To all God's beloved... who are called to be saints...

To all God's beloved who are called to be saints: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

~Romans 1:7  

"The memory of those who have gone before us, to whom we are linked by bonds of fidelity and gratitude, must also accompany us in all the acts of our daily life. For this is the memorial they deserve; this resounds to their honor; this is the spirit of Christian prayer for the dead, which is inseparable from Christian life and practice."

~ St. John XXIII

 

A week ago this evening, I watched my mom breathe her last breath.

What a blessing it was that Daniel and TG had joined me in the vigil that had begun the day before, in case I needed to get some sleep. I didn't want Mama to be alone when she passed. 

And we knew she was going to pass soon. 

She had spent a week in the Intensive Care Unit, mostly unresponsive. She couldn't breathe on her own without a mask covering her face, and when the antibiotics failed to control the infection, we knew it was time to take off the mask and make her as comfortable as possible as she transitioned into her new life in heaven. Her body was just worn out. 

For the most part, I've been at peace, thanks to my faith and for my almost daily visits with my mom over the past few years, which provided me with a huge cache of hugs, smiles, and kisses for the future.

She kept a smile on her face and made the best of things up until the end, but I know she is now in a much better place, holding hands with Daddy, free of her aging body that struggled so hard to breathe. 

In her honor (and for my benefit), I've decided to re-post my words from her last birthday. I have a feeling she knew, as I suspected, it would be her last birthday here on this earth...

 

 

Last week I asked my mom what she wanted for her birthday. She stared off for a few seconds, then looked at me and said "More time."

But there was a twinkle in her eye, and her mouth turned up in a grin as she added, "Can you tell I live in the present?"

What a wise woman. 

Even now, anchored to an oxygen machine, rarely leaving the small room she shares with another woman, and having to rely on others for even the simplest things, like having a glass of water near enough to drink, Mama finds enough joy in life to want to stick around awhile longer.

I know it isn't because she's afraid of death. My mom is a Christian. She has taught me all my life - and I know she believes it most of the time - that there is life after death, much more beautiful than this one, free of pain and sorrow. Most of her loved ones have gone before her...her parents, siblings, her firstborn, and her beloved husband.  

Despite what her life appears to be to us, she is still loving it. Her smile is always close to the surface, and she laughs often, finding joy in the simplest things. She loves her aides and nurses, her cups of coffee, her cookies, and the photos of Daddy, her kids, grandkids, and great-granddaughter hanging on the walls.

She does NOT like being told what to do, but that's understandable after years of being such an independent woman and caregiver to others.

For her sake - actually, for mine - I hope she gets her birthday wish, and that she finds joy in every extra second she is given. I believe she will. I know I will.

And in her honor, I will try my best not to waste a single second of the time I'm given with remorse or regrets of the past, or with wishing away my today for some future moment that may never come.

I will continue to keep my eyes open for even the simplest sweet!s. Today they will include picking up some fried shrimp for her birthday dinner, then gathering with family to celebrate her and give thanks that she's in our lives.

 

On her 77th birthday, I listed the things she had taught me, and I've added to it every year. So without further ado, here's the list...

Things Mama has taught me...

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals - let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are - you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone - we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time - let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums - yours or someone else's
74. listen to your body - doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. people are more important than things
    
81. there is a time to help others, and a time to let others help you
82. God has his reasons, and He will give you whatever strength you need for the road ahead...and never leave you to walk it alone.
83. smile and show appreciation to those who are willing to help you - they may have it tougher than you in many ways
84. Appreciate every second you're given, because life is beautiful.

 

Rest in peace, my beautiful Mama. We will be okay. You saw to that. Please give Daddy a hug from me. 

 

Call your mother. Tell her you love her. Remember, you're the only person who knows what her heart sounds like from the inside.

~Rachel Wolchin