Long Hollow

10 Things I Learned from Father Raj

 

 

Our small parish had the same priest for about the first 20 years that we lived here. Father Joe founded the church, first holding Mass at a campground on Lake Travis. By the time he retired (in his 80's) the current church had been built, expanded, and a parish activity center built. Also, I had become a Catholic! 

You can imagine how tough it must have been for the 2nd priest, Father Don, following in Father Joe's footsteps. He instituted quite a few changes in his 8 years as our priest before he, too, retired (in his 60's). Some people were happy with the changes, but some were not, of course. You just can't please everyone, and change is hard when you've become set in your ways. And we were all pretty set in our ways. 

Father Raj was our next priest. Several decades ago, he had come to America from Tamil Nadu in India, where he grew up in a large Catholic family. His sister is a nun in the Missionaries of Charity, the order started by Saint Teresa of Calcutta. Father Raj once gave communion to Saint Teresa. 

He came in with a "watch and see" attitude, not making huge changes but tweaking here and there, and only making big changes after much thought. He was calm and funny (he started every homily with a corny joke) but also confident and determined. 

He also had a giving spirit, personally starting and running several charities in India, including a home for the elderly. 

We were fortunate that he was our priest during COVID. With some parishioners' help, he started recording Mass live so we could watch at home. He remained positive and hopeful, which helped us remain that way, too. When we were able to return to church, he enforced rules that would keep us safe. 

The plans we had for removing the decades-old carpet and replacing old chairs with pews had been put on hold during the pandemic, but as things started opening up and we thought it was behind us, he began moving in that direction again. 

So it was such a surprise when he announced he would be leaving us for another parish after only 3 years at ours! It didn't seem fair to him or us, but having a true servant's heart, he accepted it as the will of God and helped us accept it, too. He said he would miss us because we were such a peaceful parish. I told him we really weren't - he was the peace in our parish. 

We threw him a big party before he left to thank him for all he did in his short time we were blessed to have him. I shared the "Top 10 Things I Learned from Father Raj" at the dinner. When I was asked for a copy of them afterward, I decided I would just write them here and share them with everyone, because I think they are lessons we can all use. 

So here they are....

1. Listen for God's voice and step out in faith
2. Be the calm in the storm
3. Maintain joy in all circumstances
4. Don't let others steal your joy
5. Lead by example
6. Look to scripture and the lives of the saints for guidance
7. Be humble
8. Be available when others need you
9. We are a family working together for a common goal and purpose
10. Life is wonderful - focus on the good, be hopeful, and make a difference in the world. 

 

 

My grandmother once told me that the key to survival is flexibility. She lived well into her 90's and always had a playful, joyful spirit, so she knew what she was talking about. We now have a new priest - Father Ed. He has already made some changes, but I feel he is probably just what we need at this time. God has a way of knowing, doesn't he?

As we slip back into our masks and social-distancing, I pray that each of you stays flexible, safe, healthy, and hopeful.

Be the peace in this constantly changing world.

 

 "The only constant in life is change."

~Heraclitus

Even in the madness...

 

Every morning Belle and I take a walk on our caliche road. We have a set path of about 1.5 miles. First we head in one direction where the road twists and turns and dips, then we backtrack past our house and up a short hill before turning around and returning home. 

Belle sets the pace, mostly at a fast trot which means I'm jogging to keep up with her, but there are a considerable number of stops along the way as she picks up scents and has to investigate. She will also stop and wait for me as I photograph heart rocks and flowers or when I  pause to listen to the birds singing to one another.

In particular, there's a mockingbird living at about the halfway mark on the first leg of our adventure.  I always stop to enjoy his performance for a few minutes. He is so talented!

I also pray along the way, counting the decades of a Rosary on my fingers in time with my steps and breathing.

In the quiet of the morning, I reflect on all that I have to be grateful for...  like heart rocks, flowers, birds, our dirt road...and of course also my family, friends, and clients, asking for the health and safety of each one, along with any other special prayer requests for the day. 

Even before COVID-19 introduced extra challenges and new fears, life could be pretty chaotic and challenging, making it easy to get distracted by what-ifs or worry about things I have no control over.

Some mornings I wake up already feeling overwhelmed by all I should accomplish that day, wondering how I'm going to prioritize them or where the strength will come from to stay focused and get everything done.

And that's where the hill comes in. 

As I said, it's a small hill. Maybe 1/10th of a mile. It doesn't rise at a steep angle and even levels off in a couple of places. 

But I'm 61, and even though I have run up this hill almost every morning for a few years now, it always feels like a huge challenge. Each time I take that first inclined step, I hear a voice telling me I'm just not strong enough for it that morning. It tells me it's okay to just skip it.  

I've learned to ignore that voice and tell myself, instead, to just move forward, one step at a time. If I really need to, I can stop, but I remind myself I've done it over and over and over, and somehow I always have the strength to get to the top.

Just focus on taking one step at a time. Keep moving forward. 

Some days I'm slower than others. Some days I walk a few steps on the level parts. And some days our neighbor's dog notices us and comes out barking a warning, whereupon out of respect for Frankie (the dog) I give myself permission to cut it short and head back downhill. 

But I don't let the fear of Frankie's bark keep me from heading back up the hill the next morning. 

I'm not sure when I started applying the lessons of the hill to the rest of my life, but I do now. Whatever challenge lies ahead of me that day, as I'm running up the hill I remind myself that I just need to take it one step at a time, keep moving forward, and that God will give me the direction and strength I need for it, if I just ask.  

Beyond the physical benefits of running up that little hill, I also find peace. 

 

 

 

Besides my morning walks with Belle, here are a few other sweet!s from the past week...

 

 

A bluebonnet still blooming! 

Tom making it to his mom's safely

Referrals from friends and past clients

A watercolor of my grandson in his rain boots painted by my daughter-in-law's mom

Fireflies lighting up the woods

 

 

Two closings, including this cute condo

Finding someone to install my large sign on a commercial listing

A virtual happy hour with friends

No lines getting into the grocery store

FaceTime with my grandson

 

 

Listing a charming bungalow built in 1923

An in-person-with-social-distancing gathering with other friends

Limoncello

Watching a lightning storm at night from our covered back deck

 

 

The roadside exploding in wildflowers

 

Heart rocks in my path

 

 

I hope you've found sweet!s throughout your week and I pray you don't let fear keep you from stepping forward to climb the hills in your path.

I pray you find peace.

 

And even in the madness, there is peace
Drowning out the voices all around me
Through all of this chaos
You are writing a symphony...

- "Symphony" by Switch

(If you haven't heard the song "Symphony", I encourage you to take a listen HERE. It's one of my favorites.)

On Peace, and a decade of surprises

 

"There will be peace in the valley..."

 

Almost every morning I run up a small hill near our home to take in this view of the Texas Hill Country. The last couple of days of 2019, I was greeted with this image of golden light, crisp blue skies, and mist forming over Lake Travis. In my mind I could hear Elvis singing "There will be peace in the valley..." 

That's not surprising, since over the past few weeks the word Peace has been catching my attention more and more. I'm not sure if it's because of our country's current political rhetoric or because the last few months - no, the whole past year - has just been more hectic and demanding than I could ever have imagined, but it's clear Peace is going to be my word for 2020.

I will aim for the inner peace that comes with knowing I am doing my absolute best each day, even if I don't accomplish everything I hoped to accomplish or if others don't appreciate or understand all that I'm doing.

I will strive to be a peacemaker, to help others... friends, clients, colleagues... find resolution, perspective, and common ground in conflict. I won't run away from conflict (how could I be at peace with myself if I did that?) but will look for constructive ways to handle it.  

I will pray for peace in our world, for more wisdom and education and tolerance and LOVE, and less pride, ego, selfishness, and greed. 

I hope you will join me. 

 

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.

~William Ewart Gladstone

 

Speaking of 2020, doesn't that number just seem surreal? How did it get here so fast? I realized on this past Christmas Day that I had no memory of last Christmas Day, except for the Facebook memory that popped up. That's another reason I feel Peace is a good focus word for me this year, to help me be still, process, and (hopefully) remember more of these precious moments.  

That being said, last year was an awesome year for my business. I helped more families than ever with their real estate needs, even doubling the number of listings I sold. We paid off our credit card debt (I won't tell you how much, but if you knew, your jaw would drop and you'd be impressed), plus we have money saved for expenses we know are coming. For example, both my computer and my car recently celebrated their 10th birthdays. I have emotional ties with each which I really need to sever and move on from. Wish me luck!

In 2010, my focus was on being a writer. We had two kids in college and one recently graduated. We were empty-nesters, enjoying the freedom that brings. Every weekend we were celebrating someone's 50th birthday, going dancing, listening to music. 

It was a lot of fun, but it actually makes me tired thinking about it. 

We lost my father-in-law in 2012. Shortly afterward, my own parent's health began declining rapidly. I was constantly driving back and forth from Austin to Houston for my parents' doctor's appointments.

2013 was truly a year of highest highs and lowest lows.  My oldest got married in April of that year. Shortly after that, I realized that neither writing or photography would provide the extra income we needed at the time, so I finally took my sister-in-law's advice and started completely over at the age of 54 with a career in real estate. 

Just as I began my classes, my parents' lives changed: Daddy had a stroke, Mama fell, and they both ended up in the hospital, then a nursing home, where Daddy died a couple of months later.

Just before we said goodbye to 2013, I moved my mom to a nursing home near me. Weekly trips to Houston to check on her were replaced with daily visits. Just part of my normal routine until she passed in 2016.

In a way it was a time of mourning, watching her steadily decline no matter how hard I fussed and fought, but I am so grateful for that time I had with her. 

When both of your parents are gone, it is such a lost, scary feeling. You realize you are an orphan, no matter how old you are. You aren't someone's child, you're just a grown up, the matriarch or patriarch of a family. Your own mortality stares you in the face and, if you're lucky, you come to terms with it and decide to make the best of the time you have left, which brings me to the highlights of the past 10 years. These are just skimming the surface... 

As I've mentioned, my oldest got married. (see The Most Beautiful Wedding Ever) 

 

 

My real estate business skyrocketed after Mama passed. I know she had something to do with it. Thanks, Mama. 

My two youngest graduated from college and both got jobs right away...in Austin. Still close to me!

I spent a week in Italy with dear friends I've known since high school. And we're planning a trip together to Paris this year. 

 

I became a grandmother... or BiBi, as I now prefer to be called. 

 

 

My daughter met and married the love of her life.

 

 

In 2010 I never imagined how challenging my life would get within a few short years, calling on every ounce of faith in my heart. I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I would be running my own real estate business in 2020, and I honestly don't think I would be as successful as I am now if I hadn't been faced with those earlier challenges.

It's never too late to learn and grow, to start over and change, when necessary.

"Never give up, never surrender."

~ Galaxy Quest

As we move forward into 2020... into the inevitable highs and lows... the peaks and the valleys... I wish all of you joy and gratitude in the peaks, and peace and faith in the valleys. Happy New Year!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

~ John 14:27

 

 

 

 

What is Love?

Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.~

W. Stanley Mooneyham
American minister and speaker, 20th century

 

One of my favorite Valentines from Tom one year ... our little pond shaped into a heart

 

Years ago,  a friend posted a challenge on her blog to answer the question, "What is love?" 

It made me really think back over the years Tom and I had shared.  I've had plenty of red roses and chocolates, but true love, and the demonstration of it, is so much more than that. I'm grateful Jill motivated me to write this, so I never forget the many other ways we've shown our love for one another. 

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm reposting it (again!) with a few additions...

 

...Love is the sound of drums coming from my house...fulfilling a wish I had tossed aside, believing it couldn't come true because there wasn't a spot for them in our new house. Tom surprised me with a set (thank you, Craig's List) on our anniversary a few years ago. It proved to me he pays attention. At least sometimes.

...Love is throwing him not one, but two surprise birthday parties...plus a huge family reunion/50th birthday party that lasted two weeks and involved having people sleeping on every square inch of the house

...Love is coming in the house from a long weekend, relieved to discover your coffee grounds from four days before have (thank the Lord!) been dumped and all the pieces are clean and dry, ready to go...despite the fact that your spouse doesn't drink coffee. (If he hadn't cleaned it for me...ooh, gross!)

...Love is picking up empty Dr. Pepper cans from all over the house...and outside...and biting my tongue.

...Love is finding the coupon section of the Sunday newspaper separated for me, without asking.

...Love is gathering up the Sunday newspaper, at times from different rooms in the house, and putting it in the wicker basket where it goes.

...Love is not minding that I plant myself in front of the computer every evening after dinner to write...and biting his tongue when he sees I'm on Facebook instead.

...Love is not minding that some nights he just crawls in bed and flips channels, instead of working on whatever project is in progress at the time, because he's physically and mentally worn out.

...Love is not being jealous about phone calls from old boyfriends, or emails from old boyfriends, or birthday lunches with old boyfriends.

...Love is not being jealous about his women friends and co-workers.

...Love is always dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe and the Schottische even though his hips and ankles still hurt from that accident in 1998.

...Love is sitting by his side in the hospital for a week, afraid to leave him...holding the urinal in place for an hour because he thinks he can "go" on his own...feeding him ice chips, sleeping on a fold-out chair, grateful for the sound of his snoring because it means he's alive.

...Love is piecing together sections of workshop floor matting for me to lie on when I do sit-ups, so my tailbone doesn't get bruised anymore.

...Love is subscribing to Men's World e-newsletters and forwarding the good ones to him to keep him healthy.

...Love is not nagging each other because the bathroom he/she is in charge of cleaning is a borderline health problem.

...Love is hanging on to and supporting each other through the illness and death of a parent, financial worries, and the never-ending ups and downs of having children.

...Love is saying to hell with everything that needs to be done around here to play ping-pong...or go for long walks along the creek...or travel virtually to Ireland or Istanbul or Italy with Rick Steves.

...Love is listening to each other vent their frustrations about work or friends or family without feeling a need to fix it all

...Love is accepting that he likes to plan and ponder before getting started on a project, while I like to spring into action, and that each method is okay.

...Love is keeping an eye on my tires, knowing they are prone to going flat, and I'm prone to being oblivious to them  (I blame rocky roads and new construction sites) 

...Love is buying me a special drill that will make holes in hard ground for my For Sale signs... and tagging along to put up those signs for me in really rough terrain

...Love is nagging him about getting his colonoscopy for a year until he finally did it

...Love is supporting each other through dreams of finishing college, running construction businesses, writing books, starting a photography business, building a house, starting a real estate business...

...Love is still joking around, still having fun, still laughing at each other and at ourselves after more than 37 years together...and hoping we can share another 37.

 

Happy Valentine's Day! What is love to you?

 

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

~1 Corinthians 13:7

 

 

What is Love? (A Rerun for Valentine's Day)

Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.~

W. Stanley Mooneyham
American minister and speaker, 20th century

 

One of my favorite Valentines from Tom one year ... our little pond shaped into a heart

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd go back into the archives and find one of my favorite posts to share again. It was prompted years ago by a friend/blogger who challenged us to answer the question, "What is love?" Please share your own answer in the comments!

 

...Love is the sound of drums coming from my house...fulfilling a wish I had tossed aside, believing it couldn't come true because there wasn't a spot for them in our new house. Tom surprised me with a set (thank you, Craig's List) on our anniversary a few years ago. It proved to me he pays attention. At least sometimes.

(Love is throwing him not one, but two surprise birthday parties...plus a huge family reunion/50th birthday party that lasted two weeks and involved having people sleeping on every square inch of the house, including on a mattress in the downstairs shower stall. Poor Kirby)

...Love is coming in the house from a long weekend, relieved to discover your coffee grounds from four days before have (thank the Lord!) been dumped and all the pieces are clean and dry, ready to go...despite the fact that your spouse doesn't drink coffee. (If he hadn't cleaned it for me...ooh, gross!)

(Love is picking up empty Dr. Pepper cans from all over the house...and outside...and biting my tongue. Pretty much.)

...Love is finding the coupon section of the Sunday newspaper separated for me, without asking.

(Love is gathering up the Sunday newspaper, at times from different rooms in the house, and putting it in the wicker basket where it goes.)

...Love is not minding that I plant myself in front of the computer every evening after dinner to write...and biting his tongue when he sees I'm on Facebook instead.

(Love is not minding that some nights he just crawls in bed and flips channels, instead of working on whatever project is in progress at the time, because he's physically and mentally worn out. He leaves the house at 5:30 am, for goodness sake!)

...Love is not being jealous about phone calls from old boyfriends, or emails from old boyfriends, or birthday lunches with old boyfriends.

(Love is not being jealous about his women friends and co-workers...even when he pinches Lisa's rear-end.)

...Love is always dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe and the Schottische even though his hips and ankles still hurt from that accident in 1998.

(Love is sitting by his side in the hospital for a week, afraid to leave him...holding the urinal in place for an hour because he thinks he can go on his own...feeding him ice chips, sleeping on a fold-out chair, grateful for the sound of his snoring because it means he's alive.)

