future) parenting mistakes. You know in your hearts, as I do in mine, that you did the best you could, and most likely, you did a whole lot more right than wrong. Amen.

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed.  ~Linda Wooten

 

God, Grant Me The Serenity...

Through the window, I see my brother-in-law's SUV pull up in front of the house. Several younger men gather to help maneuver my mother down from her seat and into the waiting wheelchair.

For a moment exhaustion pinches her face from the three-hour road trip and constant struggle to breathe, but then I see that familiar smile bloom wide, right to the edge of joyful laughter, so contagious that everyone around her smiles, too.

She said she wouldn't miss her grandson's wedding, and by golly, she made it.

I sigh in relief. Maybe she didn't have doubts about her attendance, but I sure did. Eight months ago, for reasons that still haven't been clearly diagnosed, her muscle strength and balance disappeared. Walking was already a challenge because of her asthma, but now she couldn't even stand without support.

At first she fought it, believing she just needed to push herself to build up her strength. She accepted the wheelchair as a temporary accessory, but if you turned your back for a second, she would jump up and try to walk. Upon waking in the morning, she would automatically head down the long hallway, alone and unassisted, to the bathroom.

Consequently, she fell. A lot. I witnessed a few of the falls myself, including one in the middle of the night when she took my dad down on top of her in the bathroom (he tried to stop her fall) and we subsequently spent the night in the emergency room.

I'm not sure how many other falls there were. She and Daddy tried to keep them secret.

"Mama, stop trying to walk without help. You don't want to miss the wedding, do you?" 

She didn't. But it still took a few reminders before she started behaving and playing it safe, using the wheelchair to go down the hall and letting Daddy hover nearby when she needed to stand.

It's been a tough transition for all of us. Mama has always been the caregiver, so strong she makes the Steel Magnolias look like a bunch of wilting lilies. She's the Serenity Prayer and "where there's a will, there's a way" all rolled up in one, put into action. When something needed to be done, she just did it, without any whining or woe-is-me-ing. 

She spent sleepless nights nursing us through the usual and not-so-usual childhood illnesses and injuries...encephalitis, whooping cough, dislocated hips. Later, in her forties, Mama maneuvered my quadriplegic brother's six-foot-frame in and out of his wheelchair, despite her petite size. And just a few years ago, in her late 70's, she took care of my older sister following her hip surgery. 

 

Mama was with me to welcome my firstborn into the world, watched him while I worked and his dad went to school, and attended every special event of his life. There was no way in hell she'd miss his wedding, even if it meant relying on others for a change and accepting life in a wheelchair...at least for a little while. 

God, grant me the serenity...

 

In honor of Mother's Day, Generation Fabulous asked us to talk about that other fabulous generation - our mothers. Whether we like it or not, and whether we knew them or not, our mothers helped shape us into the women we are today. I realize I'm blessed with an amazing mother and the chance to know her through the eyes of an adult, and I'm happy I got to share a little bit about her with you. To read more mom stories, go HERE.

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Five Things on Friday

1.

I've spent the last two hours in shorts, relishing the sun on my skin and the brilliant, cloudless blue sky. Tom has the chainsaw out and is busy trimming branches in the woods in front of our house.

I'm dragging them down along the side porch and tossing them over the back railing. We'll later drag them from there over the hill into a new pile that we'll eventually burn once the burn ban is lifted. 

My arms and legs are all scratched up, and there are bits of bark and leaves stuck in my hair, but I don't care. I love working outside.

And to think yesterday I was wearing a winter coat...

 

2. 

Last night I enjoyed a delicious prime rib dinner for free, courtesy of a friend who invited me to be her date at one of those promotional things put on by financial advisors.

It was at one of our favorite restaurants, and besides the great food and getting to spend time with dear friends (two others joined us) I actually learned something about investments and retirement. Nothing I can use at the moment, of course, since I'm still trying to start a career and can't even think about retirement, but a girl can be optimistic, can't she?

Especially when enjoying a free prime rib dinner.

3.

My mother-in-law bought me flowers when she first arrived. My brain finally slowed down enough to take a photo of them yesterday. Some of them are starting to droop, but overall they're still beautiful. Thank you again, Mom! 

4.

I have terrible nails. I never wear polish, because I don't want to draw attention to them!

But the day before the Big Wedding, the mother-of-the-bride and I got together to go over the slideshow we presented at the rehearsal dinner, and she shared her Walmart stick-on French Tip fake nails with me. My manicure from earlier in the week was long gone, thanks to three days of washing dishes at the winery (Hello? What was I thinking?) so I was very grateful.

Oh, I felt so elegant, even though I had to relearn how to type and put on earrings and text and button my pants. They were a tad longer than my normal nails..."normal" meaning "on a good day are longer than my fingertips." 

Only three of the nails are left, so you can imagine how goofy my hands look now. 

 

5.

The last report I had from the honeymooners was this photo from Cinque Terre, one of my dream destinations. I'm so grateful for Instagram and Facebook.

Meanwhile, we're having fun with our grandpuppy, and she's having fun being a country dog. (I promise we're only spoiling her a little bit, Kirby!)

 

Linking with Friday Fragments and Random 5 Friday

I Won't Think About Good-Bye

 

 

I lingered on the back porch this morning with my coffee after the dogs finished their breakfast, listening to birds chirp their confusion over the unseasonal cool temperatures and the wind play rough with the trees. 

The sun was shining, and I could see the surface of our little pond sparkling through the new spring leaves of surrounding trees. I sat in the middle of a dream-come-true started thirty years ago, and wondered how I was going to say goodbye.

We're going to have to sell out and go somewhere else. Barring some miracle, along the lines of me writing a million-dollar bestseller or one of us winning the lottery, it's the only way we're going to climb out of the debt-sinkhole we've slipped into.

Tom figures it will take him two years to get the place in shape to sell. We started on it almost twenty years ago, moved in almost ten years ago, but it's not finished yet. Once we moved in, we weren't in a rush...until now. But Tom wants to see it the way he envisioned it in the beginning, so he's not rushing through doing a halfass job.

In my heart I know God led us here, so if it's his will we stay, we will, even if we don't see how right now. Maybe we've done what we were supposed to do here and he has some other job for us elsewhere. If so, I'll just give thanks for the time we've had in this little piece of heaven. We've been blessed and nothing can take that away.

Meanwhile, I'm going to linger and cherish and soak as much of Long Hollow as possible into my soul. I don't think I've ever taken it for granted, but I especially won't now. I'll push thoughts of goodbye off to the edge, only close enough to remind me to appreciate this day, and the next, and the next, and then I'll cherish the memories.

...While I pray for a miracle.

Back to Reality

The fairy tale is over, at least for me and Tom. While my son and his beautiful bride continue their romantic story over in Italy, we've said goodbye to the rehearsal dinner leftovers and the last out-of-town guest.

My mother-in-law left this morning. No more eating out or playing cutthroat games of 3-13, where I actually got on a winning streak for the first time in 30 years.

We're puppysitting our grandpuppy (which I love!) but otherwise we're back to our old routines. I went back to work yesterday and, while Tom is taking a few days off, he's back to piecing rock together for our driveway. I hear his hammer tapping as I type this.

But thank goodness (and bless my husband who built it) reality includes a break in the evening beside a little terrace bordering a small pond shaded by new green leaves, with splashes of crimson flowers and baby dewberries along the rim, where I can sit with a glass of wine, a pen and some paper, until the mosquitoes tell me it's time to go inside.

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. 

~e.e. cummings