...Love is piecing together sections of workshop floor matting for me to lie on when I do sit-ups, so my tailbone doesn't get bruised anymore.

(Love is subscribing to Men's World e-newsletters and forwarding the good ones to him to keep him healthy.)

...Love is not nagging each other because the bathroom he/she is in charge of cleaning is a borderline health problem.

...Love is hanging on to and supporting each other through the illness and death of a parent, financial worries, and the never-ending ups and downs of having children.

...Love is saying to hell with everything that needs to be done around here to play ping-pong...or go for long walks along the creek...or travel virtually to Ireland or Istanbul or Italy with Rick Steves...

...Love is still joking around, still having fun, still laughing at each other and at ourselves after more than 36 years together...and hoping we have at least another 36 together.

The proof of love is in the works. Where love exists, it works great things. But when it ceases to act, it ceases to exist.

~Pope St. Gregory the Great

 

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Reflections on Veterans Day

 

 

Yesterday afternoon, I stood under a gray sky in the Central Texas State Veterans Cemetery paying tribute to a friend who passed away a few months ago. He had retired from the Texas Army National Guard as a Sergeant Major. We also paid tribute to his father-in-law, a retired Air Force Major, who also recently passed away.

White markers surrounded us, a testament to the sacrifice of so many for the sake of our country. 

After the ceremony, I received a text from a recent client/friend - a retired Marine. He sent me and a few others a link to "The Warrior Song - Hard Corps" in honor of the Marine Corps' birthday, which was yesterday. Just another reminder of the price that has been paid for our freedom. 

So in honor of Veterans Day, here's a re-posting of my annual tribute to the veterans in my own family, including TG's boyfriend who has been overseas for several months and still has a few to go. Please keep him and all of the others in your prayers. 

 

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

 

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into...but he did it anyway. 

 

 

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do." 

In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva...to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried. 

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

 

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea...about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe...living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes - Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)...visiting a dozen other countries...eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

 

My husband Tom was raised in that military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different...by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget ... hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day...period! And yet as soon as he could, he joined the service...the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard, plus numerous cousins, nieces, and nephews. 

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted - as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary.

 

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan, James ..and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs or how much you've given.

I'd like to thank TG's B and all of the others who are continuing to step up to fill those ranks for our country... those who, through their actions, still say, "Don't worry. I got this."

I hope we always show them the support they deserve. 

 

"Freedom is never free."  ~Author Unknown

 

 

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."

 ~Elmer Davis

You've Got a Friend...

 

 

 

"When you're down and troubled, and you need a helping hand... and nothing, nothing is going right..."

Year ago, I used to cover for our church secretary when she had to be out of the office.

One of the best, but still toughest, parts of the job was answering those calls from people who needed help...with electric bills, rent, doctor's bills, you name it.

Over the years, Tom and I have often had to stretch a paycheck - we've been on both the giving and receiving sides of loans - but each of these calls would suddenly make my own blessings crystal clear, no matter how tough things might have been for us at the time.

 

"Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there, to brighten up even your darkest night..."

 

Sure, there are some people who have learned to work the system. They know the agencies to call for help...know how much they can get and how long they have to wait in between calls. But the majority are real people who have found themselves in dire straits with no where else to turn. You can hear it in their voices - the fear of the unknown, the humiliation of having to ask for help, the desperation.

That was the tough part for me - hearing it in their voices. 

With each call I wished I was a millionaire so I could do something for them myself. I tried not to be condescending or pitying or any other "ing"...just tried to sound normal, like this was only a bump in the road that they would soon be over and it was no big deal having to call and ask for help.

 

"You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again..."

 

I couldn't help them monetarily myself - not every one - but with just a phone call to one of several St. Vincent de Paul Society volunteers from our parish, I knew they'd receive aide if they really needed it, whether or not they belonged to our parish. Or any church, for that matter.

They didn't have to be Catholics, or even Christians, for the St. Vincent de Paul Society to help them. They just had to live within our zip code. If they didn't, I could direct them to the right agency.

That was the best part...a feeling that I was helping in some way. 

 

"Winter, spring, summer or fall...all you have to do is call, and I'll be there. You've got a friend."   

 

I've seen the musical "Beautiful", so I don't think Carole King was thinking about the St. Vincent de Paul Society when she wrote "You've Got a Friend", but the song sure fits their mission. 

 

"If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds and that old north wind begins to blow, keep your head together and call my name out loud. Soon, you'll hear me knocking at your door."

 

Each year our parish holds an annual Oktoberfest to raise money for our St. Vincent de Paul Society and other organizations that help out in the community.  We have music, a children's area full of games; hamburgers, brats, giant pretzels, and beer; a country store and silent auction;, a pie-eating contest, dunking booth, washer tournament, and more.

All the usual festival fun.

But the big fundraiser  - the one that gets the organizations through the rest of the year and determines how much help they can give - is the raffle.  

 

"You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again...winter, spring, summer or fall...all you have to do is call, and I'll be there. You've got a friend."   

 

I wish I could buy all of the tickets...but I can't. This year there are 13,000!

That's why I'm asking you for help. If you're reading this, would you consider buying a ticket? They only cost $5 each, but one ticket gives you a chance to win 5 prizes, and you don't have to be present to win:

 

If you're interested, let me know in the comments or email me, and I'll let you know how to get your ticket. But whether  you buy any tickets or not, please say a prayer that enough money is raised to help all of those who will need it in the coming year.

 

"Ain't it good to know you've got a friend when people can be so cold. They'll hurt you and desert you...and take your soul if you let them...oh, but don't you let them. You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again.

 

Of course, if you're in the area, please come and join in the fun! It will be on October 14 from 10 am until 3 pm on the parish grounds in Lago Vista. Everyone is welcome! And don't worry about missing the UT-OU game - it will be playing for your enjoyment.

All proceeds benefit not only the St. Vincent de Paul Society, but also the parish Women's Guild and Knights of Columbus, who in turn use the funds to help the disadvantaged in our community. They also provide scholarships, finance youth activities, support seminarians, and provide support for the Lago Vista Volunteers, local emergency response teams, the Annunciation House, and more. 

Thank you in advance. 

 

Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there. You've got a friend."

Marilyn

A friend of mine died yesterday, my Aunt Becky died the day before (the last of that generation on my side of the family) and within the past couple of weeks, four high school friends have lost a parent. 

On top of that, today is my birthday, the first one since my mom died.

Naturally, I'm writing a blog post. I need to get my thoughts sorted out, and this is where I do it. It's my therapy. 

Marilyn, my friend who died yesterday morning, checked herself into the hospital a couple of weeks ago. According to her post on Facebook - from the hospital - she had googled her symptoms and thought she was just dehydrated.

It turned out she had sepsis, plus a few other issues. They put her right into ICU and sedated her so she wouldn't fight the ventilator they put in place to keep her airway open. 

So that was her last post. 

In it she mentioned being a little worried because she was the sole breadwinner (her husband is disabled) and she had already used up all of her sick days at her new job by having the flu the week before. But as usual, the post ended on a positive note, putting her trust in God to sort things out. She hoped to be back at work in a few days. 

I hope my last Facebook post ends on a positive note. 

I first met Marilyn in the summer after 4th grade at a summer school creative writing workshop. I'm not sure if we ever actually spoke... I was really shy ... but she made an impression on me. We went to junior high and high school together, but I still really didn't know her back then.

Fast forward a few decades when, thanks to the miracle of Facebook, we reconnected and discovered we had both escaped to the Texas Hill Country. She only lived a couple of hours away.

Still, we only saw each other a handful of times after that. First, at one of our Shake Russell house concerts, then at another classmates' house who lived just a few miles away. It turned out they went to the same church and didn't even realize it. 

She made it back out to my house for a surprise birthday party for another classmate. It was an official Deer Park Diva gathering.

Then we met up at the Keller Williams Mega Camp in Austin in 2014. We were both new agents. In fact, she made the decision right before I did and was a huge influence on my own decision. 

We helped each other through the tough times of starting our own businesses. Well, I think she helped me more than I helped her. She was great at listings, and was always there if I needed an ear or some advice. I was surprised when she made the decision to leave real estate a few months ago, but she felt, for her family's sake, she needed a regular paycheck and regular hours. 

It seems surreal to me that she's gone. Granted, she had some medical issues I wasn't aware of, but that's because she was always so positive and energetic. So full of life. She never complained about anything and was always quick to help anyone in need. 

I regret I didn't know her better when we were younger, but I'm grateful I had a chance to get to know her before it was too late. I also regret we didn't follow through on our many intentions of getting together again, but I'm grateful that we did see each other a few times, and I'm very grateful for the ease of communication these days, despite distances, via Facebook or email or text messaging or phone calls. 

Please keep her family in your prayers. From what I understand, Marilyn took care of everything. Her husband will be lost for quite awhile. And Marilyn, the youngest of three sisters, was still mourning the death of the middle sister from cancer. Now within a few months, the eldest has lost both of her younger sisters. I can't imagine that heartbreak.  

Because I knew that Marilyn worked so hard for her family, I started a Go Fund Me page. I felt it was the best way to help her, and now I feel it's the best way to honor her memory. If you'd like to contribute, just click on the link.  

But now back to my birthday tomorrow. While I still think of it as a gift that I've somehow made it to 58, especially when so many of my classmates have already passed away, I'm starting to think of it as more than that. It's an assignment. We are here for a reason, to somehow make this world better, even if it's just day by day. 

Marilyn did. Not in a big production, but in the way she lived, the way she loved, the way she gave. She straddled each hurdle with a smile on her face and kept going, full of faith in God and others. We may not always see the big picture, but I think if we just focus on the little picture, of being as kind, positive, and helpful as possible, the big picture falls into place.

Do small things with great love. ~

St. Theresa of Calcutta

 

For those of you dealing with aging parents...

 

 

This will be my first Christmas as an orphan. 

Our Christmas celebrations, not to mention our lives, changed drastically after my dad passed away 3 years ago.

Instead of taking a road trip to Houston and gathering with siblings and kids in my childhood home to celebrate, TG and I took a one-day road trip to Houston on Christmas Eve day, moved my mom out of the nursing home there, and headed back to Austin.

Mama spent that first Christmas Day without Daddy at our house before I deposited her at the nursing home near us that evening. 

 

 

 

It was so tough to leave her there. She was confused and upset. But I anticipated bringing her to the house for frequent visits. Tom even built wheelchair ramps for the doors and walkways.

However, way before Christmas came around again, she had lost so much muscle strength we couldn't even get her into my car.  So we visited her in her room that next Christmas Day after Daddy's passing.

She could barely stay awake and looked awful - she had been in bed all day, the aides said - so this is the photo I took...

 

 

By the next year, her health had deteriorated even more, but she was happy to see us. Of course, her eyes always soaked us up like bread on gravy every time she saw us.

I think she knew it would probably be her last Christmas here on earth. 

I feared it was, as well. 

 

 

When we first moved her closer to us, I never expected her to go downhill so fast. I kept expecting her to get better... if she would just try a little harder! Do the exercises physical therapy showed her. Work her crossword puzzles. Participate in the games and activities the nursing home always provided. 

Sometime during her last year, my eyes cleared. It was obvious her condition was going to deteriorate no matter what she or I did.

She was making the most of the life she had left by keeping a good attitude. The least I could do was get off her back and appreciate her and our time together. As much as it hurt, I had to accept the fact that Mama couldn't live forever. 

So I stopped nagging and relaxed. I held her hand more, trimmed her nails, brushed her hair. When I pushed her wheelchair, I always kissed the top of her head. 

I would ask her questions about her life, tell her about my day, ask her advice, or we would just sit and enjoy old television shows together.

What I miss the most is getting her advice. She was a wise woman up until the very end, even if her memory got a little blurry at times. 

I'll never be as wise as my mom, but here is a little advice for all of you who may be dealing with aging parents. I wrote this on her last birthday, but never published it for some reason.

I wish someone had told me this way back before I went through it, so here you go...

 

There were days it was tough to be with my mom, especially in that first year after Daddy died.

I admit that for all of you who are dealing with aging parents. Remember, they are going through a lot... perhaps physical pain, remorse and regret, loneliness, helplessness when they've always been the helpers, loss of privacy and independence and memory...

I really don't want to imagine how it must feel. 

But if their words hurt you or make you angry (because they are going to lash out at the one who is there because they know you will love them anyway) it's okay to say "I have to leave,"  and then walk out.

Don't let them engage you in an argument. Don't try to defend yourself. Don't try to reason with them or use logic. 

It won't work. Just leave. 

But be sure to go back the next day, and act like nothing happened. Because they need you. They appreciate you. They really do.

And above all, they love you, as they always have.  

 

 

I had no idea...

I had no idea, when I decided to lug the recycling up to the bin tonight, that a full moon was waiting for me at the top of our winding path. It peeked at me from between the trees, but then BOO! there it was, resting just above the silhouetted hill in front of our house, shining bold and bright and casting shadows of trees across the dirt road. 

What a sweet surprise. I had no need for a flashlight -the moon cast a soft glow across my path. An echo of daylight.

I paused and embraced that moment...

...The moon, and its frame of wispy clouds.  The sprinkling of stars. The slight chill of a Texas autumn. Far off, I heard a car making its way through the hills. A dog barked.

Mostly, it was quiet and peaceful, and I let it just wash over me. 

I gave thanks. 

This can be a crazy time of year. And it can be a sad time of year, even while it's joyous.

It's like a rainbow. Or maybe a braid. 

Peace is often the weakest color. The weakest strand. 

We demand a lot of ourselves and our families. For instance, I was not going to let this Christmas go by without putting up my tree and decorations. But between me and that goal sat my mom's chest of drawers and my grandmother's cedar chest in the middle of my living room (not where furniture belongs), plus a bunch of boxes full of my mom's photo albums and of my own books still longing for a place on a shelf. 

I had one Saturday to find a place for the furniture , and then weed through all of my books, deciding who stays and who goes. so I had a spot for the tree.

And I did it. I admit I still have 3 or 4 boxes full of children's books stashed away until I have grandkids, but I filled several more boxes of books that will go to other homes. 

It was another week before I had time to actually decorate my house and tree. So I gave the task four hours (or, three favorite Christmas movies, however you want to put it), then had the kids put away all of the boxes, even though only about 2/3 of the decorations made it out.

But it was done. 

 

 

I'm trying to keep sight of what the season is all about than just be busy with the signs of the season.

For me, it's the season of Advent, which I've already written about HERE, and preparing for the coming of Christ.

Like other religions, that also means spending more time with family and friends, and showing your appreciation to them. It also means spending more time in reflection and prayer. 

But life, and work, continue, making the same demands as always.

Something's got to give.

We no longer do mandatory gift-giving, but I do still plan to send out cards, even though I send way more than I receive.

I just love the tradition. It makes me sit and think of each person on my list, to reminisce and give thanks they are still in my life. Even if it's just to send a Christmas card once a year. I've been sending my own since I was in 9th grade.

Actually, I had planned to work on cards this evening.... until I saw the moon.

Which made me say thanks, and made me think of other blessings in my life lately.

So, without further ado, here are some recent sweets...

 

Having all my kids together, and finally properly celebrating my 31st anniversary of becoming a mother. And, of course, my son's birthday. 

(Weird, wonderful coincidence: Two girls who graduated with my son gave birth to their firstborns on my son's birthday - so we share the anniversary! Isn't that amazing?)

 

An afternoon of food, friendship, and wine! We had been trying to schedule a day to meet at Flat Creek Estate Winery for about a year to take advantage of a raffle-prize group wine tasting, and finally managed it this past Sunday.

Of course, it was perfect timing, right in the middle of the holiday stress, to just sit and relax with friends you've known for ages, who know your ups and downs and are always cheering for you. 

...especially when you've just become a grandma like the beautiful un-grandmotherly-looking woman on the right, whose beautiful granddaughter was born on my son's birthday. 

 

The beauty of autumn leaves.

Each morning I run/walk with Belle down our dirt road, reciting the Rosary. I never quite finish, so I take a couple of laps around my house.

One day I noticed these leaves lying on our porch swing. I mean, I finally saw them lying there, and realized how beautiful they were. 

Sometimes we get too caught up in our habits - even good ones - to really pay attention, don't we?

 

Another morning I was jogging down the road and noticed a splash of red in the cedar trees.

Out of pure curiosity, I continued running past our house to see what it was. 

And I was glad I did. (Thank you, God!)

Yes, the beauty of autumn leaves. 

 

Being accepted as a member of the next Agent Leadership Council of our market center was a huge honor. You have to be in the top 20% of production - which I didn't even realize I had reached - plus go through an interview process.

And I made it!

Keller Williams is different in that agents help make big decisions in the operation of the office. We won't get paid for our time. It's just a way of giving back and trying to help make us even better.

We started with an all-day retreat last week... which started with breakfast tacos from Taco Donut Palace. (Remember, we're in Austin!)

 

One morning, after way, way too many gray, drizzly days, the clouds disappeared and we were given the most beautiful, crisp, clear sunrise.

That moment when the sun kisses my hollow is always so amazing, like a painter bringing his work to life, and especially after you've been starved for color. This photo doesn't do it justice, but I hope it gives you a hint. 

Definitely another "thank you" moment. 

 

 

Belle has a new friend. 

Our neighbor's cat, Willow, has started hanging around our place quite a bit. 

It made me nervous at first because Belle has a gung-ho hunting spirit, and I was afraid she would hurt (kill) Willow, without meaning to. 

But Willow is pretty savvy. She has not only survived, but seems to have the upper hand in the friendship most of the time.

Honestly, I know she's just here because of the mice and the bird feeder - and the slim hope of making it indoors. 

But seeing them together, especially during this political season that seems to never end, brings me hope that we can all focus on our common goals and interests. I know we have them. 

We don't have to give up our individual beliefs, but we can show respect for each other's. Fear is taking on way too much power in this country these days.

And that's what will be our downfall. Not our differences, but Fear.  

Don't let Fear guide you. Focus on hope, love, and peace. They are just as powerful.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday season, full of love, hope, and peace. If you're missing loved ones, as I am, focus on the people you still have in your lives, on giving and sharing. I do believe it helps keep sadness from clouding the sweets all around us.

 

May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope;
The spirit of Christmas which is peace;
The heart of Christmas which is love.
~Ada V. Hendricks

 

Lesson #85 (Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mama!)

 


When I asked my mom what she wanted for her birthday last year, she thought for a minute, then said "More time." 

I had a feeling it would be the last birthday we celebrated with her on earth; I think she knew it would be. And who knows... maybe she got her birthday wish. Maybe we were blessed with more time with her, and she with us, than was originally scheduled.

Even so, it doesn't feel like enough.

 

 

This morning, when I was wishing I could celebrate her birthday with her again, with Tom and the kids and my siblings and cousin Pat, it hit me that she now had more family gathered around to sing "Happy Birthday" to her in heaven than she does here on earth. 

She has Daddy, her mom and dad, all of her siblings, all of her in-laws, most of her cousins, many of her best friends, nieces, and nephews, and my father-in-law. She also has my older brother, Buster, my sister-in-law Haila, and my ex-brother-in-law, Boyce, who just passed away a few weeks ago.

(Boyce always sent the best birthday cards, anyway - I'm saving all of them I come across. I bet he has her giggling today.)

It was a wonderful image in my mind, of all of them gathered around her, and despite the ache in my heart from missing her, I smiled. 

 

 

After going through Mama and Daddy's things over the past few months, especially letters and cards from friends and family, I've learned something that goes beyond Lesson #84 ("Appreciate every second you're given, because life is beautiful.") 

We need to take advantage of every chance to spend time with family and friends, and be sure they know they can count on us if they need us. 

Because, like most of us, Mama was often irritated with one person or another. She could give Daddy the silent treatment for days if he stepped out of line... a talent I truly envy. I just can't stay mad long enough to get a point across.  

Yet, you never had to doubt her devotion or love, and I really doubt if anyone except Daddy (or her children) ever knew she was irritated at them. If you needed anything, she was there in a heartbeat.  

In fact, reading through all of the cards, flipping back through memories, you could say she was the heartbeat of the family. Everyone depended on her, and she was always there for them. 

 

 

It's a lesson that she's been teaching me my entire lifetime, but it has truly been driven home for me in the last four years, after losing so many people who are precious to me in such a short time... my father-in-law, my dad, my mom, a childhood friend, and my ex-brother-in-law (who was essentially another brother.)

Life is just too short, period. Spend time with your friends and family when you get the chance, even if you're tired and don't really feel like it. Give them a call and let them know you care. Let them know you're there if they need you.

That's really all we're here for, anyway. 

"...and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: "Love your neighbor as yourself". No other commandment is greater than these. "

Mama, thank you for all the lessons you gave me, whether intentional or not. You taught more by example than words... just another clue to what a wise woman I was blessed to have as my mother. 

 

 

On her 77th birthday, I listed the things she had taught me, and I've added to it every year. So without further ado, here's the list...

Things Mama has taught me...

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals - let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are - you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone - we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time - let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums - yours or someone else's
74. listen to your body - doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. people are more important than things
    
81. there is a time to help others, and a time to let others help you
82. God has his reasons, and He will give you whatever strength you need for the road ahead...and never leave you to walk it alone.
83. smile and show appreciation to those who are willing to help you - they may have it tougher than you in many ways
84. Appreciate every second you're given, because life is beautiful.
85. Treasure the people in your life; take advantage of every chance you have to be with them, or to help them, even on days you don't like them.

    "At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable."

~Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

 

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." ~Abraham Lincoln

Love you, Mama. Happy birthday, and God bless you!  

Thirty-Four Years... wait, thirty-four years?

 

One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, "Bless you."

~Robert Brault

 

 

Aren't we cute? It's hard to believe that was 34 years ago.

Well, actually what's hard for me to believe is we're 34 years older than we were in that photo! We were newly pronounced man and wife, and eager to move forward together as one, beginning with a honeymoon in the Bahamas. 

And that's how I still picture us in my mind.

 

One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it.

~George MacDonald

 

Thirty-four years  have passed in a blur of laughter, tears, frustration, relief, adventure, illness, challenge, excitement, celebration, perseverance, love, forgiveness, and blessings too numerous to count. 

 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

 

I didn't realize it at the time, of course, but looking back it's easy to see that God directed our footsteps to each other. As I mentioned in my last post, I believe God gives us what we need to get over the bumps he knows we will encounter in our lives. I also believe he provides what we need to challenge us and make us the best 'us' we can be, if we let him. 

And while I don't always see it or appreciate it enough, Tom has definitely done both for me, supporting and indulging me in my dreams ... encouraging, challenging, and believing in me when my self-confidence wavers. 

Through him, because of him, I rediscovered my faith and God's great love. And I wouldn't have survived the past few years without that. 

I can only hope Tom feels I've been more of a blessing than a curse in his life, too. I think too often he believes I have this philosophy...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

~Rita Rudner

 

For all of you youngsters just starting out, wondering what the secret is to a long marriage, I'll confess that I'm still not sure. But I do have three tips:

1. Ask God to help you love your spouse with His love (because yours won't be enough sometimes!)

2. Procrastination can be your friend. 

3. I didn't think of this one, but it's a good one: "To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart — about a finger's breadth — for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule." ~Marnie Reed Crowell

 

Happy 34th anniversary to my amazing, crazy, gifted, stubborn, generous Tom. I give thanks every single day for you, and for all of the beautiful, tiny threads of our life that bind us together.

 

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.

~Simone Signoret

 

Slide Projectors and other sweets

 

 

Last Saturday night I pulled out my grandmother's slide projector, propped it on my kitchen table, and went back in time through the images splashed on the wall above our stairs. 

Most I had never seen before, like the one above of my grandmother standing in a field of bluebonnets. What you are seeing is actually an iPhone capture of the projection on my wall. I felt the need to share these with my siblings and cousins, and that was the fastest way.

The quality was greatly diminished, of course, but I felt it gave them the same dreamy quality I was feeling as they carried me back to my childhood.  To me, this one looks more like a painting than a photograph. Don't you think so?

One of my cousins (the one on the left in the image below) has offered to scan all of these. She is also the one who regularly visited my mom, always bringing new clothes and treats, so her generous offer doesn't surprise me. I am blessed to have her!

(The beauty on the right is my big sister. The little brat in the middle is me, of course.)

 

 

In my opinion, that was definitely a sweet way to spend a Saturday night, and the gratitude and reactions from my family even sweeter.

Here are some other sweet!s from the past week...

 

A tiny hummingbird appears to have taken up residence off of our back deck.

Since I no longer keep a hummingbird feeder, this seems strange to me.

(I read several years ago that the sugar-water can turn rancid really fast in the extreme heat of our Texas summers, potentially poisoning the little birds. It's necessary to change out the water often, and I don't trust my memory to do so.) 

So the semi-regular sightings of this busy little bird is such a joy. Several times it has flown close to me as I stand saying my prayers near the railing, and this morning it flew up to my library window, just a couple of feet away from me at my desk. 

My mother was partial to hummingbirds. I like to think she somehow has a hand in sending this one to say hello... and make me smile.

(How can you not smile when you see a hummingbird?)

 

I have no photos of it, but I do have this one of Lake Austin taken from a home an agent friend was holding open this afternoon.

I was on my way home from showing properties to a high school friend's son, so I decided to stop and say hi to my agent friend, and check out the listing. Three sweet!s in one trip!

 

 

I'm still working my way through the mountain of my mom's things in my living room. Yesterday's box was full of some items from her room at the nursing home.

Overall, I'm at peace with her passing. But for some reason emptying this box made me acutely aware of the physical absence of her from my life, especially seeing her Bible bag, which contained both her and Daddy's Bibles, along with several notes tucked in the pages, and also a cardboard Easter egg box I gave her full of Hershey's miniatures this past Easter. There were still several pieces of candy left. 

Now, I believe in heaven, and I know it is much better than chocolate. And I truly am happy that Mama is at peace and with Daddy now. But the tears came anyway, and I let them. 

I still count this as a sweet!, because to miss someone, they first had to be a part of you. To feel sorrow or sadness, you must have also felt joy and happiness and love.  

They were and I did. Amen. 

 

 

I had a second article published in TexasHillCountry.com called "Beyond the Bluebonnets - 5 Other Things You Should Know About Willow City", about a small town near Enchanted Rock, one of my favorite places. Yay!

Going to my office to pick up a commission check and discovering another one I hadn't expected!

Another University of Texas mom calling me for help, based on referrals from other parents.

 

One of my clients had specific requirements and a busy work-travel schedule. After working with her off and on for about a year, we finally closed on a property last week that turned out to be just what she was needing.  

We won in a multiple offer situation, so that was doubly sweet! To celebrate, we had lunch at the Shady Grove, one of my favorite restaurants. 

(This photo is of the back of the restaurant - taking a photo was an afterthought! But look at that tree!)

Summer nights... refreshing, soft breezes, stars speckling the sky, cicadas and frogs singing in the background. 

 

As usual, there were a few lakefront properties on the Lago Vista property tour this past week. I never get tired of seeing a full Lake Travis! 

Giving another agent a ride on the tour and getting to know her better.

Some friends from my church warning me they are trying to convince some friends in California it's time to move to Austin and want me to help them when the time comes. 

 

 

I spent the 4th of July outside, but not out on the lake or even in a park eating hot dogs and hamburgers. I took advantage of a holiday (and the sudden motivation) to mow our small front yard, organize my yard signs, and just generally clean up around the outside of our house.

Most importantly, I discovered the joy of a power blower! I had so much fun clearing the clippings and dead leaves off the porch floor... and then the small insect webs off the ceiling!

I didn't know it could do that! Much better than using a broom. 

Afterward, I rewarded myself with a Shiner Ruby Redbird beer on the porch swing. I don't normally drink beer, but it just seemed like the patriotic thing to do. 

(It was awesome!)

 

Despite the national tragedies of this past week, I hope all of you had plenty of sweet! moments. But more importantly, I hope you rededicated yourself to love and forgiveness, including forgiving the inexcusable. I believe it will take each of us doing that to attain true peace in our country and the world.

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. 

~John E. Southard

 

 

Parades, Freedom, and other sweet!s...

 

 

"I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find, but it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind."

~ America, "Sister Golden Hair"

Despite good intentions, I don't blog as much as I'd like anymore, or have time to visit those of my favorite bloggers. But I'm hanging on to those intentions and plan to just drop in as frequently as I can for now, grateful that my business is keeping me so... well, busy.  That's a pretty major sweet!

I do make time to collect my sweet!s in an old black journal every day before they drift right out of my head. Obviously they are much lighter than worries, wrongs, and perceived bad luck, because those tend to stick around in my memory on their own and weigh me down unless I switch my perspective by focusing on the blessings and sweet surprises of the day. 

Since this is the 4th of July weekend, my thoughts are turned toward my wonderful country, the United States of America, because it's her birthday! There are plenty of things to worry about regarding her, but in all honesty, there has never been a truly 'easy' time for everyone here. It's a continual give-and-take when you're trying to protect everyone's freedom. One person's freedom usually steps on someone else's. 

But we're still going strong. I believe so, anyway. We've survived a lot. I'm grateful we celebrate with parades and festivals that bring us together... all the different sizes, shapes, and flavors of us ... and with fireworks that remind us that the birth of this country wasn't an easy one. 

 

 

My small town started the 4th of July celebration early: our parade was yesterday morning, followed by a festival and fireworks over the lake last night. I skipped the festival, but did enjoy the parade from the sidelines and the fireworks from a friend's backyard that has an amazing view of Lake Travis. 

I wish I had a photo for you, but imagine sparkling, shimmering fireworks against a backdrop of low-lying hills and distant eruptions from other firework displays from surrounding communities. 

The lake itself glittered gem-like from all of the boats anchored there to watch the show. From the park below, strains of "The Star-Spangled Banner" drifted up to us, and after the grand finale, cheers and applause echoed from the darkness around us. 

Yes, I'm still proud to be an American. I know I'm not the only one.

 

 

And now for some other sweet!s from the... WHAT?? It's been three months since my last real "sweet!" post?

Holy cow. Where does the time go?

Well, I won't bore you by listing all of them, but here are a few highlights - quite a few - working backward through June, May, and April ...

 

Your grown kids hanging out and having fun together.

Working as a team with other agents, lenders, and the title company to make it to closing on a challenging transaction. 

Following through on promises you make to yourself.

A little hummingbird buzzing up close to you while you say your prayers on your back deck. 

Being able to help blog friends with their real estate needs.

Morning walks with your puppy.

Remembering that your joy and happiness come from God, and are independent of other people, circumstances, or events.

Phone calls with your mother-in-law... sister-in-law... sister ... dear friends...

Your kids helping you with little projects around the house that have been bugging you. 

Your clients' offers being accepted in multiple-offer situations. 

Seeing and hearing James Taylor in person for the first time.

A full Lake Travis.

Spending a day with a longtime friend, helping him find a home in Austin.

Finally getting to see your brother's new home and have a long visit with him and his family. Your brother's smile.

 A gender-reveal party, where everyone found out at the same time that a friend's daughter will be having a daughter of her own.

 Helping organize a successful parish picnic.

Finally experiencing Blanco's Lavender Festival... and Lavender beer!

Playing your drums when you realize you have the house all to yourself

A longtime friend sending you two jars of homemade fig preserves

A cookout with friends at a park on the lake, like you used to do all the time when your kids were little

Spotting a fawn nursing in the yard of a house you're showing to a buyer

A visit from your brother-in-law and his family

Watching your nieces and nephews play Bubble Soccer at a festival near the lake

Dinner with friends you haven't seen in months

Hanging on to voice mails from your mom so you can still listen to her voice when she's gone

Your husband's successful gall bladder surgery

Having an article published in TexasHillCountry.com

Your Keller Williams Market Center choosing your mom's nursing home as their RED Day focus, and planting a pink rosebush beside a bench at the entrance in your mom's honor

 

All of your kids with you on Mother's Day

A friend singing "Lily of the Valley" after Mass on Mother's Day, in honor of your mom

Tulips from your sister on Mother's Day

Overwhelming love and support from friends and family when you lose your mom

Memories of many Sunday church services shared with your mom at her nursing home; the volunteers who provide them

Friends helping you celebrate your birthday at "Painting with a Twist"

Being able to tell your mom "thank you" on your birthday - and remembering to do so.

Watching the sunset over Lake Travis on your birthday 

 

I hope the past three months held plenty of sweet! moments for you, too, and the next three bring even more. Share some in the comments!

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."  

~Author Unknown

 

 

2016... all you need is Love!

 

Each year I have a guiding word. A mascot. Last year it was "Embrace".

It's hard to describe how a guiding word comes to be. It's a connection... sort of a message of what I need to focus on in the coming year. This year I tried on a few that might seem a little cliche:  "Peace" was a huge contender, especially with all of the terrorist acts lately, as well as "Believe" and "Joy".

 

 

But "Love" kept nudging in, popping up in the form of hearts in odd places ... reminding me that without love, the others don't matter. Love is the greatest medicine, the only cure for what truly kills us, and the energy that triggers the rest of those good words. 

Love

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.…

1 Corinthians 13:2

 

So Love it is. I hope no matter what I do in 2016, I do it with love and am guided by love.

 

 

It's only fitting that soon after I made my decision, past clients-turned-friends stopped by with a gift... a cross handcrafted from reclaimed wood from an old house, adorned with a quote about God's Love.

I love my job.

 

 

I wish all of you a blessed 2016, filled with love and guided by love.

Happy New Year!

 

Love... it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.

~ Khalil Gibran

Peace Begins with a Smile

 

 

 

I think it's time, don't you?

Somewhere I read that everything we do, every simple action or word, sends an energy into the world, either positive or negative, ultimately contributing to either war or peace.

We can point fingers and lay blame, but to some degree each one of us carries that responsibility and power.

I believe Thomas Merton wrote it in "The Seven Storey Mountain ", although I haven't been able to find it again. But no matter who wrote it, it stuck with me...the image of our complaints, our smiles, our angry outbursts, our words of thanks or apology drifting away from us and taking sides in a cosmic dance of good and evil. 

When my kids were little, I advised them to use a simple test for their words and actions - is it "nice" or "necessary"? If neither, don't say it or do it.

 

In light of the recent violent events in Paris and California and, well, almost everywhere in the world ... especially in the increasing intensity and frequency of those events ... I'm going to take my own advice and refocus my efforts to contribute to the 'good' side more than the bad, especially when I'm driving in traffic, which I think is my biggest challenge!

I hope you join me!

 

"Let us not use bombs and guns to overcome the world. Let us use love and compassion. Peace begins with a smile. Smile five times a day at someone you don't really want to smile at at all. Do it for peace. Let us radiate the peace of God and so light His light and extinguish in the world and in the hearts of all men all hatred and love for power. Smile at one another. It is not always easy. Sometimes I find it hard to smile at my Sister, but then I pray.

God loves the world through you and me. Are we that love and that compassion?"

~Mother Theresa, "In the Heart of the World: Thoughts, Stories, and Prayers "

 

Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World

 

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

~from "Forgiveness" by Matthew West

 

Can you imagine getting the news that your college-student son had been shot to death? For me, I believe it would be an all-consuming fire of heartbreak at the loss and anger at the action. 

In 1995 Azim Khamisa, an international investment banker in San Diego at the time, did receive that news: his only son was killed by an aspiring teenage gang member.

Azim surely felt heartache and anger, but he reacted in a way that shocked everyone - he forgave the killer, reached out to the killer's family, and even befriended the killer's grandfather. Despite his pain, he recognized the killer's family must be feeling pain and loss, as well.

After all, can you imagine getting the news that your teenage grandson had shot and killed someone?

Together Azim and the grandfather worked to bring something positive from their joint tragedy, launching an organization that teaches nonviolence in middle schools.  

When writer Megan Feldman Bettencourt heard about Azim from a friend who attended one of his speaking engagements, she wanted to learn more. Why did he forgive? How did he forgive? 

Like many, she tended to equate forgiveness with weakness. With a little research, she discovered that multiple studies have shown forgiveness can not only improve physical and emotional well-being, but may even be a survival skill developed through evolution.

And that was the seed for a journey that ultimately became a book: Triumph of the Heart: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World. 

In the book Megan shares her own struggles with forgiveness which most of us can identify with, such as the hurt caused by bad relationships or the verbal abuse of a bully. That kind of pain doesn't compare to what Azim felt, but it can often seem impossible to forgive even the simplest affronts like these, can't it? There were times in the book when I felt too much space was given to her past relationship, but the reason for it became clear by the end. 

Megan traveled throughout the United States and even to Rwanda to try to get answers to some questions she had about forgiveness. For example, was forgiveness self-sacrificial and altruistic? Was it possible after extreme offenses, such as genocide? Was it natural? Did it provide health benefits? How important are apologies and redemption? Is it a one-time thing or a habit? Can communities and nations practice forgiveness?

She shares the stories of the people she meets along the way, from Azim to recovered addicts to couples trying to heal their marriages. But the most amazing stories to me are those from Rwanda, especially the one of Father Ubald, a priest whose entire family was killed and who barely escaped Rwanda alive himself following the conflict between the Hutus and the Tutsis. 

Father Ubald is actually helping to raise the children of the man who killed his mother, even paying for one daughter to attend medical school, while the killer is in prison.  His story is on page 206. You really need to read it. 

His is just one of many amazing stories in that country, though. He runs a program that helps other victims forgive, including the son of a victim who ultimately made his father's killer the godfather of one of his children. If they can forgive the atrocities committed against them to this extent, what excuse do I have to hold on to bitterness and anger?

While spirituality plays a part in forgiveness for many people, this isn't a spiritual book. It's an exploration about the benefits of forgiveness, both physical and social, and about the process. It's rarely, if ever, a one-time thing, but something that needs to be practiced, as Megan says, "like being optimistic or mindful or patient." It can ebb and flow, from day to day. 

Megan investigated and describes to us many of the forgiveness programs in place around the United States and in Rwanda to help the process. 

It's a shame I hadn't heard of any of them until I read this book, and I hope that changes. I believe forgiveness is not only the key to personal peace, health, and happiness, but also the key to peace everywhere. And that's why I feel this book is full of hope.

 

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom,

I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind,

I'd still be in prison.

~ Nelson Mandela

 

 

Disclosure: I was given a copy of this book to review, but the opinions are my own. The link up above is to Amazon and, as an Amazon Associate, I do receive a few pennies if you order the book there. But no matter where you order it, I encourage you to get this book, read it, and share it. I believe its message is important and potentially life-saving.  Thank you, Megan!

And here are the rest of the lyrics to the Matthew West song "Forgiveness", just because they fit so well...

 

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Happy Thanksgiving, by George...

 

 

Let us come to him with thanksgiving. Let us sing psalms of praise to him. - Psalm 95:2 (NLT)

I sit here at my computer tonight, listening to the rain falling outside my window. I'm still full from roasted turkey and lots of carbs:  cornbread dressing (my mom's recipe); green bean casserole (doesn't really count as a vegetable, but my kids love it); jellied cranberry (an homage to my dad); and, of course, small slices of pumpkin and pecan pie.

It was just four of us ... me, Tom, and two of the kids, since the oldest and his wife are exploring New Zealand. A white tablecloth covered my table, with a silver and gold runner. No fancy or creative centerpiece, but I set the table with silver chargers and my wedding china (Noritake Shenandoah, which I still absolutely adore) and sipped wine from my wedding crystal, which most of the time sits gathering dust in my china cabinet.

It was the first time the four of us had sat down to eat at the same time in a very long while. We are all too busy these days, home at odd hours and living mostly on frozen pizza.

After dinner, we called Tom's mom , then piled into the car to visit Mama and watch a few episodes of "The Facts of Life" with her. Knowing she would be full from her own Thanksgiving dinner (they have great food at her nursing home!) I only brought her a little bit of the cornbread dressing, hoping for her stamp of approval... which she gave before gobbling it up. Whew!

That's already enough to be grateful for , but there's so much more. Lately, when I find myself veering off into a 'poor me' whine, I've tried to redirect it into some kind of "thank you". It usually isn't too hard!

However, even though I give thanks often, I think a national holiday specifically dedicated to giving thanks for our blessings, motivating us to pull the special china out of the closet and spend hours in the kitchen trying to re-create our mother's cornbread dressing and sitting down with our family for the first time in months... or to gather with others to fill plates with turkey and dressing for those who don't have a home, much less a china cabinet, as friends of mine did today.

I was reminded this morning at Mass that I have George Washington to thank for giving us this national holiday of Thanksgiving. Thank you, George!

For his homily, our priest read us the original proclamation, which I don't think I had ever heard before. In case you haven't either, or if it's been awhile since you have, I decided to find it online and share it here...

 

Thanksgiving Proclamation

Issued by President George Washington, at the request of Congress, on October 3, 1789

By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation.

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and—Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me “to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:”

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favor, able interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other trangressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

Go. Washington

 

From our home to yours... Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Lord; we beg but one boon more:
Peace in the hearts of all men living,
peace in the whole world this Thanksgiving.
~Joseph Auslander

Reflections on Veteran's Day

They are all around you, disguised as ordinary people. They may be generous or grouchy, quiet or boisterous, socialites or loners.  They come in all colors, sizes, and ages. They are our veterans... those who gave anywhere from three to thirty years of their lives, doing whatever our country needed them to do, wherever they were told to go. 

Tonight our church held a special dinner in their honor; at the end, each veteran was asked to give their name and tell a little about their service. I felt very humbled and grateful. My mind naturally drifted to those veterans I hold most dear, and I realized I hadn't yet published my annual tribute to them...

 

 

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

 

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into...but he did it anyway. 

 

 

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do." 

In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva...to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried. 

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

 

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea...about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe...living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes - Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)...visiting a dozen other countries...eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

 

 

My husband Tom was raised in that military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different...by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget ... hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day...period! And yet as soon as he could, he joined the service...the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard, plus numerous cousins, nieces, and nephews. 

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted - as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary.

To many, they are a symbol of war, not peace, and sadly become targets of derision, scorn, blame... and even violence, like the sad incident at Ft. Hood a few years ago.

They deserve to be thanked every day of the year. A friend of mine says that when he's in a restaurant and sees a man or woman in uniform, he secretly pays their bill. What a wonderful idea! I think more of us should go out of our way every day to show our appreciation, but I'm glad there is at least one special day where we shine a spotlight on them, remember their sacrifices and make clear our gratitude.

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan, James...and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs or how much you've given.

"Freedom is never free."  ~Author Unknown

But let's hope we do remember the price, as well as those who, through their actions, say, "Don't worry. I got this."

Many at tonight's dinner brought up, with much pride, the current service of their sons and daughters, which reminded me of TG's boyfriend's Air Force graduation back in September. He's from a military family himself - his parents met while they were both in the Army. He's well aware of the commitment he's made.

So I'd like to thank TG's B and all of the others who are continuing to step up to fill those ranks for our country. I hope we all continue to show them the support they deserve. 

 

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."

 ~Elmer Davis

 

On a Friday the 13th...

 

Thirty-three years. That's officially how long Tom and I have been married as of this evening, around 6 or 7 pm.

And they said you couldn't find lasting love in a bar...

 

...No more looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Now that I found a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover 
You, oh you, lookin' for love.

~Wanda Mallette and Patti Ryan

 

(For our first dance as a married couple, we chose "Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places."  Yes, really! And I still love that song!)

They also said getting married on a Friday the 13th was bad luck...that once Tom graduated from college with his degree he'd dump me...that building a house together was suicide for a marriage...

We proved them all wrong.

At least for thirty-three years, now, anyway. If I've learned one thing since my wedding day, it's to not take your love or marriage for granted. To say we've had our ups and downs is putting it mildly...and it can turn in a heartbeat.

But if it ended tomorrow, I'd have no regrets. Meeting Tom that fortuitous night in the Diamondback Saloon was a blessing...a seed that continued sprouting and blooming into a garden of blessings.

I'm so grateful for each and every one of these thirty-three years...even the bad ones, because they helped me appreciate the good ones.

 

photo by bloom photography

 

(I've also learned that thirty-three years can go by really fast!)

Happy 33rd anniversary to the love of my life!

...But the greatest of these is love.

~1 Corinthians 13:13

(This is a slightly edited re-post from another anniversary a few years ago, if it sounds familiar, but it's all still true!)

 

Embrace

 

em·brace

əmˈbrās/

verb

 

 

1.hold (someone) closely in one's arms, especially as a sign of affection.

 

2. accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically

 

 

Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course. 

~William Shakespeare

 

"Embrace" is more than my word for the year. It's my call-to-action, a one word reminder to welcome each day as a new opportunity to correct mistakes, to challenge myself, to keep an eye open for blessings ... to be a blessing to someone else ... no matter what the day brings.

 

"Persevere" was in the lead for 2015, until "Embrace" popped out at me from a song or somewhere,  and I pictured the card below that a friend gave me. It has echoed in my head ever since. 

 

"Persevere" seems negative. Gray. It trudges alone through the problems of the day, sweating and straining just to get to the end.

 

But "Embrace" is golden, full of light and warmth. It reaches out to accept not only blue skies, but stormy ones as well, knowing there is a type of beauty and purpose in each, and that when it's all over, everything will be okay.

 

 

 

 

So each morning, when I first start grumbling about having to get up so early or feel overwhelmed and stretched thin when I remember all of my urgent to-do's, I'm learning to turn those thoughts into gratitude for the new day by dropping to my knees beside my bed and asking God to guide me, give me strength, and help me embrace whatever the day has in store ... the pains, the joys, the successes, the failures. 

 

Life is too short to do otherwise.

 

Love... it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.

~ Khalil Gibran

 

 

There is a Bridge: Love, Music, and Earthly Angels

 

A friend shared this on Facebook yesterday. 

It was so moving, so glorious, and such a beautiful illustration of Love, that I knew right away I wanted to share it with all of you, as well. 

Searching for it on You Tube just now, I discovered it's actually 5 years old, so perhaps you've already seen it. 

But if you haven't, please watch it through to the very end... which is only 5 minutes. 

You won't be sorry. 

 Naomi Feil, founder of Validation therapy, shares a breakthrough moment of communication with Gladys Wilson, a woman who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2000 and was virtually non-verbal.

 More info: www.memorybridge.org

 

 

Love is so powerful and each of us can do so much if we allow it to work through us.

Merry Christmas!

Don't worry. I got this.

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

 

 

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into...but he did it anyway. 

 

 

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do." 

In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva...to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried. 

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

 

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea...about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe...living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes - Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)...visiting a dozen other countries...eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

 

 

My husband Tom was raised in that military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different...by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget ... hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day...period! And yet as soon as he could, he joined the service...the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard.

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted - as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary.

To many, they are a symbol of war, not peace, and sadly become targets of derision, scorn, blame... and even violence, like the sad incident at Ft. Hood a few years ago.

They deserve to be thanked every day of the year. A friend of mine says that when he's in a restaurant and sees a man or woman in uniform, he secretly pays their bill. What a wonderful idea! I think more of us should go out of our way every day to show our appreciation, but I'm glad there is at least one special day where we shine a spotlight on them, remember their sacrifices and make clear our gratitude.

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan...and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs or how much you've given.

But let's hope we do remember the price, as well as those who, through their actions, say "Don't worry. I got this."

(If this sounds familiar, it's a re-post from last year and the year before and the year before, with just a few tweeks. With the passing of Daddy, my Uncle Bobby, and Pop in recent years, and my brother Buster years ago, this day feels especially poignant. I don't want their service to be forgotten.)

 

 

I took a walk...

 

After a long day of driving and showing houses to clients all over Austin, then a never-long-enough visit with my mom, I arrived back home yesterday evening just as the sun started its goodbyes. The light was golden, the sky a crisp and an ever-deepening blue. 

I set aside the list of things I still needed to do and headed down my caliche road with Belle, feeling lighter with every step.

"Solvitur ambulando, St. Jerome was fond of saying. To solve a problem, walk around."

~Gregory McNamee

 

 

"The night walked down the sky with the moon in her hand."

~Frederick L. Knowles

 

Along the way, our new neighbors overtook us on their 4-wheel drive ATV, their golden retriever running alongside them. Belle and I heard them coming, stepped off the road, and waited. 

When the golden spotted us, he veered over to investigate. I'm ashamed to tell you that Belle wasn't very friendly to him. However, she responded to my commands and stayed beside me.

The golden couldn't help himself. He kept coming around to investigate. They finally all turned and headed back to their house, and we continued on our walk, once again enjoying the last rays of the sun and the peace of the Hollow, despite the interruption. 

 

 

 

Then, as usual, Belle and I headed out again this morning for a walk before church.

Near the curve of the road, we encountered neighbors who live up the hill. They like to walk their three dogs on our road.

This time Belle minded her manners and stayed friendly. Unfortunately, two of theirs weren't so friendly. One - the largest one - even lunged at Belle. No actual contact was made, thank goodness.

The owner scolded it, grabbed it by its collar, and they headed on down the road in one direction while we continued on our walk in the other. 

Sigh. Our road is getting much too crowded. And perhaps I'm becoming a snob. Or a hermit.

 

 

 

Belle is a fast walker. To keep up with her - and to get in a little work-out, not to mention save time, on busy mornings - I've started jogging. 

I stopped jogging on our road a few years ago because it's made of caliche... essentially gravel and loose rocks on top of uneven solid rock. It's tough on the feet and there's a high risk of tripping or twisting your ankle. 

But (did I mention this already?) Belle walks really, really fast. She needs the exercise, and I need the exercise, and this past week has been so crazy busy that there was no other time to work-out otherwise.

I never saw that rock. The one that reached up and grabbed my toe, sending me flying and slipping an anticipatory curse word into my Rosary.

I mostly landed on my forearms, sliding a few centimeters along the gravel. I'm now sporting huge bandaids on my elbows and one knee, and bruises are still popping up on my arms and left leg.

But...nothing was broken, except skin. Not even my phone.

That's pretty amazing and sweet! when you get to be my age!

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past week...

 

Tuesday: a new client and a referral from a colleague; dinner and reminiscing with your sister, her friend, and your cousin; a sweet card in the mail from your work family

 

 

Wednesday: taking classes so you can stay informed about your business; your puppy barking in her sleep behind you as you work; new clients

 

 

Thursday: not breaking anything except skin when you trip and fall while running on your caliche road with your puppy; closings and happy clients; finally meeting a client in person for the first time after helping her relocate from Illinois to Texas; networking with friends/colleagues and meeting new ones; bumping into a high school friend of your son's; trying new restaurants with your daughter

 

 

 

Friday: watching the sunrise color a gray world; corn chowder a la the Avenue B Grocery, eaten outside on a gorgeous autumn day; a text containing a photo of your sweet great-niece dressed up for Halloween

 

Saturday: helping the daughter of a high school friend find a home in Austin; exploring homes all around the University of Texas with college girls; finding out your phone isn't completely dead; a walk on a country road at dusk with your puppy after a long day

 

 

Sunday: discovering your husband and son made it home safe in the middle of the night from their Arkansas canoeing adventure; a glimpse of their adventure through their photographs; your son relocating a turtle to a pond with water in it; commemorating All Soul's Day with a candlelight ceremony outside of your church

"Is death the last sleep? No, it is the last and final awakening. "

~ Sir Walter Scott

 

 As always, please share your sweet moments from the past week in the comments!

Moving forward, but not forgetting...

 

Lord, take me where you want me to go;
Let me meet who you want me to meet;
Tell me what you want me to say; and
Keep me out of your way.

- Fr. Mychal Judge, FDNY (died 9/11/01)

 

 

Every year in late September, early October, I head to the coast with a group of friends for some beach therapy. Our annual adventure is coming up soon, in fact. We've gone every year since 1999 - except one. 

That September of 2001 we were counting down the days until we could wave goodbye to our families, ready for some alone time.... a few days not having to do anything for anyone but ourselves.

But on the afternoon of the 11th, we changed our minds. We no longer wanted to wave goodbye to our families - we wanted to wrap them around us, so close and tight we could feel their breath and smell their familiar sweetness.  

It wasn't a decision driven by fear. We knew the odds of some terrorist targeting our little Texas Hill Country town, or the little fishing town on the Gulf where we sought some peace and quiet, were slim to none.

But as that day progressed, we were reminded not to take our loved ones or the time we have with them for granted. Not to let a day go by without making sure they knew they were our whole world. Not to forget that every morning we may be opening our eyes to our very last day on this earth.

So that autumn we soaked up our families instead of the sunshine. We stayed close to home, pondered the changes in our country and our world. We prayed for peace.

But the next year we packed our swimsuits, sunscreen, magazines, Bloody Mary mix, and vodka, and headed for the beach. We've done so ever since. We continued our lives, relished our freedom, refusing to let fear mold our lives, for that would allow the terrorists to win. 

But we haven't forgotten the lessons we learned on September 11, 2001 and the days that followed, about the things that truly matter and the steel-strength of this nation. We haven't forgotten how we overcame our differences, although some days (especially around election time) it's hard to believe. We haven't forgotten those ordinary citizens who were called to be heroes - and accepted the call.

We haven't forgotten that by going about our lives, speaking our minds and sticking up for one another, we are fighting a war - and winning.

 

 

"This day and every day. Tear us down and we WILL rebuild. Knock us down and we WILL arise. We are people of diverse faith, ideologies, and color. We may be distracted or divided by internal matters, such as politics, but we are America and we will remain." 

~Johnny "Happy" Valentine, veteran and teacher

 

(A repost from 2012)

Ky, my friend

 

“It was an odd friendship, but the oddnesses of friendships are a frequent guarantee of their lasting texture.”

~Ford Madox Ford

 

First thing this morning,  my heart was broken.

I was preparing to do my homework for a class, had barely started eating my cereal, when I checked my email and saw the message from my dear friend Ky's son, letting me know he passed away on Monday.

And thus began a day of tears. 

I just saw Ky in January at our second DuPont Old Farts Club reunion. Sure, his hair was all white, but otherwise, to me he hadn't aged a bit since we first met in 1982. He was energetic, all smiles, so happy to be there and reconnect with the rest of us.

 

 

I never, ever suspected that would be the last time I saw him. Maybe some of the others. But not Ky.

After all, I've actually seen him two other times since we both hung up our hardhats, at the weddings of two of his seven sons. 

 

 

 

He loved to talk about those sons and his wife on our long twelve-hour shifts. He would also tell stories about having to leave his home in China when the Communists took over, and then years later having to flee Viet Nam with his young family for the same reason. He told me he learned English from reading Reader's Digest magazines.

I loved his stories.

Ky never called me "Barbara". It was always "Barbie." And that was okay. I can hear him even now.

I don't remember how or when we became such good friends. It just happened. As odd as it seems, there was something inside each of us that transcended gender age, nationality, religion...even language.

There was something that was the same, allowing a forty-something Chinese Buddhist father of seven sons and the twenty-something Texan Baptist newlywed woman to form a friendship that would span decades.

Ky enriched my life. The tears that flowed today were in sorrow, of course, that his open and honest smile would no longer shine in this world, but they were also in gratitude for knowing him and relief that I didn't miss an opportunity to see him when it was given.

Ky knew how much our friendship meant to me, which gives me peace, and my memories bring me smiles. I guess I can't ask for more than that.

Thank you, and may you rest in peace, Ky, my dear, dear friend.

Ky's death wasn't just unexpected to me. It caught his family by surprise as well, so please keep them all in your prayers. He left an awesome legacy...as good men always do.

Memorial Day...memories and gratitude

 

Thanks to you...

...I slept in a little this morning, until the impatient sunlight pestered me awake.

...I walked with the dogs along a country road, safe and free.

...I'll spend time with my family, maybe play some ping-pong with my kids or watch a movie. 

Thanks to you...

...I grew up in a country where I (mostly) make my own choices.

...I live in a land where my dreams are limited only by my own lack of creativity, ambition and drive.

...my children face a future where almost anything is possible.

...I'm free to live my life because you gave your own.

 

I promise I won't forget. I promise I won't take it for granted.

I promise your sacrifice won't be wasted on me.

 

 

I wrote that post a few years ago, but it sums up my feelings so well, I wanted to share it again.

Memorial Day always triggers a little extra gratitude in me for a completely different reason, so here's another slightly-altered repost...

 

We spent that Memorial Day in 1998 with our kids and other families, swimming in a cold river, eating fresh pineapple, grilling burgers. That night we laughed and danced to Johnny Dee and the Rocket '88s.

Then a phone call early on Tuesday morning made me realize how much I had been taking for granted and how quickly life can change directions.

That Tuesday was sixteen years ago today, but at times it feels like yesterday. Tom left for work, expecting it to be like any other day, but it wasn't.  He didn't expect the other car to come into his lane, didn't expect to spend a week in the hospital or the summer trying to heal and recover instead of building our home. He didn't expect to live with pain for the next sixteen years.

But that's what happened, whether he expected it or not. And the thing is, we got through it. We built our home... not that summer, but there were other summers... and I'm grateful for that.

We've spent more days swimming in cold water with family and friends, and evenings laughing and dancing. I don't think a day goes by when Tom isn't in some degree of pain, but somehow he moves on and doesn't let it stop him from doing what he needs, or wants, to do.

It wasn't the last unexpected detour in our road we've encountered, and I'm sure there are more waiting for us. I can't say I'm grateful it happened. I'd love to tell you something positive that came from it, but honestly, I haven't been able to see that ray of light yet. Perhaps it's shining where I can't see it. I can only hope so.

But life is just too short for grudges and regrets that burn holes in your heart, for dwelling on the past or the future so long that you miss your today.

It's too short not to pursue your passion even if you only have a few seconds free each day to do it.

Too short to sit back and wait for things to happen, or for someone else to do it, or to make excuses.

Too short not to love with your whole heart, leaving no room for pride or selfishness, always trying to understand, listen, forgive, and ask forgiveness.

Too short not to take care of yourself and those you love.

Life is just too short, period, and too wonderful to take for granted.

Happy 16th anniversary of a second chance, Tom. I love you!

 

(I've spared you the most graphic images of Tom. His face was split open. You're welcome. I took notes during those long days and turned them into an essay... "In the Aftermath of a Car Crash" )

 

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~Gladys Bronwyn Stern

 

What are you grateful for?

Easter Sweet

 

We shared Easter dinner with all of our kids today, no small feat once your kids get married and other families expect to see them on the holidays, too. 

It's been a busy week. Besides Mama's hospital adventure, I started an intense 7-week real estate training course, which includes journaling and other homework, like contacting at least 100 people a week voice-to-voice about their real estate needs.

To reach my hundred before the deadline, I even stopped at a gas station Wednesday night and asked all the patrons in there if they knew anyone who was in the market to buy, sell, or invest in real estate.

I made six contacts and got one good lead from it! You just don't know until you ask who needs help... and they don't know you can help them until you tell them.

(Would you believe I used to be shy?)

Anyway, I didn't have time to decorate for Easter until last night, pulling out the beautiful hand-painted eggs my mother gave to my kids every Easter for years...

 

 

 

...displaying Easter photos from the past...

 

 

...and setting a few ceramic bunnies around the house.

 

 

I have tons; the Easter Bunny always left one in each of my children's baskets... every Easter for years and years...

 

 

I'm not sure what he was thinking. Most of them stay boxed up these days. I have more bunnies than I have surface space to put them on!

 

 

They're cute, though, aren't they? I'm really not sorry the Easter Bunny left them.

 

We had planned for Mama to join us for Easter, but had to settle for visiting her after dinner because of her gall bladder surgery earlier this week. The trip down our bumpy dirt road and rock-paved front walk would have caused her excrutiating pain.

 She got plenty of goodies, though. I gave her some chocolate eggs yesterday, then my cousin stopped by with a basket of treats and some chocolate-covered strawberries. 

My son and his wife took her another basket today. I know the biggest treat for her was getting to see them, though.

Seeing them was a treat for me, too!

 

 

Easter is the ultimate sweet!, isn't it? It's proof that we are loved and that miracles can happen... a source of hope that even simple things we believe are dead - a friendship or a dream - can come back to life.

Sweetest of all... the assurance that we can see our loved ones again someday.

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past couple of weeks (playing catch up!) ...

Thursday: investing and believing in yourself; becoming part of a team

Friday: attending a Chamber of Commerce luncheon at the restaurant where you used to work; catching up with your former co-workers and friends you never get to see

Saturday: finally getting a chance to gather up your tax documents

Sunday: the relief you feel when the ambulance takes your mom to the hospital you requested; smart, caring emergency room doctors and nurses; being able to be at your mom's side in an emergency

Monday: your cousin taking off work to be at your side during your mom's surgery

Tuesday: lunch with a sweet friend; the flexibility of working from a hospital room so you can be with your mom

Wednesday: your mom well enough to be released from the hospital; friends who remember your mom at Easter

 

 

Thursday: challenging yourself to grow; helping clients find just the right home; the humbling experience of having your feet washed by your priest in a Holy Thursday ceremony

 

 

Friday: photographing a cute couple getting married at Chapel Dulcinea (they're ringing the bells after the ceremony in the photo above); recognizing and talking to the chaplain who married your son and daughter-in-law last year; finally seeing a dear friend after 22 years 

 

(I spent hours and hours talking to Terry in the control room of our chemical plant. He's the one who introduced me to Rick Steves! He talked a lot about his kids - what a shock to see them all grown up. Really hit home how long ago those talks were! His daughter is the lovely bride...who looks just like him!)

 

Saturday: getting two real estate leads in two different grocery stores in two days; a husband who knows how to fix plumbing problems

Sunday: Easter Mass; Easter dinner with your husband and kids, and a hug from your mom; chocolate

I hope all of you who celebrate had a beautiful Easter ... and that the peace and hope of Easter remains in your heart forever.

Here's a snippet of one of my new favorite songs that I think reflects that peace, hope, and faith. I find encouragement, assurance, and inspiration in the words during these days of new beginnings and great unknowns. I hope you do, too.

 

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand"

~ Hillside United

 

A Lenten Rambling

 

The simplicity of winter has a deep moral. The return of Nature, after such a career of splendor and prodigality, to habits so simple and austere, is not lost either upon the head or the heart. It is the philosopher coming back from the banquet and the wine to a cup of water and a crust of bread.

~John Burroughs, "The Snow-Walkers," 1866

 

 

Tuesday morning, just days after spring-like temperatures which tempted yellow flowers and redbuds alike to blossom, 

I woke to a world sparkling in tiny icicles. 

 

 

That's like life, isn't it? Things are progressing quite well and we take it for granted it will continue.

Then winter returns.

 

 

A friend said goodbye to her mother today, so mortality was on my mind more than ever on this first day of Lent.

For my peers, this past year has been one of saying goodbye, of watching loved ones laid to rest, including my own precious Daddy. I guess we've just reached that age.

 

Ah, if you knew what peace there is in an accepted sorrow!

~ Jeanne Marie Bouvier de la Motte Guyon

 

Sorrow sits on my shoulder. You might not see it, but it settled there more than a year ago when we said goodbye to my father-in-law, and remained as we watched the steady decline of my parents.

I've come to accept its presence. After all, death is part of life, and feeling sorrow is just proof that we love. 

But I've learned that sorrow and joy can live together. In fact, the presence of sorrow often heightens the feeling of joy, by reminding me that life on this earth is short. Time is precious, not to be wasted by half attempts at anything or on things that aren't important in the grand scheme of things.

 

We offer You our failures,
we offer You attempts;
The gifts not fully given,
the dreams not fully dreamt.
Give our stumblings direction,
give our visions wider view,
An offering of ashes,
An offering to You.

~Tim Conroy

 

Lent is a time to reflect, to consider what is important in the grand scheme, so you don't waste time on what isn't. To step back and see how well you're doing with the gifts you've been given ... to recognize the rough edges that need sanding ... to take a breath, and refocus ...

... to vow to love fully and completely.

And what could be more important in the grand scheme of things?

 

"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting."

-Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

  

Love and Respect

There have been mornings when, after snapping photos of birds or leaves or bugs, I turn and discover Max and Belle are nowhere in sight.

They've slipped off in a different direction, distracted by an interesting smell or a glimpse of a squirrel, assuming I will follow them (as I often do.)

So I backtrack, calling their names, until finally we're back together, headed along the same path.

Relationships can be like that, too. You each have your own interests or responsibilities - which is a good thing, of course - but sometimes you forget to check on each other.

You get caught up in what you're doing as if it's all that matters, oblivious to what the other is going through, assuming they are right there with you...until you look up and find you're all alone.

If you're lucky, you can backtrack and find each other. But often, that isn't the case, as we all know.

There's a perception that love conquers all. It does, but it's not that simple. It doesn't just happen automatically.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I didn't just assume all knowledge about pregnancy and motherhood would come naturally. I bought books and subscribed to parenting magazines. I wasn't taking any chances.

And when Tom decided to build a house, he didn't just trust his vision or his gift for woodworking. He bought books and subscribed to magazines about construction, tools, and building. He wanted to make sure the house was done right and could weather any storm.

Yet we didn't treat marriage the same way. It never occurred to us when we decided to get married thirty-two years ago that we should educate ourselves beyond the few "Engagement Encounter" sessions the Catholic church required.

We didn't even think we needed those. After all, it was pretty much love at first sight for us. We were meant to be together, totally in sync, thought alike, had the same visions, opinions, and goals...

We were in love. We didn't need anything else.

If you've been married very long, you're probably laughing by now. You know it's not that easy.

Before we knew what was happening, we found ourselves drifting off on different paths, seeing issues from different perspectives, backtracking, compromising, giving in, or digging in.

But despite some pretty tense times in our marriage, we never considered counseling or workshops of any kind along the way.  We were special, more in-tune with each other and more in love than anyone else in the history of the world had ever been. We could work it out ourselves.

However, several couples who I thought were special like us have recently fallen apart, or come close to it, after decades together, which made me realize Tom and I have really just been lucky that we've made it as far as we have.

Two friends separately told me about one particular book that helped save their marriages. I became curious, and because my marriage is very precious to me, I ordered a copy to read myself. 

The premise of "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is that women's basic need is love and men's is respect. Unconditional love. Unconditional respect.

I admit that made me stop and think. I've always believed respect should be earned. How do you respect unconditionally?

But...if love can be unconditional, then I had to consider that respect could be, too. So I kept reading.

I admit, there were times while reading that the feminist in me clenched her teeth, rolled her eyes, and ranted over certain passages. I need respect, too, for crying out loud! I have a brain!

But I had been forewarned by one of the friends...a very independent, outspoken, strong woman...that that would happen, and to give the book a chance. To read it all the way through.

So I kept reading. And I'm glad I did. Sure enough, by the end, he mentions all of the exceptions I thought of and addresses my questions.

I wish the book had been around and someone had recommended it when we were newlyweds. If we'd read it way back then, maybe we would have avoided most of the bumpy roads we've taken. The book opened my eyes to many mistakes I'd made over the years that created a lot (but not all!) of those bumps. 

Mostly he points out what triggers the "crazy-cycle" couples often get into and give good advice on how to avoid it, or how to get out of it when you forget and slip back into it.

Eggerichs theory is Bible-based and the book is laced with verses, but even if you're not a Christian, I think you'll see that what he suggests is very practical. It's actually good advice for any relationship...between you and your children, your parents, your co-workers, your boss...

So this is my Valentine's Day gift to you...a recommendation to educate yourself if you're in a relationship, whether it's through this book or or a workshop or some other way that helps you communicate and smooth out the bumps...or avoid them altogether. Otherwise you might find yourself at a dead-end, staring at a stranger.

Treat your love like the precious treasure it is. Love deserves that much.

(If you're not in a relationship with someone else, you're still in a relationship with you! And that's still a precious treasure! Treat yourself accordingly!)

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you've got a recommendation for a book, workshop, or just something you've discovered that helps relationships grow stronger, please share in the comments!

 

 

                    Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

(Disclosure: I'm an Amazon Affiliate. If you buy it through this link, I get a few pennies. But that's not why I'm recommending it. )

Dona Nobis Pacem

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. "
 

 ~Mother Teresa

 

Today is the 10th Blog Blast for Peace Day, a worldwide plead for peace...a responsibility not put on governments alone, but on each one of us. 

Dona Nobis Pacem...grant us peace.

We are the seeds of peace. May we all allow ourselves to grow, and by our example, spread the message. Peace walks hand-in-hand with love.

Here's an example of someone who has peace in his heart and knows he is called to share it...

Peace be with you...

...and may peace flow out of you to everyone around you, so that they may share it, too.

 

"Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me."

~Seymour Miller & Jill Jackson

Bittersweet

 

 

 

I spotted it when I stepped out onto the front porch one morning this past week, in between trips to Houston. I noticed the fossil first, thinking it had fallen from its spot on the windowsill above the bench where it now rested.

Then I realized it had been placed there to hold down a handwritten note.

"...I wanted to drop you a note and let you know you and your family are in my prayers..." 

It was from my longtime friend George. He has been making multiple trips from Houston to San Angelo to see his mother-in-law, who they discovered had lung cancer earlier this summer, and tries to vary it by taking different routes.

He left the note on Sunday. On Monday, a few hours after I found the note, his mother-in-law passed away. On Tuesday, while I said my last goodbye to my Daddy, he was on his way to San Angelo again, to help his wife say goodbye to her mother.

Considering my house is a mile down a dirt road, off of a small highway that twists and turns and isn't a shortcut between San Angelo and Houston by any means, it's a huge honor that he took the time to go that way to ease my pain over losing my dad, especially when he knew I wasn't home.

A few years ago in a post about friendship, I spoke of it as a garden that needs to be watered. Ever since then, we've referred to our infrequent emails as 'watering the garden'. 

So on the back of the note he sketched a flower and added these words: "You are a daisy in my garden...May God continue to shine through you and give you Peace...Can you feel the water?"

All those years ago, when we worked on the high school yearbook together and planned to go sky-diving, we never imagined that one day our friendship would include these days of mourning each other's losses. And I'm glad we didn't.

However, I am so very grateful we're still friends, flowers in each other's gardens.

(Please keep George, his wife, and their family in your prayers!)

A good friend is a connection to life -

a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. 

~Lois Wyse

 

Here are a few other bittersweets from my past week...

 

Sunday: joining with your siblings to support your mom after your father's passing; a safe journey home after a heartbreaking weekend  

Monday: a day to immerse yourself in images from your father's life that will become a slideshow memorial; a safe journey back to your childhood home with two of your kids, and the safe arrival of two more

Tuesday: helping your mom prepare for your dad's funeral; an ice chest full of eggs, bacon, and biscuits waiting on your parents' doorstep, courtesy of a friend; a limo driver named Paul, who provides just the right amount of conversation on a tough day; friends who help you mourn your father; "Day is Done" by a solitary trumpet, in honor of your father's service to his country 

 

Wednesday: breakfast, courtesy of and the friend who left the ice chest full of food on the porch the day before, and your son, who took his Granddaddy's place at the stove; fitting the huge schefflera plant from your Divas and other plants from friends into your car trunk; a safe journey home; Whataburger in LaGrange at sunset with your kids

Thursday: winning a book you wanted in a contest in your lead generation class; love, in the form of cards, waiting for you in your mailbox

 

Friday: lunch with new friends/colleagues; your new business cards waiting for you on the front porch; a walk with your puppies at sunset

 

Saturday: a day at home to catch your breath; your cousin traveling to see your mom and take her to lunch; tiny purple flowers shaped like Easter lilies

 

Sunday: Mass with your kids and hugs from your friends; cleaning and organizing sprees, even if they only make a dent; your husband making it home, safe and sound, after his own long journey to support his brother during a sad time

I hope your week has been full of more sweet!s than bittersweets. Share them here! If nothing else, look around at those you call friends, and give thanks. 

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” 

 ~ Shauna Niequist

 

 

Five Things on Friday...er, Saturday

 

1.

I am kicking myself every day that I didn't become a realtor years ago. And I haven't even made any money yet! (Call me!)

(Thanks to my sweet sister-in-law for the blingy name badge!)

 

2.

I believe juggling real estate, my blogs, photography, writing, and family responsibilities is going to be harder than I thought it was...at least at first...but I'm going to keep trying to do it, anyway.

 

3.

It's September, yet we're hitting triple digits every day, as if it were still summer! Consequently, my house smells like country dogs and my allergies are going crazy because of it.

4.

Our 'big' pond is now a marsh. We need rain.

 

 

This is the original creek bed. In a good year, the pond level is ten feet above the banks of the creekbed.

 

5.

We experienced a family tragedy this week, in the true sense of the word. It isn't my story to tell, other than a broken heart because people I love are suffering, so I'm not going to share details here.

But I will ask that you lift them in prayer.

Thank you.

 

Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light. 

~Jean Giraudoux

Linking with Nancy's Random 5 Friday

Five on Friday: Give me peace for the moment...

 

1.

I had to report for jury duty on Monday. It was in the old Travis County Courthouse, which to me is what a courthouse and jury room should look like...straight out of an old Perry Mason episode.

It was a wonderful process. The judge was very passionate and took lots of time explaining the process to us. I didn't really want to get picked (I'm in the middle of the whole real estate license thing and need to start making money!) but I decided to just be honest and see what happened.

I didn't get picked. Maybe I was too honest.

I was relieved in a way...but by then I was involved and interested in the case, so I also felt rejected!

 

2.

But since I didn't get picked for jury duty, I was free to take the State Exam for real estate on Wednesday.

I passed! I barely crossed the line on one part, but what matters is I did cross it. Whew! Now the real education begins, so I kept the momentum going and signed with an agency yesterday. Training begins next week.

I'm ready to hit the ground running!

 

3a.

There's a dead deer lying half in, half out of our creek, with a huge chunk of its rear-end missing. I'll spare you the photo of it I took to send to Tom.

Well, I'm not sure how much of the deer is still down there, actually. For the past two days coyotes have been fighting over it all night, yapping and yapping and making our poor puppies feel obligated to bark at them from our back deck. 

I'm glad they don't feel obligated to run down there!

During the day, vultures circle round and round, so close to the house that I hear the whoosh-whoosh of their wings. They glide down under the trees to where the deer is (I can't see it from the house, thank goodness) and then I hear a lot more loud noises.

Of course, the puppies feel obligated to bark at them, too.

3b.

I've taken a lot of photos of "interesting" scat on our road lately (scat = poop). There's a great site I discovered where you can identify what animal it came from. I'll spare you those photos, too. You'll just have to trust me that we've had coyote and fox and owl...and something much larger...crossing our road lately.

...Which makes me very nervous for Max with his wobbly hips and legs, poor old puppy, what with the dead (full-sized antlered) deer down there by the creek .

 

4.

 

In honor of its 75th anniversary, our local electricity co-op is sponsoring a photography contest for members with the theme: My life in Central Texas.

 

I chose a photo of a morning walk with the puppies from several years ago, back when Belle really was a puppy and Frankie, our late guinea fowl, thought he was one, too. 

Click HERE to see my submission page. Voting begins on August 26th and I would appreciate yours...and your friends' vote, too! There are some cash prizes!

It was tough narrowing it down to one photo, and there were some size requirements, too. But I had fun going back through all of the memories with that funny little bird.

I'm posting most of them over on Confessions in three posts, starting with THIS ONE, if you feel like looking at tons of photos of a precocious guinea fowl.

Rest in peace, Frankie bird. I miss you peering in the window at me while I work.

 

5.

Do you get songs stuck in your head? I have one running right now, and I'm grateful for it.

It's "Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets. Here are some of the lyrics playing in my head...very reassuring and calming in these days when there are so many things going on and decisions need to be made...

 

If there's a road I should walk
Help me find it.

If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment.

 

And here's the song itself, below. If you're feeling stressed and /or need help figuring out what direction to head, I recommend it!

I hope you have a wonderful Friday and a beautiful weekend!

(Linking up with Nancy at A Rural Journal's Random 5 Friday)

 

 

Thirty-One Years

Thirty-one years. That's officially how long Tom and I have been married as of this evening, around 6 or 7 pm.

And they said you couldn't find lasting love in a bar...

...No more looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Now that I found a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover 
You, oh you, lookin' for love.

~Wanda Mallette and Patti Ryan

(For our first dance as a married couple, we chose "Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places."  Yes, really! I still love that song!)

They also said getting married on a Friday the 13th was bad luck...that once Tom graduated from college with his degree he'd dump me...that building a house together was suicide for a marriage...

We proved them all wrong...

...at least for thirty-one years, anyway. If I've learned one thing since my wedding day, it's to not take your love or marriage for granted. To say we've had our ups and downs is putting it mildly...and it can turn in a heartbeat.

But if it ended tomorrow, I'd have no regrets. Meeting Tom that fortuituous night in the Diamondback Saloon was a blessing...a seed that continued sprouting and blooming into a garden of blessings.

I'm so grateful for each and every one of these thirty-one years...even the bad ones, because they helped me appreciate the good ones.

 

photo by bloom photography

(I've also learned that thirty-one years can go by really fast!)

Happy 31st anniversary to the love of my life!

...But the greatest of these is love.

~1 Corinthians 13:13

 

Sons, Sunday mornings, and other sweet!s

I'm not proud to admit this, but I missed church this morning because of the rain. 

Right about the time Daniel and I were going to head out the door (Tom was still snoozing!) - already running late because we had to let the terrified dogs into the laundry room - the break in the unexpected morning storm disappeared and sheets of rain pelted the Hollow sideways like a firehose aimed right at us. 

I pictured myself trying to scramble up our rock pathway in my heels and knew an umbrella would be no match for that storm.  I'd be soaked in seconds even if I remained standing.

If I didn't have to go to work right after church...if we weren't already running ten or fifteen minutes late...

Anyway...instead of getting soaked, we went out on the deck with cups of coffee, gave thanks for the much-needed rain, and watched a little bird zip and flip and twirl through the air to catch tiny moths that drifted up from the ground.

I tried to capture his acrobatics with my camera, but no luck. Thank goodness he had mercy on me and posed on Tom's truck for a few seconds.

 

Anyone know what he is? We decided to just call him a Variegated Brown Moth-Eater. It sounded official enough.

Here are some other sweet! moments from my past week...

Sunday: fireflies; late-night chocolate chip pancakes, courtesy of your daughter; catching new things in Galaxy Quest that make you and your daughter laugh even though you've seen it a million times already

Monday: your son and husband making it back from Florida, safe and sound; being in the right place at the right time to be asked to (volunteer to) be in a commercial; Chuy's tortilla soup; not having a problem with eating in a restaurant alone; a stack of books from your mother-in-law, because she knows you love books

Tuesday: a friend who tries to get you a job, even if she's unsuccessful; virtual hugs when you're having a tough day; the right verse in your email to soothe your disappointment 

 

 

Wednesday: waking up with a sense of peace after a dark day; watching your old puppy swim; a field of yellow

Thursday: one last cut and color with your stylist until you find a real job; a hug from your baby girl; getting up the nerve to apply for a job even when you know it's a long shot

 

Friday: a request to photograph a fun family; progress on your children's book; delicate wildflowers on your morning walk

 

Saturday: a morning at Laguna Gloria; great critiques; a swan, swimming and posing for you; a sweet card from a dear friend; your son fast-forwarding through parts of the Matrix so you can watch the awesome fight at the end before you have to leave; going somewhere even though you don't know a soul there; meeting new friends; dancing at Stubbs BBQ; seeing Pioneer Woman in person!

 

 

Sunday: spotting a blog friend's daughter on the Today show, singing at Princess Madeleine of Sweden's wedding; sitting on a covered porch during a thunderstorm with your son; a blue sky after a thunderstorm; a beef quesadilla for lunch before work, thanks to your son; a dog that imitates a meerkat; perfect guacamole...and you made it!

 

I hope your past week was full of sweet! moments, but you find more in the week ahead! Share them with me here!

Five Things from La-La Land

Linking with A Rural Journal's Random 5 Friday 

 

1. 

 

This card, full of words of love and encouragement and inspiration, waited for me in the mailbox earlier this week, a precious gift from my friend Rae. 

How could I not share them with you, because the words are true for all of us, aren't they? Take a minute to read them and believe them. You are very special.

Thank you again, sweet Rae!

 

2.

In a previous life, Jeannie was my kids' high school Spanish teacher. A few years ago she retired to follow her dream of becoming a missionary in Honduras through SAMSUSA.org.

I subscribe to her newsletters and in today's I found this note that made me really stop and think. I thought it was worth sharing with you, too...

 

Dear Mission Partners,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what we pray for. I hear so many people resolve their problems and say, Oh, if God would just.....let me pass the exam, give me the dream job I want.... everything would be good and I could handle it from there. We want Him to hand our desires to us and back off. We want the control back. We think we know what’s best for us. When he doesn’t answer our prayer we feel abandoned. God doesn’t care.

We often never consider that He has other plans for us, probably much better plans that we have concocted to solve our problems and make us happy. Usually he makes us wait for His plans and the waiting is very hard when we see our solution just within our grasp. The solution is so obvious! Why won’t He just give it to us?

His plans are so much more comprehensive than our solutions. We don’t see His huge map. Like Sara with Abraham, we tire of waiting and substitute our plans for His. But the true solution is His. What we have done in the meantime may only complicate things.

I’m pretty clear on what I want. I work toward it and pray I am in line with what He wants. But I am praying that His Will, not mine, be done. I am praying to be obedient. Because I know He’s in control. And I have found his plans to be much better than mine. For His Sake,

Jeannie 

Jeannie does amazing work there with the poverty-stricken, transporting children to doctor's visits, among tons of other things. If you're interested in donating to support her mission, send me an email and I'll send you hers.

 

3.

"If you're lost and alone...or you're sinking like a stone...carry on.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on."

~ Fun

Speaking of inspiring and energizing things, Fun. was on the Today Show this morning. This song has been in my head all day. (I'm not complaining!)

 

 

4.

It rained all day today, and I didn't mind a bit because I had no where to go. That's one of the good things about not having a real job beyond writing and a fledgling photography company. (The bad thing about it is the lack of a paycheck, of course.)

Anyway, rain makes me pensive, so I flipped through a few of the journals where I noted details of our lives for about twenty-five years. 

There were some tough times, I'll tell you, but one thing I noticed was how I always ended with a positive note...using words like 'faith' and 'prayer' and 'blessings'. I remember some of those times vividly, the ache and the worry and the fogginess of the road ahead of us.

I love seeing it from this perspective, how the paths opened up and the sun came out again. I was reminded again that God has a plan, that he's got our backs, which is a helpful reminder right now when the road ahead has gone all foggy again.

Tom says I live in La-La Land, where there's always a silver lining and everything is hunky-dory. He says it like it's a bad thing.

But if we've prayed for God's guidance and truly trust him, how can we not think everything is hunky-dory, even if we can't see it from where we're standing at the moment?

 

 

5.

The proof of that hit home when I read through my notes written during my oldest son's heartwrenching high school years...and compare them to the joy and love I see on his face in the short video below of The. Most. Beautiful. Wedding. Ever. Amen. by amazing videographer Adam Grumbo. (I can't wait for the full video!) 

My prayers of so long ago have been answered. My mother-tears were not in vain.

(It takes a minute to buffer, so take my advice -  go grab a tissue while it loads...)

 

Five Things

1.

What a week full of tragedy, heartbreak, and heroism. First the bombing in Boston and subsequent acts of unselfishness and goodness that proved only light can conquer darkness...and that there's plenty of light in Boston. We witnessed it in the behavior of all of its citizens.

Next, the explosion in West, Texas, so close to home, where even more were killed and injured than in Boston. I've driven through that little town on my way somewhere else so many times, stopping for kolaches or to let the kids get rid of energy. In a tiny rural community like that a tragedy like this touches every resident and my heart goes out to them.

Now the earthquake in China. The numbers keep growing of those whose heartbreak is broadcast to all of us via the media...which means we can all pray for them. A universal prayer chain. An image glowing with light in yet another moment of darkness.

 

2.

I love sending cards to friends, but often don't have them on hand or the time to run out and buy one. So I decided to create my own...from my photographs and favorite quotes. I posted them on FineArtAmerica.com and placed my order. It arrived this week in a great box. 

I'm sending this one to all of those affected in #1, as well as anyone else reading this who is suffering loss right now.

 

 

"Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains."

~ Kahlil Gibran

 

3.

Without excusing their behavior, I feel those two young men who planted the Boston bombs were merely pawns played by some greater evil who is sitting back, laughing at how they held us hostage for awhile and probably planning their next move. I pray I've raised my kids to be strong enough not to fall for false flattery, that they may never be manipulated in that way. 

4.

Just home from work yesterday evening, wondering where to get started on things I needed to do, one glance out the kitchen window put everything else on hold. A hawk perched in a tree overlooking our big pond ("big" only in comparison to our "little" pond; it's just a wide spot in a mostly dry creek right now, but it does have water!) I popped the 70-300mm lens on my camera and snapped a few through the window. Then I snuck out the front door, tiptoed around the corner, and managed to snap a few more before he swooped down to the pond. 

"Do you mind?"

They aren't great photos - he was pretty far away - but they're good enough to help me remember and be grateful that I stepped out of "to-do's" and just enjoyed the moment and this beautiful, amazing world around us.

 

5.

We're winding down to the Big Wedding of my son and his beautiful bride-to-be. For a long time the wedding was a year away, and now suddenly it's almost here! How does that happen?

So please don't forget me if I continue to be AWOL from your blogs for awhile, and negligent of emails and Facebook posts. But as my mom pointed out, Tommy's wedding is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. A time to forget about the world and to-do lists and worries about the future, and focus, instead, on love and family and today.

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale." 

 
--Anonymous 

Five Things on (Good) Friday

1. Today is Good Friday, the day Christians around the world stop and consider the fact that an innocent person deliberately gave their life for them, out of love, even though they didn't ask him to and they did nothing to deserve it. Very sobering. 

But leave it to my friend Jim "Suldog" Sullivan to make me laugh about it. Go HERE to read his post about Good Friday.

2. I'm not sure how it happened, but earlier this week my computer and I somehow miscommunicated, resulting in a whole file of photos vanishing. I spent hours researching how to recover them, tried a few things with no luck, and finally spent $17 on a program called FileJuicer that managed to retrieve jpeg copies of my files.

I lamented the loss on Facebook, where a photographer friend/neighbor of mine told me he could retrieve the files from my card, even though I had already reformatted it. I tried not to get my hopes up, but hallelujah! he did it! All of the RAW photos were once again on my card, plus he gave me a copy of the program he used: Rescue Pro by Sandisk. And all it cost me was a 12-pack of Budweiser!

I call him Saint Bruce now. (Check out his beautiful photography at Bruce Coville Photography. The photo on the main page is the view of Lake Travis from his house.)

This is one of the files he saved. Every time I leave Houston I see this message and vow to capture it "next time". I finally remembered (eyes always on the road, don't worry!) and then promptly lost the file. Thanks again for rescuing it, Bruce!

3. My birthday is only a week and a day away. Last year my friends and family surprised me with the gorgeous iMac in front of me right now, telling me to use it to finish my book.

Well, I haven't, and I feel guilty.

4. Macy's put their Keurig coffeemakers on sale... almost half price, with a rebate! Since my old one kept bleeding all over my counter, I decided it was a sign I should get one. Happy birthday to me!

So far I'm loving it. I splurged and bought the little filter you can put your own coffee into. I drink way too much coffee to afford using those fancy k-cups all the time. They're only for company and emergencies!

5. I get to see 2/3 of my kids this weekend. 1/3 has tests next week and worried she wouldn't study if she came home. Sigh. But good decision. I guess.

Since half of the 2/3 is here already (plus my grandpuppy!) I'm finishing this up so I can go spend time with him. I hope you have a beautiful Easter weekend!

 

The outdoor Stations of the Cross at my church was finished enough for a group of us to make our way around this afternoon. Such a beautiful place. Easter blessings to all of you!

A Little Sister, a Shower, and a Salt Lick

I taught her how to drive a stick-shift - she caught on fast, much faster than my kids years later - and when her brother broke up with me, she wrote me poems to soothe my broken heart. She was barely a teenager back then, two years younger than me, and so in our split-high-school district, we never even attended the same school, so our lives went separate ways.

But score another one for Facebook! We recently reconnected. So when she came to Austin to visit her daughter this weekend, we made plans to meet up again for the first time in decades.

In a cool little restaurant within walking distance of her daughter's apartment (Fabi and Rosi) we sped through the years over wine and yummy food. The hours went way too fast. 

It meant missing a writing contest deadline and getting up at 5 a.m. yesterday morning to get my part of my future daughter-in-law's bridal shower ready, but it was totally worth it. Those are the moments that make life sweet!, and you have to grab them while you can.

Here are a few more sweet! moments from the past week...

 

 

Monday: writing before work; realizing you can still work geometry problems; a roaring wind on a sunny day; getting hooked by a good book

Tuesday: soft birdsong on your morning walk; a friend calling you with a job tip; your son's wedding invitation waiting for you in the mail; playing your drums after work

Wednesday: a puppy waiting patiently and hopefully outside the door for you to step outside and cuddle with her; devoting time to your book two days in a row; a long overdue hair cut and re-blonding; quick hugs from your daughter; remembering to pay some bills before they're late

 

 

Thursday: friends who make adorable favors for your future daughter-in-law's bridal shower; clearance racks; your husband still awake to help carry groceries into the house and help put them away at 10:30 pm

Friday: time to run before work; a refresher course in World Geography; starting the second book in the Hunger Games series, while getting paid; catching-up decades over dinner with an old boyfriend's little sister; experiencing another eclectic Austin restaurant

 

 

Saturday: a bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law; a Saturday night at the Salt Lick with your kids and great friends

 

 

Sunday: sleeping in and going to late Mass; the stories on CBS Sunday Morning

 

I don't watch much television, but CBS Sunday Morning is one show I try not to miss. This morning they featured the story of El Paso student Mitchell Marcus. Perhaps you've already heard it, but if you haven't, do yourself a favor and watch this video till the end. 

I hope you have a week filled with sweet! moments...and may we all be like this high school student and make life sweet! for someone else.

Five Things on Friday

 

 

1. Our property is dotted with small iron crosses, marking the resting places of so many precious furry or feathered or scaly loved ones we've been blessed to know. I miss them all. The one above is Charly's and Frankie's.

 

2. I will never get rich monetarily through my blog, but the friendships I've formed because of it are priceless. I've met so many supportive, encouraging, talented friends, and two of them have recently published books. I didn't hesitate to buy them because they are both wonderful, evocative writers, and I feel confident touting them here even though I haven't had time to read either one.  

Love Always Wags Its Tail, by Kathy H. Porter, is a collection of short essays about the dogs in her life. Wolf Pascoe shares what it's like being an anesthesiologist in Breathing for Two.

Follow the links to their blogs and you'll find information about the books. (I received no monetary compensation for these shout-outs - only friendship and support for my own writing.)

 

3. The next time you go out to eat and the place is packed and you start to get irritated because you feel your waiter is ignoring you, please take a deep breath, realize you are not the only customer in the place and that he/she can only do so much at one time, and please, please, please remember your manners. Thank you.

(Oh. And if the website suggests reservations, either make a reservation or don't get upset if you can't be seated. Especially if you're bringing 7 of your friends.) 

 

4. Back at the beginning of January, I decided I would start getting up at 4:30 a.m. instead of 5:30 a.m. so I would have time to work out and/or write before heading to work, if someone happened to call me out. (That's the life of a substitute teacher - you have to be flexible!)

Well, I finally did it. Once. This week. Yay, me!

 

5. For the past week or so, I've spent hours tormenting myself, listening to one You Tube video after another of potential songs for the mother/son dance at the upcoming wedding.

I just sat here at my computer and cried and cried. It was beautiful agony, I tell you, reliving those mom memories. But here's one that made me laugh, even though I wouldn't do this myself..

(Actually, that theme from the Ninja Turtles brings back so many memories, I almost started crying in this one, too!)

 

Nancy at A Rural Journal inspired me to start my Five Things on Friday, although I mutilated her better-alliterated version, 5 Facts Friday, so I encourage you to read hers and add your own if you're so inclined! And I remembered Mrs. 4444 has a regular Friday Fragments hop, so I'll be linking up there, too. It's a great way to tie up all those loose ends from the week!

Hope you have a great weekend!

Signs of Spring, and other Sweet!s

Like the Munchkins when Dorothy first arrives in the (movie) land of Oz, yellow flowers are popping up and peeking out at the world, one by one, to see if the coast is clear and the rumor is true..that the wicked old winter is gone.

(Not that our winters here around Austin, Texas are actually wicked, but I had to go with the theme.)

And last week I spotted a few American Robins up in the trees, another sure sign that Spring is headed our way, despite the lack of buds on the trees.  

(Obviously, the trees have grown cynical.)

 

Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.  ~Virgil A. Kraft

Here are a few more sweet!s that popped up in front of me this past week...

 

Saturday: watching old episodes of Dark Shadows with your son

Sunday: Mass with your son; celebrating friends' birthdays with margaritas and Mexican food, laughter and hugs; a long walk with your son and puppies; watching the Grammys for the first time in years

Monday: rain falling on the hills; working in a school library

Tuesday: drizzly mornings and mist on your face; homemade chocolate and peanut butter covered strawberries; wood-fire-oven-roasted veggies; crab cakes; a call from your oldest son; new running shoes

 

Wednesday: watching the sun rise on your morning walk; meeting interesting people; joining with your church family to celebrate traditions of your faith 

 

 

Thursday: a Mexican Jay escort on your morning walk; getting paid to watch a video on Fitness and Nutrition; a text from a friend letting you know about a job opening; finishing a project; Valentine's Day dinner with the love of your life

Friday: first graders, even when they stretch your patience; silence in a church filled with people praying; dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe and the Schottische; waltzing; stars dusting the hilltops

Saturday: fresh pizza when you're famished; the giggle of leaves playing in the wind on a stone terrace; making a dent in your laundry and email after a week when you've barely been home

Sunday: a deep breath and a cup of coffee on the back deck before returning to the fast track; making surly customers happy; news that your son and his love completed the Livestrong Half Marathon with their personal best times; sitting on the back deck after work, sipping a glass of wine and pouring the characters and stories buzzing around in your head onto paper until it's too dark to see

Here's to another Sunday and another week full of sweet! moments waiting to pop up and surprise us! Keep your eyes open!

Share some of your own sweet!s from the past week in the comments. I love to hear them!

(Typepad's new spam-blocking system is still dumping 95% of comments, including my replies (!), into the spam folder. So don't worry if your comment seems to disappear! I'll retrieve it as soon as possible. Thank you!)

What is (Real) Love?

Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.~

W. Stanley Mooneyham
American minister and speaker, 20th century

 

I was bemoaning the fact that, despite hundreds of miles run, lunges lunged and squats thrusted, and losing enough weight that I could buy my bras in "training" sizes, I still have my grandmother's saddle-bag thighs.

"But you don't have any cellulite anymore," Tom told me.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

The next day I looked for myself. Sigh. Just as dimpled as ever. I knew Tom hadn't been lying or merely trying to make me feel better; he just can't see worth crap anymore. 

But he also just doesn't care. He doesn't care that my hair is thinning. Heck, he wouldn't care if I went bald. He has never been able to tell when I'm wearing makeup or not (I've tested him)...so I'm sure my deepening wrinkles go unnoticed. He pays attention to me, he sees me...but it's the me on the inside...the me that he met and fell in love with despite himself almost 31 years ago. He looks past the "me" on the outside just as I look past the 55-year-old "him" on the outside and see the "him" who asked me for a dance at Diamondback so many years ago.

That's love.

With my son's wedding on the horizon, I've been thinking about married love and what makes it last - or not. Here are a few more...

...Love is the sound of drums coming from my house...fulfilling a wish I had tossed aside, believing it couldn't come true because there wasn't a spot for them in our new house. Tom surprised me with a set (thank you, Craig's List) on our anniversary a few years ago. It proved to me he pays attention. At least sometimes.

(Love is throwing him not one, but two surprise birthday parties...plus a huge family reunion/50th birthday party that lasted two weeks and involved having people sleeping on every square inch of the house, including on a mattress in the downstairs shower stall. Poor Kirby)

...Love is coming in the house from a long weekend, relieved to discover your coffee grounds from four days before have (thank the Lord!) been dumped and all the pieces are clean and dry, ready to go...despite the fact that your spouse doesn't drink coffee. (If he hadn't cleaned it for me...ooh, gross!)

(Love is picking up empty Dr. Pepper cans from all over the house...and outside...and biting my tongue. Pretty much.)

...Love is finding the coupon section of the Sunday newspaper separated for me, without asking.

(Love is gathering up the Sunday newspaper, at times from different rooms in the house, and putting it in the wicker basket where it goes.)

...Love is not minding that I plant myself in front of the computer every evening after dinner to write...and biting his tongue when he sees I'm on Facebook instead.

(Love is not minding that some nights he just crawls in bed and flips channels, instead of working on whatever project is in progress at the time, because he's physically and mentally worn out. He leaves the house at 5:30 am, for goodness sake!)

...Love is not being jealous about phone calls from old boyfriends, or emails from old boyfriends, or birthday lunches with old boyfriends.

(Love is not being jealous about his women friends and co-workers...even when he pinches Lisa's rear-end.)

...Love is always dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe and the Schottische even though his hips and ankles still hurt from that accident in 1998.

(Love is sitting by his side in the hospital for a week, afraid to leave him...holding the urinal in place for an hour because he thinks he can go on his own...feeding him ice chips, sleeping on a fold-out chair, grateful for the sound of his snoring because it means he's alive.)

...Love is piecing together sections of workshop floor matting for me to lie on when I do sit-ups, so my tailbone doesn't get bruised anymore.

(Love is subscribing to Men's World e-newsletters and forwarding the good ones to him to keep him healthy.)

...Love is not nagging each other because the bathroom he/she is in charge of cleaning is a borderline health problem.

...Love is hanging on to and supporting each other through the illness and death of a parent, financial worries, and the never-ending ups and downs of having children.

...Love is saying to hell with everything that needs to be done around here to play ping-pong...or go for long walks along the creek...or travel virtually to Ireland or Istanbul or Italy with Rick Steves...

...Love is still joking around, still having fun, still laughing at each other and at ourselves after almost 32 years...and hoping we have at least another 32 together.

The proof of love is in the works. Where love exists, it works great things. But when it ceases to act, it ceases to exist.

~Pope St. Gregory the Great

 

 

What do you think "Love is..."?

Share with me! 

 
(If your comment doesn't show up right away, don't worry. Typepad's new anti-spam system is dumping them all into my spam folder. But I'll find them. Thank you!) 

 

This is re-post from 2010 that I spiffied up in honor of Valentine's Day and the 1st Annual Valentine's Day Boost-My-Blog Party hosted by a Rural Journal and Two Bears Farm. Follow the links to check out other participants.

Retreat! and Silver Linings

 

I took a quick overnight road trip with a friend Friday. We stayed in cute little apartments with screened porches set in a woodsy area full of walking paths... a great place to take deep breaths and relax and take a break from the rest of the world. There was wine, laughter, and great conversation.

It was my first Catholic retreat and I loved it! 

We gathered with our priest and the rest of our church pastoral, finance, and facilities council members, at Cedarbrake, a retreat center outside of Belton, Texas, that's owned and operated by the Austin Catholic Diocese. We were there to work on focus and team-building. 

The word 'retreat' often seems negative, triggering images of running away in fear instead of facing problems head-on. But to retreat from whatever pressures are weighing on you, for even a few hours, can be a life-saving move, especially if you've lost your sense of direction or your physical, mental, or spiritual arsenal is depleted. 

Just as time spent alone with yourself is important, if you're a member of any kind of partnership or group - marriage, families, friendships, even business associates - I think you need to step away together every once in awhile for a break from the routine pressures you're bombarded with, to strengthen your bonds and stock up that arsenal of love and compassion and forgiveness, don't you think?

Tuesday night I joined some friends for Chinese food and a movie. We saw "Silver Linings Playbook" with Robert DeNiro and Bradley Cooper (and a bunch of other great actors!)

I had no expectations going in because I'd only seen little clips of it and had no real idea what it was about. But I really loved this movie, and not just because Bradley Cooper has such dreamy blue eyes. Have you seen them...I mean it? 

Cooper's character has, well, some major issues, but to help him deal with life and move forward, he is trying to focus on the silver lining in every situation. It reminded me of looking for those sometimes elusive sweet! moments of each day. That could be why I liked it so much.

(Plus those blue eyes.)

But it's gotten several Academy Award nominations, so obviously other people agree with me. 

This has been a fast week, and the next one is going to fly by even faster. I'm doing my best to keep my eyes open for those sweet! moments, but I'm afraid a few still slip past. Here are the ones I noticed this week...

 

Monday: the pre-dawn silence of your hollow;  a friend dropping in to see your folks at the hospital; teenagers with good manners; a dog curled up, waiting for you by your front door; your dad's release from the hospital;  a summery evening on your porch in the middle of winter

Tuesday: an easy day at work; Chinese food and a movie with friends; Bradley Cooper's blue eyes

Wednesday: support from your friends when you step out on a limb; an afternoon with your daughter, even if it's just a trip to the grocery store; $400 in free jewelry

Thursday: sleeping in; a day spent totally at home; time for writing

Friday: Internet service, especially after losing it when your old modem dies; a road trip with a friend; the chance to get to know members of your church council better

 

Saturday:  Mass in a small chapel tucked into the woods; team-building sessions; a reflective walk through a labyrinth; the amazing way your husband sculpts stones for a terrace near your little pond 

Sunday: a morning walk with your puppies before Mass; kneeling in prayer beside your husband; sunlight streaming through stained glass; a husband who changes the oil in your car to make sure you're safe on a road trip to your parents

 

Every year we go to our friends' house for a big Super Bowl party, where I mostly sit at a table gabbing, catching up with friends, eating ribs and chili so spicy my mouth feels like it's on fire, with only an occasional glance at the television (usually for a commercial.) 

But this year I'm hitting the road (again) for a quick visit with my parents, to make sure my mom gets to a doctor appointment tomorrow. So there's a chance I might actually watch the Super Bowl tonight if I get there in time. I'm sure that's what will be on my parents' television!

Will you be watching and rooting for anyone? I hope no matter who wins, you have a great Sunday, full of sweet! moments! (To my blog friends...I'm hoping to get around to visit you soon! Thank you for your patience with me!)

 

 

Why I Love "The Hobbit"

 

 

He was five, snuggled up close beside me on the loveseat for our ritual bedtime story, sucking his thumb.

"Are you sure?" I asked him. "There aren't any pictures in this book. Just a lot of words."

He nodded, so I opened the worn paperback and began reading...

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

Every night I'd quiz him on what we had read the time before, worried he was too young to understand, but he always knew every answer and wanted to continue.  Middle Earth had come alive for him, so night after night, chapter by chapter, we journeyed through it together. 

It was my second, maybe third, visit. My brother had introduced me to Tolkien and his hobbits almost two decades earlier and I became obsessed, buying ceramic statues of Bilbo and Gandalf, pewter wizards, and tiny castles. I had dragon bookends and calendars depicting beautiful Middle Earth-inspired artwork. I embraced my nerdiness.

It was the artwork that hooked my young son. He wanted to learn more about that beautiful, adventurous world.

I traveled there again with my younger two, and many years later we watched the Lord of the Rings movies together. So when I heard about The Hobbit movie, I crossed my fingers they would all agree to see it with me, once again journeying together into Middle Earth.

And they did. This past Sunday evening, my Christmas wish came true.

 

 

But sitting in that theater I got much more than my Christmas wish. Watching the movie, I was reminded of why I became a Tolkien nerd so many years ago and still want to share it with my kids.

There's the obvious...the adventure, the magic, the intricate world he draws us into. His genius still amazes me.

There's the theme of good versus evil...with good victorious, of course. And the characters, who forge friendships by focusing on commonalities rather than differences, a great lesson for all of us.

There's Bilbo's story itself, how he ventures out of his comfort zone and discovers strengths he never knew he possessed. Now I can identify with Bilbo even more. Like me, he is middle-aged, settled, comfortable, and doesn't believe there is anything special about himself ... but he sets out on an adventure anyway.

He sticks with it even when others doubt him, determined to help the dwarves even though he doesn't really know them. Compassion is the key to his bravery and loyalty. As Gandalf says...

  “I found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk, that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.” 

When you boil it all down, the elves and the magic and the battles between good and evil, that single message is what you're left with. It's the reason I love The Hobbit, and why I wanted my kids to know it and love it, too. Because even the smallest of us, the seemingly least remarkable, is capable of kindness and love to one another. And I do believe that is the greatest power of all.

 

 

 

Lessons

Lord, take me where you want me to go;
Let me meet who you want me to meet;
Tell me what you want me to say; and
Keep me out of your way.

- Fr. Mychal Judge, FDNY (died 9/11/01)

 

 

Every year in late September, early October, I head to the coast with a group of friends for some beach therapy. Our annual adventure is coming up soon, in fact. We've gone every year since 1999 - except one. 

That September of 2001 we were counting down the days until we could wave goodbye to our families, ready for some alone time.... a few days not having to do anything for anyone but ourselves.

But on the afternoon of the 11th, we changed our minds. We no longer wanted to wave goodbye to our families - we wanted to wrap them around us, so close and tight we could feel their breath and smell their familiar sweetness.  

It wasn't a decision driven by fear. We knew the odds of some terrorist targeting our little Texas Hill Country town, or the little fishing town on the Gulf where we sought some peace and quiet, were slim to none.

But as that day progressed, we were reminded not to take our loved ones or the time we have with them for granted. Not to let a day go by without making sure they knew they were our whole world. Not to forget that every morning we may be opening our eyes to our very last day on this earth.

So that autumn we soaked up our families instead of the sunshine. We stayed close to home, pondered the changes in our country and our world. We prayed for peace.

But the next year we packed our swimsuits, sunscreen, magazines, Bloody Mary mix, and vodka, and headed for the beach. We've done so ever since. We continued our lives, relished our freedom, refusing to let fear mold our lives, for that would allow the terrorists to win. 

But we haven't forgotten the lessons we learned on September 11, 2001 and the days that followed, about the things that truly matter and the steel-strength of this nation. We haven't forgotten how we overcame our differences, although some days (especially around election time) it's hard to believe. We haven't forgotten those ordinary citizens who were called to be heroes - and accepted the call. We haven't forgotten that by going about our lives, speaking our minds and sticking up for one another, we are fighting a war - and winning.

 

 

 

 

"This day and every day. Tear us down and we WILL rebuild. Knock us down and we WILL arise. We are people of diverse faith, ideologies, and color. We may be distracted or divided by internal matters, such as politics, but we are America and we will remain." 

~Johnny "Happy" Valentine, veteran and teacher

Almonds and other sweet!s of the week

He was dirty and carried a cardboard sign ever closer to my car that said something like "Homeless Need a Job Hungry God Bless." 

I focused on the "hungry" and rolled down my window. My son was with me, so I felt safe.

"Would you like some almonds?" I asked, holding out a snack-sized ziplock bag full of them. I always have almonds with me to ward off hunger pains in a healthy way when I'm out running errands or on a trip. I hate being hungry.

"That would be great," he answered, taking them from me. "Thank you."

The light changed. I moved forward slowly, but he walked faster toward the intersection where his backpack rested. I saw him drop his sign, but then we were past, continuing our journey.

I couldn't see what happened next in his. I like to think he dropped to the grass and ate some almonds, that he really was grateful for them and not just begging for drug or alcohol money.

I also like to think another car came by with a legitimate job offer for him and that he took it and turned his life around and then helped another corner person get moving in the right direction.

It doesn't hurt to think big.

 

Saturday: seeing a photography friend you met while at work again; talking about writing with other writers; finally hearing Duck Soup; dancing; summer nights on a hill above a lake

Sunday: watching babies and little kids in church; helping a dear friend celebrate her birthday; a call from your son; watching a movie with your sweetie

Monday: a call from a friend, even though it was mostly full of sad news; a walk at dusk 

Tuesday: a glimpse of the Great Blue Heron and your duck family; watching your old puppy swim

Wednesday: being addressed as 'Young Lady' at the grocery store; a clean house; your husband alerting you to a painted bunting; forgetting all of your to-do's to just watch the birds at your feeder 

Thursday: watching a baby duck grow day by day; relaxed hours playing catch-up with a dear friend; joining a bunch of crazy middle-aged women for a midnight movie

Friday: getting to sleep in after a late night out; iced coffee on a hot summer day; $400 in free jewelry; pink clouds; sangria on a summer night

Saturday: a road trip with your son (double sweet!... going to see your parents!); an in-person hug from your sister; eating at a Mexican food restaurant you've been going to for almost 50 years

Sunday: the sound of rain; your daddy's bacon, eggs and biscuits for breakfast; someone stopping to see if you need help when you stop on the side of the road to take photos of old trucks; having almonds in your car to give to someone in need

 

I'm not sure how they end up out of work and hungry, possibly homeless, these corner people who stand near intersections holding signs and taking almonds or spare change from open windows.

Did they drop out of school, like me? Are they habitual liars, to others and themselves, to the point that their families had to distance themselves? Do they even have families, a mother or father whose heart aches with worry and helplessness? Did one mistake lead to another and another until the weight of that burden crushed the possibility of any other chances or hope for better, and their only relief is from drugs or alcohol? Has misplaced pride bound them in its chains?

It's easy to jump to conclusions. To judge.

But I think it's a better use of time to smile and share your almonds, to say a prayer for the corner people and then one of thanks for all of your own blessings, like a job and home and family, and to vow never to take them for granted. 

Because for all of us, life can change in an instant.

Just another good reason to keep track of the sweet! moments in each day... and to carry extra almonds in your car.

 

Sweets On Christmas Eve Eve

Who is rich? He that rejoices in his portion.

~The Talmud

Dishes overflow the kitchen sink.

Fudge waits in a lined pan to be cut into squares and shared.

Three twenty-something kids and I huddle around a laptop within the glow of Christmas tree lights, laughing at You-Tube videos.

Favorite cookies fill gold and silver tins, tumble off of plates and cool on a metal rack on the kitchen counter... Chocolate Chip, courtesy of TG, while I made a last minute dash to the grocery store, and peanut butter Cyclops Cookies by me, assisted by Daniel.

I haven't taken one single photograph. The one above was taken earlier this week.

There are no gifts piled under the tree... the cookies are our gift. Our laughter is our gift. We are our gift.

I'm headed out in the morning with my kids, leaving Tom behind to care for the puppies... his gift to me. For the first time in decades, I'll wake Christmas morning in my childhood home and enjoy Christmas dinner with my parents. What better gift could I receive? 

 

And now for a few my sweet! moments of the past week. I hope you've gathered a nice, shiny collection yourself!

 

Sunday: placing your gifts under the church Giving Tree, imagining the faces of two 9-year-old boys when they open the gifts you bought for them; recovering treasured ornaments you thought were lost forever; fresh tamales and guacamole; your son's rants about the commercialization of Christmas

Monday: rainy days (good for writing); getting back to work on a dusty project; forgiving scales after a week of peanut butter and chocolate bars

Tuesday: tangerine sunrises framed in a window; brisk mornings and frisky dogs; listening to your daddy's stories; your pop-in-law finally released from the hospital; Pinterest, at last!; chili so spicy it makes your brow sweat on a cold night

Wednesday: your husband and daughter home with you, but quiet enough that you can still write; your college student child getting the official report of good grades for her past (really tough!) semester

Thursday: walking along a fog-shrouded country road; driving on a two-lane highway that zigs, zags, rises and falls over and through the hills; a surprise Christmas bonus; Lammes dark chocolate pecan and caramel Longhorns; a glass of wine and a movie with your son after seven nonstop hours on your feet

Friday: warm chocolate chip cookies baked by your daughter; your son helping you bake his favorite cookies; the mailroom scene in Elf; all three of your kids home, laughing over You-Tube videos and watching movies

Saturday: traveling with all three of your kids; Christmas Eve spent with your parents for the first time in decades

Another very special sweet... Kamana of Journalling Through Photos recently posted a series of "Six Question" interviews with women bloggers. I was honored and humbled that she asked me to participate.

Go HERE to read the interview, but be sure to stay there awhile... meet the other bloggers she interviewed and also take a stroll through Kamana's beautiful poetry and photographs. Thank you again, Kamana!

I wish all of you a blessed Christmas, filled with peace and joy, love and laughter...

I'm also joining Otto at Münchow's Creative Photo Blog in challenging each of you to use Christmas to make a difference in someone's life who, instead of love and joy during these holidays, feels despair or sadness. Perhaps they've lost a job or a loved one or have just forgotten the meaning of the season. Even if all you do is smile at a stranger, try to do something. ("...it might be the only sunshine they see.")

I'm challenging myself as well.

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.

~Janice Maeditere

Peacemakers, Busybodies and the Fine Art of Forgiveness

Saturday night Tom and I watched Riding in Cars with Boys, an old Drew Barrymore movie from 2001.

I missed it in 2001, along with a lot of other movies that came out during that time, plus or minus 3 years. We were busy with kids and preparing the foundation for our house.

If you're like me and missed it back then, in a nutshell Drew plays a smart girl who gets pregnant at 15 back in 1965. It devastates her family, especially her father, so hoping to make peace, and against her better judgement, she sets her dreams of going to college aside and marries the father of her child. He ultimately becomes a drug addict. 

Based on a memoir by Beverly D'Onofrio, it's not so much a tragedy, though, as a story of friendship, determination, and ultimately, forgiveness. The ending caught me by surprise and I cried - not just "teared up" but cried as the credits rolled.

It was a good, cleansing cry, though... tears that are triggered by hope.

That's what I took away from the movie, a message of hope that love is so strong, it can survive for years buried deeply under pride, hurt feelings, disappointment... all of those feelings you open yourself up to when you allow yourself to love or even just care about another person. I think it's that impression they make on your soul that can't be filled or matched by anyone else or anything.

But relationships can't stay the same, because we don't. We're constantly changing and so is everyone else. 

When you accept that ... when you don't take other people's decisions personally... when you don't clog up the connection between you with pride, you're usually able to hang on to that relationship, at least in some form.

It probably won't be the same.  It might be better... it might be less. But without it, you won't be wholly yourself. There are extreme situations, of course, cases of physical or mental abuse, but I'm just talking about ordinary friendships and families that get tugged and pulled and stretched thin by life. 

In the movie, the characters finally stopped focusing on the things that separated them. They each chose to reach through all of the junk they'd piled up between them and at the moment they connected, those piles became dust, losing their importance. It took a lot of courage, knocking aside all of that pride, but the movie points out how rewarding it can be when we muster that courage to forgive. Totally worth the risk.

 

I believe we are each the sum of other people.

I believe every cell of our body connects us to family, past and present... Every person we encounter in life, each friend who touches our heart, leaves an impression on our souls... The books we read, movies we watch, songs we hear, become filed in the library of our minds, words and thoughts given to us by another for us to ponder and use to tweek our own thoughts and apply to our experiences.

We are all connected, yet we are also unique, because no one has the same combination... We are each on a different adventure, following our own distinct path that might overlap and twist tightly with another's but will never be exactly the same.

 

And that's why I've been sticking my nose into other people's business lately, even before I watched the movie. 

I resisted, believe me. I think there are times when you just need to mind your own business.

But two dear friends of mine who once-upon-a-time were the best of friends to each other had a falling out a few years ago. Somewhere along the way, something happened. I don't know what... I only know that one decided to cut off all communication with the other and I was left in the middle.

My friendship with each continued just as it had. It went on that way for years, but something came over me this week and I stuck my nose into the void with an email, asking for some kind of communication with the other. I didn't ask what happened to cause the rift. I don't need to know. That truly is none of my business. But as their friend, I believe their friendship is my business and I should at least try to help them make some kind of re-connection for their own sakes and peace of mind. 

It's possible I've lost a friend over this, but I couldn't stand sitting back and witnessing this any longer without trying to do something.

And then it happened again. I found out that two friends of mine who I knew had been really good friends not too long ago had drifted apart. One told me his emails and phone calls had gone unanswered, so he had just accepted it and moved on, although he had no idea what had happened or if he had caused offense in some way. It had been three years.

I couldn't help myself. I sent an email to the other one. Turns out, the second friend had been going through a tough time; his mother had dementia/alzheimer's and he had spent all of his free time caring for her. In the meantime, the first friend had changed emails and phone numbers and wasn't on Facebook, so he had given up trying to contact him.

I provided all of the contact information and stepped back, with a good feeling in my heart.

So be forewarned... I'm a busybody and not ashamed of it. You're important to me.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. ~ Matthew 5:9

 

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be holier than thou. Even at the moment, I have a nephew who isn't speaking to me because of an argument we had a few years ago. I believe in forgiveness and acceptance, but not in letting other people take advantage of you or lie about you. 

God says "Love your neighbor as yourself", which to me says we first have to love and respect ourselves in order to love others. 

But I do believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt, accepting their humanity and flaws (and hoping they accept ours), and trying to understand what they're going through.

Most of all, I believe in forgiveness and the power of love.

So you should know that if you don't want me to be your friend, you're going to have to work really, really hard at it. I don't let go of people easily.

We do not need to seek for love, we only need to seek and remove the barriers we have built against it. ~ Rumi

Dona Nobis Pacem (Blog Blast for Peace 2011)

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.

~A.J. Muste
Dutch Reverend and Christian Pacifist, 20th century

 

(We owe it to them, don't you think?)

Dona Nobis Pacem

(Grant us Peace.)

Linking up with the 2011 Blog Blast for Peace. Will you join us?